Spoiled Ass Kids......

[adorable]

So I realized (since I was home sick and had the chance to watch Maury and the Steve Wilkos show..) that my 18 year old is a spoiled brat.

Now she is a spoiled pregnant brat.

Not good.

I wanted desperately to give her a better life then the one I had. What I did was didn't give her chores or much responsibility. I made sure she had everything she needed to be popular in school because I grew up poor with nothing. I knew how awful it was to have to wear the same clothes all the time and not have anything that other kids had. I spent $600 on her PRE-SCHOOL wardrobe. Yeah. Imagine the amount I spent on her high school wardrobe. I never hit her and was very conscious of how I spoke to her. I was worried about her self esteem....

If my mother (who I haven't spoken to in 10 years) walked into this room right now and raised her hand I would hide under the desk. For fun, I raised my hand once to my oldest when she was 6, lol, no reaction.........

We got into an argument a few months ago because I was driving her everywhere and she has a car, unregistered sitting in the driveway. The just of the argument for me was "You need to start handling your business!"

I didn't feel that she should be taking me for granted, that she should get her license, register her car and grow up a little.

Her response to that??? She moved out and in with her boyfriends parents (they had been together for a month), she got pregnant, quit her job and has yet to get her license.

As I was watching the Steve Wilco's show, there was a 17 year old that wanted to have a baby. She kept saying that her parents "owed" her a car, clothes, money, basically - whatever she wanted. She wanted a baby for no reason other then she could have one and no one could do anything about it. During the segment they gave her one of those "trial" babies and she threw it on the floor during the night because it wouldn't stop crying.

My daughter has that attitude. Everyone: me, you, the world...OWES her, apparently for being born.

I'm sure that what has been done can't be undone. I can't believe that I'm in this position now. I worked so hard to NOT be here now. There is a baby coming. She has NO patience and until she got pregnant, hated kids......I can see this going horribly wrong.

Just reading her FB posts makes me sad. She is far too immature and young to be having a baby. I feel guilty and wish I could go back and redo. Obviously I can't.

Any suggestions for dealing with NOW? Anyone spoiled their kids way more then they should have? My kid, having a kid (I had her when I was 17 btw) scares me to death! I was so much more mature at 17 then she is now. I can't imagine how this will go. Who would've thought that by doing the right thing I would be here now? She has at least graduated from high school but was supposed to start college in Jan.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

[Blade]

I didn't feel that she should be taking me for granted, that she should get her license, register her car and grow up a little. quote adorable

She has been taking advantage of you for 18 yrs and you have let her. You can begin to help her become a productive responsible adult by starting today making her take responsibility for herself, her actions. Making decisions is something we begin in childhood. Sometimes we make good ones, sometimes we make bad ones. But they are "our decisions" and we reap the ramifications of our decisions good and bad. Let her fall on her ass by herself and let her get up by herself. Sure you can help her get up when she's tried to get up alone. You can give her encouragement when she stumbles. I know I sound like a hard ass, well I am.

My sons best friend told his Mom, which was my best friend. If he was my son he'd run away from home. LOL This was after my son got kicked off the school bus and I told him he could walk home from school for those 3 days, his uncle saw him walking one day and picked him up and brought him home. I took him back to where his uncle had picked him up and put him back out to walk the rest of the way home. The school was 7 miles from the house, and no he didn't get kicked off the bus again.

[Jesse]

My now ex has a son who was much the way you describe your daughter to be. In addition, he thought he was so grown that he did not have to obey our rules, or anyone elses for that matter. When he turned 17 it got much worse. Finally we gave him a choice, obey the house rules or leave. Sadly, he chose to leave.

We stuck to our guns and refused to rescue him when he was bouncing checks etc. He had to work things out for himself. We refused to help with rent, utilites etc and that is a hard thing to stick to. We did tell him we would not let him starve, and he could always come eat with us if he wanted to. He struggled a bit at first, mostly due to not keeping up with his spending. He is doing well now, (a year and half later) and is on his way to becoming a good man I think.

I am not saying this is what you or anyone else should do, just what worked out in our home at the time. This particular generation is not called the "Me" generation without reason.

Sometimes you have to let them go and make their mistakes, then they will come back stronger and more appreciative of your efforts and love.

Originally Posted by adorable

So I realized (since I was home sick and had the chance to watch Maury and the Steve Wilkos show..) that my 18 year old is a spoiled brat.

Now she is a spoiled pregnant brat.

Not good.

I wanted desperately to give her a better life then the one I had. What I did was didn't give her chores or much responsibility. I made sure she had everything she needed to be popular in school because I grew up poor with nothing. I knew how awful it was to have to wear the same clothes all the time and not have anything that other kids had. I spent $600 on her PRE-SCHOOL wardrobe. Yeah. Imagine the amount I spent on her high school wardrobe. I never hit her and was very conscious of how I spoke to her. I was worried about her self esteem....

If my mother (who I haven't spoken to in 10 years) walked into this room right now and raised her hand I would hide under the desk. For fun, I raised my hand once to my oldest when she was 6, lol, no reaction.........

We got into an argument a few months ago because I was driving her everywhere and she has a car, unregistered sitting in the driveway. The just of the argument for me was "You need to start handling your business!"

I didn't feel that she should be taking me for granted, that she should get her license, register her car and grow up a little.

Her response to that??? She moved out and in with her boyfriends parents (they had been together for a month), she got pregnant, quit her job and has yet to get her license.

As I was watching the Steve Wilco's show, there was a 17 year old that wanted to have a baby. She kept saying that her parents "owed" her a car, clothes, money, basically - whatever she wanted. She wanted a baby for no reason other then she could have one and no one could do anything about it. During the segment they gave her one of those "trial" babies and she threw it on the floor during the night because it wouldn't stop crying.

My daughter has that attitude. Everyone: me, you, the world...OWES her, apparently for being born.

I'm sure that what has been done can't be undone. I can't believe that I'm in this position now. I worked so hard to NOT be here now. There is a baby coming. She has NO patience and until she got pregnant, hated kids......I can see this going horribly wrong.

Just reading her FB posts makes me sad. She is far too immature and young to be having a baby. I feel guilty and wish I could go back and redo. Obviously I can't.

Any suggestions for dealing with NOW? Anyone spoiled their kids way more then they should have? My kid, having a kid (I had her when I was 17 btw) scares me to death! I was so much more mature at 17 then she is now. I can't imagine how this will go. Who would've thought that by doing the right thing I would be here now? She has at least graduated from high school but was supposed to start college in Jan.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

[betenoire]

Yep, I agree with the two posters above.

You need to go ahead and let her fall on her ass. It sounds mean, but that's the reality. She'll hate you for a while, but it's the only way she'll learn.

People learn to become responsible adults by having responsibilities as children. People learn to appreciate what they have by not having everything handed to them and having to work for what they do get. It's time for her to do some learning.

[Jesse]

Meant to add: Set some strong boundaries for you, your home, things etc and stick by them Best of luck and don't forget to laugh.

[Blade]

Originally Posted by Tranzman

Meant to add: Set some strong boundaries for you, your home, things etc and stick by them Best of luck and don't forget to laugh.

Yes house rules and boundaries, set those to begin with and at this point they are black and white, no gray areas. This is the way it is.........Home at 11, no excuses, not 11:15 doors lock at 11 whatever the rule NO gray area, until she learns not to push your buttons and stretch the rules every day

See the thing is teenagers have all the answers, they just don't know all the questions yet and when they learn the questions they forget the answers.

[justkim]

To say I understand is an understatement!
To say I have walked this very similiar path with my own daughter and using the tough love approach was the hardest, but in the end she thought that by becoming sexually active she was an adult. Yeah! NO!
What I did was try and make up for the lack of stuff in my life with my daughter.
I wanted to be her friend so when she talked back or got smart it was because she was treating me like a friend. I finally had enough and asked her "Do you really talk to your friends that way?" her reply was "Yes" She received a prompt "I am NOT your friend a I am your mom!" That seemed to be a BIG AHA! moment. My house, my car, my food, my gas, my rules you can't follow them you need to take your adult thinking self and do just that. Be an adult! Move out! She did. It killed me.
I know it hurts, I know it hurts to read the stuff she is posting on FB. What others are telling you is true, she needs to fall flat on her bum. You really aren't alone if you want to talk in a pm I am here.

[Blade]

Originally Posted by justkim

To say I understand is an understatement!
To say I have walked this very similiar path with my own daughter and using the tough love approach was the hardest, but in the end she thought that by becoming sexually active she was an adult. Yeah! NO!
What I did was try and make up for the lack of stuff in my life with my daughter.
I wanted to be her friend so when she talked back or got smart it was because she was treating me like a friend. I finally had enough and asked her "Do you really talk to your friends that way?" her reply was "Yes" She received a prompt "I am NOT your friend a I am your mom!" That seemed to be a BIG AHA! moment. My house, my car, my food, my gas, my rules you can't follow them you need to take your adult thinking self and do just that. Be an adult! Move out! She did. It killed me.
I know it hurts, I know it hurts to read the stuff she is posting on FB. What others are telling you is true, she needs to fall flat on her bum. You really aren't alone if you want to talk in a pm I am here.

Good job Kim

[tiggs]

Originally Posted by adorable

So I realized (since I was home sick and had the chance to watch Maury and the Steve Wilkos show..) that my 18 year old is a spoiled brat.

Now she is a spoiled pregnant brat.

Not good.

I wanted desperately to give her a better life then the one I had. What I did was didn't give her chores or much responsibility. I made sure she had everything she needed to be popular in school because I grew up poor with nothing. I knew how awful it was to have to wear the same clothes all the time and not have anything that other kids had. I spent $600 on her PRE-SCHOOL wardrobe. Yeah. Imagine the amount I spent on her high school wardrobe. I never hit her and was very conscious of how I spoke to her. I was worried about her self esteem....

If my mother (who I haven't spoken to in 10 years) walked into this room right now and raised her hand I would hide under the desk. For fun, I raised my hand once to my oldest when she was 6, lol, no reaction.........

We got into an argument a few months ago because I was driving her everywhere and she has a car, unregistered sitting in the driveway. The just of the argument for me was "You need to start handling your business!"

I didn't feel that she should be taking me for granted, that she should get her license, register her car and grow up a little.

Her response to that??? She moved out and in with her boyfriends parents (they had been together for a month), she got pregnant, quit her job and has yet to get her license.

As I was watching the Steve Wilco's show, there was a 17 year old that wanted to have a baby. She kept saying that her parents "owed" her a car, clothes, money, basically - whatever she wanted. She wanted a baby for no reason other then she could have one and no one could do anything about it. During the segment they gave her one of those "trial" babies and she threw it on the floor during the night because it wouldn't stop crying.

My daughter has that attitude. Everyone: me, you, the world...OWES her, apparently for being born.

I'm sure that what has been done can't be undone. I can't believe that I'm in this position now. I worked so hard to NOT be here now. There is a baby coming. She has NO patience and until she got pregnant, hated kids......I can see this going horribly wrong.

Just reading her FB posts makes me sad. She is far too immature and young to be having a baby. I feel guilty and wish I could go back and redo. Obviously I can't.

Any suggestions for dealing with NOW? Anyone spoiled their kids way more then they should have? My kid, having a kid (I had her when I was 17 btw) scares me to death! I was so much more mature at 17 then she is now. I can't imagine how this will go. Who would've thought that by doing the right thing I would be here now? She has at least graduated from high school but was supposed to start college in Jan.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Adorable you have my deepest sympathies, my eldest daughter is going through somewhat of what yours is. I had always been what I thought a fairly tough mom, my girls would always be saying things like "but my friends mom lets them do ___ " and fill in the blank with all sorts of things I would not allow. I set rules, taught manners and expected them to polite.

Much like you I grew up poor so I knew the pain of not fitting in due to not having what others did. In doing so I think I indulged them too much so even though there were rules and expectations of behavior they were spoiled in other ways. I made sure they always had what they needed and sacrificed so much so that they would not go without anything.

Unfortunately I also have had the joy of dealing with their father who only wished to be their buddy. Even though he would most often not show up or call when he was supposed to and sometimes not see them for weeks or months at a time in their eyes he could do no wrong. The gifts, money, vacations and big houses with all the toys seemed to solidify the notion to them that he was the greatest.

My 17 year old moved to his house this august, two weeks before she moved there she was saying to me that she didn't want to spend time with him and that he was being a jerk. That changed when she decided she wanted to go to school in his district because that is where her best friend was going. She up and dropped the bomb moments before she went out the door, she wanted to move there because I wouldn't allow her to change schools. She threw away a baccalaureate program that she was in, it would have given her the first year of college by the time she graduated high school and a huge advantage when applying to university. Now she is taking regular classes, none honors, which she had been doing for the past 4 years, given up her music and decided not to pursue the career plans that she was working towards.

As upsetting and frustrating as that has all been she has also decided that she is no longer speaking to me. She won't return my calls, e-mails or texts and is telling her sister that she is very angry with me because I told her that her father is now going to have to fully support her.

We hoped against hope that somehow she would grow and become more responsible, find her feet so to speak. Instead her father is completely enabling her. He either drives her or pays for a taxi cab so that she can get back and forth to school (a ten minute walk) everything is handed to her on a silver platter, including money and she has no responsibilities or rules to follow. To say I am sadden and frustrated is an understatement, much like you there is nothing I can do to make the situation better. I have let her know through messages that I will always be here when she is ready to talk and that I love her but there are times when I just want to cry.

[katsarecool]

I also dealt with a teenager getting pregnant despite all the warnings and doing my best for her growing up. Then she in turn is now dealing with a step-daughter who also got pregnant as a teenager.

Look, you did the best you could for your child! And she is now making bad decisions. The bad thing is a helpless baby is going to be born. And that does change things a lot.

This is what I did when faced with the same thing. I let my daughter know that she chose to be a parent way before she was mature enough. I let her know I would be a grandmother only. I would take care of the baby when it was convenient for me not her! I would not be a babysitter. Nor would I be a bottomless bank account. I did for her and the baby no more than what I would done if she was older. Some nice presents for the baby, a crib, etc. She could not live with me. She ended up living with the father of the baby.

If there was a genuine emergency (like four tires for her car) I helped out. But only if it was in the best interest of the baby. She had a good job by then so why should I finance a pregnancy?

I would stand my ground; make the rules understood before the baby gets here. Let her know what to expect and what she has no right to expect. If she neglects or abuses the child then I would report her. I hope it does not come to that though.

My daughter matured so much when her daughter was born. And so did her step-daughter when her son was born. I hope your daughter grows up too. But she won't if you give her carte blanc. Good luck!!!