Being an adult...what does that really mean?

[Ascot]

My parents liked to entertain when I was a kid. It was still the era of the cocktail party. The very end of the 60s, the early half of the 70s. They were teachers both, so were most of their guests. There might be the occasional higher-ranking military guy, a handful of locals from whatever part of the world we were living in at the moment, but the majority were American teachers. Civilian employees of the Dept. of Defense. They were quite the bunch. Adventurers, very creative educators, people who, for the most part, swallowed big chunks of life whole. They genuinely enjoyed and respected each other and often did things together in groups of varying sizes. It's from being around them and my kindred spirit parents that I got my first examples and notions of adulthood; of what it meant to be and feel like an adult. Fairly early on I embraced the idea that I would know when I was an adult, that I would be one and feel like one and live like one. Clearly all the big people around me did. That's what I thought.

It's many, many years later, and most of the time I still don't feel like an adult. I do adult things. I keep a roof over my head, my car on the road, I have people who trust, like and love me. I go for cocktails, love the BBC, get my teeth cleaned... I still don't know that I feel like an adult. I think it's just more that I am an older version of my kid self doing the things I'm supposed to do. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm ever going to feel like an adult. It seems like that should concern me, but it really doesn't.

I think most people, if queried, would say that they think being an adult means taking responsibility and handling one's business. To me, it seems so boring when framed that way.

What's your version of being an adult?

[JDeere]

My version is being responsible but still enjoying life to it's fullest. Being an adult really sucks though, regarding the responsibility and taking care of business. I still wish I was a kid so I didn't have to deal with my own actions, thoughts, etc. But then again being an adult has it's perks.

[Daisy Chain]

Ascot, what an interesting thread, thank you ! And how well you write and paint the picture of those cocktail parties and the attendees .....it almost sounded like the beginning of a page turning novel, I was getting a great visual and was intrigued by the possible characters before there were any even !

I would venture everyone will come at this topic from a different angle because I feel it is greatly affected...{I nearly wrote infected then, Freudian slip me thinks !} by the type of childhood you had and as you so eloquently wrote, the type of example of adulthood you had set for you and specific to myself, how healthily you were raised and prepared for adulthood even.

JDeere writes that...adulthood can suck and still would like to be a kid at times...I think this suggests happy memories of being a child.

I myself never wish a return to childhood and whilst growing up in a very damaging and abusive environment to say the least I always viewed adulthood as a form of escape. It represented liberation, freedom...safety even.

And yet now I often find myself thinking in frustration...`for goodness sake, how old are you...you are an adult`...when I get anxious and worried about making choices for myself. In my eyes I became an adult at 17 when I found myself living in a bedsit and holding down a job and being self sufficient and surviving quite nicely thank you !

Since then I can do all the adult responsibility with ease, I am proficient at being an adult in so much as, bills are paid, house is kept well, and although I say it myself, my children are very well cared for on every level I feel. Thats all adult stuff right..adulthood ? Where I stumble is experiencing a childish guilt and fear of punishment for things like going to bed a little later than I know is good for me, which I would say are privileges and perks of being `grown up`..an adult.

So I view adulthood as being able to run your own life as a successful little empire, taking good care of ones self and loved ones, secure and comfortable home, money well managed and a healthy amount of time and focus on just enjoying life and having fun and making guilt free choices at times.

I think I am great at the sensible stuff but still need a lot of work in the carefree down time department....Ironically I could say to myself.....`You are an adult....lighten up and enjoy things with child like exuberance without the guilt...!!

I`m looking forward to reading others perspectives.

Daisy

[Rockinonahigh]

Every day I ask myself this question, I still haven't a good definition.

[SoulShineFemme]

What a great question! I don't know that I have a solid answer to that but I have had experiences that made me "feel" like an adult. For me most of those experiences consisted of taking satisfaction in maintaining a home and a yard.

I can remember being a teenager and having to do chores. I didn't really enjoy any aspect of chores other than getting them done. As an adult I get a lot of pleasure from cooking for my loved ones. It's not just because it needs to be done but because I enjoy the process.

The same goes for yardwork, etc. I get more gratification from domesticity and caring for others than I do from a day of parking it in front of the TV. :-)


One of the other things that makes me feel like an adult is travel. Road trips, plane trips and exploring new cities are exciting to me and somehow feel grown up and worldly. :-)

Interesting topic. I'm thinking hard now.

[Sweet Bliss]

Thanks for asking the question Ascot.... great discussion material.

There is an invisible line I think, when we go from childhood to adulthood, and by invisible I mean you have to find it for yourself. It's not clearly marked, or pointed out with neon signs.

It involves social mores and cultural standards of acceptability, constraints of laws and moral sensibility. There are varying degrees of child vs adult behavior in this 21st Century beginnings. Far past the paying bills, feeding self and family, not kicking the dog or cat. Where does adult start? Where does the line of adult and decent human being blur? I have known children better suited to be an adult than most "adults" (over 40 years old)... so it's not age that makes us mature adults.

Perhaps you could start a list and we could add to it as we think of things?
We could start numerous dialogues over coffee or a cold one?

Accepting critic without blowing a gasket would be one instance. Honoring the opinion of another would be another. Perhaps you all have others?

[Bèsame*]

Ascot, I came up during that same generation. My parents had the parties as well. Never once thought of that as being a adult for me....it was watching adults still have fun. Our parties, included, being thrown in the pool. Clearing out the furniture for dancing, and all kinds of laughing among the "older" people.

On occasion of my at home snooping of my mothers things, I found her high school yearbooks and her dairies. I read them of course, looking forward to that time of my life. I thought then, "I wonder if she remembers this stuff" ? I suppose once you get older, those memories drift. My younger memories are with me always. Just because I'm older, I didn't loose those younger times.

You know, I look back at different stages of life, phases, and all the things you were suppose to do as you get older. The things that "make " you an adult. I know I'm an adult in the choices I make, the responsibilities I have, the consequences, and the life I lead.

Yet, when, I'm among family or friends, it's the same younger emotions, thoughts, and or fun actions. It doesn't make me feel " adult" like. It's just me. It's just us.

So for me, I know I'm an adult, yet in my mind, I'll never be.

Please, please, don't you ever call me "old lady". Lol lol

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm pretty immature in certain ways. I'm a big teenager and kid. I tend to get on well great with people in their 20s and early 30s. I love hanging out with my classmates who are 18-26. My flatmate is 29 and we get on like a house on fire (im 46 going on 10-25, depending on the day). My closest new friends I make are always about 20 years younger than me.

However, I know myself *incredibly* well and accept myself FAR more and am less bothered by things about 1/100th of the degree of when I was younger. I wish I had the energy level of a 20 year old though. I know and accept my limits. I own my mistakes. I am not trying to constantly change myself into what I think a better person is, like used to. My work is now just accepting and working with the hand I was dealt.

My boundaries are waaaayyyyyyy better and I say "no way" and "fuck that" with happy confidence now!

[Play]

Being an adult to me means having the capabilities to make the tough
decisions and take care of my responsibilities while maintaining my
"don't give a fuck" attitude and keeping my goofy sense of humor in tact.

On days when I don't really feel like "adulting" I just tell people my
"give a damn" is broken. Reaching this stage in life def has benefits.

[C0LLETTE]

Means you stop blaming everyone and everything else for the choices you've made.

[Tuff Stuff]

Sometimes you're forced to grow up.It's taking responsibility for your life and not running back to mommy and daddy.Owning your life facing the consequences for your actions.Treating others like you want to be treated.
But I did all those things as a kid...so I don't fucking know what it means to be an adult.Keeping a Job? Paying your own way..paving your own path..having a conscience?..paying my bills..driving my own car,owning my own house?..did it.

I guess if I had to pick wanting to be a kid or an adult..adult then.

[A. Spectre]

Being patient and calm in the face of challenges and adversity. Understanding that most people want to love and to be loved, give them a break when they upset you.

Laugh with people, not at them.

Just a start.