How to be a femme ally

[Nat]

Whether or not you are a femme, how do you think we best be femme allies?
If you are a femme, are you an ally to your fellow femmes and to yourself?
What about our transfemmes?

[atomiczombie]

I am not Femme (lol obviously) but I try to be an ally by:

1. Being a good listener. I listen to what they have to say and try to see things from their perspective.

2. Respect their points of view and accept that they know themselves better than I ever could.

3. Don't make assumptions about someone just because they self-identify as Femme.

4. Keep in mind that there are as many ways to be Femme as there are Femmes. Any one way isn't any better than another. It's just different.

5. Respect the rights of Femmes to have their own spaces and not try to invade theirs.

6. Speak up when someone says something bigoted or sexist or ignorant or rude about Femmes or to a Femme.



P.S. I hope it's okay that I posted here even though it is the Femme Zone. If not, I apologize.

[julieisafemme]

Drew you can post anywhere you want as far as I am concerned because you are always respectful even if I don't agree with you and you don't agree with me. You are a femme ally!

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I am not Femme (lol obviously) but I try to be an ally by:

1. Being a good listener. I listen to what they have to say and try to see things from their perspective.

2. Respect their points of view and accept that they know themselves better than I ever could.

3. Don't make assumptions about someone just because they self-identify as Femme.

4. Keep in mind that there are as many ways to be Femme as there are Femmes. Any one way isn't any better than another. It's just different.

5. Respect the rights of Femmes to have their own spaces and not try to invade theirs.

6. Speak up when someone says something bigoted or sexist or ignorant or rude about Femmes or to a Femme.



P.S. I hope it's okay that I posted here even though it is the Femme Zone. If not, I apologize.

[Nat]

Thread is open to all.

[Medusa]

Wow! How did I miss this thread?! GREAT thread topic!

Years ago, someone that I loved very much told me that there was a world where you had "Femme's Femmes" and "Butch's Femmes".

At first, I bucked that idea because it felt like reinforcing all of the negative shit that we are fed from day one about how women are supposed to hate each other (or at least mistrust each other).

But yanno? I look at the women who have access to my heart and can say without at doubt that these are women who would never put getting attention or validation from a random Butch (or mine) over our friendship or my heart.

These are women I would trust to sleep naked next to my partner and would never blink.

These are women who I know to exercise good boundaries when it comes to seeking validation from others, and specifically, Butches.

See, I think that we sometimes don't like to talk about the fact that there are Femmes among us who try to heal whatever cracks they have with the mortar of Butch attention. Because sometimes attention equals attraction. And sex equals love. And love fills the cracks within us that are formed by our Mommas and Daddies, Family, and Lovers.

I have to love those Femmes from a distance. That whole "letting go with love" thing because I have been that Femme and understand what kind of hard work it takes to work toward being enough for oneself.

My allies are going to look like Femme's Femmes - Women who are interested in cultivating deep, meaningful relationships with other Femmes even when it's a lot of work.

Those are the women who get my time and my heart.

Those are the women who I am going to call on when my partner dies and I am grieving so deeply that my marrow is cracking.

Those are the women that I will freely fuck up in front of and accept, with gratitude, the lessons they have to teach.

Some people call them "heart friends". Some call them "kindred spirits".

All I know is that I am a better Femme when surrounded by my girls.

[Medusa]

How about some practical stuff?!

A Femme Ally:

* is going to tell you when you've tucked your skirt into your panties or sat in ketchup while wearing a white dress!

* is going to revel in your way of being Femme while maintaining and cherishing her own!

* is going to celebrate your accomplishments!

* is going to pull you off to the side and say "What the fuck are you doing working 2 jobs to support that Butch?"

* is going to know the difference between the stuff you share with your Butch and the stuff you share with your Sisters!

[persiphone]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Wow! How did I miss this thread?! GREAT thread topic!

Years ago, someone that I loved very much told me that there was a world where you had "Femme's Femmes" and "Butch's Femmes".

At first, I bucked that idea because it felt like reinforcing all of the negative shit that we are fed from day one about how women are supposed to hate each other (or at least mistrust each other).

But yanno? I look at the women who have access to my heart and can say without at doubt that these are women who would never put getting attention or validation from a random Butch (or mine) over our friendship or my heart.

These are women I would trust to sleep naked next to my partner and would never blink.

These are women who I know to exercise good boundaries when it comes to seeking validation from others, and specifically, Butches.

See, I think that we sometimes don't like to talk about the fact that there are Femmes among us who try to heal whatever cracks they have with the mortar of Butch attention. Because sometimes attention equals attraction. And sex equals love. And love fills the cracks within us that are formed by our Mommas and Daddies, Family, and Lovers.

I have to love those Femmes from a distance. That whole "letting go with love" thing because I have been that Femme and understand what kind of hard work it takes to work toward being enough for oneself.

My allies are going to look like Femme's Femmes - Women who are interested in cultivating deep, meaningful relationships with other Femmes even when it's a lot of work.

Those are the women who get my time and my heart.

Those are the women who I am going to call on when my partner dies and I am grieving so deeply that my marrow is cracking.

Those are the women that I will freely fuck up in front of and accept, with gratitude, the lessons they have to teach.

Some people call them "heart friends". Some call them "kindred spirits".

All I know is that I am a better Femme when surrounded by my girls.

here, here! i can't say enough about my femme friends and sisters. i crave them and they bring something to my life that i can't get anywhere else. i strive to bring as much to theirs. *cheers*