How did you know?

[Ursy]

I'm femme... and I love it! I don't care much for make up and heels for the most part, but I guess how I describe it is a "feminine energy".

Which is not to say that I don't love make up and heels, it's just that I usually can't really be bothered with them. Just like I was never really into dolls or the other traditionally girly stuff. But ask my partner, and he'll say I'm femme through and through - even if I am more handy with a toolbox than he is (in some ways)!

I guess I think of labels as useful descriptors. They describe an aspect of me, but it's not the whole of me. And in my book, they are not so rigid as to box me in or define me, and neither should they be.

I believe that a lot of the problem is that people start defining others by their labels and make cages out of them, when really, it should be the other way round. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own meaning of femme, or butch, or trans*, or whatever! Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to identify, as far as I'm concerned.

That's what I think, anyway

[Diva]

I think I'm going to make a label to stick on my arm.....or my ass.... and at the top of it, it's going to say "Nutritional Value".....You know.....like the grocery store....

[Ursy]

Originally Posted by Diva

I think I'm going to make a label to stick on my arm.....or my ass.... and at the top of it, it's going to say "Nutritional Value".....You know.....like the grocery store....

You know, I always thought if I were to get a tattoo, it would be a care label - something like "hand wash only in warm water. Do not tumble dry". Lol!

I don't think I would actually go through with it, but the thought does amuse me...

[Bit]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

My GF is a jeans and tee shirt gal, but considers herself to be femme. She can dress up or down and never wears makeup because she's allergic to most all brands. Those here that know her, know what I mean. I often call her my tweener, but she hates the label,

{{{{{{{{{{{Wolfy}}}}}}}}} IMO, your GF is a Femme from the top of her head to the tips of her toenails, darlin; there's nothing tweener about her or about her energy--no matter what skills and abilities she has. She's a practical Femme who is good with mechanical things like plumbing. Just like "mechanical skills"--or the lack thereof--doesn't define you as a Butch, it doesn't define her as a Femme.... or me, for that matter, lol...

Originally Posted by kassykit

If i wanna be a flannelwearing, truckdriving cowgirl femme! then so be it! just because i like fannels doenst make me butch!

EXACTLY. Now you've got it! And hey, I do wear flannel... not only that, it's a men's flannel quilted shirt. I wear it as a jacket.

Originally Posted by urs

I believe that a lot of the problem is that people start defining others by their labels and make cages out of them, when really, it should be the other way round. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own meaning of femme, or butch, or trans*, or whatever! Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to identify, as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, yes, yes, Urs, yes! The labels ARE expandable, stretchable, customizable, but only if we choose them for ourselves.

[kassykit]

Ohhh does this mean i can have one that says warning i bite if provoked?

Originally Posted by Diva

I think I'm going to make a label to stick on my arm.....or my ass.... and at the top of it, it's going to say "Nutritional Value".....You know.....like the grocery store....

[kassykit]

Labels to some people are comfort things. i feel femme, therefore i am, however someone who doesn't know me might think something else, hell if i know, i'm so exhausted from working that i have two black eyes! or at east i feel like i do!

Originally Posted by urs

I'm femme... and I love it! I don't care much for make up and heels for the most part, but I guess how I describe it is a "feminine energy".

Which is not to say that I don't love make up and heels, it's just that I usually can't really be bothered with them. Just like I was never really into dolls or the other traditionally girly stuff. But ask my partner, and he'll say I'm femme through and through - even if I am more handy with a toolbox than he is (in some ways)!

I guess I think of labels as useful descriptors. They describe an aspect of me, but it's not the whole of me. And in my book, they are not so rigid as to box me in or define me, and neither should they be.

I believe that a lot of the problem is that people start defining others by their labels and make cages out of them, when really, it should be the other way round. Everyone should have the freedom to define their own meaning of femme, or butch, or trans*, or whatever! Nobody has the right to tell anyone else how to identify, as far as I'm concerned.

That's what I think, anyway

[kassykit]

I would like to say a thank you to everyone who has posted here sofar

sometimes i feel a bit confused and am always looking for others views on things.

and thank you all for keeping it nice!

the more views the better!




now its time for choccie and then bed!

[Kosmo]

Originally Posted by kassykit

Ohhh does this mean i can have one that says warning i bite if provoked?

Um, you do now

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by kassykit

WOnder if people would get pissy if when asked i just say i'm a Mishy (my r/t nickname btw :P )

Guess i kind of just want to find where i fit..........but perhaps i should stop looking for where i fit, and make me a spot! ahh that is easier said then done...

Originally Posted by kassykit

I am deffinately trying to do this! I like to know other peoples POV's cuz it opens to my mind! new roads and ways of thought!!


If i wanna be a flannelwearing, truckdriving cowgirl femme! then so be it! just because i like fannels doenst make me butch!

correct??

**disclaimer, there is nothing wrong with being butch, i just ain't

I think you being you is the way to go!

I do ID as Femme, seriously though, the only time it really is useful is when you decide to start dating again. It can make it easier to find someone if you can find a concise way of saying how you see yourself/who you are looking for. (ie Cowgirl Femme Top searching for Butch Sub..or whatever....)

I used to drive a big truck for work some back in my 20's, they called me Big-Rig Jenny. Short hair, no make up, Levis, white T shirt, leather jacket, leatherman and huge wrench in my back pocket.

Still Femme.

[KayCee]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I think you being you is the way to go

I used to drive a big truck for work some back in my 20's, they called me Big-Rig Jenny. Short hair, no make up, Levis, white T shirt, leather jacket, leatherman and huge wrench in my back pocket.

Still Femme.

I think it's the different facets a femme can have...either tough...soft...weak or strong...playful or serious...what defines to be a 'true' femme..and to know..when to 'use' which one just in the right moment!

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by kassykit

......sometimes it's hard to just be yourself, or at least it is for me!! which i suppose is why i'm soul searching

am hunting for answers, inside and outside......

thank you for your input

Dearest Mishy, you certainly are not alone.

I won't give my long life story to describe how I relate to you...I won't turn this subject into "all about me"... but I will support you with open arms and a warm understanding heart in your soul searching and hunting for answers....

My story shortened, my childhood was filled with much the same thing and MANY times I hid in the mountains and countryside, arriving home well after dark willing to take the whipping for missing dinner rather than be at home... I am also a Rape Survivor. I came out several years ago and have, until very recently, struggled very much with my femme/lesbian identity and "how do I fit in". One of my accomplishments in life was turning my feelings as a rape victim, into becoming a Survivor (in all senses of the word, and becoming a Domestic Violence Advocate). Being a Survivor (to me) does not allow my abusers or my rapist to re-victimize me or continue to abuse me, in any form...especially my mental/physical health state. I do not intend to down play anyone who is a victim (absolutely no insult intended)...after my abuse, I HAD to see myself as a Survivor, or lose my mind...

My struggle with "am I Femme?", came from not being confident of myself, not having much of a community here or mentors, my lack of knowledge of various identities and dynamics and my misconception that "Femme" meant my outside appearances only ...how I dressed, etc. I have many hobbies that are related to masculine activities/stereotypes (including all things mechanical)... at work, I am very much a "High Power Priss" in my "kick ass femmie clothes and sexy boots" (sometimes even wearing a beautiful corset & thigh highs under my black "stuffy" business suit)... but for the longest time, I questioned "Am I Femme?, what does Femme mean to me?... I'm not Top? I'm not always submissive so I didn't consider myself entirely bottom... am I Butch because I like to fix cars and am very aggressive in the boardroom at work?... etc, etc...does Femme mean just how I dress?"

Very recently I entered into a wonderful, very promising relationship with an AMAZING StoneButch...someone I took my time getting to know and respect. Someone who has gently and patiently guided me and stood beside me during my "identity crisis" and my journey to find what Femme means to me... after reading one of her posts on "the other site" and talking with her more, I suddenly and with much delight realized that I AM FEMME because Femme is what I am inside, not my outside appearances and I am NOT a "confused straight woman" (as I had been accused of being by a heartless person, I pass for straight and to the het world, am an "invisible Femme" because I'm not recognized or accepted as a lesbian or Femme..."they just don't get me".) ... I AM Femme because I am a Survivor and I AM PROUD of Surviving my hardships and PROUD of who I am... I am Femme while in my bluejeans and baseball cap with pony tail looped out the back when I go outside to bust my knuckles on the manifold of my car... I AM a FEISTY Femme as I stand in my boardroom and tell them how it is, my way or the highway... I am Femme when I come home and take my "boss hat" off, kick my boots off and proceed to kiss and greet my partner and turn into a Sweet, Loving, Content, Gentle, Cute, Sexy, Smart, Quiet, Thoughtful, Respectful, Affectionate "Queen of my Kitchen" Femme that my partner adores. I recently joked with my partner... "I'm not Femme Top, I'm not entirely Femme Bottom... can I be Femme Middle?" lol

Hon, be yourself... turn your soul searching into a Journey to find what your identity means to you... in the process and struggle, be careful not to lose "Mishy".

We love, respect and adore you...Mishy... no matter what ID or label you feel comfortable with...

sorry I rambled, it was more than I had intended... but this subject and supporting you is very near and dear to my heart. Look me up any time... Much TLC,
S&C
ID: Queen of my Kitchen

[kassykit]

pace pace pace

must think on this, possibly sleep on this before i reply on your post

Thank you for the time and effort you put into replying, i will reply when i'm not so frazzeled, first week of the quarter is always a cluster****

Originally Posted by Sweet&Content

Dearest Mishy, you certainly are not alone.

I won't give my long life story to describe how I relate to you...I won't turn this subject into "all about me"... but I will support you with open arms and a warm understanding heart in your soul searching and hunting for answers....

My story shortened, my childhood was filled with much the same thing and MANY times I hid in the mountains and countryside, arriving home well after dark willing to take the whipping for missing dinner rather than be at home... I am also a Rape Survivor. I came out several years ago and have, until very recently, struggled very much with my femme/lesbian identity and "how do I fit in". One of my accomplishments in life was turning my feelings as a rape victim, into becoming a Survivor (in all senses of the word, and becoming a Domestic Violence Advocate). Being a Survivor (to me) does not allow my abusers or my rapist to re-victimize me or continue to abuse me, in any form...especially my mental/physical health state. I do not intend to down play anyone who is a victim (absolutely no insult intended)...after my abuse, I HAD to see myself as a Survivor, or lose my mind...

My struggle with "am I Femme?", came from not being confident of myself, not having much of a community here or mentors, my lack of knowledge of various identities and dynamics and my misconception that "Femme" meant my outside appearances only ...how I dressed, etc. I have many hobbies that are related to masculine activities/stereotypes (including all things mechanical)... at work, I am very much a "High Power Priss" in my "kick ass femmie clothes and sexy boots" (sometimes even wearing a beautiful corset & thigh highs under my black "stuffy" business suit)... but for the longest time, I questioned "Am I Femme?, what does Femme mean to me?... I'm not Top? I'm not always submissive so I didn't consider myself entirely bottom... am I Butch because I like to fix cars and am very aggressive in the boardroom at work?... etc, etc...does Femme mean just how I dress?"

Very recently I entered into a wonderful, very promising relationship with an AMAZING StoneButch...someone I took my time getting to know and respect. Someone who has gently and patiently guided me and stood beside me during my "identity crisis" and my journey to find what Femme means to me... after reading one of her posts on "the other site" and talking with her more, I suddenly and with much delight realized that I AM FEMME because Femme is what I am inside, not my outside appearances and I am NOT a "confused straight woman" (as I had been accused of being by a heartless person, I pass for straight and to the het world, am an "invisible Femme" because I'm not recognized or accepted as a lesbian or Femme..."they just don't get me".) ... I AM Femme because I am a Survivor and I AM PROUD of Surviving my hardships and PROUD of who I am... I am Femme while in my bluejeans and baseball cap with pony tail looped out the back when I go outside to bust my knuckles on the manifold of my car... I AM a FEISTY Femme as I stand in my boardroom and tell them how it is, my way or the highway... I am Femme when I come home and take my "boss hat" off, kick my boots off and proceed to kiss and greet my partner and turn into a Sweet, Loving, Content, Gentle, Cute, Sexy, Smart, Quiet, Thoughtful, Respectful, Affectionate "Queen of my Kitchen" Femme that my partner adores. I recently joked with my partner... "I'm not Femme Top, I'm not entirely Femme Bottom... can I be Femme Middle?" lol

Hon, be yourself... turn your soul searching into a Journey to find what your identity means to you... in the process and struggle, be careful not to lose "Mishy".

We love, respect and adore you...Mishy... no matter what ID or label you feel comfortable with...

sorry I rambled, it was more than I had intended... but this subject and supporting you is very near and dear to my heart. Look me up any time... Much TLC,
S&C
ID: Queen of my Kitchen

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by kassykit

pace pace pace

must think on this, possibly sleep on this before i reply on your post

Thank you for the time and effort you put into replying, i will reply when i'm not so frazzeled, first week of the quarter is always a cluster****

You are very welcome...Oh darlin', there's no need to feel pressured to respond...just find a little something today that makes your heart smile and makes you happy...that's response enough. Take care and best wishes.

[kassykit]

No pressure felt!

I just have a whirlwind of thoughts that run through my head, sometimes it takes me a few days to sort them out into a coherant order

Originally Posted by Sweet&Content

You are very welcome...Oh darlin', there's no need to feel pressured to respond...just find a little something today that makes your heart smile and makes you happy...that's response enough. Take care and best wishes.

[Kenna]

Originally Posted by kassykit

No pressure felt!

I just have a whirlwind of thoughts that run through my head, sometimes it takes me a few days to sort them out into a coherant order

LOL, I know the feeling well!! sometimes, even while sleeping, my brain never shuts down!

[kassykit]

and it goes around and around and around and ohh did i mention around?

Originally Posted by Sweet&Content

LOL, I know the feeling well!! sometimes, even while sleeping, my brain never shuts down!

[Princess4u]

Dear Kassy,,
I dont know if this will help you in your quest...but here goes. I came out 21 years ago...and back then...it was the 80's and everything had to be PC and femminisim was big with politics and civil rights...so for lesbians...it met..self identification..individualism and be who you are on the inside...be free...I guess you say it was the 60's all over again..but i dont remember the 60's so I cant say for sure. Search inside yourself for your own identity...to me butch or femme is a way of life...it IS who you are...its a description...you may well describe me as a 41 year old female with green eyes, femme and a person of size. Its a part of me not the other way around. I am not a high femme..although I would love to be..just cant afford it!! But I love girly things..i too am a girly girl. love makeup, dresses, pretty things. I love the way a proper butch touches me. I have never been with a man so I can compare. But I have always preferred butch, and I am not attracted to femmes. Although there are femmes who are attracted to other femmes. I think femmes are beautiful and I am comfortable acknowledging that...but just not sexually attracted to them! I think us femmes are special ppl, and I may get slapped on the hand for this next line, but us femmes are like the flower that the bee (butches) are drawn to for their own reasons...we are out best when we are natural and ourselves....

So dont try to fit a mold darling....just be you!!!! you may feel femme one day...so let that out and shine in that femme desire...and the other day you may feel a little on the butch or soft butch side and let that shine as well....what ever you feel is ok...no need to try and shove yourself into a "mold" Just be you!!!!!!!!!!!! and oh fyi.. jeans are the bomb and they have nothing to do w being femme....or not being a femme.

Hope this helped in some small way!!!

[bright_arrow]

I like makeup, I like nail polish, I love my straightener as much as the next person I live in jeans and sneakers, I only own three dresses, and one pair of dress heels. Some days I feel really femme (like when the eyeliner is on and the cleavage is oh so THERE.. though hard to avoid it being there too, lol..) and days like today where I'm lounging and my hair is pulled back in a style I'd never wear in public, I feel very un-femme.

Beside my butch however I am femme no doubt, even in jeans and sneakers and the hairstyle I wouldn't wear in public.

I am me, I am comfortable, and I know what I like

[kix4funchick]

I don't really like labels either but I do identify as a femme. I love skirts and pretty shirts and wearing pretty dresses when going to formal occasions. I don't like high heels or anything with heels due to the fear of me falling though I do find them to be rather cute. However, I do wear flats because they're just as cute as heels and I feel safer walking in them. The only make up I wear is mascarra and lip gloss do to me being confident about me looking pretty with just those two and not needing eyeshadow and other things. When it's cold I wear pants with sneakers to keep me warm though I do like my sneakers being girly ones. I do get my nails and toenails done though I sometimes do them myself as well. I like my hair looking pretty, and I wear jewelry. I also like to go shopping and I do like pink though my favorite color is yellow. The pretty and bright yellow, not the pale or barf yellow. All in all I'm a pretty feminine person and I feel like a very feminine person. I just prefer nice skirts and pretty tops to dresses and flip flops and flats to heels.

Wow, I just wrote you guys an essay on why I identify as a femme.

kassy, you don't have to worry about labels if you don't want to do so! i'm ALWAYS a "femme in process", LoL. i'm eccentric as Hecate and Kali, bookish as any good retired librarian /prof should be (!), a gimp and more than half blind and proud of my cane , i wear dresses but not short tight ones (unless ordered to do so by a Syr in our bedroom), i mostly wear pantsjeanslounging wear, and only Simple Shoes shoes that are comfortable or even-dare i say-crocs...in short i am ME but always FEMME. i've come to know the labels that i can choose through experience...queer, grrl, Daddy's grrl, submissive sometimes headstrong, though, stone but not untouchable just don't want to touch in feminizing ways, tomboy, on and on it goes...i suppose i'm saying MAKE YOUR NICHE but don't be afraid of change permutations continuations. don't be afraid of the ETC. and always always LABEL YOURSELF! don't let someone else define you!
just my 2 centimes,
namaste,
pres