Randomly Posting Stuff Cause You Feel Like It

[Lady Pamela]

Just stoppin in to say hi!

[Sunny]

Did anyone see the meteor shower this morning? Just wondering if you could see it. Maybe now my luck will change. LOL Heres to winning the Mega Millions!!!! Of course I would share with my friends.

[Rook]

Couldn't see it...partially Cloudy, and oddly enough, I live near Farms, but there's too much "Light"

[BoDy*ShOt]

why oh why can't just my butt swell (to look like j-lo's preferably) instead of the rest of me during pms?

[Diva]

So I've been cleaning out closets and purging like a big ol' purgin' machine.....

And last night, I came across a box of books which belonged to my parents....(I've moved back to my childhood home.) Inside that box was....MY baby book!

OMG! It is in pristene condition, including the paper sleeve!.....and it's SO Dr. Spock!!!! The first 3/4's of it is how to make formula, change a diaper....lol....it's really quite hysterical! And the last 1/4 of it is the "Record" section......

There is NOTHING written in it! WHAT!?!?!? lol I think my Mom got thrown off by the reproductive chapter and didn't read any further. (I'm adopted......)


ANYway.....I'm glad to have it....but sure would have loved to have seen her sweet (and perfect) handwriting....

[Enchantress]

I need fudge. Yep, I said need.

[Hack]

I think a girl just called me ugly over caramel corn.

[Julien]

I hate not having health insurance.

[Julien]

Have you ever felt that you were searching for something and you didn't know what it was? It's not an object, possibly not a person. You don't know what it is. All you know is that you need to find it. Maybe all we have to do is look inside ourselves.

[Lady Pamela]

The Importance of Apologizing

There are two little words that can go a long way to saving your marriage and keeping it healthy and happy for years to come. Those words are: “I’m sorry.”

I can’t tell you how many couples I have seen that have a problem with apologizing. People often get so caught up in their own way of seeing things that they can’t even muster an apology for simple offenses like leaving the cap off the toothpaste or forgetting to take out the garbage.

Unfortunately it seems that apologizing only becomes that much more difficult as problems get more sophisticated. A forgotten birthday or anniversary, hurtful words said in the heat of an argument, or a late night out with friends when you promised to be home for your family are all events that deserve a full and authentic apology. However, a lot of people react with defensiveness and anger instead of apologizing for situations like these.

I think that part of the reason people have such a hard time apologizing is because they equate the words “I’m sorry” with “I’m a rotten person” or “You’re better than I am.” But that isn’t what the words “I’m sorry” mean at all.

When you say “I’m sorry,” what you are doing is taking responsibility for something you did that hurt your partner. You’re showing that you realize what you did was hurtful, and communicating to your partner that you care about him or her enough to amend your actions so as not to cause the same problem again. You are not submitting to the idea that you are “less than. . .”.

People make mistakes. We all do. Sometimes the need for an apology is the result of a mistake. Sometimes we even make mistakes that hurt the people around us.

Other behaviors that need an apology might be the result of poor judgment. This is a situation where you intentionally (not by mistake) did something wrong because you made a bad choice. Examples include extra-marital affections, staying out too late with your friends, coming home drunk, and driving yourself, your spouse, or your children when you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Often, these poor judgment calls like these hurt the people around us.

When you do something that needs an apology, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are a wretched person. Doing something wrong doesn’t make you a wrong person. It only means you took some action that you have to make amends for. You did something wrong, and now you need to deal with it.

In addition to this it could mean that there are areas of your personality or character that you need to work on. Egregious mistakes (like having an affair) or mistakes that you make over an over again (like consistently forgetting important events) mean you need to take some additional steps to rectify the parts of your character that created the possibility for these mistakes in the first place.

Even in these cases, it doesn’t mean you are an “evil” person. Rather, it means there are some areas you will likely need to make real changes in if you are going to live the kind of life you most want to live, and create a wonderful relationship with your spouse.

Whatever the case, when you hurt your partner, the very first thing you need to do is admit that you did something wrong and apologize for it.

Different situations require different kinds of apologies. Obviously, having an affair deserves a different kind of apology than leaving the cap off the toothpaste. As such, I can’t cover in this article all of the details of how to apologize for every offense.

Nonetheless, I would like to offer you a few suggestions on how to apologize for relatively minor offenses so you can start using apologies in your marriage today to show your partner you care and stay out of some unnecessary arguments.

For a fuller treatment of what kind of apology is needed when you have had an affair (or engaged in other extremely hurtful behavior) I refer you to my book Surviving an Affair. In the meantime, here are tips that will help you start apologizing for some mistakes that most couples face.

Tip #1: Admit What You Did Was Wrong

When you do something wrong in your marriage and you know it, it’s better to admit it, apologize, and move on. If you deny you did something wrong, act like you were justified in your actions, or otherwise defer responsibility for what you did, you are only setting yourself up for more trouble in the long run.

Just make a simple admission of the being wrong. Don’t defer responsibility, and don’t defend your actions. Openly and maturely admit what you did was wrong.

For example, let’s say Joe forgot that his wife, Sally, said she was going to have dinner ready for him when he got home from work. As a result he decided to go out for a drink with some colleagues from work instead of going home for dinner.

In this kind of situation Joe would want to avoid saying something like:

You know, you didn’t tell me you were going to cook me dinner. And even if you did, how can you expect me to remember anything you tell me when I’m on my way out the door? What’s so special about dinner, anyway? It’s just food. You’re being too picky. Just leave me alone about it, already.

It would be much more meaningful if he said something like:

You’re right. You asked me to be home for dinner and I totally forgot. I’m really sorry about that. I should have called home before I chose to go out for a drink anyway. That way you could have reminded me that we had dinner plans. I’m sorry I ruined your plans, and I’m sorry I hurt you.

And, if Joe truly does not remember Sally telling him in the morning, he would just omit the first sentence.

As you can see, the first response is filled with defensive justification It minimizes the importance of what Joe did and minimizes Sally’s feelings. Another variation would be for Joe to somehow make it Sally’s fault that he forgot their dinner plans.

On the other hand, the second response is a full admission that Joe did something wrong. In it he admits what he did was wrong, he says he’s sorry, and he expresses regret for hurting his partner’s feelings.

When you admit that you have done something wrong, you are communicating important information to your partner. You are telling your spouse that you care enough about his or her feelings to accept that what you did was hurtful, and you are telling him or her that you intend to be more conscious about these kinds of actions in the future.

In short, you show that you care about your partner’s feelings. That’s an important component of a good marriage.

Tip #2: Drop the Defensiveness

Apologies are as good as dead if they are stated in a defensive manner. When you adopt a defensive tone of voice, use physical mannerisms that are defensive, or if the words you use are meant to defend your case rather than admit your mistake, you aren’t making a real apology.

In fact, using the words “I’m sorry” with a defensive tone of voice is worse than not apologizing at all. It turns the entire apology into an invitation for resentment and hurt feelings.

Consider the following example:

What do you want from me? You want an apology? Fine, I’m sorry! Is that good enough for you?

What kind of response would you expect from this kind of apology? It’s pretty obvious that all it would do is create more hostility and frustration for everyone involved.

A better apology would sound something more like this:

I’m sorry for what I did. It was wrong, and I know that I hurt you. I never want to hurt you, and I truly feel bad for what I did. I know how I got myself into that situation and I will do my best to keep that from happening again.

As you can see, eliminating the defensive tone goes a long way toward making the apology more sincere. It reduces the possibility for additional hurt feelings, and opens a gateway for you to move past this issue toward a happier future. In most situations, an authentic and complete apology will also diffuse the other person’s anger.

Tip #3: Don’t Be Demeaning

When you are apologizing to your partner you should avoid demeaning his or her feelings. It may be that you won’t completely understand why your partner is hurt; however, it isn’t for you to decide whether or not your partner’s emotional response to your words or actions are justified. You don’t get to determine whether or not your partner “deserves” to be as hurt as he or she is. The hurt feelings exist. You helped create them. Now you have to deal with them.

Let’s look at an example. Imagine for a moment that Carl and Allison are working on repairing some problems in their marriage. Part of the problem they are facing is that Carl has a hard time communicating his feelings to Allison. He’s been doing a lot of work on his communication skills, but Allison still doesn’t feel she understands Carl very well.

At one point Allison says, “Carl, you just can’t communicate at all! I mean, I don’t understand what you’re talking about here.”

Carl’s feelings are really hurt by this statement. He’s been working hard to learn how to communicate better, and this statement from Allison totally blows him out of the water.

As a result he says, “Wow Allison. That really hurts. I mean, I’ve been working on these communication skills, and when you tell me that, it makes me feel like I’m just making no progress at all.”

Given this scenario, let’s imagine two different “apologies” from Allison and determine which one is going to be more meaningful.

First let’s look at a demeaning apology. Let’s imagine that Allison says something like:

Good grief! You’re completely overreacting. I mean, I can’t believe you’d get upset over something like that. I’m sorry. I should never have said anything I guess. You don’t know anything about feelings!

Now, I don’t consider this an apology. Though the words “I’m sorry” are contained in the statement, the feeling is demeaning. It fails to take into account Carl’s feelings. And perhaps worst of all, it’s likely to simply shut down Carl’s attempts at
communication.

On the other hand, Allison could say something like:

Gee Carl, I’m really sorry my words hurt you. I don't completely understand why my words hurt you, but I believe you when you tell me they did. Please tell me more so I understand what I did so I won’t do it again.

This apology is completely different. It communicates Allison’s inability to understand exactly why Carl is hurt, but it still takes his feelings into account. It isn’t demeaning. On the contrary, it opens up the possibility for further communication about the issue at hand.

Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is one of the keys to a long-term marriage. Just saying the words “I’m sorry” when you’ve done something to hurt your spouse is a step in the right direction, but it’s usually not enough.

The tips in this article should help you take the apology a step further, and help you on your road to a relationship that is better than ever.

Let me know how it goes with you. I’d love to hear about your marriage. Post a comment to this blog by clicking the comment link below..

As always I wish you all the best on your road to a wonderful marriage.

[Nat]

[Soon]

Originally Posted by Nat

We saw this in Ann Arbor a couple of years ago. I was so impressed with it, I bought a copy off Amazon...
in thoughts of giving it a certain someone...but I haven't done so, yet.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Nat

I need to tell you Thank You for sharing this video!

My grandaughter is going through alot right now and I believe this may just be something she will use and like.

Thank you again!

[Rook]

that must be a helluva kewl thing on both accounts "take our children to work day " for the Obama girls...AND... Career day at School -lol- "fuck your Philharmonic Conductor, my daddy's El Prez !!"

[Lady Pamela]

A Personal Story Concerning LGBT National Silence Day.

My grandaughters movement on that day. She is almost 15 and this is her story.






Throughout this school year she has had many harrassing moments in her school towards her. One in which 2 boys tagged her locker with lesbo signs and such. Another where a girl was bullying her because of being lesbian. And a couple which involved teachers. One teacher even saying," Your a HOMO! And I don't agree with anything you do!"

With all this happening to her in the school. She decided to use National Silence Day to act upon all she has had happen. A peaceful way to present her issues.

In her school there were aproximately 30 LGBT students and 50 students who supported LGBT students who participated.

They wore signs saying,
"TODAY IS LGBT NATIONAL SILENCE DAY FOR HARRASSMENT,BULLYING AND ABUSE!
We are in silence for all thos who have been or will be harrassed or battered as a result to the bullying and wrong actions against us and others. For our choice to be who we are!
Under those words was a big question mark
?????
If you are wondering why we are silent ...JUST ASK!

Then they would had out a card instead of speaking which expalined the movement.



Well throughout the day...This one girl had harrassed and bullied my grandaughter all day. Even pushing her at one point and spinning her around saying..YOUR A LESBIAN..YOU WON'T HIT ME!"
This went on a few times and then out of the blue...When my grandaughter wasn't aware she was right by her...This girl sucker punched her in the face very hard. My grandaughter feels awful about that but she had to defend herself and knocked the girl out in one punch! Of course this is being addressed. It was all seen on the monitors so my grandaughter was not in trouble for it as well. But what symbol as to the day.

I am very proud of her for trying to handle things in a non abusive manner...And it saddened me that she wound up having to use physical force to protect herself. It really hurt her heart that she had to.

As a result of this happening, I have decided to take on that day to help the youth of LGBT students. On April 16th from here on out...I will be at the schools to help keep order first of all. Second, I am going to unite with our LGBT Center and raise awareness of this day in advance so it will make a much stroger impact in my community.

To bring it to light so to speak...Before the day...so those wanting to support or be a part will remember the day. And will also be able to support our little ones who are just wanting to be themselves.

Any ideas on what could do this that I might not have thought of?
I am doing:
BANNERS
SIGNS
Even talks if this applies.

Below is a little description of what this day is for and it's impact Nation wide:

It was orriginally started by a family member of someone who was gay bashed is 1996..And it is a very important day to keep our children safe in the schools and community.
********~*~********




Day of Silence 2010: Silent Protest on behalf of LGBT is celebrated as The National Day of Silence to protest against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) harassment in schools.

The question will remain open that if observance of Day of Silence can end anti-LGBT harassment in society especially in schools? LGBT bullying has given birth to many tragic stories in the nation, so the need to end this bullying was felt and first National Day of Silence was observed in 1996.

The need for observance of such a day was first felt by students of Virginia University who organized the first Day of Silence.

The Day of Silence has now become a popular movement throughout the world and students of all ages have joined the protest against bullying and harassment of LGBT.

Day of Silence 2010 is being observed on 16 April, 2010

The first annual Day of Silence was aimed to create better relationship between the gay and straight students.


On 16 April in observance of Day of Silence 2010, the students will remain silent throughout the day but at the same time not hindering the educational process. Some areas choose to observe it on April 15th as well. They would try to refrain from speaking in their free time such as at lunch, recess but they will carry all the other instructional activities by speaking when necessary.

The Day of Silence campaign is getting momentum day by day and today at 14th Day of Silence we have thousands of students participating in the campaign in order to spread awareness about the dangers of bullying the LGBT.

Here are just a couple sites describing this movement.






http://personalmoneystore.com/moneyb...ng-cards-lgbt/

http://www.dayofsilence.org/index.cfm


I posted this on a couple threads because I feel very strongly about it's content. Sorry if this affends anyone for me doing so.

[Write14u]

I wonder why an early morning of work is guaranteed to ALWAYS follows a late night of work. *le sigh*

[Lady Pamela]

Pulled a card for this thread...smiles




Meaning:

Introduction: Strength indicates the importance of mind over matter, and reminds you to focus on what you do want rather than what you don't want in your life. Its main point is that you have the ability to harness your thoughts and to use them for your - and everyone else's - highest good. Not only do you have the ability; you have the responsibility. So conquer your fears, control your impulses, and never lose patience with yourself or what you are doing.
General: It's important now for you to make time to meditate and contemplate and spend some time alone even if you are in a committed relationship and have nineteen children! Do not allow yourself to spend time in preoccupation and fear. Outward things will be going all right but what is of the most paramount importance is keeping your head on straight.

Work: Work should be going well. If you're looking for work, know that you have the wherewithal and the skillset to find it. If you're already employed, and there is room for upward mobility, don't hesitate to negotiate for what you're worth. You might be surprised at the positive reception that you get. If there's not room for a raise or promotion where you are now, give serious thought to finding something where there is this possibility, or consider what it would take for you to strike out on your own business-wise. You may have more options than you typically think possible.

Love: Love should be going very well - if you're committed, this is very likely to be a strong relationship that is mutually supportive and beneficial. If you're looking for someone, this is a much better-than-average time to meet people. You should be in a self-confident phase, so get out and mingle. You might be very pleasantly surprised by how things work out.

Finances: Money should be in a positive cycle. Be sure to save some, even if it's only a little, and even if you've been doing without for quite some time and feel a desperate need to treat yourself or the people that you care about. You may actually be getting ready to purchase a home or other big-ticket item. Don't borrow more than you can comfortably repay, of course.

Health: Your health and vitality should be strong and robust now. This is a great time to correct bad habits if you need to do so in order to protect your health. Starting with small goals like a daily ten-minute walk could very well lead you to where you want to be, which is even healthier and stronger than you're feeling right now. Yes, it can get better!

Spirituality: This is likely to be a very spiritual time for you even if you don't have anything close to a religious belief. To be truly strong, you must pay attention to and develop each leg of the triad we are made from: body, mind, and spirit. Be sure you are spending time on all three. That's hardest to do when things are difficult; if you receive this card when you are at a low point, know that things are very likely to be looking up soon. This card is a reminder that you are strong - probably stronger than you think.

[TxsCharmr]

Hello, My name is Txscharmr and I am addicted to BUBBLE SHOOTER!!!

[Rook]

wow, Lady Pamela..
That was a very thought-provoking post..
I was trying to figure out how I missed it...
It was posted today so I said "duh, Rook"
We had our Day of Silence last Friday here in Ohio..
I carried around a few Papers similar to what your granddaughter had..
My relatives were a piece of work that day...
They kept saying things that Normally would have me responding sarcastic or pissy..
My brother at the beginning of the day says to me "This is too good, you're finally quiet, I dont have to listen to u harp on about the Queer agenda"..
I smiled, and flipped hm off...
At Dialysis, I would give the paper to whoever spoke and wanted a reply...
Mind you, the only times we were told we Should speak is for something very very important and there's no paper/pen around...Emergencies too.
My tech stared at the paper, and mumbled "I had no idea"..
Apparently he saw I was confused, and he said "I didnt know u were gay"...
I did chuckle a little...
We made a Hellacius Ruckus when it came time to "Break the Silence" And we each discussed our Experiences during our Silence..Some were really inspiring, some were surprising..and some only successfully pissed me off.
I truly hope the symbolism works for people like your granddaughter...

As for help with your Plans..
There's a Group in quite a few Schools called "GSA"..
Gay/Straight Alliance...
You could help your Granddaughter with it as well..

http://gsanetwork.org/resources/building-your-gsa

Much Luck, we'll get there....slowly, but...we will

[JakeTulane]

Wow. Do people even understand how they make another feel? I am not perfect, I do not always "get it". However, to be blatantly mean? shakes My head.

That is all.