07-14-2012, 12:47 PM | #241 |
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Hearing Check may be required....whaaa...????
8yo Mancub found jumping on the bed.
Me: Well it's clear to me we have to go to the doctor next week. Boy: (between jumps) why....Mom...my...I....feel...fine.... Me: because I say "get dressed and brush your teeth" but you hear "this would be an excellent time to jump on the bed in my underpants and drive my mother insane!!!" Boy: (laughs-still jumping) o...Kay...Mom...my...I'll....go ....with....you...(he starts to giggle)....if.....you're....good.....you'll....get .....a......sticker!! Me: Dude. You did not just play me like that....(laughing) Boy: oh yes I did!!! (laughing) Me: I'll give you $500 if you brush your teeth and put on some clothes. Boy: REALLY?!?! Me: No, not really. But I will feed you breakfast. And stop jumping on that bed or Ill duct tape you to the chair. Boy: oh yeah, I hated that....worst 5 minutes ever... |
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07-14-2012, 01:33 PM | #242 |
Timed Out
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shit heard in the car...
sitting at a stoplight after lunch today...
dixie:aww look honey a poodle me: :looking around: dixie: oh nevermind its just an old ladys head me: dixe and me : |
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07-14-2012, 01:43 PM | #243 |
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07-14-2012, 08:02 PM | #244 | |
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Quote:
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07-15-2012, 02:20 PM | #245 |
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07-16-2012, 11:27 AM | #246 |
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And can I get extra non-sequitur on the side please?
In the car this morning with the 8yo Mancub, the following conversation took place.
(quietly driving to camp...) Mancub: Mommy, you should stay away from the Zombie Pig Man if you can, they only want one thing. Me:Whhaaaa...??? ---who is Zombie Pig Man?? Mancub: Well he's really not the worst thing you just gotta be careful. Me:Well, that seems wise. Which is worse? The zombie part or the pig part? Mancub:Well, he's not really a man. He's just a Zombie Pig....."AN UNDEAD PIG?"...(said in that tone of voice that questions both my experience with pigs as well as zombies)...and also, you get 10 hearts in the beginning, to stay alive... Me: Much like in life I think...the more hearts you have, the better... Mancub:Moooommmyyyyyy.....!! (whiny voice because I've just derailed him) Me:I love metaphors in the morning. It smells like intellect. Mancub:*sigh* Please turn on the radio. |
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07-22-2012, 12:44 AM | #247 |
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regarding the upcoming jelly making project
me to Syr "ok, my fruit is dripping"
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07-23-2012, 10:34 PM | #248 |
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after I've returned to the house, sitting here posting about things I'm thankful for...
my phone beeps a text I read: "I'll KILL YA!" ... Me: "What the hell did I do now?" no answer Me: "I turned the stove off!" no answer Me: "WHAT??!!" phone beeps (typos adding to comedy): "Whn did u put a bottle of water full of lemon juice in my fridge... and do you know what it feels like coming oit of yoir nose" Me: OMFG!!! Me: I didn't put it in the fridge!! You must have picked it up from counter! 2 minutes later, beep: I turned up the bottle and took a big gulp it shocked me so bad it spewed out my nose OMG! me: OMFG!!! ROFLMAO!!! LMAO!!!! (while recalling he had done the same thing recently at a restaurant with a friend) me: Where's the video? them: It was cd and in fridge and LEMONY, LOL ... tbe first thing I thought was damn that was cruel... im killin her! Me: CLEANS out your sinuses them: LORD what is a comical night Me: Can't kill me when I already ran out door!! .... you don't need to snort salt water now!! them: LOL Me: Are you okay?...... if you are, I am still laughing!! them: yeah im ok it was just a shock Me: Thought I ran over your dog the way you yelled! ..... later on, after texting about dog medicine... Me: you sure aspirin will help him? It won't hurt him like it does a little kid? Them: real asporin Me: (chuckling at them using their new phone, and the voice commands that can't understand a southern accent) Ok, I'll see if they sell ASPORIN... them: "sticks tongue out at u" Me: bet it still tastes like lemon!! them: LOL yeah it kinda does! Me: |
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08-07-2012, 11:07 PM | #249 |
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a text convo...
(after a friend's best buddy -a gay guy- stated "all you lipstick lesbians love Bass Pro Shop instead of Victoria Secrets!"...)
Me: tell him...lipstick lesbians can't handle heavy machinery while wearing high heals and corsets! but when they change into their Timberlands and "I'm the boss" t-shirt...WATCH OUT! Them: LOL...I'll do that... Me: I'll just wear my corset under my t-shirt ;-) to make him happy to call me lipstick lesbian... ;-) Them: hahahahahahaha ... you crack me up! Me: Just as long as you aren't allergic to super glue! Them: LOL STOP Me: If I crack you up...then I know what to get for your stocking stuffers every Xmas... Them: Too funny Me: joint compound and grout floats! Them: LOL... STOP!! Me: Not until you cry out "stop tickling me!! Or I'll need pull-ups!" ... Them: stop tickling me... I'm not going to admit to pull-ups! Me: squish squish...swish swash (referencing their baby niece that was wearing old fashioned rubber diaper covers when she got into the water and "squished and swished" as she walked...) Me: love to see you smile Them: I am smiling and chuckling...
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
08-16-2012, 08:56 PM | #250 |
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" no more zombie licking! "
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08-17-2012, 05:33 AM | #251 |
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Stuff said around the house
Do you eat peanut butter on everything. Um no theres ketcup,salt,pepper ,sugar and salsa (lol)
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08-18-2012, 11:48 AM | #252 |
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Shit heard around this beach.
Maria, not a fan of sand, hot sun, or crowds:
"Their conversation is the soundtrack from the production of Hell." "This is the waiting room to Hell." "Do I look Goth enough?" We'll go back to the beach in winter...
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08-25-2012, 11:19 AM | #253 |
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Things heard around this bed...
"....you just made my god damn fuckin' eyebrow hurt...."
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------------------------------------ ~pink "I‘m heir to madness. Vessel of perversion. Your nightmare should you cross me." ((Want to read about my life in Hawaii and my ongoing war against the roosters and my pony size dog and my wedding?)) http://www.alohafemme.wordpress.com/ |
08-25-2012, 11:40 AM | #254 |
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While riding in the new truck yesterday....
Me: Yeah, it needs something, it's kinda boring.
The Boy: You could paint it pink. Me: No, the pink would clash with the red. Maybe camo. The Boy: Nothing says "butch" like a pink camo truck. LOL That kid cracks me up. |
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09-12-2012, 02:40 PM | #255 |
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Packing for reunion...
Bully "Oh i like these shorts, let's pack these" Belle "Ok, which shirt do you wear with them" Bully "What do you mean? Any of my shirts go with them" Belle "No they don't. Pick out a shirt that matches and we will pack them together" Bully holds up a random shirt Belle "No, that is black not blue it doesn't match those shorts, it matches your blue shorts" Bully "Oh dear god i never knew packing was so intense and complicated." Belle: *thinking...how did she ever get by without me.
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09-12-2012, 02:53 PM | #256 |
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What I said:
"Baby, my shoulder hurts pretty badly. I can't even pick up the coffee pot to pour my coffee this morning" The part she thought that she heard: "I can't even lick the coffee pot" to which I said: "I'm not that desperate for coffee this morning baby" |
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09-12-2012, 03:00 PM | #257 |
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Syr : "We need a bigger fuckery suitcase"
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09-12-2012, 03:29 PM | #258 |
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Bear to girl: you can take my cane if you can get off the crutches. The big black one. It'll match your dresses.
Me: Oh boy. Bear to girl: just don't go swinging it around. It's heavy duty 10 pounds. Girl laughs Me: blink blink. Me wandering off, muttering: don't nobody piss her off in little rock |
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09-14-2012, 10:04 AM | #259 |
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Z talking to our pup about getting in the blankets next to me: Babygirl, what's wrong, is daddy tooting.
Me: Babe I think you toot more. Five minutes later I toot. LOL |
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09-14-2012, 10:37 AM | #260 |
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Me: hey babe, can we stay at the Bareback inn again for your birthday?
Justin: the what!? Me: the Bareback inn?? Justin: (laughing) don't you mean the Back Bay Inn? Me: Ohhh hahahaha! *red face*
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