What Cracked You Up Today? - Page 70

Blade · 06-29-2016, 04:02 PM

While returning from my Dr appt this morning, my phone rings
On the other end is my seemingly out of breath and shakeing voice roomie

She says where are you, I said on the way home. What's wrong?
I thought she found one of the animals down or dead.

She says there was a snake beside the AC unit. I was turning on the water and he about scared me to death, he was right beside my foot before I saw him.....I'm still listening.

"I ran in the house and got your gun and shot him and missed him, then shot him again (blowing a hole in the middle of him lol)
Then I thought he was coming after me, so I shot him again and got him in the head.
Then shot him again in the neck . You can see the blue dots. I killed him quicker than I did the other one with the sledge hammer.

I'm like umm well ok I'll be home in a bit.

Whole story cracked me up her first experience with killimg a snake with a pistol. I was just proud of her for not being scared to try it.

Kenna · 06-30-2016, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blade

While returning from my Dr appt this morning, my phone rings
On the other end is my seemingly out of breath and shakeing voice roomie

She says where are you, I said on the way home. What's wrong?
I thought she found one of the animals down or dead.

She says there was a snake beside the AC unit. I was turning on the water and he about scared me to death, he was right beside my foot before I saw him.....I'm still listening.

"I ran in the house and got your gun and shot him and missed him, then shot him again (blowing a hole in the middle of him lol)
Then I thought he was coming after me, so I shot him again and got him in the head.
Then shot him again in the neck . You can see the blue dots. I killed him quicker than I did the other one with the sledge hammer.

I'm like umm well ok I'll be home in a bit.

Whole story cracked me up her first experience with killimg a snake with a pistol. I was just proud of her for not being scared to try it.

.LMAO!!! I didn't know it sounded so funny until I read this! ...in my defense, I missed the first time because I didn't aim correctly...I was more worried that it was too close to my feet, since I had sandals and a dress on...but I made sure I didn't miss the second time.

This is the 4th monster size snake I've killed this year....I don't know which is more funny??.... Me swinging a huge sledgehammer to hit it several times (gotta make sure it's DEAD), at the same time trying to jump backwards to keep from getting bit??.... Or me dressed in an ankle length skirt, trying to handle that big ass pistol like I was Annie Oakley Junior??...

A. Spectre · 06-30-2016, 07:21 AM

Practice makes perfect. *laughing

My heart grew 2 sizes.

TL1 · 06-30-2016, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenna

.LMAO!!! I didn't know it sounded so funny until I read this! ...in my defense, I missed the first time because I didn't aim correctly...I was more worried that it was too close to my feet, since I had sandals and a dress on...but I made sure I didn't miss the second time.

This is the 4th monster size snake I've killed this year....I don't know which is more funny??.... Me swinging a huge sledgehammer to hit it several times (gotta make sure it's DEAD), at the same time trying to jump backwards to keep from getting bit??.... Or me dressed in an ankle length skirt, trying to handle that big ass pistol like I was Annie Oakley Junior??...

That's too funny! Are your snake killing services for hire? Cuz seeing all that would have me rolling.

Kenna · 07-01-2016, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TL1

That's too funny! Are your snake killing services for hire? Cuz seeing all that would have me rolling.

No mercy for snakes. If you hire me, I won't be wearing sandals next time....instead, I'll wear snake boots under my long skirt. :-P

TL1 · 07-01-2016, 05:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kenna

No mercy for snakes. If you hire me, I won't be wearing sandals next time....instead, I'll wear snake boots under my long skirt. :-P

No sandals? Aw ok.... Still too funny. It's a deal!

Kenna · 07-01-2016, 08:49 PM

Cracking up with my roommate today as we were going on a town trip to tour several Restores and a famous, old hardware store.

We are natural at joking and being silly, always having a great time.

But right now, I can't recall what was said that made me laugh so hard my ribs hurt.... Damn I'm getting old! I swear we need a GoPro camera to keep rolling video of our funny crack ups!

C0LLETTE · 07-01-2016, 11:29 PM

the cat finally got fed up and tried to hump the dog...i suspect that may be the end of it.

Chad · 07-02-2016, 07:20 AM

Actually yesterday. I was getting a hair cut when the song What Is Love by Hiddaway came on and I wanted to jump up grab the stylist by the hand and dance. By the end of the song I had worked out a salon dance sequence in my head. Haha!
https://youtu.be/HEXWRTEbj1I

Just another fun day in my head.

Kenna · 07-04-2016, 02:39 PM

My roommate telling me he will spank me if I mess with his newly baked peach cobbler before we leave for the picnic....

I had to chuckle and remind him that he hasn't spanked me since we met, he ain't gonna do it now

JRM · 07-04-2016, 03:54 PM

My best friends 3 yr old grand daughter... She got out of the pool came over and sat down in my lap was just talking up a storm.. She looks at me says your hot... We busted out laughing and said what did you say she turned and looked at me said your hot .. Me and her grand mother was rolling I said where in the hell did she learn that shit from... The shit that comes out of kids mouths.😂😂😂

Talon · 07-08-2016, 11:38 AM

Blade · 07-08-2016, 02:08 PM

Mom has never bought a boston butt, they went on sale yesterday. So she text me a bit ago telling me she just got home from the grocery store. She didn't get a boston butt because they were all 19-21 pounds. She could hardly pick it up and didn't think it would fit in her crock pot.

A 20 POUND BOSTON BUTT.......REALLY?
I said Mom that was not a butt! They don't come that big. They are normally 7 to 10 pounds. A 20 pound butt would have had to come off of a cow. SMH yeah Ima get her one when I go get mine.

Kenna · 07-09-2016, 01:05 PM

"That would make me as dizzy as a one legged duck!"

easygoingfemme · 07-09-2016, 02:30 PM

We have reached the point of summer vacation that my daughter is correcting the grammar on the info packet she got from a theater gig she starts on Monday, and when I flip her off she just gives me the tally of how many times I've done so for the day.

Blade · 07-09-2016, 04:58 PM

Mom did. We have done nothing but laugh for the last four hours

Blade · 07-11-2016, 10:37 AM

While trying to scrub the goo from elastic joint tape from my knee, my phone rings. It's Mom, she is hysterical and out of breath. Huffing and puffing she says. "I am in heart attack mode, there is a snake in my house." all in the same breath.

I have to laugh here, because I remember showing a picture of a huge snake that got in my house a few yrs ago to my Aunt and she said if I ever see a snake like that in my house he can have it I'm moving out. ROFL

So anyway went to Mom's never found the snake and came home. I'm sure she will be calling me back.

C0LLETTE · 07-11-2016, 12:04 PM

Me.

Happens often.

Bèsame* · 07-12-2016, 12:15 PM

Ok, so I stopped for gas this morning. I pulled up to the pump that was in the shade. Got out of the car, headed to the pump, unlatching my cap. I sorted slipped, but not falling down, I had my car to hold onto. I then realized I had stopped right where a spill of some kind happened. Slimy, slick surface. As I pumped the gas, I wiped my shoes off, on the island thingy that the pump is set on.

Ok, finished with the gas up. Now to get in my car without stepping in it again. Open door, stretch leg into car. I found myself in the splits position, and busted up laughing. Of course I'm facing the busy road. It was hard to get in the car with your other foot about 3 feet away from the door.

I so cracked up...who does this?

cinnamongrrl · 07-24-2016, 10:22 PM

My kid...

I bought some dates and offered her one. I had no idea she never tried them before. She looked at them and said, "oh my God...mom..put those down. Don't even eat them!!"

It never occurred to me how bad dates look when you're unaware of how good they taste. I don't think I will be convincing her to try them any time soon.

More for me!

06-29-2016, 04:02 PM	#1381
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	While returning from my Dr appt this morning, my phone rings On the other end is my seemingly out of breath and shakeing voice roomie She says where are you, I said on the way home. What's wrong? I thought she found one of the animals down or dead. She says there was a snake beside the AC unit. I was turning on the water and he about scared me to death, he was right beside my foot before I saw him.....I'm still listening. "I ran in the house and got your gun and shot him and missed him, then shot him again (blowing a hole in the middle of him lol) Then I thought he was coming after me, so I shot him again and got him in the head. Then shot him again in the neck . You can see the blue dots. I killed him quicker than I did the other one with the sledge hammer. I'm like umm well ok I'll be home in a bit. Whole story cracked me up her first experience with killimg a snake with a pistol. I was just proud of her for not being scared to try it. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

07-01-2016, 08:49 PM	#1387
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,613 Thanked 12,108 Times in 3,757 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Cracking up with my roommate today as we were going on a town trip to tour several Restores and a famous, old hardware store. We are natural at joking and being silly, always having a great time. But right now, I can't recall what was said that made me laugh so hard my ribs hurt.... Damn I'm getting old! I swear we need a GoPro camera to keep rolling video of our funny crack ups! __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

07-02-2016, 07:20 AM	#1389
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,325 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Cracked me up Actually yesterday. I was getting a hair cut when the song What Is Love by Hiddaway came on and I wanted to jump up grab the stylist by the hand and dance. By the end of the song I had worked out a salon dance sequence in my head. Haha! https://youtu.be/HEXWRTEbj1I Just another fun day in my head.

07-04-2016, 02:39 PM	#1390
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,613 Thanked 12,108 Times in 3,757 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My roommate telling me he will spank me if I mess with his newly baked peach cobbler before we leave for the picnic.... I had to chuckle and remind him that he hasn't spanked me since we met, he ain't gonna do it now __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

07-08-2016, 02:08 PM	#1393
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Mom has never bought a boston butt, they went on sale yesterday. So she text me a bit ago telling me she just got home from the grocery store. She didn't get a boston butt because they were all 19-21 pounds. She could hardly pick it up and didn't think it would fit in her crock pot. A 20 POUND BOSTON BUTT.......REALLY? I said Mom that was not a butt! They don't come that big. They are normally 7 to 10 pounds. A 20 pound butt would have had to come off of a cow. SMH yeah Ima get her one when I go get mine. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

06-30-2016, 07:21 AM	#1383
A. Spectre Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch dominant lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She, Baby Boi Relationship Status: She is my sunrise and sunset. Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: North Shore Chicago Posts: 1,523 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,737 Thanked 10,783 Times in 1,440 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	*Practice makes perfect. laughing My heart grew 2 sizes.**

07-01-2016, 11:29 PM	#1388
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,262 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	the cat finally got fed up and tried to hump the dog...i suspect that may be the end of it.

07-04-2016, 03:54 PM	#1391
JRM Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Not looking Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Ohio Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 40 Thanked 386 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 5899364	My best friends 3 yr old grand daughter... She got out of the pool came over and sat down in my lap was just talking up a storm.. She looks at me says your hot... We busted out laughing and said what did you say she turned and looked at me said your hot .. Me and her grand mother was rolling I said where in the hell did she learn that shit from... The shit that comes out of kids mouths.😂😂😂

07-08-2016, 11:38 AM	#1392
Talon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Divine Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: . Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: . Posts: 4,921 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,246 Thanked 10,230 Times in 3,305 Posts Rep Power: 21474853

07-09-2016, 01:05 PM	#1394
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,613 Thanked 12,108 Times in 3,757 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My crazy roommate... "That would make me as dizzy as a one legged duck!" __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

07-09-2016, 02:30 PM	#1395
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,375 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,731 Thanked 14,159 Times in 3,019 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	We have reached the point of summer vacation that my daughter is correcting the grammar on the info packet she got from a theater gig she starts on Monday, and when I flip her off she just gives me the tally of how many times I've done so for the day.

07-09-2016, 04:58 PM	#1396
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Mom did. We have done nothing but laugh for the last four hours __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

07-11-2016, 10:37 AM	#1397
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	While trying to scrub the goo from elastic joint tape from my knee, my phone rings. It's Mom, she is hysterical and out of breath. Huffing and puffing she says. "I am in heart attack mode, there is a snake in my house." all in the same breath. I have to laugh here, because I remember showing a picture of a huge snake that got in my house a few yrs ago to my Aunt and she said if I ever see a snake like that in my house he can have it I'm moving out. ROFL So anyway went to Mom's never found the snake and came home. I'm sure she will be calling me back. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

07-11-2016, 12:04 PM	#1398
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,262 Times in 4,345 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Me. Happens often. __________________ ______________________________ ______________________________

07-12-2016, 12:15 PM	#1399
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: ☀️☀️☀️ Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 14,779 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 28,405 Thanked 39,546 Times in 10,211 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	Ok, so I stopped for gas this morning. I pulled up to the pump that was in the shade. Got out of the car, headed to the pump, unlatching my cap. I sorted slipped, but not falling down, I had my car to hold onto. I then realized I had stopped right where a spill of some kind happened. Slimy, slick surface. As I pumped the gas, I wiped my shoes off, on the island thingy that the pump is set on. Ok, finished with the gas up. Now to get in my car without stepping in it again. Open door, stretch leg into car. I found myself in the splits position, and busted up laughing. Of course I'm facing the busy road. It was hard to get in the car with your other foot about 3 feet away from the door. I so cracked up...who does this? __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

07-24-2016, 10:22 PM	#1400
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now Posts: 7,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,877 Thanked 27,395 Times in 6,872 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	My kid... I bought some dates and offered her one. I had no idea she never tried them before. She looked at them and said, "oh my God...mom..put those down. Don't even eat them!!" It never occurred to me how bad dates look when you're unaware of how good they taste. I don't think I will be convincing her to try them any time soon. More for me! __________________