Non-packing butches

[BullDog]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

When I first came out to the big world other than a fue friends I was told by nearly everyone that if I didnt pack or strap it on I would never really be any kind of a butch.With that in mind I bought whatever it took to fill the toy bag...I spent mucho deniro....wow that good stuff aint cheep.That's been a long time ago,and to tell the truth untill I became a bfp planiteer I never felt I could ever not have or need to strap or pack to intrest anyone in the community.It dosent bother me to do either one way or the other..there is another thing I got from being hear that is being called her isnt a black ball word,I can stull be a big old butch jaust the same.I learn something reading these post that its ok to relax and be me without haveing to fix in a box that i'm expexted to be in.

Yep just be yourself. How butch is presented online and how butches live out in the real world are often very different. Either way, there is no right or wrong way to be butch.

I pack very occasionally but never soft pack. I don't feel the need for it. My connection is always there whether I am packing or not.

[BstlMyhart]

Originally Posted by rustedrims

Getting educated here.
I thought all Butches had to pack or strap on to be in "The Bois Club".
Hummm,maybe not.

"Butch" is your essence....not a predetermined mold shaped by anyone. Anyone who tries to put anyone else in a mold of any kind needs to remember to look past the outside and see into the soul. As always, just stating my opinion. Whether I'm right or wrong <shrug> lol

[StrongButch]

I am a woman who is gay and butch and thats it And honestly im an older butch and all these labels are starting to confuse me It seems like everyday a new label is created at times I cant keep up (lol)

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i don't care what anyone else does in their pants, that's their beeswax, but for me i have learned along the way that i prefer not to simulate hetero sex. i always thought that's what B-F was, being with a *male* ID'd butch and having heteroish sex. Now i know different. We have an allotment of toys which are great fun, but without engaging in hetero-like sex. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone.

i am so happy that others are seeing they don't lose their butch card for not packing and not being a *he*.. and that a femme is still a femme no matter what her butch has in their pants, or doesn't have.

Thank you for sharing this.

As a butch lesbian, I have no desire to act out male-female dynamics or roles in or out of bed. So, this makes a lot of sense to me.

There are many ways of pleasuring ones partner and many toys to use if one chooses aside from phallic ones. I prefer those techniques and toys which accentuate and celebrate the unique interplay between two women who enjoy both enjoy the splendor and wonder of the female body.

I am not a boi or a boi, so I am not familiar with or interested in a club for such. I dont even understand butch-ftm bonding.

It is nice to know there are femmes who still appreciate phallic-less female butches.

[BstlMyhart]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i don't care what anyone else does in their pants, that's their beeswax, but for me i have learned along the way that i prefer not to simulate hetero sex. i always thought that's what B-F was, being with a *male* ID'd butch and having heteroish sex. Now i know different. We have an allotment of toys which are great fun, but without engaging in hetero-like sex. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone.

i am so happy that others are seeing they don't lose their butch card for not packing and not being a *he*.. and that a femme is still a femme no matter what her butch has in their pants, or doesn't have.

Pffffttttt like anyone could ever take my butch card away <smirk>

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Syr

Oh yeah. Forgot to add. Let me know where the Butch test is being held. Thanks.

Syr hits something for me here.

Why all the "does this make me butch/less butch/more butch" questions? Is it that hard to just be who you are? Don't compare yourself to others. Don't measure your......self against them.

Butchness, like femmeness, (while not being real words) isn't a quantifiable thing.

Can we have less talks that pivot on how butch/femme we are/aren't and more about what real community is?

I'm as femme as I need to be. My honey is as masculine as he needs to be. He suits my preferences. Everyone is not meant to be with everyone.

Be who you are and the one(s) meant to be with you will find you.

It really is that simple.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I can't think of anyone in this forum that has "heteronormative" sex. We're all having queer, gay, lesbian sex I thought. Well that's unless you identify as straight.

I enjoy penetration and penetrating nothing about it = heteronormative

[BstlMyhart]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I can't think of anyone in this forum that has "heteronormative" sex. We're all having queer, gay, lesbian sex I thought. Well that's unless you identify as straight.

I enjoy penetration and penetrating nothing about it = heteronormative

It's not about "hetero" sex for me by a long shot. Sometimes a femme wants deeper penetration and I'm happy to oblige. Besides, leaves both hands and mouth free for other things.

[BullDog]

Well I do agree not to let things get you down, but no I don't think it is just that simple. That would be like telling women just because so much of our culture tells us that we are inferior to men, just don't let that get you down, it's just that simple. Some are valued more than others. There is nothing simple about that. There are hierarchies in place and they do need to be discussed.

On another note, I am a stone butch lesbian with a cock. There is nothing heteronormative about me or how I have sex.

[Parker]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Syr hits something for me here.

Why all the "does this make me butch/less butch/more butch" questions? Is it that hard to just be who you are? Don't compare yourself to others. Don't measure your......self against them.

Butchness, like femmeness, (while not being real words) isn't a quantifiable thing.

Can we have less talks that pivot on how butch/femme we are/aren't and more about what real community is?

I'm as femme as I need to be. My honey is as masculine as he needs to be. He suits my preferences. Everyone is not meant to be with everyone.

Be who you are and the one(s) meant to be with you will find you.

It really is that simple.

Sometimes we are hit with it when we are younger - like Rockinonahigh, I too was with someone who felt I should pack to be butch and I went through a period of packing a Mr. Softie and hard-packing because that's what I thought I was supposed to do - that's what I was being told that butch was - that a butch is supposed to pack and feel like their cock is a part of themselves. When I didnt feel that, I questioned my "butchness."

Sometimes we are hit with it on-line as well - when I see person after person after person talking about how butches are so connected to their cocks, etc, I end up feeling like an outsider looking in on a community to which I dont belong.

When I see people talking about the above - referencing all butches, etc. I think about the younger lesbians and butches (or those who might be older but just figuring things out) who might be lurking about, reading, wondering who they are and where they fit in.

That's why I post in threads like this - not to one-up anyone or put anyone down for who they are and what they do, or even to talk about who's more butch than who; but to show others that there isnt just ONE kind of butch out there - we dont all need to be male ID'd, pack, or bind - and no matter which kind of butch we are, we are all butch and none of us should ever be made to feel less than or like an outsider in our own community.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I can't think of anyone in this forum that has "heteronormative" sex. We're all having queer, gay, lesbian sex I thought. Well that's unless you identify as straight.

I enjoy penetration and penetrating nothing about it = heteronormative

I don't think of people who pack or strap as heteronormative. It's queer sex if queer folk are doing it. And we get to fuck any way we want and still be queer. As leather folks, or as older ones, we had to fight that fight back in the day. I did anyway.

So, I agree. I don't know why I am the way I am. I like butch and femme cock. And I like pussy. A soft pack does leave me cold.

In another post, I mentioned a friend who introduced someone to butch cock. The someone immediately owned it, just wagged it around, danced, played and strutted. My friend laughed with delight at her sexual partner's newfound joy in the cock. I think that's awesome. I would, in the abstract, be happy for the butch, but I would not enjoy the display. That's the difference.

That doesn't make me more queer than anybody else. Or less cock loving in terms of sex. There are stone femmes who don't have a strong interest in pussy, or any interest in it. They are as queer as anybody else.

I guess what I am saying is that I don't think my preference is political anymore than I think anyone's is. It's just a preference.

[macele]

i've never packed, ... that's not good or bad. just is what it is. well ... i have put socks down but that was only a time or two and that's been so many years ago ... i don't know that it can still count lol. so yeah, i have thought about packing. not going to say that i never will, because i just might, if i decide that i want to. now i've never thought about going out, say dancing, packing. that never crossed my mind until this group.

very true. life online and in the real, ... sorta beg to differ at times. no one should tell another person what makes them or breaks them. i don't give a care what folks say online (or in person) about their butchiness. and i don't care what they say about mine. but you know, i can't even find my butchiness at times! lol

maybe the packing isn't so much about the significant other as it is about the packer. we all need different things to turn us on. i don't know enough about the experience to share. just saying gender could be no where in the picture. and then again, it could be. sometimes we have to experience things to really know what's happening. i learn everyday. thanks for that. i watched a shawn colvin video. she had on a dress and pants, ... at the same time. my first thought is, what the hell! but then i step back and say, i might try that! lol now that's what a butch would do.

[rustedrims]

Ok here it goes.

As far as me packing i never have.I set things down and forget where i put them.I have read the horror stories of droping the "package" on the floor in public restrooms.Do you pick it up or leave it and say "Thats not mine" ! There is just to many things that can go wrong in the public that might catch you with your pants down so to speak.Like a trip to the emergency room.Hanging around home sure if my girl wants me to but probly never in public.Not a believer in baggy Levis.If you can see a "buldge" in my jeans and these things called "boobies",,,think i might be asking for it from the public.

The Ex'es,
I never strapped on for them because i was very good at satisfying them with just my self.Actually they didnt allow me to "go inside".That made me kinda crazy not being able to do that because i sure wanted to.Every now and then i would surprise them and slide in there.{no pun intended}.I would get my hair pulled hit on the back or my ears grabbed.That just wasnt a good idea to do that.To me it was worth it.My last Ex liked me going inside of her.She was wild and i loved every minute of it.I would ask her"One towel or 2?"OOPS another thread.I used vibrators and a dildo on her and it was great for us both.Then she wanted to use them on me and the relationship ended shortly after letting her know i wasnt going to lay on my back.I am a giver not a taker.

Then i find the Dash Site and my world opened up.I sat back and said WoW!But then i see the femmes in there like the "toys" that resemble the bio male cock/dick.Automatically i think they arent really gay or lesbian for that matter.I always thought that if they liked that kind of stuff for sexual pleasure they were using a gay/lesbian woman for couriousity and will eventually go back to the bio male.Over the years of living and reading about this lifestyle i love that isnt the case at all.I am very clear on that now.I am willing to do what my femme asks or declines.For me it is all about the Lady and not me.I love being a Butch Woman and identifies as she.

[Bèsame*]

Originally Posted by Maria

Lots of femmes pack!

I love to pack.....my overnight bag

[Two-spirit]

Hi,

I dont pack.and never have,I tried it once but when I slept on my stomach ..it hurt so I took it off..

The strap on comes out of the toy box when Im ready for it with the ladies..

[oksoftbutch]

Like two-spirit I don't pack either, but I have been known to oblige a beautiful femme....

[chris1life]

I just found this site so I'm a newbie and am finding it so helpful. I have always thought of myself as butch and I loved that about myself. Where I am from there doesn't seem to be a lot of butch women. Anyway after getting online to try And find more women Like me I stumbled across a site that pretty much led me to believe I am not "butch enough" Because I don't like my hair short (it looks horrible on me) I have large breast, I hate binding it hurts and I rarely ever pack Because in public around my neck of the woods isn't smart. I do love for my femme to to strap Nothing sexier than her begging to use her cock. Yummy but at the end of the day I'm her butch she tells me she wants to feel my cock while she is dancing with me at a club I strap it, pack it or what ever she wants.
It Really does help to see there are so many different types of women out there. Some times we are just hard on each other. One thing I have learned from all of this is I'm me. I'm butch enough for me. If packing makes u feel like a complete you then do it up if it doesn't then don't. Wear long hair or short hair bind or don't. Only thing that counts is if you are Happy.

[bright_arrow]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i don't care what anyone else does in their pants, that's their beeswax, but for me i have learned along the way that i prefer not to simulate hetero sex. i always thought that's what B-F was, being with a *male* ID'd butch and having heteroish sex. Now i know different. We have an allotment of toys which are great fun, but without engaging in hetero-like sex. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone.

i am so happy that others are seeing they don't lose their butch card for not packing and not being a *he*.. and that a femme is still a femme no matter what her butch has in their pants, or doesn't have.

I never thought about it in those terms. I just figured if I liked it, what the hell? Though I now understand why my girlfriend a few years back freaked out on me liking penetration and told me I "wasn't really a lesbian". Cause to some penetration = straight sex? Bah.

I don't care what you call it as long as I am getting laid!

ETA: I do not care if my butch decides to pack or not. It is [obviously] her choice, and she would if I requested I suppose, but it all comes down to her comfort! It does not make her [or you, or you, or you!] less of whatever ID you feel you fit. You are you, and you are awesome!

[always2late]

Originally Posted by chris1life

I just found this site so I'm a newbie and am finding it so helpful. I have always thought of myself as butch and I loved that about myself. Where I am from there doesn't seem to be a lot of butch women. Anyway after getting online to try And find more women Like me I stumbled across a site that pretty much led me to believe I am not "butch enough" Because I don't like my hair short (it looks horrible on me) I have large breast, I hate binding it hurts and I rarely ever pack Because in public around my neck of the woods isn't smart. I do love for my femme to to strap Nothing sexier than her begging to use her cock. Yummy but at the end of the day I'm her butch she tells me she wants to feel my cock while she is dancing with me at a club I strap it, pack it or what ever she wants.
It Really does help to see there are so many different types of women out there. Some times we are just hard on each other. One thing I have learned from all of this is I'm me. I'm butch enough for me. If packing makes u feel like a complete you then do it up if it doesn't then don't. Wear long hair or short hair bind or don't. Only thing that counts is if you are Happy.

This post hit home for me...because sometimes our community (not THIS community, but our community in general) can get very caught up in definitions and labels. It seems that some are more comfortable living in a cookie-cutter world where only their personal definition of what is "butch" or "femme" is applied. It galls me when I hear someone say something like "oh, so and so isn't a REAL butch (or femme)" because of the way they look...their hair is too long, or too short, they don't wear the "right" clothes, etc... No one has the right, or invitation, to define anyone else. Besides, who wants to live in a world like that? Where everyone had to conform to some predefined version of what butch or femme is? How boring would that be??

[TruTexan]

I'm a non packer. It's never even crossed my mind til now about packing. Hmmm, I wonder what it's like to pack? Maybe one day I'll try it an see if I like it. Who knows. But packing or not packing does NOT define my butchness. I am who I am and I'm me, period.