Street Harrassment

[mustangjeano]

Wow, these stories are sad and horrifying. I have had more than a few dirty looks and comments but nothing phisically threatening. One time I walked into a women's bathroom and two strait women looked at me and said "you are in the wrong bathroom--it was embarassing. Another time I was approaching the entrance to a gay bar and a car full of young guys yelled "faggot" . I laughed at them and yelled back "Your sister loves it"

[~ocean]

lol good comeback .. but u got lucky my friend !

[deedarino]

I keep coming back to this thread and it keeps breaking my heart. This is a reminder of how dark and mean people can be.

As a gay person, and femme, most of my experience with gay harrassment has been when I was with someone; glares, whispers, a few words here and there, once a man followed us pounding one hand into the other...this was the only time I was scared. Overall, my life as a woman prepared me for this kind of thing and by now, I am pretty tough.

As a woman though, I have been a sex object since I can remember...this became especially apparent when I "blossomed" around the age of 10. From then on, I could never escape the looks, stares, comments, brushes, innuendos, and intrusions into my space. I was never comfortable with my sexuality and did many things to hide from this "power" I didn't want or know how to deal with. I tried to hide with clothes and when that didn't work, I tried to hide with other things. Some didn't work, only made things worse, some did work, too well.

Once I was standing outside a bar, waiting for my ride who had just went around the corner to get the car. A man came up to me to ask for directions, I tried to give him what he wanted. Actually that wasn't what he wanted at all as it turns out. I always thought I was so strong but this night I realized how vulnerable I was. The man dragged me toward the alley, I am pretty sure that my screaming and kicking should have been enough to let him know I wasn't interested but he insisted. It's amazing how you can disconnect in times like these when you know it is done, there is nothing you can do.

In that instant, my friend finally pulled up in the car and saw me...if he would have been even one minute later.

I have become strong enough to know it is ok to tell someone to fuck off...there was a time though, when good girls don't do things like that...I'm not a good girl anymore.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by mariamma

That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

Originally Posted by ~ocean

This compnay hired manily italian ppl ..

Mariamma was taken to task and corrected her post and I appreciate and thank her for that, but can we all just leave the specific nationalities out of our stories?

It boils down to people. People who threaten us and are threatened by us, for whatever their personal reasons are. Why do we have to point out that this guy was this and that woman was that? What does it add to our story and what does it say about us?

[Ebon]

I've been called a faggot quite a few times but thats it.

[JoSchmooze]

As most of you who know me from this site, I served 10 years in the Army, in the medical field. But this was back in the day when it wasn't even "don't ask, don't tell". I had already been through several "witch hunts" where the Army brass investigated service people for being gay or lesbian. We always said to each other that it they "saw" us in a gay or lesbian bar, then they would also have to explain why they were there.

I was stationed at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington D.C. for almost 2 years. There were all kinds of gay and lesbian bars at the time in downtown D.C. One particuliar bar was close to the Marine Corps Barracks, but we thought nothing of going there, as long as we went with at least one other person if not a group. On one Saturday night, close to closing time, a group of us walked out and were ready to cross the street to our vehicles when we heard a group of guys behind us yelling at us "fucking dykes" and "you just need a real man" (a couple of the women with us with definitely femmes) and things of that nature.

I turned to see what was going on as the rest of our group kept walking. They were obviously Marines and obviously drunk. I tried to defuse the situation by calling out the Marine "ooooo-rah" and "Siemper Fi", but they advanced and flanked me (probably about 5-6 guys) as if they were on the battlefield. The taunting continued with slaps on my arms and shoulders and pushing me back and forth between them, and punching at my abdomen. In what seemed like forever, one finally balled up a fist and smacked me in the face, breaking my nose. The blood gushed down my face and my hands instantly when to my face. One of the guys got this horrified look on his face and started yelling at his buddies to stop.

The other thing that some here do not know is that I served 13 months in Vietnam - as a medic on med evac choppers. I was one of the few female medics who would actually go into hot landing zones to pick up wounded soldiers and thsoe who had not made it.

As I was backing away from the group of Marines, I came back with the witty retort " Fuck all of y'all.....you just beat up someone who one day might have saved your life." The rest of the group had safely made their way across the street to the vehicles. One of them ended up taking me to Walter Reed where I lied through my teeth, telling the ER personnel that I had tripped on a curb and had done a face plant.

Does it end now? No, but it is a bit more subtle....In airports and some resturants I am called "sir" all the time, but when I walk into the ladies' room I am met with the "deer in the headlights" look. Once, a much older woman walked in while I was washing my hands. She looked back at the sign on the door and then at me....As I walked past her out the door I told her...."don't worry, grandma,I got a virginia just liike you".....

[Scorp]

Jo, I'm reading your post and feeling awful at a lot of things you were subjected to. But, I have to say, I'm laughing at (the "grandma" tongue lashing you gave). Good for you!!!

Thanks for sharing all of the story, and I'm sorry you were subjected to such hate and glad you're here with us today to share not only your presence, but your story.

Much love to you brotha,

-S-

Originally Posted by JoSchmooze

but when I walk into the ladies' room I am met with the "deer in the headlights" look. Once, a much older woman walked in while I was washing my hands. She looked back at the sign on the door and then at me....As I walked past her out the door I told her...."don't worry, grandma,I got a virginia just liike you".....

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

Wow, these stories are sad and horrifying. I have had more than a few dirty looks and comments but nothing phisically threatening. One time I walked into a women's bathroom and two strait women looked at me and said "you are in the wrong bathroom--it was embarassing. Another time I was approaching the entrance to a gay bar and a car full of young guys yelled "faggot" . I laughed at them and yelled back "Your sister loves it"

This reminded me of a time a lover and I were sitting on the steps outside a gay bar in the Flats (an area in Cleveland). A car of boys went by yelling, "Faggot."

She and I both turned around but no one was behind us. They came back around and did it again.

I yelled, "NO, DYKE"

The look on their faces was priceless.

For some reason, they did not come back.

[iamkeri1]

These stories sicken me. So much progress has been made in my lifetime, yet the personal danger remains even despite this progress. When one supposedly "human" being decides that the life of a queer person is offensive to them in one way or another, and that it is OK to threaten and/or harm this queer person.

On one hand I want to apologize to you all over and over and over for these horrible things that have been done to you. On the other hand, I would like to wrap my arms around you all, pat your heads and hands and comfort you.

The beauty of queerfolk is so strong in my heart that I am shocked each and every time someone chooses to see other than that beauty.

Smooches,
Keri

[AtLast]

Yes. Sexual assault, two physical attacks and many incidences of verbal harrassment- based upon both being a woman and queer.

[Christy51274]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yes to harrassment.

Because I'm female, with female bits.

And one tme, because I was at a gay club.

@Gemme: Would you care to elaborate?

[starryeyes]

Was harassed a few days ago on my birthday Justin and I were at our favorite sushi restaurant, hugging and kissing and doing what we do ( but not over the top). These people came to sit next in the next booth, and proceeded to argue about who wold sit facing us and have to "look at that". Then, the poor unfortunate bitch who had to (poor thing), gave me disgusting looks the whole time. When we were done, I stood up and walked to their table and said " I hope someday you will open your minds and have a little bit of fucking class". They looked at me like " omg how dare you what are you talking about!?". I really wish I did not use foul language in my confrontation, but I was so heated up. But, at the same time, I wish I said more and really lashed out.. Lol. Ugh. Stupid ignorant people.

[Breathless]

Back in the day, chokes me up even to think about it now. I was at a meet the teacher night with my two kids. It was held in the school gym, a dinner put on by the teachers, and i swear every single person in town was in attendance. My son was about 7 and my daughter 4. Big round tables, barely any seating left, the place was full. A couple with their 3 children were standing against the wall with no where to sit. When my husband and I were together, we were kind of a best friends couple. I hung out with D the wife, all the time, we would watch each others kids, take shopping trips together, just basically hung out 4 out of 7 days a week. She was one of my closest friends. My husband and her husband M worked together, and had been friends since kids. I had not talked to her since the day before I left my husband, I didnt know what to say. Anyway.. I had left the table I was sitting at to go and grab a coffee refill from one of the banquet tables with my daughter, my son had stayed at the table to watch the program being put on by the teachers. When I returned to the table D and M and their children were sitting at the table I was at. I thought, here is my chance to break the ice, so I said hi! nice to see you guys here, with a big smile on my face. D stood looked me right in the eye and said.. your kind of people disgust me! The chatter in the entire gym was instantly silent. D then said, you are going to burn in hell. My little daughter tugging on my arm say mommy what kind of people? I whispered to my daughter, happy people honey.. and sat back down. D and M took their children from our table like i had a plague or something, everyone was staring.. I wanted to much to run from the gym, I can still feel the heat of the red of embarrassment that my face must have glowed with. The silence continued. Fake smiling, I had just wished it would have stopped. I moved to a bigger city with my children about a month later.

[Deborah]

Yes I have and it's always been when I was with a partner (due to my looks that is the only indicator that I'm queer)....

It could range from Stares, Glares, saying voyeur type stuff, to smirks of icky thoughts...or on more than one occasion waiting till I was away from partner (like walking at flea market etc) and saying something about being with a 'real man' of which I would reply "really do you know one....cause a 'real man' wouldnt walk up to me and say something so ignorant"

I know it could be a lot worse and has been for some people...which makes me sick and angry!

[starryeyes]

Lisa and I were driving to San Fran last weekend, and pulled off at a gas station somewhere in the middle of nowhere at like midnight. There was a car full of guys next to us, and when I got out there were all staring at me and being gross. Lisa got out and walked over to me, taking me hand and walked me into the store. All of the sudden, these guys laid on the horn.. and started yelling. I was SO scared. We went into the store and I had all these visions of them spitting on our car, doing something to the car, or waiting for us until we came out again. It didn't seem to phase Lisa though, she was just like whatever... stupid idiots. Fortunately they left, but that will definitely stick with me for a long time.

[Soft*Silver]

yes, yes I have. By other dykes.

I was much more overweight than I ever was at the time. I was walking into a lesbian bar and some dykes that were in the patio started calling out names to me. I was appalled and embarassed, and felt betrayed because my own kind were turning against me.

however, my good friend had come in with me and she was a knock out of a busty blonde who turned up the heat anywhere she went. she grabbed my face and planted a huge tongue kiss on me!

They were floored...they assumed i had a hot gf, even tho I was fat.

I was floored, one because my friend had kissed me, and two, OMG she was a femme and i was so not into femmes then! LOL

Not all lesbians are "in tune" or politically correct. Some are just assholes. And picking on the fat femme was fun for their drunken selves...

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Breathless

Back in the day, chokes me up even to think about it now. I was at a meet the teacher night with my two kids. It was held in the school gym, a dinner put on by the teachers, and i swear every single person in town was in attendance. My son was about 7 and my daughter 4. Big round tables, barely any seating left, the place was full. A couple with their 3 children were standing against the wall with no where to sit. When my husband and I were together, we were kind of a best friends couple. I hung out with D the wife, all the time, we would watch each others kids, take shopping trips together, just basically hung out 4 out of 7 days a week. She was one of my closest friends. My husband and her husband M worked together, and had been friends since kids. I had not talked to her since the day before I left my husband, I didnt know what to say. Anyway.. I had left the table I was sitting at to go and grab a coffee refill from one of the banquet tables with my daughter, my son had stayed at the table to watch the program being put on by the teachers. When I returned to the table D and M and their children were sitting at the table I was at. I thought, here is my chance to break the ice, so I said hi! nice to see you guys here, with a big smile on my face. D stood looked me right in the eye and said.. your kind of people disgust me! The chatter in the entire gym was instantly silent. D then said, you are going to burn in hell. My little daughter tugging on my arm say mommy what kind of people? I whispered to my daughter, happy people honey.. and sat back down. D and M took their children from our table like i had a plague or something, everyone was staring.. I wanted to much to run from the gym, I can still feel the heat of the red of embarrassment that my face must have glowed with. The silence continued. Fake smiling, I had just wished it would have stopped. I moved to a bigger city with my children about a month later.

Ok, so your son was sitting at the table, so obviously they knew that you were also at the table. What were they waiting for, to confront you?

There is a fantastic article out there that everyone should read. It's called 'I'm Christian unless you are gay'. There are a whole bunch of responses to it as well.