05-15-2011, 11:22 AM | #1 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status:
Spoken for Join Date: May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 250
Thanks: 87
Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts
Rep Power: 6763776 |
Butch friends
I have more femme friends than butch.
I have only one butch friend I refer to as brother as we are quite close. Do you have more butch friends than femmes ? Some butches on other forums try to be cock of the hen house and it puts me off befriending them.
__________________
https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Merlin For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2011, 11:47 AM | #2 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Hippy Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: *
Posts: 3,750
Thanks: 6,499
Thanked 11,917 Times in 2,700 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Well Merlin, in following some of the threads U have started,
it would seem you have been thru some shit. One of my Bruthas...is a Femme. (love U Snowy One) It's just not as simple as one or the other at times. One of my oldest and dearest friends is now a Female; transitioned after the age of 50. We still cut up like we did 25 years ago. I love Kari (used to be Bob) and I love who she is. Her Gender never swayed me from being attracted to her as a life long friend. I get it though, some who Identify as Butch get a little stoopid when they arrive in the Company of someone they perceive as 'more butch' than themselves. Or the likes of myself, presenting with Domme energy...seems to have triggered a few Masculine Identified folks to get...stoopid and start acting like their Machismo just got dented. That's a perception that belongs to them, their reactions belong to us. Filtering friends by Butch n Femme? I can't say that this is something that I do on a conscious level. I am sitting here trying to scale the numbers, if one is much more than the other. It is not, for me. Looking forward to reading this one.
__________________
|
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Daywalker For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2011, 12:12 PM | #3 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status:
Spoken for Join Date: May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 250
Thanks: 87
Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts
Rep Power: 6763776 |
Daywalker,having read butches/transguys/femmes harrowing life stories I assure you compared to those my life has been good.
No disrespect meant to anyone,just a general observation. Offers hand of friendship.
__________________
https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE |
The Following User Says Thank You to Merlin For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2011, 12:14 PM | #4 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
.... Relationship Status:
.. Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: .....
Posts: 753
Thanks: 1,199
Thanked 1,216 Times in 366 Posts
Rep Power: 12334991 |
I have more femme friends than butch friends. I have 3-4 butchs that I call brother and 3 femmes I call sis..love them all !
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Luv For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2011, 01:04 PM | #5 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Human Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Where I want to be
Posts: 8,155
Thanks: 47,491
Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
I just have friends, and the cock in a hen house stuff you mentioned, is usually a ton of insecurity tied up in a not so tidy package. I tend to ignore that kind of behavior. Because confronting it just reinforces the behavior.
__________________
"Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them".
~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee) |
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Corkey For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2011, 01:31 PM | #6 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
HER - SHE Relationship Status:
Relating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird
Posts: 5,408
Thanks: 11,826
Thanked 10,830 Times in 3,200 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Maybe I just don't separate friendship between butch, femme, trans, het, etc. I also am not quick to consider someone as a friend- that really is a special designation to me.
I do socialize with a mix of people and I like this. I want to see people not as a gender or identity, but as people that might just be interesting to me and could become a friend. I love having the few close friends I have over for dinner or to watch something airing or taking in a movie, having coffee. I wish my oldest and dearest friend (that is a non-B-F lesbian) lived closer. |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to AtLast For This Useful Post: |
05-15-2011, 01:36 PM | #7 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
With my souls eyes. Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
lol Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Here
Posts: 3,476
Thanks: 10,524
Thanked 11,145 Times in 2,755 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Yeah that behavior puts me off too. My best friend is femme though. She's also my lady. I have guys that I consider brothers. I don't see much of that cock in the hen house stuff going on here and if it does it gets called out pretty quickly.
__________________
In Lak'ech Ala K'in I'm a Soul Rebel http://wannabereverend.wordpress.com/ Spirituality is not a belief system or ideology, it is the surrender of one's ego to the infinite wisdom and knowledge that is the universe. |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Ebon For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:10 PM | #8 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status:
Spoken for Join Date: May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 250
Thanks: 87
Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts
Rep Power: 6763776 |
I'd like to share a smoke with some butches and get down to the nitty gritty.
__________________
https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE |
The Following User Says Thank You to Merlin For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:21 PM | #9 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
yes dear Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: south florida
Posts: 2,494
Thanks: 3,264
Thanked 6,737 Times in 1,777 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
i must first say that my words dont always come out right so PLEASE IF something i type offends or puts someone off DO NOT ASSUME the worst--ask for clarification....
I have NEVER had good luck with having butch friends--or femmes for that matter...most butches i have come across have had that need for a "pissing contest" or sneaking behind my back and trying to steal my girl....most femmes usually wanna piss off their partners by being my "friend"...now thats not to say ive had NO friends--i consider Day a friend tho we have only met once as i do Luv...more so than most ppl i see on a regular basis...most of my life i have had "str8" friends....even now i dont really have in real time lesbian friends--one or 2 tops |
05-22-2011, 03:34 PM | #10 |
Roadster Guy
How Do You Identify?:
FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
He Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7,745
Thanks: 26,545
Thanked 26,893 Times in 5,771 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Good Topic
I actually have no in real life butch friends. I really only see feminine or androgynous like lesbians around here. My gf came home the other day shocked and excited that she saw a masculine appearing female in the convenience store. She lived here for 7 years single (after moving here) until we got together saying she just was not able to find a single butch in these parts! (hmmm..maybe she is with me b/c I am the only butch in town?)
Anyway, I do have one femme friend in real life, but that is it. She actually now defines as bisexual and has only dated XY males the last couple of years. Strangely, I have found myself becoming connected to and hanging out with a bunch of heterosexual, heteronomative women at work. Not narrow in the way they think or the ideas that they are open too, they just have not been exposed to much outside of the "norm". They are also quite a bit older than me, as well. We were talking about it on friday night when we went out for dinner. I think it is a function of how great of friends they were to me when I was going through the cancer surgery chemo and stuff. But, I am getting off topic. I would like nothing more than to have a butch friend IRL.
__________________
-Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated? |
05-22-2011, 03:40 PM | #11 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status:
Spoken for Join Date: May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 250
Thanks: 87
Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts
Rep Power: 6763776 |
I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.
__________________
https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Merlin For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:45 PM | #12 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
unmistakably Preferred Pronoun?:
dearheart Relationship Status:
In love, loved and Happy, thanks for askin' Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: SF CA
Posts: 1,720
Thanks: 1,113
Thanked 3,383 Times in 931 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Nina For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:48 PM | #13 | |
Roadster Guy
How Do You Identify?:
FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
He Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7,745
Thanks: 26,545
Thanked 26,893 Times in 5,771 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Quote:
If they are a friend, they stay that way. Once they are a friend, I just have an inability to sexualize them (and of course prefer not to). I know the friends with benefit thing and all (and there is nothing wrong with that), but it just has never been my style.
__________________
-Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated? |
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to DapperButch For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:49 PM | #14 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Angel * Femme * Lesbian * Girl * Woman * Slut * Bitch * Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
No longer a Virgin Bride to Dreamer ~ May 17th, 2014 Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 4,674
Thanks: 17,676
Thanked 18,160 Times in 3,633 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Quote:
Prior to being on this site - most of my friends were butch or gay men. A few straight female friends and very few femme friends. I am femme and I can share a bed with my butch friends and know - NOT EVER - would either one of us cross that line. Why would we? We are simply friends. Perhaps the fact you sexualize relationships. Maybe something to think about. Julie who is now well balanced in her circle of friends.
__________________
“Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine - 1790-1869 http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps4d9fb6c0.jpg I Love You ~ I Love Us May 17, 2014 |
|
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Julie For This Useful Post: | Corkey, Daywalker, dixie, Dreamer, Ebon, Greyson, Luv, Mister Bent, Queerasfck, scootebaby, WolfyOne |
05-22-2011, 03:49 PM | #15 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Human Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Where I want to be
Posts: 8,155
Thanks: 47,491
Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
I have friends who are Femme and my wife is Femme and I only sleep with my wife. Not to say that poly folks have to adhere to monogamy, but I don't sleep with my friends in the first place, only my friend, my wife.
__________________
"Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them".
~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee) |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Corkey For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:52 PM | #16 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status:
Spoken for Join Date: May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 250
Thanks: 87
Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts
Rep Power: 6763776 |
For me it started off as friendships which progressed.
I have had three serious relationships. And three liasons,i was a slow starter and missed out on lot's.
__________________
https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE |
05-22-2011, 03:55 PM | #17 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Trans man Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him Relationship Status:
not looking Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Northern England
Posts: 945
Thanks: 5,669
Thanked 2,383 Times in 765 Posts
Rep Power: 17762094 |
I think predominantly my friends tend to be femme, because I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not, they don't mind that I'm a butch who doesn't mind cooking, or cleaning or sewing a button on that's fallen off. Sometimes I feel judged by other butches, because I'm not 'butch enough' or some such shit, but on my local scene, I'm viewed as 'too butch', so most of the time I hang with gay men, because they don't give a monkey's flying arse who or what I am, they like me cos they get my sense of humour and know that I'll defend them to the hilt if they start getting hassled. I think the UK's got a lot to answer to and needs to grow up and start learning about alternative lifestyles, far too many brits are quick to point the finger when they see something they don't recognise or feel comfortable around.
At the end of the day for me, people are people, in real life the majority of my friends are metalheads/goths because they don't give a crap who I'm sleeping with, they just want to go out and have fun. I prefer it that way too, I don't ask to be judged because of how I look, but that's what tends to happen to me around other queers, I'm not one of the sheep following the herd and I'm not afraid of speaking my mind around bigoted people, which tends to alienate me around people who don't get that I'm honest and very blunt. It would be nice to have more butch friends to be able to sit and chill with, but ... friends are friends, why should it matter how they ID really? |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Massive For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 03:55 PM | #18 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Angel * Femme * Lesbian * Girl * Woman * Slut * Bitch * Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
No longer a Virgin Bride to Dreamer ~ May 17th, 2014 Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 4,674
Thanks: 17,676
Thanked 18,160 Times in 3,633 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Quote:
Most relationships begin as friendship, well at least in my world. It is how you develop. I wish you great luck in finding your butch community. It is important to have comraderie - I know for me, developing relationships with other femmes, is like coming home. It's beautiful and I cherish those friendships. Julie
__________________
“Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine - 1790-1869 http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps4d9fb6c0.jpg I Love You ~ I Love Us May 17, 2014 |
|
05-22-2011, 04:00 PM | #19 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Knight in shining armour. Relationship Status:
Spoken for Join Date: May 2011
Location: England
Posts: 250
Thanks: 87
Thanked 547 Times in 170 Posts
Rep Power: 6763776 |
What's making it hard is in the uk we are geographically challenged,and compared to the usa it's a far smaller community.
I don't get to see fellow butch/femme folk due to work and sometimes it feels like a real lonely path to walk.
__________________
https://youtu.be/IWvEXChflEE |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Merlin For This Useful Post: |
05-22-2011, 04:00 PM | #20 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Trans man Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him Relationship Status:
not looking Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Northern England
Posts: 945
Thanks: 5,669
Thanked 2,383 Times in 765 Posts
Rep Power: 17762094 |
I don't mean to be nasty or step on any toes here, but I have to say, I think it is very different here in the UK as opposed to the US. Yes we have large gay communities in London, Brighton and a few other major cities, but most of us don't live in those places, most of us here are lucky to have one gay pub to go too, and most places do not have exclusively women only bars, I know I certainly don't. Sometimes there may be a bar which is aimed at gay men who 'tolerate' gay women, but nothing more. I may be missing something by having not travelled to the US, but I see it so often that people miss how someone is from the UK, and seem to miss how in a lot of ways, we're pretty far back in the dark ages in some ways when it comes to being queer. Yes, we have 'marriage' but it's not equal with hetero marriage in any way shape or form, it's a totally different culture in the UK, we're pretty old fashioned too, and nothing like the tv portrays either ...
Anyway, sorry for the derail, just wanted to say this. |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Massive For This Useful Post: |
|
|