For the Love of Intentions!!

[Cin]

Originally Posted by Daktari

As you quoted my post can you show me where I claimed you personally say such things?

I never imagined you were talking to me personally. I assumed you were bringing up a subject for discussion. I was discussing. I don’t tell people to do the work. Not that you said I did. I just volunteered that information. I was saying I don’t think it’s the best way to be helpful. Although sometimes it’s crazy making to keep having the same discussions over and over. Sometimes I think I just can’t get into this again. But then someone else manages to do it and often before I know it there is a new wrinkle to an old subject that I can sink my teeth into.

And I quoted you as a jumping off point to continue the discussion about it. I thought you were talking about it already. I certainly didn't feel like you were talking to me. I rarely think anything is about me and I'm usually right.

I apologize if my wording felt accusatory. I really did not mean it that way.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Now don’t ask me why I did this because really I’m not clear on my reasoning. I began to bark. I am very good at sounds. I do animals well, but really sounds in general are my forte. So I launched into my impression of a pack of dogs barking. I always thought it was really an impressive talent. Don’t know why I think that because really no one has ever been impressed. And true to form no one was. But anyway we left shortly after that and my wife did not get to actually see an apartment.

OMG, I laughed out loud at work. Your fault. LOL!

[Cin]

Originally Posted by Martina

OMG, I laughed out loud at work. Your fault. LOL!

LOL, sorry!

Now if only my wife could see the humor in it.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I think its been suggested more than once that there is a newbie "dumb question" thread.

I made one for another board, sort of an FAQ, for the identity section. I linked commonly asked questions to threads that addressed them and invited people to ask questions about identity if they were new to the concept, in that thread, so if people felt like having the patience to answer something they've answered 9 squillion times before, they could go in and do so.
And if anyone asked a FAQ in a thread, it was decided that instead of people groaning and rolling their eyes and pretending to cut their wrists open, they would paste the link.

I got so sick of one question in particular because it was such a complicated answer I copied and pasted my answer the last time I did it into the FAQ. I then would just copy and paste the four paragraphs from the FAQ into the thread someone was asking in. Because lots of times faced with the FAQ thread, people would suddenly not want to ask anymore.

Or read.

But I suppose that's like when you go to a company and you wanna talk to someone and they send you to the FAQ section, to look for the answer, you just drop it.

I have been reading a blog about this gal that post pictures of men spreading their legs super wide on crowded transit and preventing people from sitting. She got asked about six questions over and over by blokes. So she finally set up an FAQ to answer those questions. Needless to say lots of dudes don't bother and just ask because they don't want an answer, they want to make a point.

Which it can feel like sometimes to other questions. I'm sure ALL of you have questions that make you mental. Because you just want it printed on a card so you don't have to answer it again, get the same arguments again and you just lose the will to live I t the middle of the conversation. This where in person I start miming hair Kari and then hanging myself with my own intestines. Which is t helpful.

But! Maybe a newbie FAQ thread that gets "stuck" to the top of a.section so its easy to find?

Anyone? And the rule is if you go in there and answer, you can't answer with your "you cocksock!" Reaction at the ready.

What do people think?

I like the idea a lot. The problem I see is that I don't think there are many threads on here where any gender and identity stuff was pulled apart, discussed, and analyzed. It was all on the dash site. Meaning, a FAQ thread would be hard to do if you wanted to answer the question through links to threads.

It would be grand if someone just wrote a FAQ thread, but that is a hell of a lot of work.

[julieisafemme]

Thank you Miss Tick for talking about the difference between intelligence and education. I am intelligent but do not have a graduate degree. Sometimes the parsing or discourse goes over my head.

As far as "doing the work" we could have a Doing The Work thread and people can post links to the work they have done and give their opinions on the sources. I was told a long time ago to do the work on racism and white privilege. I was told to look at Tim Wise's work. I read his books, subscribed to his FB page and heard him speak. Some of his stuff is very helpful for white people and some of it was not. I find Shakti Butler's work much more helpful as a white person.

We went to a conference recently and the panelists in one workshop talked a lot about "the work". One young woman stood up and asked "what is the work"? It was an excellent question and a lot of good discussion came out of that. There is only so much a thread can do, at least for me. Sometimes I feel like threads and the reading I do outside of it and the discussions I have in real time are my graduate school education. Might be lacking for sure but it is free!

[Girl_On_Fire]

Originally Posted by Martina

New folk end up accidentally -- or not -- swatting a beehive now and then -- meaning one of our simmering issues. And then all hell breaks loose. It's not necessarily about the person who is getting dogpiled -- if that is part of it. It's that there is a tension under the surface, and the person has said just the right thing to cause an eruption.

-- than it was that this was an issue that the community was ready to react to. And react we did.

YES!! That's what it is that I couldn't put into words. This underlying tension that's just waiting for the right trigger to cause an explosion. Thank you!

[girl_dee]

Also, sometimes there is tension from personal history amongst the posters, and although this NEVER happens here ( ), people piling in may have something going on that no one else knows about. You may not believe this here but there are MANY exes amongst the group!

Once, very long ago, i was just talking with someone, being flirty and playful in the threads. They had an ex that i had no idea about or cared about. i was new. i started posting. This ex, and her entire entourage confronted me on every post, very creatively, and i had no idea why. They new what they were doing in causing a ruckus. i don't scare so easily, and it continued....and finally it was explained to me what was happening.

When they got caught, they were warned to stop. They didn't. They were banned, all of them.

THEN they claimed that they bullied, harassed, singled out, picked on and all kids of other fun stuff by the admins and even ME, who had never had a direct exchange with any of them.

[Girl_On_Fire]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Also, sometimes there is tension from personal history amongst the posters, and although this NEVER happens here ( ), people piling in may have something going on that no one else knows about. You may not believe this here but there are MANY exes amongst the group!

Once, very long ago, i was just talking with someone, being flirty and playful in the threads. They had an ex that i had no idea about or cared about. i was new. i started posting. This ex, and her entire entourage confronted me on every post, very creatively, and i had no idea why. They new what they were doing in causing a ruckus. i don't scare so easily, and it continued....and finally it was explained to me what was happening.

When they got caught, they were warned to stop. They didn't. They were banned, all of them.

THEN they claimed that they bullied, harassed, singled out, picked on and all kids of other fun stuff by the admins and even ME, who had never had a direct exchange with any of them.

Been there...in a manner of speaking.