PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Just checking in to say hi!

It's been a rough time lately, all the flooding here has brought up one of my traumas, which was a flash flood that we were caught in when I was a kid. Our whole city is traumatized. Several members here weer trapped in their homes or ended up in shelters.

I totally get not feeling safe, ever. The hypervigilance.

I take my medicine, go to therapy and a psychiatrist and still it is a long road and I worry my friends, family and co-workers will just give up on me. I feel too empty to add the stress of worrying about other people's stress if that makes sense. Like an empty tube of toothpaste. still trying to make sure all are settled and have places to live after the flood.

Vacation starts tomorrow, I will try to check in, but plan to spend as much time as possible just relaxing!

xoxoxoxoxox

[JustBeingMe]

Have a Great Vacation and yes, relax as much as you can and are able to.

[JustBeingMe]

Yipppieeeeeeeee i got to see the new doc and got some anxiety meds again. Thank God/dess for doctors that don't hesitate writing Rx's for PTSD and anxiety issues. And thank God/dess for the meds too.

[Jet]

The effects of my trauma are nearly over—it came with remembering everything. I went through some very difficult days. I'm still a little skittish with certain things, but I feel I'm about 80% better than I was. Here's wishing everyone better health.

j

[Canela]

I am a total mess right now...the depression is at its peak, I don't want to talk to anyone, much less do any business or work...I want to sleep as much as possible and eating too much ice cream or whatever I can get ahold of...crying has started and I am trying so hard not to let myself be swept away into this but its so hard right now...all I want to do is hide in my bedroom and not see anyone, not my honey especially because I feel I am disappointing hym...my children don't understand they just say, "get over it mom"...and my pets, my babies they are confused...mama usually has it all under control...the trigger? So many things, one after the other after the other as if I had a ball machine just spitting balls at me with no bat to swing at 'em with...

I am praying that this will pass quickly...

Please God help.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Jet

The effects of my trauma are nearly over—it came with remembering everything. I went through some very difficult days. I'm still a little skittish with certain things, but I feel I'm about 80% better than I was. Here's wishing everyone better health.

j

AWESOME!!! WOOHOO!!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by LittleShug

I am a total mess right now...the depression is at its peak, I don't want to talk to anyone, much less do any business or work...I want to sleep as much as possible and eating too much ice cream or whatever I can get ahold of...crying has started and I am trying so hard not to let myself be swept away into this but its so hard right now...all I want to do is hide in my bedroom and not see anyone, not my honey especially because I feel I am disappointing hym...my children don't understand they just say, "get over it mom"...and my pets, my babies they are confused...mama usually has it all under control...the trigger? So many things, one after the other after the other as if I had a ball machine just spitting balls at me with no bat to swing at 'em with...

I am praying that this will pass quickly...

Please God help.

HUGS to you. LS. Remember you are not alone.

[tuffboi29]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Tuffboi29,

Yes, they are night terrors. I have those. I find myself kicking, hitting, screaming, and the like. Go see a sleep disorder doc. Get a study done. Then from there you will be sent to a therapist. Go. See if you can get relief.

I took your advice and ran with it wholeheardedly.Ive been hacking at this for a little while now and have been properly diagnosed which led to proper treatment.The nights are still rough but I'm sleeping longer.My therapist is pleased with what progress I've made in this seemingly short amount of time.All in all I have a renewed sense of hope.The misdiagnosis I had lived with for years is almost a distant memory and I find myself grateful that I no longer have to live with the shame and fear it brought to my life.For with the label that was tacked so carelessly on me there was no hope or cure.At least now I am learning new coping skills and have hope for the future for if I keep at it...I WILL get better,because now there is the option to.Don't get me wrong I know that this will never fully leave me...but there is a better way to live with it and overcome the fear and 'fight or flight' that plauges me everyday.

Lastly I would like to give my thanks for this thread.I am no longer alone.I have a place to ask for help or simply leave my fears.I find myself coming back in here often just to reread everyones words.I find them a comfort when I can't sleep knowing one of you may be reading the same thing and are...in some way sitting up with me.

[Canela]

Praise God...I feel soooo much better today! Thank you all of you who prayed and who wished me well...I feel like my old self again...the battle is over! Amen!

Here's wishing all of you here a better day too!

[Canela]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

HUGS to you. LS. Remember you are not alone.

Thank you so much, Zombie I appreciate your support! You're a sweetheart! God bless you

[Leigh]

(((((((((((((((Shug)))))))))))))))))))) Glad to see your feeling better hun

[tuffboi29]

Im having a kind of moment...


I tried to sleep...Im sure you know how that goes...and now Im here...


I want to sleep but Im one of those dreams will come back.


I'll try again in 15 minutes.

[JustBeingMe]

[Apocalipstic]

Back from Vacation to lots of drama and sad stuff, but I am OK so far.

I have missed you all and am glad you seem to eb doing better!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

[Canela]

Hello my PTSD brothers and sisters!

Here's wishing you a ton of happiness, smiles, peace, comfort and love. I pray we have an amazing week with little to no trauma, amen?

Love to all!

Shug

[JustBeingMe]

My Ptsd, depression and anxiety are being set off more and more each day. My night terrors are just that, full of bad crap in them. It makes it hard to fall asleep knowing they are more frequent these days. I just wish I could get throught this shit I am going through with support from my friends. I wish I had more friends to talk to on the phone, but sadly I don't. I am very greatful for the short list of 2 that I speak to when I can. I wish I could move on with my life and this shit was done and over with so all my sypmtoms would calm down a bit and leave me to a more peaceful life. Hopefully whatever will happen will be soon, but it's Not going to be soon enough. It's not easy walking in my shoes as of the last few months. I hate what's happening but there isn't much I can do about it except go through the process of the shit that's being done. I can't wait for it to be over with, done, Finito !!
signed,
one stressed out planeteer.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Justbeme,

I wish I could give you some inner peace. I feel your pain. It brings me tears, as it does you. From what you have written, I sense that you and I are quite a like than different. Have you talked to a therapist about your PTSD and anxiety?

The one thing that has helped me tremendously over time is meditation and prayer. It was a gradual process of learning for me. It is about refocusing my energy onto the good. Let me give you an example. I have a sheet of paper that I write down who is sick, who needs what, who is mad at who, and of course wildlife, my pets, and world events. One day I will meditate and find my center of being and be silent. And all of my energy goes into reflecting on that topic. I use white candles to burn, as well as incense. It is cleansing for me.

Another example, I have found that being a caretaker for my dying sister was a wonderful gift. I was first devistated over her death, and still am to a certain degree. But now I am able to really put her life in a place and go on living. Her 2 sons are a tribute to her mothering. And I see that now. Before I never did. Today her husband and 2 sons and I have a different relationship. We are closer, but more understanding and loving towards each other. Make sense?

Life is like waves coming and crashing on a beach. It never stops. It is constantly there. For some it is relaxing. For others it is devistation. Again it's perception. Everyone has a different take on 1 thing. That is why I think prayer and meditation work wonders for me. I highly recommend it.

I wish you peace.

Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi Everyone,

I hope that everyone here is doing well, and staying cool in this heat.

[Jet]

There is an event related to my trauma trapped in my psyche. Feelings of a jolt coming on are getting severe. I guess because it's going to surface soon. It's unavoidable and I'm way passed deep breaths.
My prayer today:
Dear God, thanks so much for so much.

[ravfem]

hey y'all

i've read this thread from the beginning, and i have so much to say, i can't stand it! As i was reading i finally started jotting down notes for myself because otherwise i'd have forgotten 90% of what i wanted to say (with the notes, i'll only forget about 30% )

i was told i had PTSD about a year ago. The dr who told me this said so in passing, and nothing else was said about it, so of course i went to my trusted online ally - google. For months, i argued with google results, there was *no* way i could have PTSD! But....i eventually stopped fighting and started just reading and learning and.... ok...i am at a point where i can admit that i may indeed have it. Maybe.

OK...time for the disclaimer, people! What i'm posting are only my opinions, thoughts and ideas. i am just venting, i guess....i've never talked to anyone else who has gone through similar stuff, so i'm all newbie-green with enthusiasm! Please bear with me, this is gonna be a book!

i can so relate to many of you and what you've had to say. i also have lots of the issues on that original checklist posted. Who knows if they come from the PTSD? Maybe some do & some don't, maybe the underlying reasons overlap? For me, one of the ones that stood out most was the blunted affect thing. i've often been told i don't get excited, nothing makes me happy, etc. my therapist told me that when i first started talking about the issues (that i think started the whole PTSD thing) i was very distant and non-emotional about it...very cold in my retelling.

When i was in my mid-twenties (i'm 43 now), i entered therapy for the first time. i knew i was really screwed up and i had a toddler that i desperately did NOT want to screw up, so i decided to get help and learn how not to pass on the generational screwed-upness that has been in my family for gawd only knows how long. (i ended up screwing him up anyway, but that's beside this point)

Through therapy, i learned lots about myself and why i am the way i am. It was the most exhausting, intensely painful thing i've even done and i wouldn't change a thing about the process even if i could (except to maybe have done it earlier). There were sessions that i would leave from feeling as if i'd done 12 hours of manual labor, i was so completely worn out.

Anyway, after ending that therapy, i figured my world was set. i'm sitting here shaking my head at how ignorant i was about myself and life back then. i had no idea that i would still be fighting some of the same battles today.

One of the things i've learned is that for me, this crap is an on-going thing that i will have to deal with for the rest of my life. i can forgive, i can work through things and move on from them, i can confront and put aside stuff. But i will still have to continue facing myself and my issues.

Unfortunately, it is not a case of, "ok, i've dealt with it. i've done all the steps, faced everything and accepted or let go of what i needed to. i feel ok with it, so now it's done. Never have to deal with that again. Yay!" Nope....i may have dealt with a situation or a crisis, but tomorrow is a new day with new stuff.

i lost respect for my mama when i was 13. i discovered that she would not protect me from evil like i assumed she would. In my mid-thirties, i accepted that she was mentally ill. A few years later, i decided i could no longer handle her being a part of my life. It has taken me from that time til about a year ago to make it stick.

The thing that i was hung up on was that this was my mama. She was supposed to love me, protect me, be there for me. And as her child, i was supposed to do the same for her. No matter what. Society says we have an obligation to our parents. That we should respect them, honor them and never turn our backs on them. i have decided, for me, that society is wrong (not only on this matter, but again...beside the point).

What society doesn't account for is when these people...these mere human beings, have their own issues & demons. How can one be a healthy parent if one is not a healthy person? i resented my mama for years for hurting me emotionally. How could she?? Why did she?? What the heck was she thinking???? The answer is....she is/was mentally ill. She was trying desperately and failing wonderfully at trying to deny & ignore her own demons while raising 2 kids, doing what society said she had to do. She was/is miserable, deep down in her soul.

my mama has always been a negative emotional influence on me. i have tried talking to her, going to therapy with her. She has acknowledged her issues. But, she cannot and/or will not do anything about them. So....i had to decide: do i continue to allow myself to be a part of her hell? If so, i had to accept that that would mean i would be making myself miserable and depressed too. If not, then i had to accept that society would shun me.

Which could i more easily live with? Inner hell and torment, or inner peace and safety? Honestly, the decision was not easy. i fought with myself for a long time, waffling back & forth, trying to compromise, setting boundaries with her. But finally i had to face the fact that my emotional and physical well-being suffered immeasurably while she was a part of my life. And so, i did it. The easy way...i wrote her a letter. i justified the letter by telling myself i had had many face-to-face talks with her about this very thing. And that by writing a letter, i could take time to organize my thoughts and feelings, and be sure i didn't forget something. And it would give her something tangible to hold on to, so that she could go back & read it over & over as she asked herself why and processed what was happening. And, well....i really just didn't want yet another, "rhonda, stop being so silly." conversation with her.

It was a great decision, i must say. my quality of life has improved, because now i don't worry about middle of the night phone calls or running to the hospital or her house every time she or a family member called with the latest emergency. i don't have to hear her criticism, her hate, her sob stories.

One of the many questions i kept asking myself during this process was if i could be consistent with my decision? Whatever i decided, i had to be sure i could stick to it....no matter what. i didn't want it to be another situation of, "one more time, mama, and that's it! i can't handle this anymore!" only to be right back in the same place the next time. So, yes, this is a life-long decision. i will not go back. People have asked what if...what if she really does change? what if she gets sick? what if she's at death's door? my answer is: first, i can only say what i hope i'll do, because i haven't been faced with that situation yet. But what i hope i'll do is stick to my decision. Nothing that possibly might happen is worth my emotional health. Nothing. Not even death.

i stopped hating and blaming my mama a long time ago. It did nothing to help me....in fact, it was eating away at my soul. What happened, happened, and it was made far worse because of her decisions. But i finally figured out that it was me who was gonna have to try and fix me, not mama. She can't do a dang thing about it now. So, i chose to accept that it happened and she was a huge part of it, but that was then and this is now. As long as i was holding onto my hate and anger for her and the hurt because of her, i would always be living in it. i would always be having flashbacks and moments full of fear and intense depression because of it.

Today, i practice One Day at a Time. i say practice because it is soooooo something i have to work on. When i can do it successfully, it helps in so many ways, but mostly it helps me maintain some semblance of inner peace.

Inner peace.....utopia. It's what we all want.. it's what we all need. And it's so hard to find, to reach, to hold on to. That is what i want for me and for everyone else...inner peace. One day at a time.

rhonda