Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 29

POWER


When power arrives, it comes complete with blindfold, mask and lullaby. I am blinded to what effect I have. Others cannot see me, only the unchanging masquerade covering my face. All my fears and apprehensions are soothed by the melody singing in my ear. I am possessed. The hard thump of the bottom reaching up to get me is my sole hope of release. I can’t reason my way back from a trip with power; the isolation is too far-reaching, my senses numbed, my thinking biased. Salvation as a cold smack is the jolt required. Fire takes fire; power takes the same.


Draw your own lines then color out of them.

*
Black & Dedication

The brand of equipment endorsed by my Higher Power
is built so that my hand is clasped inside
lest I feel alone or unaided.

A closed mouth and an open mind work very well
when I can manage either of them
and Step 10 works when I can’t.

I am usually the problem in my life
but I am always the solution.
Others may change and contribute;
I am the one and only one, responsible for my happiness.

Dropping blame from my vocabulary and adding responsibility,
learning to differentiate between what is mine and what is yours;
these tools are keys and they open worlds of possibility to me.

Also they shut out the demons of wrong thinking,
wrong acting and desperation, which used to plague me.
There are still greater tools I yearn for
but like everything I must be patient
and build my muscles to handle the heavier machinery.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 30

FROZEN STRAWBERRIES


“I have them in the freezer,” I tell my sponsor.
“I’m sure you do. When are you going to take them out and reenact spring?” her retort.
“I don’t want to take them out before I’m ready. I don’t want them to go to waste.”
“Oh, the Excuse Maker, the Staller. Are you going to drag all the old chestnuts out of the closet? I thought you were going to defrost strawberries.”
“Fear, you’re saying fear of strawberries is not a sign of stability?" I ask her.
“Eat the strawberries or not, but it seems to me you didn’t get sober to avoid the sweeter things in life, keeping all your goodness locked up in the deep freeze destined for frost bite.”


Let sunshine climb in your eyes and fall upon your heart.


*
I’m not Brian


I thought life was based on a system of
‘I will suffer and that will exempt you’.
Then I would be horrified when you suffered,
after I had already done so ahead of you.

In an attempt to ease my dismay I would look to see
who had broken the pact, you or me.
Had I not endured sufficiently to protect you?
Had you left the safety of the umbrella of sanctuary?

Panic gives birth to blame
and blame of course births nasty biting things
that run loose and bury in all the tender spots.

Now the goals I tend are to end the breeding
of those sharp and painful beasties,
stop laying my neck upon the alter
and start telling better jokes.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 31

SPACE


I stand behind the podium and talk about the event horizon, which brought me into these rooms. My audience: other unwitting astronauts whose lives, like mine, were deconstructed by the Black Hole of addiction. Though the time and place may be different, the physics of compulsion and allergy are precise and repetitive. Nodding heads affirm my calculations to be accurate with the vectors and trajectories of their own experience. I conclude, with the gratitude of a reassembled life, and pray, with gravity, for my feet to stay on the ground.


Toast your bread with satisfaction.
*





The Attention Tax


Paying attention is the price exacted for living in this society.
A taxation which is like a leach;
it takes the life force, diverts my brain waves,
claims the water rights to my river of thought.

What is left I use to wash off what I can,
never quite managing to feel clean or clear.
I sit in the mud puddle
still unsure if I understand what just happened;
harboring a dark fear of the wave to come.

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 1

SEASONAL EXPECTATIONS

If I am out of sync with the way the world turns, I can be nothing but disappointed. I arrive with ice skates on the hottest summer day and grieve the loss of spring. I shiver in my sandals and ponder the need for a windshield scraper, the autumn leaves so long past. I must orchestrate my moods and movements with the evolution and revolution about me. I will learn to sing with the doves in the morning and the coyotes, come the moon. I can spin with the stars. I can grow with the grass. I don’t need to counter- balance life. If I learn to bend with the tides, it all comes around again.


If moles can make hills you can move mountains

*
Soul Chiggers


If you can seed apprehension deeply in a generation,
you can reap disillusionment for a hundred years.
Bent foresight twists hindsight.

Admiring ignorance, signs death’s warrant.
Evil splintered to a thousand slivers
burrows under the skin without killing their host.

Death delayed spreads destruction along with melancholy;
a septic contagion if ever there was one.
How do we fight this systemic blight?

It is embedded in the water,
the air, the mind, and try what I might;
I can’t seem to live without any of these.

Chiggers of the soul feed and breed
no matter how I scratch and chew.
I am raw, but still infested.

How do I kill what is in me
without killing the me?

[Girl Friday]

Well I've done it. I've had a drink. Actually. I've had several. So here I am with nothing but excuses for what I've done. There really isn't any reason to offer an explanation. What good would it be?

About a month ago I drank after several years sober. The pain of it, I told myself, is intolerable. I have to laugh at that moment right now. This pain seems so much worse than that pain. What a ridiculous excuse for a human being.

It's funny, even as I struggle to put my fingers to the right keys I'm telling myself "You can quit again right now. Just make the choice." But I don't want to. I want to be special in my pain. Poor me. I want to feel sorry for myself so that I have an excuse to drink again tomorrow. Poor me. Poor Friday. Everything she's feeling is so bad, so horrific, so much worse than anyone could possible care about. I make myself sick. I literally cannot stand myself right now.

A few years ago someone called me "a sick and twisted bitch" and I was so hurt by that. I understood why they felt that way. I was even sorry because I did play a part in their pain. But I never thought they were right. I just understood why they felt the way they did and I was comfortable being accountable for my part in it. Now I think they were right. I am sick and twisted. I feel twisted. At the root. At the very root. How convenient of me. I'm so wounded so I have an excuse to drink and put my well-being in danger. Boo hoo.

Boo fucking hoo.

[femmsational]

Originally Posted by Girl Friday

Well I've done it. I've had a drink. Actually. I've had several. So here I am with nothing but excuses for what I've done. There really isn't any reason to offer an explanation. What good would it be?

About a month ago I drank after several years sober. The pain of it, I told myself, is intolerable. I have to laugh at that moment right now. This pain seems so much worse than that pain. What a ridiculous excuse for a human being.

It's funny, even as I struggle to put my fingers to the right keys I'm telling myself "You can quit again right now. Just make the choice." But I don't want to. I want to be special in my pain. Poor me. I want to feel sorry for myself so that I have an excuse to drink again tomorrow. Poor me. Poor Friday. Everything she's feeling is so bad, so horrific, so much worse than anyone could possible care about. I make myself sick. I literally cannot stand myself right now.

A few years ago someone called me "a sick and twisted bitch" and I was so hurt by that. I understood why they felt that way. I was even sorry because I did play a part in their pain. But I never thought they were right. I just understood why they felt the way they did and I was comfortable being accountable for my part in it. Now I think they were right. I am sick and twisted. I feel twisted. At the root. At the very root. How convenient of me. I'm so wounded so I have an excuse to drink and put my well-being in danger. Boo hoo.

Boo fucking hoo.

Well, you're throwing yourself quite the pity party. LOL!!! I totally understand. When my disease is speaking for me, I sound just like you.


First, my name is Julie and I AM an alcoholic and addict.


Second, right now is not the time to try and make sense of what's going on in your brain so I'm not going to go into a long drawn out spew. Nothing right now will help you with what you are feeling. Other than feelings are not facts as I'm sure you've been told over and over and over.


Third, taking away all the judgemental language you are hurling at yourself leads to one small fact. You have a disease. I have the same one. My pleasure neurons don't connect like *normal* people. So I medicate. Why am I saying this? Because you took a drink because it's what people like you and I do. Doesn't make you a bad person or a twisted bitch. You have found an excuse that for the moment helped you fall backwards into your sick, as in injured, thinking.



Do you do meetings? Have a sponser? Might be a good idea???


If you need anything or just feel the need to talk to someone who "gets it" pm me. I will warn you, I'm pretty blunt when it comes to sobriety. For ME it's a life or death thing. I will help you through what I can but I will always be brutally honest.


Please take care,
julie

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 2

MYTHIC ADULT


My mythic adult is seen by the crowds around me; never is the charade exposed. Close inspection has been suspended so we can keep each other’s secrets. Circulating through the crowd, these children are impoverished from carrying this load of pretense. Dropping this burden is a risk far too great. Exposure invites attack. Stand tall; act brave. Unreasonable expectations are the water that moves the wheel, the power that generates this ongoing play. Hamlet is dead, yet I reprise the part daily. Daily I watch my fellows do the same. I mimic a ghost I never knew in life. Did it ever live? Or is it only a mythic adult?


Plant some things for their flower and others for their fruit.
*

Head Wringing

I have my say, though my fear is
that I constantly repeat myself;
very much the way a crow calls the same thing endlessly,
but it all has different meanings to the crow.

I would offer code keys to my readers
if I could lay my hands on one.
My mind whispers that the soothing
people get from my work is like the calm
induced by chanting monks.

Possibly it is more the actor’s trick of reading repetitive lines
each time putting the emphasis on a different word;
a way of squeezing all the juice from nonsense.

I jot ideas swearing these lines are to be found somewhere
in my previous work, perhaps whole pages are redundant.
Finally I stop this fight reminding myself I have but one voice
and what I accuse myself of as similarity might merely be my style.

[Girl Friday]

Originally Posted by femmsational

Well, you're throwing yourself quite the pity party. LOL!!! I totally understand. When my disease is speaking for me, I sound just like you.


First, my name is Julie and I AM an alcoholic and addict.


Second, right now is not the time to try and make sense of what's going on in your brain so I'm not going to go into a long drawn out spew. Nothing right now will help you with what you are feeling. Other than feelings are not facts as I'm sure you've been told over and over and over.


Third, taking away all the judgemental language you are hurling at yourself leads to one small fact. You have a disease. I have the same one. My pleasure neurons don't connect like *normal* people. So I medicate. Why am I saying this? Because you took a drink because it's what people like you and I do. Doesn't make you a bad person or a twisted bitch. You have found an excuse that for the moment helped you fall backwards into your sick, as in injured, thinking.



Do you do meetings? Have a sponser? Might be a good idea???


If you need anything or just feel the need to talk to someone who "gets it" pm me. I will warn you, I'm pretty blunt when it comes to sobriety. For ME it's a life or death thing. I will help you through what I can but I will always be brutally honest.


Please take care,
julie

Thank you.
Yes, the pity party was extensive.
The morning is a pretty "interesting" sight.
I'm off to a meeting.
Day one.

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 3

NO GOLD STARS



I look at my chart, then my chest; there are no gold stars. I long for the affirmation of my great and seemingly endless struggle. I watch the movements of those with shiny shoes and hope to be awarded with the gummed insignia. When I hang by a thread, I desire the corroboration of foil cutouts to assure me I have done the right; I have stayed alive. Punishment I fear less than lack of consolation. But, no one truly knows my bravery and if I want these paper emblems, I can just go and buy my own.


Count unhatched chickens but don’t place them on the menu.


*
The Hope Diamond

My guess is
the same god that wants me stupid
also wants me to suffer.
I ask myself what could be all powerful about that?

I wonder is God like a friend or a lover?
I carefully chose my friends
whereas my lover found me
against my greatest plans and well thought rules.

And if this is to be like marriage,
may I file for divorce if things go astray?
Or am I stuck with this match,
like I am stuck with my deformed ear
there underneath hat or fringe of hair?

I never thought of my relationship with God
like a necklace I could take on and off at will,
though the more I study it seems this beautiful thing
enhances my beauty if all is right
and will strangle me if it gets hung up.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Girl Friday

Thank you.
Yes, the pity party was extensive.
The morning is a pretty "interesting" sight.
I'm off to a meeting.
Day one.

Okay, so how did it go?????

Are you going to another meeting today?

Did you hear anyone who might be a good sponsor for you?

[Girl Friday]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Okay, so how did it go?????

Are you going to another meeting today?

Did you hear anyone who might be a good sponsor for you?

I actually went to 2 meetings yesterday and 2 today. I didn't choose a sponsor. I go to these meetings off and on when I feel the need for support, but I've never met anyone I'd like as a sponsor. Most of the people who volunteer to be sponsors at my regular meeting seem to have something to prove. It's as though I'd almost rather have a sponsor who is more reluctant. The overly eager ones make me nervous. It's like I'm there for them rather than the other way around. I've never had a sponsor before but I don't want one that needs me more than I need them.

I'll go again tomorrow. Right now, I'm sitting in my house trying not to bite off all my fingernails. But if I do...what the hell. They're only fingernails.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Girl Friday

I actually went to 2 meetings yesterday and 2 today. I didn't choose a sponsor. I go to these meetings off and on when I feel the need for support, but I've never met anyone I'd like as a sponsor. Most of the people who volunteer to be sponsors at my regular meeting seem to have something to prove. It's as though I'd almost rather have a sponsor who is more reluctant. The overly eager ones make me nervous. It's like I'm there for them rather than the other way around. I've never had a sponsor before but I don't want one that needs me more than I need them.

I'll go again tomorrow. Right now, I'm sitting in my house trying not to bite off all my fingernails. But if I do...what the hell. They're only fingernails.

Well I wish you the best, it's hard to get sober. Please take good care of you and maybe look someplace else for a sponsor. My sponsors don't live near me or go to my local meetings. For me I would have trouble staying sober without a sponsor, that's why I mention it.

[LeftWriteFemme]

June 4

FREQUENTLY


When my daydream gets so threadbare I no longer use it, I must turn to other sources. When I cannot conjure on my own and elucidation makes me cross eyed, I must turn to HP. I have puttered and prolonged the way to naming this legendary and fabulous enigma. I drew out even longer any desire for close association with the same. I have milled with the millstone and surfed in the whirlpool, dragged my feet and thrown a fit, but this only stalled the inevitable result. Naming and interaction is the need and now is the time. I have a Higher Power and I choose to call it Frequently.


Dreams grow wings if you let them.
*


Eggshells and Bethlehem

A stable is a place to keep a horse
and in fairytales a place to birth a baby,
but stable is the story I told myself about you.

Solid, a model of strength
and here you are a tripod,
upright only if the pressure is evenly applied.

I blame myself for lopsided need
and try to find a way to keep this coupling standing.
Stripped down to minor contact
I wonder if you actually remember me
and then I wonder if I remember myself.

This is what is at stake, this is the trophy I lose
when I fall for you and you fall down.
Where is the girl I worked so hard to create?

Broken eggshells litter the nest
and I look for the chick I used to be.
I fear losing you,
I cry at the thought of losing us,
I die at the loss of me.

[Girl Friday]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

June 4

FREQUENTLY


When my daydream gets so threadbare I no longer use it, I must turn to other sources. When I cannot conjure on my own and elucidation makes me cross eyed, I must turn to HP. I have puttered and prolonged the way to naming this legendary and fabulous enigma. I drew out even longer any desire for close association with the same. I have milled with the millstone and surfed in the whirlpool, dragged my feet and thrown a fit, but this only stalled the inevitable result. Naming and interaction is the need and now is the time. I have a Higher Power and I choose to call it Frequently.


Dreams grow wings if you let them.
*


Eggshells and Bethlehem

A stable is a place to keep a horse
and in fairytales a place to birth a baby,
but stable is the story I told myself about you.

Solid, a model of strength
and here you are a tripod,
upright only if the pressure is evenly applied.

I blame myself for lopsided need
and try to find a way to keep this coupling standing.
Stripped down to minor contact
I wonder if you actually remember me
and then I wonder if I remember myself.

This is what is at stake, this is the trophy I lose
when I fall for you and you fall down.
Where is the girl I worked so hard to create?

Broken eggshells litter the nest
and I look for the chick I used to be.
I fear losing you,
I cry at the thought of losing us,
I die at the loss of me.

These things feel like they have my name written on them.

Thank you for going to the effort to post everyday. I look forward to it.

[Novelafemme]

Good Morning Everyone!

My Name is LeeAnn and I'm an alcoholic.

And THAT, friends, is NOT any easy sentence for me to write or say!

I stayed up late last night reading The Big Book and then stumbled into this thread and wanted to show my support...it works if you work it, right!

Girl Friday, we are smack dab in this together and please know that you are not alone! Your posts made my heart ache last night because so much of it is familiar to me. Please know that you are the farthest possible thing from weak. You are brilliant and amazing and valuable and grand.

For me, coming to the realization that I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism was the biggest and most important step in my recovery. I didn't start drinking until I was in my early 30's. Never actually touched a drop until then (save for a hellish experience in my teens) and only started at the recommendation of my midwife as a means to deal with my fragile nerves after having my youngest and feeling overwhelmed by fear when my then husband started working nights. We lived in an iffy neighborhood near a bar and I was paralyzed by anxiety over how to protect them in the event someone tried to break in. I slept with a knife under my pillow and a crowbar next to the bed...I'm not sure any "sleeping" actually happened, lol.

Ultimately, through years of talk therapy and learning to become brutally honest with myself, I am ridding myself of some pretty damaging old coping skills and replacing them with tools rooted in honesty, compassion and strength. It has been incredibly hard but I am slowly and surely getting there. Each day brings the promise of hope and a joy so deeply profound and real that sometimes I have trouble believing it is all at my fingertips, just an outstretched hand away. And for me, this is the beauty of AA and the people who attend who have become both my inspiration and allies.

I haven't chosen a sponsor yet either. I was encouraged on my very first day to take that process slowly and let my sponsor reveal his or her self in time. I do have a woman that I met that same day who I have called twice in serious moments of self doubt, who has been invaluable as a source of support. Like others here, I am more than happy to be that person for you. Anytime. Just PM me.

Today I think of my alcoholism as a mask. I used it to become someone I thought was better than the real me. I believed that the real me was too damaged, unloveable, ugly...whether it was an eating disorder, dishonesty, drinking...not dealing with my issues IN FULL became my mask. I wore it because I was afraid. Each morning I wake up sober and clear headed and ready to face life's challenges I tear away a small piece of that facade, revealing the true me. And you know what? I am learning to love that girl!

Keep holding on...even if it is by your finger tips!

[Girl Friday]

Originally Posted by Novelafemme

Good Morning Everyone!

My Name is LeeAnn and I'm an alcoholic.

And THAT, friends, is NOT any easy sentence for me to write or say!

I stayed up late last night reading The Big Book and then stumbled into this thread and wanted to show my support...it works if you work it, right!

Girl Friday, we are smack dab in this together and please know that you are not alone! Your posts made my heart ache last night because so much of it is familiar to me. Please know that you are the farthest possible thing from weak. You are brilliant and amazing and valuable and grand.

For me, coming to the realization that I was using alcohol as a coping mechanism was the biggest and most important step in my recovery. I didn't start drinking until I was in my early 30's. Never actually touched a drop until then (save for a hellish experience in my teens) and only started at the recommendation of my midwife as a means to deal with my fragile nerves after having my youngest and feeling overwhelmed by fear when my then husband started working nights. We lived in an iffy neighborhood near a bar and I was paralyzed by anxiety over how to protect them in the event someone tried to break in. I slept with a knife under my pillow and a crowbar next to the bed...I'm not sure any "sleeping" actually happened, lol.

Ultimately, through years of talk therapy and learning to become brutally honest with myself, I am ridding myself of some pretty damaging old coping skills and replacing them with tools rooted in honesty, compassion and strength. It has been incredibly hard but I am slowly and surely getting there. Each day brings the promise of hope and a joy so deeply profound and real that sometimes I have trouble believing it is all at my fingertips, just an outstretched hand away. And for me, this is the beauty of AA and the people who attend who have become both my inspiration and allies.

I haven't chosen a sponsor yet either. I was encouraged on my very first day to take that process slowly and let my sponsor reveal his or her self in time. I do have a woman that I met that same day who I have called twice in serious moments of self doubt, who has been invaluable as a source of support. Like others here, I am more than happy to be that person for you. Anytime. Just PM me.

Today I think of my alcoholism as a mask. I used it to become someone I thought was better than the real me. I believed that the real me was too damaged, unloveable, ugly...whether it was an eating disorder, dishonesty, drinking...not dealing with my issues IN FULL became my mask. I wore it because I was afraid. Each morning I wake up sober and clear headed and ready to face life's challenges I tear away a small piece of that facade, revealing the true me. And you know what? I am learning to love that girl!

Keep holding on...even if it is by your finger tips!

Thank you for saying the part I highlighted. It mirrors something I've been feeling for years.


I read last night:

"I was never much of a drinker. My parents didn't keep it in the house and I was always too busy with sports or whatever to do that kind of partying as a kid. In college I was really busy and I thought people who were drunk all the time were just stupid.

When I was 26 I hurt my back on vacation snowboarding but I didn't want to drive all the way back into the city to go to the doctor. Someone gave me a glass of wine and it helped. After the second glass the pain was relieved enough to make the rest of the day tolerable. The next day I had a couple more glasses. The pain was gone so I stopped. It never bothered me to drink or not to drink after that so for years it wasn't an issue.

A decade later I broke up with my partner of 13 years. The pain seemed unbearable and no matter how much I drank, I could still feel it. It wouldn't go away unless I drank until I passed out. When I woke up, the pain was still there so I'd drink until I was numb again. No one understood why I was so brokenhearted because I'd been the one to break up with her, not the other way around. So I kept drinking because I'd lost the love of my life and no one understood.

About a year later my best friend told me she was disgusted with me for not getting over my ex, so I drank more because I was disgusting. Seven months after that my brother told me I was a pathetic drunk, so I drank more because I was pathetic.

I drank for 4 years because (I told myself) no one understood why I was in pain and because I was disgusting and pathetic.

One day I woke up late and I was rushing around angrily, trying to pull myself together. Out of habit I guess, iinstead of reaching for the coffee I reached for a drink. I had the bottle in my hand and suddenly I was laughing out loud because I knew that I hated myself and that I wouldn't be able to drink the hate away. That's when it really hit me. I wouldn't be able to drink the hate away.

Lots to think about today.

[Novelafemme]

Laughter and being able to laugh at yourself is paramount in this process!

Last week a guy in AA was talking about how he always felt like he had all the answers. No one could ever tell him what to do because he was his own boss! Dammit! He went on and on about how ridiculous he was with this line of thinking and I was cracking up on the inside because my life's motto has always been, YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!!!

Some days all we do is laugh for the entire hour...it's SO freeing!!

[Glenn]

I don't know why, but I felt so inspired to type this here today:

I Asked

I asked for strength that I might achieve;
SHE/HE made me weak that I might obey.
I asked for health that I might do great things;
SHE/HE gave me grace that I might do better things.
I asked for riches that I might be happy;
SHE?HE gave me poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power that I might have the praise of others;
SHE?HE gave me weakness that I might feel a need of Goddess/God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
SHE?HE gave me life that I might enjoy all things.
I received nothing I asked for;Goddess/God gave me all that I had hoped for.

author unknown

[gaea]

I am the daughter of a long time member of AA...

My dad first got sober in his 30's he struggled like no other with alcoholism and it was a struggle for him to stay sober, he worked his program day in and day out, he raised his kids in the program, i remember sitting in meeting after meeting growing up, learning, absorbing and most of all loving the community the way my dad did.

In June 1992 the doctor gave my dad a medicine that AA deemed a loss of his sobriety over, i remember being so angry that his long time sobriety was stripped from him that i was willing to go the length and argue for his behalf, he on the other hand willingly began all over again on June 7th, my navel birthday. So every year after that I attended his birthday month meeting as I had been doing already for years, and he was allowed to have me give him his chip as it was my navel birthday and his final AA birthday, the community knew me well had watched me grow up since age 14 where i now reside. I was honored..the last birthday chip i was allowed to give my dad was his 9th you see he had massive heart attack on 04/19/2002 and passed away..I held a bbq memorial at his favorite park, i went around to all the meeting halls he attended and invited everyone to come and celebrate his life. So many people (well over 200) showed up i was moved to tears, his memorial was alcohol free and my uncle who was also a member as well as a late life ordained minister flew out here to do his memorial services. One by one people talked about my dad, one by one they would come up to me and tell me how much he loved me, one by one i watched tears sliding down cheeks and one by one i enjoyed the laughter as great stories were told about my dad..He was passionate about his sobriety and loved helping others..he sponsored so many over the years. the there most valuable things i have kept that were his, his chips, his wallet and his big book..In June of that year i was requested to come to the birthday meeting by one of my dads long time friends, i honestly didn't want to because my dad would not be there...I went anyway. And as the evening went on i knew i was in the right place at the right moment, and as i watched member's getting 30,60,90 day chips and 6 mos, 1 year, 2year, on up to 10, and then my dads friend got up and he made a speech about my dad and with tears in his eyes he called me up and out of practice yet this group had voted on this, he handed me my dads 10 year chip, which i keep close to me. My dad's name and year also on the cake.

One of my favorite things my dad often did was challenge those he though bs'ing him he would challenge them to the point they had no choice but to prove him wrong and keep coming back...he was a bit of a hard arse at times.

He worked his steps daily they were a constant practice for him.

You would have liked my dad

So if its all right with everyone here i would like to say happy 20th frank s. you mean the world to me. <3

Wotcha! Girl Friday

M'name is Scooby and I'm an addict with alcohol being my primary source of oblivion. I'm currently 127/8 days in this, my second period of recovery.

I too relapsed after a significant (15 plus) number of years 'sobriety' and have spent nigh on a decade doing further 'research' . I understand the personal pity party and deep shame of admitting relapse and subsequent defeat. However, I realise that the real shame would be in not getting back to a 12 step programme and working it.


Work it...yer worth it!