Bravehearts: FTMs who cannot or choose not to medically transition - Page 6

LoyalWolfsBlade · 09-12-2012, 10:43 PM

See if that helps. Sorry for confusion.

Corkey · 09-12-2012, 10:45 PM

Can't help you from here. Best way to get to know folks is to get out there. "s all I got.

DapperButch · 09-13-2012, 05:45 AM

Hi, Alix. No, I don't think you made a mistake. Although this site is defined as a butch/femme site, those who are TG or FTM are welcome.

To be honest, I wished that this site defined itself as a butch/femme/TG site, but they do not. I am glad that they have a "trans zone", though.

For myself, however, I do define very strongly as butch. I define as a TG Butch, and both identities (if for some reason you want to separate them out), are just as solid in my soul, as the other, perhaps butch a bit more so.

There are transguys here who define as butch and some that do not. It has been stated by Admin that trans people are welcome here. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Nadeest · 09-14-2012, 08:49 AM

I don't think that you made a mistake at all, Alix.

LoyalWolfsBlade · 10-09-2012, 06:27 PM

I have not visited this thread since creating my own. However, I cam in tonight to copy paste my intro on here so I could include it in my thread as it is part of my journey, part of my life so to speak. I reread some of the posts and thought that the thread needed a bump. To get back on the front page for other Bravehearts old and new to see. After all that is how I found it Julien had bumped it. So bump

SelfMadeMan · 11-09-2012, 02:17 PM

Just bumping this thread to give a shout out to the Bravehearts! I admire the courage and strength it takes NOT to transition and still do YOU - however you choose to do you! Never let anyone make you feel less than. Your stories are just as important, and just as real.

LoyalWolfsBlade · 11-09-2012, 06:30 PM

Posting in here in honor of those that lost their lives over the years and face hate because of who we are. Nov. 20 is the National Transgender Day of Remembrance. I find it sad that we meaning Bravehearts, FTM, MTF, and all the rest of the spectrum of being transgender has to have a day because society is so full of hate and misunderstanding. Keep those that came before us in your thoughts and let us not forget them.

On a personal note I took a big step today at least for me it is a big step. I asked my primary doctor for a name of a gender therapist and while she did not know one she did refer me to see someone that will help me find one. Many things have changed for me and most of it I have done alone (by my choice) but I have come to realize I need to at least talk to someone that gets it. Whatever it is...Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!

SelfMadeMan · 11-09-2012, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlixKnight4All

On a personal note I took a big step today at least for me it is a big step. I asked my primary doctor for a name of a gender therapist and while she did not know one she did refer me to see someone that will help me find one. Many things have changed for me and most of it I have done alone (by my choice) but I have come to realize I need to at least talk to someone that gets it. Whatever it is...Have a wonderful weekend everyone!!

That's awesome Alix! I hope you're able to find a gender therapist in your area, and that you get your questions answered! Let me know if you ever need to talk - Mike

LoyalWolfsBlade · 12-26-2012, 03:05 AM

Because I am not officially nor do I at this time consider myself a FTM I feel uncomfortable posting in the FTM venting thread. Yet, I have a need to vent so why not in this thread.

After all I am still unable to begin the transition I have secretly desired for a good many years now. Hey, this is improvement from my first post in here where I stated I choose not to and I am okay with it. Well it is not that I choose not to transition and I really am no where near okay with the body I was born into. What I am and I am ashamed to admit this, is conditioned to do something I swear I do not do and refuse to do and that is conform to everyone's wish or how they see me.

It seems to be worse when ever I live in my home town and state, like now, but no matter where I am that little voice is always in my head. The one that tells me I am to old to be trying to get my physical body to match the image I have of myself. I get so tired of hearing my birth name. Let's be honest I am tired of feeling the anger and the cringe each time I do hear it or see it. Which is way to often for my taste. Hearing it is such a shock to my system that I actually use it as the ultimate "stop" safe word when in a D/s relationship. Trust me it is good for that at least...will pull me right out of everything instantly no matter how intense the scene is!

Now that I am at the stage in my life, actually have been for awhile, where I want to transition and hell need to transition if for nothing else but my own sanity. Any acknowledgement to the body I was born into cuts through me like a knife. To hear Mam instead of Sir from strangers is almost as bad as hearing my birth name or my siblings calling me sis. However, nothing is worse then my own eyes sometimes. The my hands/fingers are to small. The acknowledgement that I have small feet for my height. The bitterness I feel when I see a real cool tat on a guys chest and think wow I want that then realize I can not have it.

I had a hystro long ago and with the research I have done I know I will never have bottom surgery or not until a lot more improvement is done in that area. This is where I am more then grateful for the ability to "feel" when I am having sex with a woman. To hear my own voice and cringe because it is not deep enough. The desire for T and the knowledge of how that one thing could improve my life yet know or think it just will not happen. Starts right in the feeling of why did I wait so long to reject the idea of continuing to conform. I just want my body, the one everyone sees, the one I see in the mirror to finally represent the man I am.

Okay vent over...
I do however want to acknowledge my continued support of those of us that choose not to medically transition. It is hard to be a "braveheart" and no matter the reason I want those that come after me to know I appreciate who they are.

Thinker · 01-02-2013, 01:27 PM

Just want you to know I hear you......I get you.....and you are brave.

Big hugs your way, Alix...

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlixKnight4All

Because I am not officially nor do I at this time consider myself a FTM I feel uncomfortable posting in the FTM venting thread. Yet, I have a need to vent so why not in this thread.

After all I am still unable to begin the transition I have secretly desired for a good many years now. Hey, this is improvement from my first post in here where I stated I choose not to and I am okay with it. Well it is not that I choose not to transition and I really am no where near okay with the body I was born into. What I am and I am ashamed to admit this, is conditioned to do something I swear I do not do and refuse to do and that is conform to everyone's wish or how they see me.

It seems to be worse when ever I live in my home town and state, like now, but no matter where I am that little voice is always in my head. The one that tells me I am to old to be trying to get my physical body to match the image I have of myself. I get so tired of hearing my birth name. Let's be honest I am tired of feeling the anger and the cringe each time I do hear it or see it. Which is way to often for my taste. Hearing it is such a shock to my system that I actually use it as the ultimate "stop" safe word when in a D/s relationship. Trust me it is good for that at least...will pull me right out of everything instantly no matter how intense the scene is!

Now that I am at the stage in my life, actually have been for awhile, where I want to transition and hell need to transition if for nothing else but my own sanity. Any acknowledgement to the body I was born into cuts through me like a knife. To hear Mam instead of Sir from strangers is almost as bad as hearing my birth name or my siblings calling me sis. However, nothing is worse then my own eyes sometimes. The my hands/fingers are to small. The acknowledgement that I have small feet for my height. The bitterness I feel when I see a real cool tat on a guys chest and think wow I want that then realize I can not have it.

I had a hystro long ago and with the research I have done I know I will never have bottom surgery or not until a lot more improvement is done in that area. This is where I am more then grateful for the ability to "feel" when I am having sex with a woman. To hear my own voice and cringe because it is not deep enough. The desire for T and the knowledge of how that one thing could improve my life yet know or think it just will not happen. Starts right in the feeling of why did I wait so long to reject the idea of continuing to conform. I just want my body, the one everyone sees, the one I see in the mirror to finally represent the man I am.

Okay vent over...
I do however want to acknowledge my continued support of those of us that choose not to medically transition. It is hard to be a "braveheart" and no matter the reason I want those that come after me to know I appreciate who they are.

SelfMadeMan · 01-28-2013, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlixKnight4All

Because I am not officially nor do I at this time consider myself a FTM I feel uncomfortable posting in the FTM venting thread. Yet, I have a need to vent so why not in this thread.

After all I am still unable to begin the transition I have secretly desired for a good many years now. Hey, this is improvement from my first post in here where I stated I choose not to and I am okay with it. Well it is not that I choose not to transition and I really am no where near okay with the body I was born into. What I am and I am ashamed to admit this, is conditioned to do something I swear I do not do and refuse to do and that is conform to everyone's wish or how they see me.

It seems to be worse when ever I live in my home town and state, like now, but no matter where I am that little voice is always in my head. The one that tells me I am to old to be trying to get my physical body to match the image I have of myself. I get so tired of hearing my birth name. Let's be honest I am tired of feeling the anger and the cringe each time I do hear it or see it. Which is way to often for my taste. Hearing it is such a shock to my system that I actually use it as the ultimate "stop" safe word when in a D/s relationship. Trust me it is good for that at least...will pull me right out of everything instantly no matter how intense the scene is!

Now that I am at the stage in my life, actually have been for awhile, where I want to transition and hell need to transition if for nothing else but my own sanity. Any acknowledgement to the body I was born into cuts through me like a knife. To hear Mam instead of Sir from strangers is almost as bad as hearing my birth name or my siblings calling me sis. However, nothing is worse then my own eyes sometimes. The my hands/fingers are to small. The acknowledgement that I have small feet for my height. The bitterness I feel when I see a real cool tat on a guys chest and think wow I want that then realize I can not have it.

I had a hystro long ago and with the research I have done I know I will never have bottom surgery or not until a lot more improvement is done in that area. This is where I am more then grateful for the ability to "feel" when I am having sex with a woman. To hear my own voice and cringe because it is not deep enough. The desire for T and the knowledge of how that one thing could improve my life yet know or think it just will not happen. Starts right in the feeling of why did I wait so long to reject the idea of continuing to conform. I just want my body, the one everyone sees, the one I see in the mirror to finally represent the man I am.

Okay vent over...
I do however want to acknowledge my continued support of those of us that choose not to medically transition. It is hard to be a "braveheart" and no matter the reason I want those that come after me to know I appreciate who they are.

hey Alix - man, I feel for you!! I just wanted to let you know that I hear you, and my offer stands.. if you need to vent or talk or anything, give me a shout. I think you're very brave.

Nadeest · 01-30-2013, 02:44 PM

The same goes for me, Alix. If you need or want to talk, I'm here.

Maverick · 03-26-2013, 02:37 PM

Most, if not all of what Alix said in his post I could say in mine. I am finding myself in a depressed state for the past couple of months due to the fact that I don't feel like I can transition and I think I'm in mourning over the life that I can never have. I'm 51 and when I think about transitioning I think "why bother at this point in your life?" All of the things that I wanted to do when I was younger are not now possible whether I am male or not due to my age. I can never be a young man. And after 50 years of family and friends thinking they know me as one thing how possible is it for them to grasp such a huge change as my gender anyway? I feel like it's hopeless and there's really no reason to even think about the possibility of transitioning. I'd like to make some modifications for my own peace of mind but just can't see myself gathering up enough courage to fully transition to male. Perhaps I've said it before here, and I mean no disrespect for anyone as I'm only speaking for myself, but I don't feel brave at all. I feel like if I was brave I would do what my heart and soul tell me is right for me and transition so I can live a congruous life where my soul and body are in alignment. Is it brave to walk the earth as a person who doesn't fit into a gender? I guess so. But, in my opinion, it's braver to be true to yourself no matter the consequences. Harder said then done. I'm not willing to lose everything I've built at this point but perhaps that will change one day. I don't know. Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out.
Maverick

Corkey · 03-26-2013, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maverick

Most, if not all of what Alix said in his post I could say in mine. I am finding myself in a depressed state for the past couple of months due to the fact that I don't feel like I can transition and I think I'm in mourning over the life that I can never have. I'm 51 and when I think about transitioning I think "why bother at this point in your life?" All of the things that I wanted to do when I was younger are not now possible whether I am male or not due to my age. I can never be a young man. And after 50 years of family and friends thinking they know me as one thing how possible is it for them to grasp such a huge change as my gender anyway? I feel like it's hopeless and there's really no reason to even think about the possibility of transitioning. I'd like to make some modifications for my own peace of mind but just can't see myself gathering up enough courage to fully transition to male. Perhaps I've said it before here, and I mean no disrespect for anyone as I'm only speaking for myself, but I don't feel brave at all. I feel like if I was brave I would do what my heart and soul tell me is right for me and transition so I can live a congruous life where my soul and body are in alignment. Is it brave to walk the earth as a person who doesn't fit into a gender? I guess so. But, in my opinion, it's braver to be true to yourself no matter the consequences. Harder said then done. I'm not willing to lose everything I've built at this point but perhaps that will change one day. I don't know. Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out.
Maverick

The brave thing is being yourself in what ever package *you* happen to occupy. Not all of us can transition, due to any number of issues. Living, that is the bravest thing we can do. I'm 54, never to be that boy I know myself to be, or the man other people "see". But my family accepts me as I am, her Husband, their Uncle, their Cousin. That comes because of my being honest with them, and they get it.
We have 1 mirror in the house and it only is the medicine cabinet mirror, so I don't get bombarded with my physical image and can maintain my mental image of my being. It helps me, it may help you as well.

Maverick · 03-27-2013, 09:10 AM

Apologies, I meant KnightsBlade's post, not Alix's.

Maverick · 03-27-2013, 09:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corkey

The brave thing is being yourself in what ever package *you* happen to occupy. Not all of us can transition, due to any number of issues. Living, that is the bravest thing we can do. I'm 54, never to be that boy I know myself to be, or the man other people "see". But my family accepts me as I am, her Husband, their Uncle, their Cousin. That comes because of my being honest with them, and they get it.
We have 1 mirror in the house and it only is the medicine cabinet mirror, so I don't get bombarded with my physical image and can maintain my mental image of my being. It helps me, it may help you as well.

Corkey, I'm glad that you are able to communicate your needs to your family and get the respect you deserve. As for the mirrors, we only have a mirror in our bathroom so that's not an issue for me at all. I think what I'm dealing with at the moment isn't so much dysphoria over my body or how people interact with me. I only realized a couple of years ago that I am transgender...just didn't have the information needed to make that conclusion until then. In trying to decide what to do with this new information I realize that, even if I were to transition today to male the big dreams I've always secretly carried with me can never happen anyway because of my age. There is a mourning going on about this. And, as KnightsBlade pointed out...if I didn't care at all about what my friends, family, society, etc expected of me I might choose differently. I think everyone here is brave to live their lives the way they feel is best for them..which most often is outside of our cultural "norm". We're all bravehearts, yes! Thanks for your input.

Mav

Luke · 04-14-2013, 09:13 AM

Hi I'm a trans who hasn't taken hormones or had surgery.I'm teetering on the brink of doing so.most of the time but have just kepr trying to funtion otherwise: keep busy, enjoy the things I like doing.Also Ihoped maybe I'd meet someone who gets me but of course this is proving to be very difficult.Dating is a nightmare! So I keep the door open.to transitioning a little bit more everyday.Then other times I just focus on work.

Corkey · 04-14-2013, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luke

Hi I'm a trans who hasn't taken hormones or had surgery.I'm teetering on the brink of doing so.most of the time but have just kepr trying to funtion otherwise: keep busy, enjoy the things I like doing.Also Ihoped maybe I'd meet someone who gets me but of course this is proving to be very difficult.Dating is a nightmare! So I keep the door open.to transitioning a little bit more everyday.Then other times I just focus on work.

Welcome to the Planet Luke

Luke · 04-14-2013, 04:19 PM

Thank you Corkey!

LoyalWolfsBlade · 04-14-2013, 10:50 PM

Hi everyone.
This is where I am choosing to post my birthday post in a way. Well my good bye to 45 post. In about 2 hours or so I will see another year roll in and you know what while my body is not male I am ALIVE. So many of us can not say that.

I can say that by this time next year I will be on T and my screen name will be back to Alix because by then my name will be legally Alix Knight. I also want to say I have come to the conclusion this transition is about me and only me. How far I take it or not take it. Sure support would be wonderful and the reaction of being recognized for the man I am is going to be great however if I do not do it for me I am doing it for the wrong reasons.

Anyways wish all my brothers were here to celebrate another year with me. Cigars for those that smoke and steaks and vegies on the grill.

Alix

09-12-2012, 10:43 PM	#101
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	See if that helps. Sorry for confusion. __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

09-12-2012, 10:45 PM	#102
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Can't help you from here. Best way to get to know folks is to get out there. "s all I got. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

09-13-2012, 05:45 AM	#103
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,892 Times in 5,770 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Hi, Alix. No, I don't think you made a mistake. Although this site is defined as a butch/femme site, those who are TG or FTM are welcome. To be honest, I wished that this site defined itself as a butch/femme/TG site, but they do not. I am glad that they have a "trans zone", though. For myself, however, I do define very strongly as butch. I define as a TG Butch, and both identities (if for some reason you want to separate them out), are just as solid in my soul, as the other, perhaps butch a bit more so. There are transguys here who define as butch and some that do not. It has been stated by Admin that trans people are welcome here. I wouldn't give it a second thought. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-09-2012, 06:27 PM	#105
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thread bump.. I have not visited this thread since creating my own. However, I cam in tonight to copy paste my intro on here so I could include it in my thread as it is part of my journey, part of my life so to speak. I reread some of the posts and thought that the thread needed a bump. To get back on the front page for other Bravehearts old and new to see. After all that is how I found it Julien had bumped it. So bump __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

11-09-2012, 06:30 PM	#107
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Posting in here in honor of those that lost their lives over the years and face hate because of who we are. Nov. 20 is the National Transgender Day of Remembrance. I find it sad that we meaning Bravehearts, FTM, MTF, and all the rest of the spectrum of being transgender has to have a day because society is so full of hate and misunderstanding. Keep those that came before us in your thoughts and let us not forget them. On a personal note I took a big step today at least for me it is a big step. I asked my primary doctor for a name of a gender therapist and while she did not know one she did refer me to see someone that will help me find one. Many things have changed for me and most of it I have done alone (by my choice) but I have come to realize I need to at least talk to someone that gets it. Whatever it is...Have a wonderful weekend everyone!! __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

09-14-2012, 08:49 AM	#104
Nadeest Member How Do You Identify?: as myself Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Leesburg, FL Posts: 595 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,876 Thanked 2,118 Times in 501 Posts Rep Power: 17077996	I don't think that you made a mistake at all, Alix.

11-09-2012, 02:17 PM	#106
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,669 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972344	Just bumping this thread to give a shout out to the Bravehearts! I admire the courage and strength it takes NOT to transition and still do YOU - however you choose to do you! Never let anyone make you feel less than. Your stories are just as important, and just as real.

12-26-2012, 03:05 AM	#109
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	A need to vent... Because I am not officially nor do I at this time consider myself a FTM I feel uncomfortable posting in the FTM venting thread. Yet, I have a need to vent so why not in this thread. After all I am still unable to begin the transition I have secretly desired for a good many years now. Hey, this is improvement from my first post in here where I stated I choose not to and I am okay with it. Well it is not that I choose not to transition and I really am no where near okay with the body I was born into. What I am and I am ashamed to admit this, is conditioned to do something I swear I do not do and refuse to do and that is conform to everyone's wish or how they see me. It seems to be worse when ever I live in my home town and state, like now, but no matter where I am that little voice is always in my head. The one that tells me I am to old to be trying to get my physical body to match the image I have of myself. I get so tired of hearing my birth name. Let's be honest I am tired of feeling the anger and the cringe each time I do hear it or see it. Which is way to often for my taste. Hearing it is such a shock to my system that I actually use it as the ultimate "stop" safe word when in a D/s relationship. Trust me it is good for that at least...will pull me right out of everything instantly no matter how intense the scene is! Now that I am at the stage in my life, actually have been for awhile, where I want to transition and hell need to transition if for nothing else but my own sanity. Any acknowledgement to the body I was born into cuts through me like a knife. To hear Mam instead of Sir from strangers is almost as bad as hearing my birth name or my siblings calling me sis. However, nothing is worse then my own eyes sometimes. The my hands/fingers are to small. The acknowledgement that I have small feet for my height. The bitterness I feel when I see a real cool tat on a guys chest and think wow I want that then realize I can not have it. I had a hystro long ago and with the research I have done I know I will never have bottom surgery or not until a lot more improvement is done in that area. This is where I am more then grateful for the ability to "feel" when I am having sex with a woman. To hear my own voice and cringe because it is not deep enough. The desire for T and the knowledge of how that one thing could improve my life yet know or think it just will not happen. Starts right in the feeling of why did I wait so long to reject the idea of continuing to conform. I just want my body, the one everyone sees, the one I see in the mirror to finally represent the man I am. Okay vent over... I do however want to acknowledge my continued support of those of us that choose not to medically transition. It is hard to be a "braveheart" and no matter the reason I want those that come after me to know I appreciate who they are. __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf

01-30-2013, 02:44 PM	#112
Nadeest Member How Do You Identify?: as myself Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Leesburg, FL Posts: 595 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,876 Thanked 2,118 Times in 501 Posts Rep Power: 17077996	The same goes for me, Alix. If you need or want to talk, I'm here.

03-26-2013, 02:37 PM	#113
Maverick Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transman Preferred Pronoun?: they/them Relationship Status: encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: eastern US Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 361 Thanked 179 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1216947	Most, if not all of what Alix said in his post I could say in mine. I am finding myself in a depressed state for the past couple of months due to the fact that I don't feel like I can transition and I think I'm in mourning over the life that I can never have. I'm 51 and when I think about transitioning I think "why bother at this point in your life?" All of the things that I wanted to do when I was younger are not now possible whether I am male or not due to my age. I can never be a young man. And after 50 years of family and friends thinking they know me as one thing how possible is it for them to grasp such a huge change as my gender anyway? I feel like it's hopeless and there's really no reason to even think about the possibility of transitioning. I'd like to make some modifications for my own peace of mind but just can't see myself gathering up enough courage to fully transition to male. Perhaps I've said it before here, and I mean no disrespect for anyone as I'm only speaking for myself, but I don't feel brave at all. I feel like if I was brave I would do what my heart and soul tell me is right for me and transition so I can live a congruous life where my soul and body are in alignment. Is it brave to walk the earth as a person who doesn't fit into a gender? I guess so. But, in my opinion, it's braver to be true to yourself no matter the consequences. Harder said then done. I'm not willing to lose everything I've built at this point but perhaps that will change one day. I don't know. Thanks for listening. I really needed to get that out. Maverick

03-27-2013, 09:10 AM	#115
Maverick Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Transman Preferred Pronoun?: they/them Relationship Status: encumbered Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: eastern US Posts: 48 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 361 Thanked 179 Times in 34 Posts Rep Power: 1216947	Apologies, I meant KnightsBlade's post, not Alix's.

04-14-2013, 09:13 AM	#117
Luke Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Gender queer Ftm Preferred Pronoun?: Hy,he Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2012 Location: Near London U.K. Posts: 18 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 36 Times in 9 Posts Rep Power: 1073754	ftm Hi I'm a trans who hasn't taken hormones or had surgery.I'm teetering on the brink of doing so.most of the time but have just kepr trying to funtion otherwise: keep busy, enjoy the things I like doing.Also Ihoped maybe I'd meet someone who gets me but of course this is proving to be very difficult.Dating is a nightmare! So I keep the door open.to transitioning a little bit more everyday.Then other times I just focus on work.

04-14-2013, 04:19 PM	#119
Luke Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Gender queer Ftm Preferred Pronoun?: Hy,he Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2012 Location: Near London U.K. Posts: 18 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 36 Times in 9 Posts Rep Power: 1073754	Thank you Corkey!

04-14-2013, 10:50 PM	#120
LoyalWolfsBlade Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Pre-Op FtM, Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones plz Relationship Status: Single but haven't given up on finding the One Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: I gaze upon the same moon as you do Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,214 Thanked 9,646 Times in 3,123 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Wow another year Hi everyone. This is where I am choosing to post my birthday post in a way. Well my good bye to 45 post. In about 2 hours or so I will see another year roll in and you know what while my body is not male I am ALIVE. So many of us can not say that. I can say that by this time next year I will be on T and my screen name will be back to Alix because by then my name will be legally Alix Knight. I also want to say I have come to the conclusion this transition is about me and only me. How far I take it or not take it. Sure support would be wonderful and the reaction of being recognized for the man I am is going to be great however if I do not do it for me I am doing it for the wrong reasons. Anyways wish all my brothers were here to celebrate another year with me. Cigars for those that smoke and steaks and vegies on the grill. Alix __________________ Life should never be stagnant hence my quest for new knowledge will continue until my last breath. Wolf Last edited by LoyalWolfsBlade; 04-14-2013 at 10:54 PM.