08-31-2010, 07:00 PM | #1 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
bigender Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs Relationship Status:
in a relationship Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,042
Thanked 13,992 Times in 2,594 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
The Ethics of Closets and Outings
What are your beliefs regarding the ethics of:
1. Living in the closet A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions?2. Outing others A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions?
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
|
08-31-2010, 07:25 PM | #2 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Human Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Where I want to be
Posts: 8,155
Thanks: 47,491
Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
What are your beliefs regarding the ethics of:
1. Living in the closet A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions? Ethical, no personal choice to do so or not. B. Are there times when a person has a moral / ethical obligation to live in or out of the closet? If so, what times? Moral, again no, it is a personal choice to do so or not. 2. Outing others A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions? [COLOR="rgb(0, 100, 0)"]No. never.[/COLOR] B. How careful are you in avoiding accidentally outing an another person? I don't out others ever it is their choice or not. C. Do you feel there are ethical concerns involved with speculating with others about a person's orientation? If so, what are they? Someone's sexual orientation is none of my business. D. Do you feel there are ethical concerns about a person asking others to keep her/hir/hym/him in the closet? If so, what are they? [COLOR="rgb(0, 100, 0)"]Yes, it is no one else's business how another person expresses their orientation.[/COLOR]
__________________
"Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them".
~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee) |
08-31-2010, 07:32 PM | #3 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Satan in a Sunday Hat Preferred Pronoun?:
Maow Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: The Chemical Valley
Posts: 4,086
Thanks: 3,312
Thanked 8,742 Times in 2,566 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
I don't think this is an ethical issue at all. It's deeply personal, and I have no judgement toward anybody who is closeted in any area of their life. For some people remaining closeted is necessary for their physical safety, for others it is necessary for their remaining employed (or at least for working in a bullshit-free environment).
I DO think that outing other people IS an ethical issue. It is -wrong- to out another person - point blank. There is never a situation in which it is okay to out someone else. It is their story to tell - not mine. And as for whether or not it's okay to sit around speculating about other people's sexual orientation - my personal policy regarding this (and about everything personal) is that I don't know anything about anybody unless they have told it to me themself. Playing homo-detective is creepy, I don't like it.
__________________
bête noire \bet-NWAHR\, noun: One that is particularly disliked or that is to be avoided.
|
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to betenoire For This Useful Post: |
08-31-2010, 07:44 PM | #4 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
What are your beliefs regarding the ethics of:
1. Living in the closet A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions?2. Outing others A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions? |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SuperFemme For This Useful Post: |
08-31-2010, 09:05 PM | #5 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?:
see above Relationship Status:
independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Oakland
Posts: 1,826
Thanks: 4,068
Thanked 7,656 Times in 1,522 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
If you are a public person or elected official and you are homophobic or support homophobic laws AND you are a homosexual.....you are a hypocrite and should be outed.....loudly and often. Ken Melman and his predecessor Lee Atwater are the first to pop in my mind..........the list is long.
I can not live a lie. I have been out my entire adult life. I don't understand how other folks live a lie. It's probably why the suicide rate is so high.
__________________
We are everywhere We are different I do not care if resistance is futile I will not assimilate |
08-31-2010, 09:23 PM | #6 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
bigender Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs Relationship Status:
in a relationship Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,042
Thanked 13,992 Times in 2,594 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Today I almost posted in the "Famous / Highly Visible Queers" thread about a celebrity who has not stated explicitly their orientation. Despite mounting evidence and despite my strong interest (okay as far as celebrity interest goes) in having this person *on the team,* I felt like it was not the ethical thing to do. But it brought me to the place of asking these questions of myself, and I thought maybe they'd be interesting in this forum as well.
1. Living in the closet A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions?2. Outing others A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions?
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Nat For This Useful Post: |
08-31-2010, 10:18 PM | #7 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: rose cottage
Posts: 5,506
Thanks: 8,448
Thanked 15,635 Times in 3,981 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
1. Living in the closet
A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions? I stayed closeted in AA for awhile out of self preservation. I needed to work on staying sober, and gaining a community and a network of close friends in recovery. One by one they were told. That was early on. Now, at my latest lead, I announce I am a lesbian and tell people I come out in my leads because some people cant, because they dont feel safe, like I didnt. I remind them this is an honest program and that homophobia can keep someone from being honest and lead to a relapse. I also think children of LGBTIQ community also need to have a say in their own outing. As I raised my daughter, I was consciously aware that if I was brash in the school arena with my orientation, it outed her as a child of LGBTIQ. I let her take the reins and she did it well. Ethically I felt it was the right thing to do to protect her rights...and children DO have rights. Religiously, some people cant be out or they lose their place in their church, let alone their religion. Is this right? No. But I would NEVER expect someone to chose their spirituality over the politics of gender and orientation. Politicians who are closeted and are anti gay in their voting, SHOULD be outed. B. Are there times when a person has a moral / ethical obligation to live in or out of the closet? If so, what times? read above 2. Outing others A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions? read above B. How careful are you in avoiding accidentally outing a another person? very. It unnerves me how many people ask me if so and so is gay because they are friends with me and think they have an "in:" to our world. C. Do you feel there are ethical concerns involved with speculating with others about a person's orientation? If so, what are they? it just doesnt happen seriously in my world. If someone wants to speculate with me, I ask them what they like about that person because I have a friend that is soooo like him or her and can fix them up.... D. Do you feel there are ethical concerns about a person asking others to keep her/hir/hym/him in the closet? If so, what are they? I have a friend who is closeted. She is not ready to come out. She is on a journey and it is not MY place to tell her she must come out. People who want to date me who are closeted are told point blank that I am not, and if they associate with me, people will assume so its their choice...if they are ready, good. If not, they need to reconsider their offer of a date...
__________________
Pole bachit, a lis chuye.
The field sees, the forest hears |
The Following User Says Thank You to Soft*Silver For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 08:49 AM | #8 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Diva Preferred Pronoun?:
Diva Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Chez Diva
Posts: 11,879
Thanks: 9,263
Thanked 17,179 Times in 5,238 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
This will be short and sweet.
My ex-husband outed me to my parents shortly after we divorced. During our custody trial, that came out. And I believe that information belongs to one person and one person only: ME. We were in a bitter custody battle. I am not proud to say that I outed my former brother-in-law (my ex-husband's brother) in the courtroom......in front of my ex, his wife & his mother..... But I can also tell You this: I would have outed Mother Teresa (if she'd been a lesbian) if I thought it would have won my children. I'm a Mama Bear like that. So do I believe in outing someone ~ even a hypocrite? No. It is their story to tell. And I can only imagine the inner turmoil they experience every waking moment is a far greater pain than any humiliation the world would give them. This I know from personal experience. |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Diva For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 12:40 PM | #9 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In the present
Posts: 828
Thanks: 3,156
Thanked 3,445 Times in 660 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I have a huge problem with the word authenticity in these discussions. Who is to say if someone is living authentically? Really!
I also see this issue as far as gender and transition outing. That has been a very unpleasant experience for Greyson and I. Is a transman or woman not living authentically if they do not disclose their transition? Unless someone is an elected official who is voting to deny me civil rights or protections they should not be outed. Period. |
09-01-2010, 01:13 PM | #10 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
I use the word "authentic" in these discussions only in relation to self.
It is not my place (or anyones for that matter) to decide what is or is not authentic for another human being. |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to SuperFemme For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 01:21 PM | #11 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In the present
Posts: 828
Thanks: 3,156
Thanked 3,445 Times in 660 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
I am not referring to this discussion here. Just in general. There was a big discussion on FB one time and Queen Latifah came up as not living authentically. This was specifically about public figures and celebrities. The idea was that it is ok to out celebrities or public figures. That they owe the queer community that for being high profile. I don't agree with that. Unless they are elected officials. |
|
The Following User Says Thank You to julieisafemme For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 01:25 PM | #12 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
oh i see. and i agree. i'm not even mad at oprah and gayle. (kidding, kidding) |
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SuperFemme For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 06:38 PM | #13 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
bigender Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs Relationship Status:
in a relationship Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,042
Thanked 13,992 Times in 2,594 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Quote:
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
|
|
09-01-2010, 06:41 PM | #14 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
bigender Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs Relationship Status:
in a relationship Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,042
Thanked 13,992 Times in 2,594 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Quote:
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
|
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Nat For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 06:51 PM | #15 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Regular, with sugar Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: .
Posts: 681
Thanks: 472
Thanked 1,335 Times in 501 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
Quote:
|
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Maria For This Useful Post: |
09-01-2010, 07:18 PM | #16 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Human Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Where I want to be
Posts: 8,155
Thanks: 47,491
Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
Quote:
It is still Queen Latifah's choice to discuss her sexual orientation. Whether we discuss it or not isn't the issue, lots of folks are gonna talk because of those pictures. Did she give up her rights to her image? I doubt it, but she was seen in public, so in a since she outed herself. That was her decision, not us in her bedroom asking her. Folks are gonna gossip about any number of celeb d' jour. Is it really our business, I say no, 'cause I don't really give a f*. It's her life.
__________________
"Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them".
~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee) |
|
09-01-2010, 08:05 PM | #17 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
No Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: PNW
Posts: 823
Thanks: 1,387
Thanked 2,315 Times in 428 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
What are your beliefs regarding the ethics of:
1. Living in the closet A. Do you feel there are ethical concerns with an individual's choice to live in or out of the closet? If so, what are they? Are there exceptions?2. Outing others A. Are there times when you think it's ethically okay to out a person? If so, when? Are there exceptions? |
09-01-2010, 08:36 PM | #18 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 5/27/2011 Preferred Pronoun?:
hy ho, hy ho; he, she, it, whatever Relationship Status:
Going slow ... Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: in her orifices ... la frontera
Posts: 1,433
Thanks: 6,414
Thanked 2,958 Times in 953 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
If her only choice was to stay closeted versus joining the planet, and given some lack of thought expressed here with respect to race, I'd slam that closet door, and lock her ass in there. Just saying... |
|
09-01-2010, 09:05 PM | #19 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
bigender Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs Relationship Status:
in a relationship Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,042
Thanked 13,992 Times in 2,594 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Quote:
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl
|
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Nat For This Useful Post: |
09-02-2010, 01:10 PM | #20 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: In the present
Posts: 828
Thanks: 3,156
Thanked 3,445 Times in 660 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
|
|
The Following User Says Thank You to julieisafemme For This Useful Post: |
|
|