Caregivers and Stress

[Kelt]

About two weeks ago my mother started coming around in her mind and was able to speak to me in short sentences for a short time. That is the best she has been in four months since her fall and the resulting complications. I was so relieved, I thought for a while she was gone for good.

Today is her 89th birthday, for the first time ever we got to spend a few minutes on FaceTime, it was great. Normally I would’ve flown up there to be with her for a few days but this year everything is screwy, sending an iPad was the best I could do.

Happy birthday mom!

[C0LLETTE]

Dear Kelt,

I was very moved reading your post; felt a flood of longing to once again hear my Mother's voice, see her smiling at me.

I wish you and your Mom much much more time together and the sharing of many sweet birthdays.

[Chad]

My mom is slipping a little with her memory. It worries me. She can no longer stand or walk well. She eats and sleeps most of the day. I am working from home now so I fix all her meals. Seems like there is a decline in her abilities.

Since this is all on me, I feel alone in this. My dad and brother have been gone a long time.

It is hard to take this on everyday.

[Chad]

My job wants a voluntary return to work. There is no way that I can do that. Even with a vaccine mom can't even feed herself anymore. I don't know where we go from here.

Things with mom keep getting harder.

[Femmewench]

Originally Posted by Chad

My job wants a voluntary return to work. There is no way that I can do that. Even with a vaccine mom can't even feed herself anymore. I don't know where we go from here.

Things with mom keep getting harder.

It may be time for an assisted living facility or nursing home if finances allow. An assisted living facility would provide assistance with your mom's activities of daily living, eating, bathing, dressing, mobility, etc. They also provide (in non-COVID times) activities and outings and movies, etc. My parents spent their last years in one which allowed my brother and I the luxury of not worrying about them. (My mom wore a little electronic device which sent out an alarm if she tried to leave the front door; my dad didn't need one.)

She could bring her own bedroom furniture, clothes, comfy chair. Individual rooms had a small refrigerator and small sink - no cooking in the room. The meal portions were appropriate for my parents' appetites and there were choices enough at each meal to provide variety. For a small extra fee, we could eat with them and did when we visited. It helped reassure us as to the quality of the food as well as the various levels of assistance provided to residents as needed.

I'm happy to share more if you'd like.

And hardest of all, remember you have to put on your oxygen first in order to assist those who need it in putting on theirs. Caregiver burnout is a real thing.