Street Harrassment

[Nat]

this is just one definition I found - from stopstreetharrassment.org:

Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender. In countries like India and Bangladesh, it’s termed “eve teasing,” and in countries like Egypt, it’s called “public sexual harassment.” Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.

Types: It ranges from leers, whistles, honks, kissing noises, and non-sexually explicit evaluative comments, to more insulting and threatening behavior like vulgar gestures, sexually charged comments, flashing, and stalking, to illegal actions like public masturbation, sexual touching, assault, and murder.

Gender-based street harassment can intersect with racism, homophobia and transphobia, classism, and/or ableism (as explored in Chapter 3 of the Stop Street Harassment book) to create multi-layered harassment.

Age: Street harassment often begins around puberty. In a 2008 study of 811 women conducted by Stop Street Harassment, almost 1 in 4 women had experienced street harassment by age 12 (7th grade) and nearly 90% by age 19. While street harassment is most frequent for teenagers and women in their 20s, the chance of it happening never goes away and women in their 80s have shared stories.

[deedarino]

Originally Posted by Nat

this is just one definition I found - from stopstreetharrassment.org:

Street harassment is any action or comment between strangers in public places that is disrespectful, unwelcome, threatening and/or harassing and is motivated by gender. In countries like India and Bangladesh, it’s termed “eve teasing,” and in countries like Egypt, it’s called “public sexual harassment.” Street harassment is a human rights issue because it limits women’s ability to be in public as often or as comfortably as most men.

Types: It ranges from leers, whistles, honks, kissing noises, and non-sexually explicit evaluative comments, to more insulting and threatening behavior like vulgar gestures, sexually charged comments, flashing, and stalking, to illegal actions like public masturbation, sexual touching, assault, and murder.

Gender-based street harassment can intersect with racism, homophobia and transphobia, classism, and/or ableism (as explored in Chapter 3 of the Stop Street Harassment book) to create multi-layered harassment.

Age: Street harassment often begins around puberty. In a 2008 study of 811 women conducted by Stop Street Harassment, almost 1 in 4 women had experienced street harassment by age 12 (7th grade) and nearly 90% by age 19. While street harassment is most frequent for teenagers and women in their 20s, the chance of it happening never goes away and women in their 80s have shared stories.

Yes to most of the above.

[Bad_boi]

I have been harassed but not for being trans so I voted no.

[Parker]

Originally Posted by WomenMoveMe

As they held me down, he talked of killing me, of teaching me a lesson, I was told I would be left without a hair on my head. It seems if I were going to act like a man, it was their intent to have me look like one. At least that is what they proclaimed as tufts of my hair surrounded me on the pavement beneath my forced resting place.

Wow. This* was powerful. Thank you for sharing it.




*the whole story, not just this paragraph - I just quoted the opening paragraph as a space-saver for my post.

[mariamma]

StarryEyes,
I may be reading too much into what you wrote but I think she wanted your date. Yeah, she probably hated you and was really projecting that hate. And it might have something to do with your sexuality. But it might have to do with her sexuality as well.

Originally Posted by starryeyes

If this is about harassment about being gay, then yes but only one incident I can remember. I was at a restaurant on a date, sitting at the bar just talking. I noticed a woman continually staring at me, but just ignored her. After we were done, my date left and I got in the car and started driving. I felt someone staring at me, and looked over and the same woman from the restaurant was yelling at me in her car. She kept level with me and looked so evil. This was the first time in my life that I felt hated. I will never forget that.

Other than that, stares and such but nothing ever comparable to that, thank goodness!

[mariamma]

WomenMoveMe, what a horrible and powerful story. Butch women get the brunt of the abuse for not being 'feminine' and effeminate men for not being masculine. It's horrid and ugly.

[mariamma]

I used to make out with my GF in her car. I was 18, she was 26, I was attending Humboldt State in Nor Cali. One hot and heavy night, I kept hearing someone shouting something. After a while I realized it was some jocky lil shit yelling "DYKE!" We ignored him. A few nights later, he threw a tennis ball at my GF's car. I looked up and saw that he had about 4 guys with him. They tried to hide in the shadows when I got out.
I reported the harassment, he got a reprimand. A while later, there was an incident with a stranger asleep in my dorm room. Apparently, he was drunk, walked onto the campus and yelled out "Who's the finest chick on campus!" His idea was to seduce the finest chick on campus. Someone...I wonder whom...told him I was and sent him to my room. Mind you, I was not known as the finest chick but as a lesbian who was friendly with the hippies and scorned the jocky lil shits. Everyone heard about that story. I pointed the lil shit out to all who would listen. He didn't come back the next semester though I don't know why.
That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

[aishah]

i have not been harassed a lot for being queer, but i have been for being a woman. the street harassment was especially bad when i was in undergrad at florida state...i'm not sure why (i've never been thin or cute, and it absolutely had nothing to do with what i was wearing - i dressed very modestly even before i became muslim). it was practically a daily thing, probably exacerbated by the fact that i've always walked and taken the bus so i've been more exposed i guess. it really got to me. when i first converted to islam and began covering, it nearly stopped - the only difference in what i wore was that i covered my hair, which marked me as religious. i did get harassed by strangers and the police a few times for being muslim but it was much less often. since i stopped wearing hijab recently i've gotten catcalls a few times but nothing on the level of the daily sexual harassment i used to deal with (i live near the university of kansas now, so i wonder if it's a geographical thing).

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by always2late

I voted in the poll...but after doing so, I began to think about it and I realized that I read the word "harassment" and interpreted it to mean anti-gay harassment. I am not sure if that was the correct interpretation. If the question is have I ever been harassed because of my sexual orientation...then the answer is no. However, if the poll is covering other forms of harassment...then yes, I have been harassed since I was 11 years old. I developed very early and, at 11, wore the same bra size that I do now. When I think back on it...it was pretty damn disgusting, because I was OBVIOUSLY not an adult, except for one anatomical characteristic, and the attention I received, particularly from older biological men, was downright disturbing!

Me too. And I've experienced it recently as well. It's really annoying and completely inappropriate. I have to wonder at the home training of some people. Now I will fire back, "Did your mother raise you to speak that way to a woman?" Shuts most of them down.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by mariamma

Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not.

I thought that your statement was just about your racism but then I googled and did indeed see Latin men in grocery stores--Look at this one, near the mangos!




That smile surely means he's groped someone in canned goods!

[Melissa]

Phew when I started thinking about it there have been multiple incidents from the general breast staring to being out right asked my bra size to having breasts "accidently" touched or brushed against. I also have found that men will be very inappropriate to waitresses. Some of the worse comments came when I worked as a waitress in a restaurant and also when I worked in a casino. Men seem to think that they have total freedom to make all sorts of comments.

During a street demo for gay rights a woman pulled up in her truck and told us we were all going to hell (she had a probably six or seven year old little girl in the truck with her). I have also been yelled at when entering a gay club from passersby on the street. I have been refused service in restaurants, too. I have also been verbally and physically attacked by family members. urgh. I don't really want to think about it.

I found it all humilitating, disgusting, and ugly. The highest number of incidences are based on my female gender but the most scary and hurtful were based on being gay.

Melissa

[FishIV]

I took the poll to ask about harrassment related to gay bashing.

The answer is yes.......over and over again.

I have been beaten up many times, mostly by police officers (men and women). Also by straight men. The beatings are not just black eyes or scratches, but many broken bones, a gun to my head, dragged down the street and other such incidents.

I am strong and a survivor. The hardest part for me is seeing what it does to my family. They are afraid for me, and when incidents happen....they are consumed.

I do not like that who I am causes them so much worry, stress and sadness.

FishIV

[socialjustice_fsu]

In some ways I am reluctant posting here after reading the horrendous experiences some of you have been through. I have vacillated between anger and tears as I have reread these posts here.

The reason for the reluctance...my experiences have not even come close to some of what has been described. However, I wanted to share how my encounter with my first street harrassment happened. It will be commited to memory for life. I have never been much of a bar girl. Never drank much and would not know the correct way to hold a pool stick if my life depended on it. But I was a tough, young, feminist woman. I decided to stop by the only women's bar in town and just 'be.' It was the first time I had gotten up the nerve to go in there solo. Once I got a place at the bar - even over the music - you could hear the cars speeding by and hatred being verbally hurled toward the bar. I was taken aback by the so open way of this hatred...I danced some, yes, got some phone numbers, gave out my number, etc. When I walked to my car (I was driving a Triumph convertible and yes the top was down) someone had thrown maggot infested, gross, nasty garbage all over the interior of my car. I felt like I had stepped into a syfy scene. I went inside and told them what had happened. All of the butches jumped up to come out and help me clean this mess out. As one masculine woman leaned over the driver's side she looked up at me, stood up, and with her steely blue eyes locked on mine and both of her hands firmly on my shoulders she said, "Tamara, they thought you were one of us, a butch. We go through things like this almost daily just to be who we are." I will never forget that moment in time. I cried for hours.

To read these experiences (WMM, FishIV and all) it makes my heart hurt.
And to think we had hoped to be a kinder, gentler nation.

[Rockinonahigh]

I have had varing degrees of some kind of harrasment or the other over the years,some as little as looks that could stop a clock to down right hate filled comments.Once I went into a store by my house to get ciggies when I smoked.That night I was going to a party adn was dressed in leather pants and jacket with a sequined(sp)tux shirt,any way I went int o get my ciggies and theire was a line at the counter..I took my place in line to pay for them.It was like the parting of the red sea as everyone steped back then the guy at the counter told me how much they were,I paid for the ciggies and left
so as I left some guy said f-in bitch..I must have felt mighty shure of myself caouse I turned to him and said..Dont you ever forget it either!I then went to my car,camly lit up,then drove off.Next time I went in for anything I got an appologie from the owner for the comment made,I accepted his appologie and never had another problem from anyone about it.But,I have been turned down for jobs for being a butch,I have been fired forthe same reason after working at the place for over a year with a spotless record and glowing quarterlie reports when a new manager came on bord the buisness.When I have things like this happen I dont rollover and play dead but I know im a bigger person that they are,so I do my best to move on no mater how hard it is..Recantlya s tonight I had to deal with a bathroom issue at the pool hall,I walked into the room and went into a stall,the two 20 something kids snickered and one said to the other ..I wonder if she stands to pee?About that time one of my cronnies came in and herd the comment,she told them to growup and act like they had some sence and not plain hateful and stupid..needless to say they left quickly.

[Jess]

Originally Posted by mariamma

I used to make out with my GF in her car. I was 18, she was 26, I was attending Humboldt State in Nor Cali. One hot and heavy night, I kept hearing someone shouting something. After a while I realized it was some jocky lil shit yelling "DYKE!" We ignored him. A few nights later, he threw a tennis ball at my GF's car. I looked up and saw that he had about 4 guys with him. They tried to hide in the shadows when I got out.
I reported the harassment, he got a reprimand. A while later, there was an incident with a stranger asleep in my dorm room. Apparently, he was drunk, walked onto the campus and yelled out "Who's the finest chick on campus!" His idea was to seduce the finest chick on campus. Someone...I wonder whom...told him I was and sent him to my room. Mind you, I was not known as the finest chick but as a lesbian who was friendly with the hippies and scorned the jocky lil shits. Everyone heard about that story. I pointed the lil shit out to all who would listen. He didn't come back the next semester though I don't know why.
That was the only lesbian related harassment. Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

CRAIG!!!! You go girl! Big hugs... if I am ever out your way, you owe me a dance

[Parker]

I have been very lucky that I have been in very few physical altercations in my lifetime - I remember a straight guy hanging out in the local dyke dive bar in Fresno picked a fight with me on Halloween night sometime in the mid-90's.

It seemed odd to me that someone who hated dykes would be in a bar filled with them and then pick a fight with one, but he was drunk, got pissed, we had words, and then he grabbed me by the shirt and slammed me down on the pool table (this was when I was very thin - like 135lbs).

Before he could actually hit me, several of my friends started grabbing him, jumping on him, etc, so I just stood up, wrapped him up in a bear hug, picked him up, carried him out the door, and tossed his ass on the sidewalk outside. I was offered the job of bouncer that night. lol

But, like I said, I have been very lucky in that area. I know it and I am thankful for it - especially after reading and hearing some stories others have gone through.

So, I guess my worst incident of harassment came when I was living in Tulsa, OK back in the early 2000's. I played football with a women's contact team down there and we were at a local park holding practice when I heard a bunch of popping sounds. Since it was so close to the 4th of July, I assumed it was early fireworks until someone yelled, "hey - isnt that your car?!"

I looked over to the packed parking lot (I say that bc he chose my car out of dozens - bc mine was the one with gay stickers all over it) and saw a dude with a sledgehammer just fucking whaling on my little car. I mean, he beat the hell out of it - roof, hood, all the windows, etc.

When we all finally realized what was going on, we chased his ass and he took off in (what we later found out was) daddy's car - complete with Christian stickers on the back - while laughing and flipping us off.

One of my team mates was a cop so she immediately called it in and we had like 6-10 witnesses just from our team who saw him, his car, his plates, etc. But nothing ever came of it. The cops said they didnt have enough to pull him in for a line-up and he refused to have his picture taken for a photo line-up.

It all sounded like good ol' boy bullshit to me, but what're you gonna do, right?

The local gay rag did an article on it and took a pic of me with my car - it's posted below. It says Deborah Barnett because that's my birth name - I didnt change my name (legally or otherwise) until 2007, when I finally decided it was "ok" to change my name just because I wanted a name other than the one my parents gave me.





Oh god this pic .... this is the weight I would love to get back down to - I was about 200lbs or so here vs the 265lbs or so I am now.

[StoneOne]

I have no words ..........
I do however feel many things mostly Dark about what happened to U and I am trying to shake them as not to sink to the level of your attackers........ I am very Sorry this happened ......... My hopes are one day we arrive at the Higher Power makes no mistakes and she made you and I

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by mariamma

Many other issues. Usually they involve being followed by Latin men in grocery stores and what not. I find looking them in the eye with my patented Mom-look-of-death-and-nut-shriveling and ask, "What do you want from me?" leaves them speechless and they go away. Except a few, they all usually lower their eyes and walk away.

I am not sure how to take this. May I ask what exactly you meant by that statement?

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by WomenMoveMe

He brought the knife close to my face. I looked into his eyes. If he were going to kill me, he was going to remember me. I remember thinking how important that was for me for some reason. I wanted to try to make him know me before he ended me. I became obsessed with this thought and it almost made me laugh aloud.

WMW, I'm so saddened by your story. I have chosen this particular part to quote because it resonates within me, for some time I wondered if anyone could understand it.

I recall being knocked to the ground and catching myself by my hands. One of the two had grabbed me from behind unexpectedly and threw me down. I remember getting upset because I landed on the side of the street which was covered in gravel. Resulting in small rocks cutting the palms of my hands and cutting through my jeans. I quickly got back on my feet and turned around to face my assaulter and attempt to figure out what the hell was going on.

I remember seeing two of them as I turned, I couldn't see their faces because it was late at night and the street chase had led us to a dead end. I was more worried about the friend getting dragged out of the car and laying on the ground with three females pounding on her. Yet before I could even register the situation one of their fists landed right in my face. It lit a fire inside me; rage fueled by anger, frustration and hurt. The adrenaline pulsed through me and I began to throw punches. I recall the onslaught of fists hitting my face but at that moment I could not register the pain. All I heard were the taunts.

"Want to be a man? We'll show you."
"Fight like a man if you want to be one."
"You fucking dyke."

It was repetitive, then again, I cant imagine people like that having much more to say. But I do remember the feeling of humiliation, how dare these strangers do this? Not knowing me, let alone having any reason to do this. I threw harder punches and did everything in my power to stand strong. I would not allow them to put me down, I couldn't - I just couldn't. We boxed, punch after punch. One swung, the next swung and I would come back and swing.

I'm not sure how long that went on for but by the time they all ran back to their vehicle I remember going back to ours. The friend who had gotten dragged out managed toclimb back into the passenger seat. I jumped into the backseat, locked my door only to turn around and find my friend's little.brother beside me crying. His lip had been cut open and blood was spilling out of his mouth. Apparently another male had opened the backdoor and punched him in the mouth so hard that his braces cut right through his lip.

I remember blocking out his sobs and the commotion in the car to simply tell the driver to get us out of there, now. As she pulled out of the dead end, my adrenaline slipped out of my system and the pain hit me like a wall. But the physical pain was secondary. The absolute worse damage had been done to my pride, my self-esteem and my Psyche.

I remained silent the rest of the trip, not saying a word. I snuck into my house as quiet as possible. Went into the bathroom and washed my face carefully. I laid on my bed and tried to fight the tears yet failed. Staring up at the ceiling I cried silently until I fell into a deep sleep.

The next day I had to face the day. I walked out of my room yo face my parents, who took one look at me and were left speechless. The look of horror and concern is forever burned into my mind. I walked into the restroom to face myself in the mirror. The entire right side of my face was simply one huge bruise, along with half my mouth swollen to three times its size. I could not open my right eye at all because it was swollen shut, completely. The left eyebrow was now scabbed over. I felt so much anger, and shame, overcome me. Like a tidal wave washing over me, as I struggled to find air. I contacted my job and took a week leave. I couldn't face the world.

That has been the worst, physical harassment I have encountered. The stares, the whispers and random insults are part of my everyday encounters.

Do I face harassment? Everyday of my life.

But not once will I allow it to silence me again of bring me shame.

[~ocean]

when i was very young i was working at a clothing mfg'ing company. I soon became the compnay expediter. part of my job was to go to every foreman and push certain orders threw the production line. I have always been a friendly person and i didnt run around screaming it nor did i look like i was gay. This compnay hired manily italian ppl .. one year i was w. my g.f i just started dating , a tall handsome black butch, one night we both went into Bostons st, anthony feast. I had seen many of my co workers
but i stayed to myself. That next monday morning in work the men in the pressing room began yelling slurs at me about being a nigger lover etc, ( no offense ) wich fllowed later on that week w. spitting in my hair and ob my back. then my boss. got a letter someone sent using letters from a magazine saying i was a lesbian. then graffiti at the apartment i was living at. all over teh sidewalks and porches. of course i became scared,being a small femme i felt vulnerable.i went to my boss to help me,then one night, on my last visit to teh pressing room, for orders to be shipped, 6 men cornered me onteh steps, they grabbed eachothers wrists so i couldnt get passed ,, they were saying all kinds of dirty things @ me, and spitting ,, they started to close in ,, i had nowhere to run, then i heard the elevator door open ,, i screamed, and on of the foreman came into teh stairwell and seen what they were doing to me, he broke up the men ,, and they threaten to rape me, i quitt that night and moved, the next week it being the first, my boss called me up pleading to go back to work there , he said i suspended afew w orkers, that were responsibale forthat treatment ,, i declined knowing ,, it would have never been safe, I still to this day wont go where there r men who gather.