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Old 07-10-2011, 05:39 AM   #41
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For me being stonefemme embodies so much more than what I will or will not do in bed. Those boundaries are set based on the likes and dislikes of my partner as well as my own.

Personally, I find great power in my femininity and the traditional trappings of a woman. Stonefemme is more about my general behavior, the way I carry and present myself to the world, and the relationship dynamics I seek.
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Old 07-10-2011, 05:59 AM   #42
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being a stone butch i have usualy dated stone femme.. BC the understanding to me means stone..set in stone..non variable in certian ways of life, love,sex, housekeeping...ect...that are expressed up front. i have found (for me)stone to stone relationship seems to have a more compassion/respect for the non changable.
this is it take me or leave me.. just dont try to change me.
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Old 07-10-2011, 11:22 AM   #43
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Hey, lilith - I've hi-lighted in your paragraph what I'm addressing in my response. I don't believe I've contradicted myself - when I said it was 'right', I was saying that it was right 'for me', not that it is THE right way for everyone. If it came across that way, I apologize for the confusion. I never intend to speak for anyone but myself. I thought it was understood, that when someone expresses an opionion, it is their 'own' sentiment/belief - that goes across the board for any postings on threads. Anyway, that's the way I read posts - as someone's personal opionion.

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Hey, cinderella. Thanks for your comments. You are getting feedback on your personal opinion. This thread was started because I find that a lot of focus tends to be on Stone Butch, and what that means; I wanted to discuss what it means to be a Stone Femme. Like a Stone Butch ID, I think that being a Stone Femme is just as open to personal interpretation. You are right when you say that there is no right or wrong answer; however, you go on to contradict yourself by saying your way is right. All I know is that my stone fluctuates and changes depending on my partner's needs, wants, and desires. I do have one hard no, and that is vaginal penetration (giving). I am open to the possibilities of everything else (and goodness there is a ton of everything else). Let me make this also very clear, my identity is not based on my partner's. It is important to me that I be proactive in my own needs, wants, and desires because I am a giver, a pleaser and want to share as much intimacy and sex with my love as much as possible. I am stone, but not made of stone.
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Old 07-10-2011, 03:04 PM   #44
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I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...
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Old 07-10-2011, 03:28 PM   #45
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Originally Posted by softness View Post
I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...


I love this. The way you live and describe yourself really makes me think outside the box. I like how your unique traits fit you, and you're really okay with the fact that there is no label.
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Old 07-10-2011, 07:35 PM   #46
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Originally Posted by softness View Post
I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...
There is indeed a label for you. It's called Stone Femme. If you are a stone sexual top and you are femme, you are a Stone Femme. Yes, this is a maddening double meaning, and it really sucks.
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Old 07-11-2011, 10:01 AM   #47
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Default defining myself!

i am a queerstonefemme. i'll go term by term:
First of all, i use lowercase to refer to myself. i learned to do so from an old-school forum that used lowercase to refer to bottoms/submissives (which i am) and Uppercase to refer to /Tops/Dominants. This usage was considered common courtesy, and i still follow it.
i use the term "queer" b/c i am not conventionally heterosexual nor conventionally lesbian. i do not desire biomales but neither do i desire feminine women. indeed, those who have been my partners in the past have usually ID as Butch (not female) or have been Transgendered.
i use the term "stone" b/c i am most comfortable with the Stone Butch/stone femme dynamic. This is not to say that i am a passive partner in any sense. i participate fully in the relationship in all respects, but my participation is both different from and highly respectful of the boundaries of my partner.
i use the term "femme" b/c i am feminine as opposed to Butch. i value my femininity and those who help me do so, both in terms of other femmes as well as Butches. Being femme does NOT make me inferior nor superior to Butches; rather i am their equal complement.
so i am a "queerstonefemme." i also use "QueerStoneFemme" just b/c it is easier to read.

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Old 07-11-2011, 10:27 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by CherylNYC View Post
There is indeed a label for you. It's called Stone Femme. If you are a stone sexual top and you are femme, you are a Stone Femme. Yes, this is a maddening double meaning, and it really sucks.
I hesitate to do this because I think the backlash is going to be horrendous, but:

Stone Femme is your label for her, not her own. It's dangerous to classify others based on our personal interpretations of what a label means.
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Old 07-11-2011, 01:01 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by softness View Post
I have come to realize I am the femme version of a stone butch. I dont think there is a label for this. lol.

I have no desire for my partner to give to me unless I dictate how and when. And I have my own boundaries, just like a stone butch would. I am by no means frigid. I am hot as hell in bed and my submissive can tell you that. I use to call myself an aggressive femme but that was when i was trying to mold myself into the role of submissive femme. It SO didnt work for me. Now that I am into FemDom and pack and take the Dominant role, I think and act more like a Stone Butch, but am absolutely Femme...
I just want to tell you that there are other StoneFemme Top/Domme in this world.....if you mean that you don't allow vaginal penetration and pack. The ones that I know call themselves StoneFemme Top/Domme. They are also pretty cock identified.

If you are just talking being a Femme Domme/Top who packs, is dominant, is (or not) cock id'd, and allows vaginal penetration, oral sex, etc, well you are not alone in that respect either..
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Old 07-11-2011, 02:36 PM   #50
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I hesitate to do this because I think the backlash is going to be horrendous, but:

Stone Femme is your label for her, not her own. It's dangerous to classify others based on our personal interpretations of what a label means.
Well, I certainly hope there's no backlash for saying something so reasonable. You're right that I should have asked more questions or explained the terms better as Toughy did in the above post.

I'm too quick to talk about this because I'm so dissatisfied with the terms we use.
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Old 07-11-2011, 06:17 PM   #51
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Default Love this !

I am stone, but not made of stone.
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I am stone! and I do not like to be penetrated ever!!! But I do enjoy the hands of my femme caressing me as long as its done in a non feminine manner. I like to know that she loves me and loves how I am making her feel and her touch
speaks loudly about what she is feeling.

Touch me baby, show your daddy how he makes you feel
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Old 07-11-2011, 06:52 PM   #52
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I am stone, but not made of stone.
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I am stone! and I do not like to be penetrated ever!!! But I do enjoy the hands of my femme caressing me as long as its done in a non feminine manner. I like to know that she loves me and loves how I am making her feel and her touch
speaks loudly about what she is feeling.

Touch me baby, show your daddy how he makes you feel
Oh lord, heart be still!
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Old 07-11-2011, 06:53 PM   #53
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Thank you Sweet_Amor_Taino.

Ok, I have a generalized question: Do you think the dating pool is limited because you ID as a Stone Femme (in whatever capacity that means to you)?
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Old 07-11-2011, 07:38 PM   #54
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Thank you Sweet_Amor_Taino.

Ok, I have a generalized question: Do you think the dating pool is limited because you ID as a Stone Femme (in whatever capacity that means to you)?
Oh, yes. Without doubt, yes. My dating pool has gotten very small, indeed. What's more, I face every possible romantic encounter with trepidation because I know that I'll have to explain myself to someone who may turn out to think that there's something terribly wrong with me. If I were more traditionally femme, my stonefemme boundaries might not seem quite so surprising to an interested butch.

I've been told that my dating pool would enlarge considerably if I were into trans guys, but I'm not.
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Old 07-11-2011, 09:50 PM   #55
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Well, I certainly hope there's no backlash for saying something so reasonable. You're right that I should have asked more questions or explained the terms better as Toughy did in the above post.

I'm too quick to talk about this because I'm so dissatisfied with the terms we use.
I agree wholeheartedly with your dissatisfaction and appreciate your feedback on the matter. I was just having the "self identification" discussion with a friend the other night and we were expressing our displeasure that it needs to be done at all, but then how can we represent ourselves while avoiding being classified by the labels others apply to us?

Thank you for being so honest and facing your fears about talking to your partners. I feel like people who are brave like that should be thanked more often. In my mind, discussing intimacy boundaries is often like coming out, over and over again. My bitter side is also saying that there aren't enough people who address things like comfort, boundaries, and pleasure.
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Old 07-12-2011, 02:25 AM   #56
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Oh, yes. Without doubt, yes. My dating pool has gotten very small, indeed. What's more, I face every possible romantic encounter with trepidation because I know that I'll have to explain myself to someone who may turn out to think that there's something terribly wrong with me. If I were more traditionally femme, my stonefemme boundaries might not seem quite so surprising to an interested butch.

I've been told that my dating pool would enlarge considerably if I were into trans guys, but I'm not.
If you think your dating pool is small, you should see mine. It's more of a puddle, than a pool. lol
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Old 07-12-2011, 05:59 AM   #57
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Originally Posted by CherylNYC View Post
Oh, yes. Without doubt, yes. My dating pool has gotten very small, indeed. What's more, I face every possible romantic encounter with trepidation because I know that I'll have to explain myself to someone who may turn out to think that there's something terribly wrong with me. If I were more traditionally femme, my stonefemme boundaries might not seem quite so surprising to an interested butch.

I've been told that my dating pool would enlarge considerably if I were into trans guys, but I'm not.
I've been told the exact same thing regarding how my dating pool would enlarge regarding Trans guys
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Old 07-12-2011, 06:37 AM   #58
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Default What if no one is jumping in the pool?

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Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme View Post
I've been told the exact same thing regarding how my dating pool would enlarge regarding Trans guys

My own personal pool is pretty big. The water feels lovely & quite warm.

My criteria pretty much is sexual attraction-do I feel those butterflies? Is my heart pounding? If yes, that is the first step. Butch? Yes! TG? OK-fine with me-yes! Daddy? OK, I am interested-tell me more about the dynamic please! Yes! Stone butch? OK, lived as a stone femme in love for a long time!

I am not talking about all those other values that are so important-I am strictly talking about the initial attraction that tells one: yes, I would love to go out with you!

The pool shrinks a great deal when you are older. Not my choice, it is just a
reality. I am not limiting it by my identity as a femme.

I am dipping my toe in the pool, but I have not jumped and no one has pulled me in the pool (or pushed me in either...).

Regardless of how big or small our dating pool is, don't we at least need to
take that chance? As long as my own personal boundaries are respected, since age is now a factor in my dating pool; I personally need to be open to all
possibilities (which I may not have considered in my 20's).

Cannonball coming! Splash!
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Old 07-12-2011, 07:08 AM   #59
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Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia View Post
My own personal pool is pretty big. The water feels lovely & quite warm.

My criteria pretty much is sexual attraction-do I feel those butterflies? Is my heart pounding? If yes, that is the first step. Butch? Yes! TG? OK-fine with me-yes! Daddy? OK, I am interested-tell me more about the dynamic please! Yes! Stone butch? OK, lived as a stone femme in love for a long time!

I am not talking about all those other values that are so important-I am strictly talking about the initial attraction that tells one: yes, I would love to go out with you!

The pool shrinks a great deal when you are older. Not my choice, it is just a
reality. I am not limiting it by my identity as a femme.

I am dipping my toe in the pool, but I have not jumped and no one has pulled me in the pool (or pushed me in either...).

Regardless of how big or small our dating pool is, don't we at least need to
take that chance? As long as my own personal boundaries are respected, since age is now a factor in my dating pool; I personally need to be open to all
possibilities (which I may not have considered in my 20's).

Cannonball coming! Splash!



I agree, the size of the pool is getting smaller with age. This saddens me!
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Old 07-12-2011, 10:03 PM   #60
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I was away a few days so I couldnt respond. I am back.

I dont think the label Stone Femme applies to me. I am not a traditionalist anylonger.

And Toughy, even if I wasnt a FemDom, I would be someone who packs. And yes, likes penetration as well but when i say. I prefer my partner to be quite submissive. But engaged.

My dating pool is quite large. I date who I am attracted to. I dont have preconceived barriers anymore. I never thought I would fucka a femme but yes, I would. However, the pool of people who would date me becme much smaller when mine became much larger. Not too many butches want a packing femme. Some people back away from me as a friend, let alone as a date or lover, because I am interested in and involved with MtFs. Shrug. Its ok. I barely have enough time for who I am involved with, let alone worry who wont be involved with me anylonger.

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