I don't think she's out there

[sara-bera]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

I really think it does tend to happen when you stop looking and just start living. I haven't been searching for someone for the last two years now and I've had more dates than all the years I've been single before this! I don't go to places made for 'singles' either really (aside from popping into this thread because your post moved me) - you'll meet people in the oddest places.

Granted, I've not met a person that's perfect for me yet (I've gotten closer, however). But I have faith they're out there somewhere... and they looking for someone exactly like me. I think there is more than one 'soulmate' out there for everyone, too.

Love yourself, make yourself happy, and believe you will meet your significant other one day... but definitely live for yourself right now - go out, have fun. Take yourself out on dates. Learn a new hobby or take up yoga... whatever might make you happy. Happiness is incredibly attractive, in general (not just for getting dates). You'll make lots of friends along the way, if you're open to it.

I'm really very sorry about all of the false starts, but they're lessons and it's not always going to be that way. There are people out there who want exactly who and what you are. Eventually, you'll be drawn to one another. I wish you all the best.