Protecting our Butches

[Rockinonahigh]

Rudeness in the world of life is sometimes a pain in the ass,dealing with it can be an iffy thing to contend with.So far I am still in one piece,tho I often wonder how I managed to be after all this time.I don't have anyone to have my back when I have issues happen so I try to use humor or ignore them and go on my way,easy..no but often works.When it doesn't I do what I need to do to get by without the loss of blood,body parts and teeth.I walk with a cane a lot to ease my left knee but it is also a weapon of choice,the handle is made of metal and the bottom is fixed with a good size stainless bolt my son put on it right above the bottom end of it that is hell on knees,crotches,toes and what have you...it is also a good blocking tool.Now and then I get a smart ass at one of the pool halls I go to or in the store,generaly one of the wait staff,bartender or the owner puts a stop to it then kicks the perp out of the place with a strong warning.The only time I had an issue was at my home pool hall when some jerk said I butted in line to get my order then wanted to make a big thing about it,the bartender told him he had hie beer and to move on but he was in a pissy mood and got bent out of shape.All I did was lay my cane on top of the bar with one hand on it then stare'd him down with the coldest look I had.He sputter'd around a bit then saw he didn't have an audience then walked away.This crap is something we butches have dealt with and will always deal with,but as the things that are changing hope it will become less as times go's on.Having someone who has you back is priceless.

[BullDog]

I am sorry to hear what happened to you and your butch Femminator. I have encountered homophobia like this from time to time. I have had guys basically corner me in a restaurant, sitting so I was basically hemmed in and talking crude, guy sitting next to me on the bus harassing me about my small amount of facial hair, a guy asking my femme friend why she would want to be with such an ugly dyke, etc. There are other incidences also. In all these cases my reaction is to give them no reaction and calmly walk away. They don't deserve a response from me. I think it is truly pathetic.

I know femmes tend to feel fiercely protective of butch partners and friends, and we do truly appreciate it. To me the best feeling is for her to just show how much she is happy to be with me- whether as friend or partner- and just walk away with me. The fact that a nice femme enjoys my company is worth far more than anything they can do or say. Rise above the idiots. Anyway, that is my preference.

[Femminator]

Thanks you to those that have already posted. I really thought about it today, and I guess you never know if someone is drunk, high or has a gun or knife. It still makes me angry but those losers were alone, and it's obvious why. I can't imagine a straight girl putting up with that type of rudeness and ignorance, at least my straight gal pals would not.

It really makes me worry for my Butch out there.

[Girl_On_Fire]

On the inside, I'm fiercely protective of my butch and I will stare someone down or call them out on their rudeness (if it's obvious, I miss subtle). However, there is something to be said for taking the high road and not sinking to their level.

Being calm and rational in the face of unreasonable behavior is often the best course of action. This way, they don't have the satisfaction of saying, "You see that? Those queers are all nuts!"

Now, that being said, if anybody starts a physical altercation and my butch gets knocked down for the count, I'm pretty much going out of this world like a Klingon*. Just sayin'.

(For those of you who are not geeks like me, a Klingon is a warrior race from the Star Trek universe. Their preferred method of departing the physical plane is combat).

[MsTinkerbelly]

When we're out in public i am very aware of the danger my wife might face, because everything about her screams that she is out and proud.

I can count on one hand the times that anyone has said anything or done anything in my presence. Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, all i have to do is look at someone and they think twice about causing a problem. I can say go ahead, give me an excuse to fuck you up with just one look, and the size to make it a valid threat. My wife has a fiery irish temper, but it takes a great deal to even begin to bother her.

At almost 62 she has learned to let it all slide off her back.

[~ocean]

One night very late ,my ex and I went to get ciggs, ( we both smoked at the time ) so we stopped at a self serve gas station, Ths guy approached hm and was begging for money . When hy declined to give this guy money he became very aggressive towards hym, S I put my car in drive and chased him all aound the parking lot, he was running and running , when myex was finished w/ purchased I pickd hym up and off we went.

[Kobi]

First. I apologize for intruding in the femme zone. The Op was specifically asking other femmes how they felt about and handled situations of rudeness.

I am posting here because this type of situation is something we both have to learn to cope and deal with as individuals and as a couple.

People being rude is a fact of life. Unless someone is spewing homophobic insults, I dont presume they are acting out of homophobia.

People may just be having a bad day and looking for a target to make themselves feel better, they may be under the influence, they may be a few bricks short, they may be having a need to demonstrate their machismo and revert to the behavior of preadolescence etc. You never really know what may be behind the behavior.

As a butch, and lifelong atypical woman, various types of rudeness is commonplace from both males and females for any number of reasons.

One needs to gauge whether there is a true threat to life and limb versus just plain people rudeness. And, it helps to never take the rudeness of strangers personally.

How one chooses to deal with rudeness is an individual thing that reflects more on me than on the other person or people.

As a woman, I have learned just acknowledging the behavior as rude, smiling, nodding, smh and moving on works best for me. Engaging rudeness, even homophobic rudeness, is energy wasted.

On the flip side, just as femmes may worry about their butches, we also worry about rude behavior shown towards our femmes i.e. the cat calling, the innuendo etc.

I have been blessed to partner with very strong, wise, and verbal women who taught me a lot about dealing with people, rudeness, and men. The most important thing I had to learn? To get out of their way when they are dealing with something.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

One night very late ,my ex and I went to get ciggs, ( we both smoked at the time ) so we stopped at a self serve gas station, Ths guy approached hm and was begging for money . When hy declined to give this guy money he became very aggressive towards hym, S I put my car in drive and chased him all aound the parking lot, he was running and running , when myex was finished w/ purchased I pickd hym up and off we went.

Wow! I haven't experienced that here. The stares, of course, never blatant aggression. I would flip, seriously.

Here, I find that when I am out with a butch, the straight women tend to flirt with the butch. Idk... sstrange.sounds lime a lot of people encounter aggression and that is NOT right.

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Rudeness in the world of life is sometimes a pain in the ass,dealing with it can be an iffy thing to contend with.So far I am still in one piece,tho I often wonder how I managed to be after all this time.I don't have anyone to have my back when I have issues happen so I try to use humor or ignore them and go on my way,easy..no but often works.When it doesn't I do what I need to do to get by without the loss of blood,body parts and teeth.I walk with a cane a lot to ease my left knee but it is also a weapon of choice,the handle is made of metal and the bottom is fixed with a good size stainless bolt my son put on it right above the bottom end of it that is hell on knees,crotches,toes and what have you...it is also a good blocking tool.Now and then I get a smart ass at one of the pool halls I go to or in the store,generaly one of the wait staff,bartender or the owner puts a stop to it then kicks the perp out of the place with a strong warning.The only time I had an issue was at my home pool hall when some jerk said I butted in line to get my order then wanted to make a big thing about it,the bartender told him he had hie beer and to move on but he was in a pissy mood and got bent out of shape.All I did was lay my cane on top of the bar with one hand on it then stare'd him down with the coldest look I had.He sputter'd around a bit then saw he didn't have an audience then walked away.This crap is something we butches have dealt with and will always deal with,but as the things that are changing hope it will become less as times go's on.Having someone who has you back is priceless.

I recently up graded my cane,I now have one with a strong light in the handle facing forwards(it's in the grip of the handle) also If I need to I just flip a button behind the light and can stun the bas5a7ds with 50,000 volts of stun gun power.It cost me $80.00 but is worth it.