what NOT to do in a relationship....... [Archive] - Page 2

Billy

07-31-2010, 08:53 PM

Please do not give me a detailed run down about the amazing shit you just took.

Do not rush me to orgasm while fucking me

If I say I need time to think, please dont follow me around the house.

I dont mind harmless flirting, but DO NOT oggle other women all night

Please do not call me to talk, then go on a 20 minute spiel about something ADORABLE your cat did. Then go on for another 20 min's about your OTHER cats!

Never, EVER lie to me, even if it's gonna hurt.

If you are pissed off, or upset about something, talk about it. Passive agressive behavior will get you the boot.

Dont do the running man on the dance floor while we are out with our friends.

If you burp or fart say excuse me.

I may not act like a lady, but dont forget that I am one, and treat me accordingly

Alrighty then ...........:sunglass:

Billy

07-31-2010, 08:56 PM

But what if it REALLLLY hurts?!

Its going to hurt more , just sayin . And I believe you would not move when told not to :)

IrishGrrl

07-31-2010, 09:17 PM

Alrighty then ...........:sunglass:

You are training right UP!!

*hauling ass*

The_Lady_Snow

07-31-2010, 09:17 PM

DO NOT yell red when I am halfway in a swing, it will land.

IrishGrrl

07-31-2010, 09:18 PM

Its going to hurt more , just sayin . And I believe you would not move when told not to :)

Because of course I always do what I"m told.

snicker*

Arwen

07-31-2010, 09:21 PM

Do not use me as your emotional punching bag.
Do not expect me to make you my be-all/end-all unless you do the same for me (and then we really need to talk because that's a bit much, capiche?)
Do not drag negativity into every situation. No, the world is not out to get you.
Do not talk other people down and say things about them you wouldn't have the cajones to say to their face.
Do not refuse to talk about the important stuff.
Do not overanalyze the unimportant stuff.
Be willing to be flexible on what's unimportant and what's important.
Do not jerk me around and then expect me to be happy when you want to go out again. I'll be busy--promise.

I promise to do the same for you.

SuperFemme

07-31-2010, 09:43 PM

do NOT make fun of my family.

The_Lady_Snow

07-31-2010, 09:44 PM

DO NOT tell me yo' mama jokes

Jesse

07-31-2010, 10:22 PM

The Truck...ahem!

Do not your leave trash in it
If you have to adjust the seat, please... do put it back
If I allow you to drive it, do not bring it back on empty!

The_Lady_Snow

07-31-2010, 10:23 PM

DO NOT badger me after a 14 hour day of working about how the dog got into the trash can and you had to clean it up and how I did not answer the phone while I was at work to listen to you complain about it.

amiyesiam

07-31-2010, 11:17 PM

Please, do not, while I am at work, give me away:blink:

dixie

08-01-2010, 12:47 AM

Please don't tell me about all the people you have slept with or wish you had slept with. It makes for awkward moments when I wake up to an empty bed at 3am and find you in the living room on webcam with one of them while they are very scantily clad (to say the least)...

Gemme

08-01-2010, 02:28 AM

Don't call little people midgets. I hear they don't like that.

And don't ever let me run out of sugar. This is for your safety and sanity as well as mine.

Julie

08-01-2010, 09:11 AM

Do Not speak to me as if I am beneath you..
I will Chew you up and Spit you Out.

weatherboi

08-01-2010, 09:20 AM

please please please do not throw away my *extra* copies of "Pillars of the Earth"

they all mean something to me!!!

Jesse

08-01-2010, 11:44 AM

: points to pc and laptop: MINE! nuff said.

Arwen

08-01-2010, 11:48 AM

Do not promise to do something then back out at the last minute.
Do not be subtle. If you love me, tell me. Words count. Actions do too.

Do not expect that because I am psychic I will be.
Do tell me where you would like to go with me even if we can never get there. Dreams are good.
Do not promise anything you can't deliver.

Again, I'll do the same for you.

UofMfan

08-01-2010, 11:51 AM

Please, do not, while I am at work, give me away:blink:

I am still laughing out loud over this one! :)

theoddz

08-01-2010, 12:13 PM

The Truck...ahem!

Do not your leave trash in it
If you have to adjust the seat, please... do put it back
If I allow you to drive it, do not bring it back on empty!

I second this with overwhelming emotion. :clap:

~Theo~ :bouquet:

tuffboi29

08-01-2010, 01:16 PM

DO NOT...

Touch my stogies!!!! They are *mine*. If you want one...ask first please.

Also...

Apparently....

(generally speaking) femmes do not seem to appreciate carburetors left on the kitchen table for rebuilding.

Sorry... :worried:

TenderKnight

08-01-2010, 01:30 PM

If you meet someone online and send them a picture, please have it be a recent one, meaning no longer then a year ago.. If you've changed a LOT from the picture you've sent and what you look like in real life, the truth WILL come out and yes, sometimes it does matter..

violaine

08-01-2010, 01:52 PM

push me if i'm in need of space -

disrespect what is mine, your story is respected as it is an honour to listen to the journey of another human being as their story unfolds-

AtLast

08-01-2010, 02:16 PM

This may sound trite, but, screaming at me just does not go over well. especially obscenities. Verbal abuse is verbal abuse. Not talking about raising one's voice to make a point or to get my attention. But, I will hear this and give my undivided attention so partner's have never had to go to the screech level.

ARGH... there is a lesbian couple living across the street from me and one of them is a mega ragea-holic. out of control and very loud!! I am so tired of hearing her scrteam at her partner. Why the partner stays is beyond me.

Besides, it's noise pollution and I don't want to know the details of their relationship issues. I wish they would get some help.. or just break up and move!!

Lynn

08-01-2010, 02:26 PM

Don't tell me how to spend money.

Don't try to dictate my priorities.

It isn't necessary for us to enjoy all the same things, but don't belittle my interests. Same for my friends and my aspirations.

JustJo

08-01-2010, 02:30 PM

Please do not:

tell me how I "should" be...I am who and how I am...and my way of being is as a valid as yours
rage at me...I cannot hear you if you shout, accuse or cuss. My brain and emotions shut down and I stop being able to hear
put others before me all the time. Yes, others count and will be first sometimes, but I should not always be last on the list
pretend that my reality isn't what it is...if you hate kids, cats, or stubborn women...then I'm not the woman for you
expect me to read your mind...tell me what you want, what you think and how you feel. I will always listen....but I need you to tell me
close down on me verbally, sexually or emotionally. If you need space, tell me and I'll honor that...but if you just "leave" don't be surprised when I react by feeling abandoned

Diva

08-01-2010, 02:34 PM

....wash my red t~shirt with His white ones.....

Oooooooo ....that was a bad day..... :eyebat:

TenderKnight

08-01-2010, 02:39 PM

A few people have stated something along these lines, but I will add to the do not list..

Do not scream and rage at me in public and expect a reaction.. I shut down and if you think that means that I don't care or am not a Top, frankly, fuck you, I'm gone.

Do not scream at me and expect the same in return, again, I shut down and I'm confused and hurting at this point.

Do not think that just because I'm a switch that I can be pushed around.

Do not expect me to be a role.. I'm a human being and I have feelings and sometimes I just CAN'T be your Dad.

Do not belittle me in public. Not in front of friends and CERTAINLY not in front of or IN my work place.. Show some fucking class.

Do not expect me to be perfect and to be your Knight in shining armor.. Underneath that armor is a human being who can be a Knight but can also be a scared little boy.

That being said.. I still have a lot of hurt and anger going on.. Can you tell? lol

PearlsNLace

08-01-2010, 02:43 PM

Rook

08-01-2010, 02:45 PM

Mind if I add one?
It's not a biggie, No paragraphs, no cynical tone....

Don't LIE

Why? Because eventually, I'll find out...
And when I do, try not to have a "wtf??" expression when I tell you to get fucked, get bent, go to your side of hell and stay the FUCK away me, it insults my intelligence.
:blink:

Bard

08-01-2010, 06:03 PM

Judge me I am who and what I am your approval is not needed.. it has taken me a long time to get here...
Play games with my mind and my heart if you say something mean it

call me names try to break me down even in a passive agressive way .. just cause I am country don't mean I am dumb

play on my insecurities I don't let many close for that reason I will not hand you the knife to cut with with

DO NOT ever say or be disrespectful of my dad or the rest of my family we may be a odd bunch but we are family

Don't refer to my Skyler as " that horse " she is my baby so there

bright_arrow

08-01-2010, 06:21 PM

dark_crystal

08-01-2010, 06:25 PM

Dont stay up till you have to be at work in 2 hours processing emotions.

Go to bed.

Its ok to say I love you, but Im mad. And I need to sleep to clear my head.

Reapproach it tomorrow. After breakfast. And maybe even after talking it over with someone who can play devils advocate, or at least journal what your thinking

Remember you are on the same "team"

It diffuses the hight of the emotion a bit, for me.

this is a big one for me...i have caved on a milion issues i should have stoood firm for just because my partner was willing to keep me up all night if that was how long it was going to take for me to submit...i have a job to do and i can't do it sleepy...

Mitmo01

08-01-2010, 06:27 PM

DO NOt Start talking to guys without telling your partner that you switched sides lol

Do not tell your partner that your extended family will now be living with you indefinitley and all of the animals that go along with said family tommorow...

yeah thats kinda a dealbreaker......

dark_crystal

08-01-2010, 06:29 PM

Do not expect me to be a role.. I'm a human being and I have feelings and sometimes I just CAN'T be your Dad.

this has been an issue for me in past D/s relationships...it is tricky because there are times when one or both of us may have to step out of the dynamic...but i do think it shoud be formally announced when it is happening...if we are both jumping in and out of the dynamic things can break down real quick

Dean Thoreau

08-01-2010, 06:40 PM

DO NOT............................. assume or think or presume you are perfect and infallible...and I promise I will try to remember I am not either.
Remember we got involved with each other for the same reason ,,we each saw something, liked something, loved something in each other...Now let us both do each other a favor and remember that when we see all the crap that comes with that something we fell in love with!

Arwen

08-01-2010, 07:18 PM

Do not expect me to fold your clothes the way your mother/grandmother/ex did. If you are picky about it, do it yourself.
Do not put my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher.
Do not expect me to cook every meal. You are fully capable of it too.

Do not expect to take out the garbage every time. I am fully capable of it too.
Do not ask me if we have to keep my antiques. The answer is no WE don't, but I am.
Do not expect me to not be friends with someone just because you are not.

As always, the reverse is true of me for you.

Rockinonahigh

08-01-2010, 07:23 PM

We have posted a lot of what not to do,soooo how about a fue of what too do.Hear are a fue of mine...

Understand if I am in a relationship with u it will be the first one that I have been in.Yeah,ive dated and had a fue women friends with benefits over the years,but we both knew what we were geting into cause nither wanted anything else..

My trust and heart are guarded by a gate with an iron lock,for me to open it u will be dificult in many ways because of being used,lied to,made a fool of ect,ect..give me time to realise its ok to let u in.

Understand that I dont do abuse in any way..I will be gone in a flash.

I was the abandond child who was barely part of the family.If it hadnt been for my grand folks and an aunt and uncle who passed way to soon I wouldnt know what a good relationship was

I grew up knowing two sets of rules to live by..theires and mine,in no way were they anywhere the same.

As we get to know each other please realise im going to have to get use to beleaving someone could really care enough to love me.

I havent had many soft places to fall,so if I dont let u in when u think I should have..lets talk it out,I promiss to do better next time.

Well these are a fue,no im not a basket case because of what ive gone thrue
cause over the years I have become who I am and am at peace with all the things life has thrown at me

The_Lady_Snow

08-01-2010, 07:31 PM

DO NOT eat ALL the Salt and Vinegar chips!

miss entycing

08-01-2010, 07:40 PM

DO NOT eat ALL the Salt and Vinegar chips!

ANDDD all MY er, I mean...the chocolate-
you will not 'cute' your way outta that.

bigbutchmistie

08-01-2010, 07:48 PM

ADONT be jealous of my femme friends. There are reasons they are my friends. They were in my past, some of them we had it out we made it through were loyal no matter what and made it to my present and will be there in my future. It raises a red flag to me if one is jealous of someones friends just sayin

Rockinonahigh

08-01-2010, 09:11 PM

Dont grose out when...I eat pickled pigs feet or pickled pork hocks,I dont do this much any more but onece in a while i gotta have some.

I love sour pickles and keep them by the galon.

I really dig red wine vinager,by the glas or over lettus

I cook with lots of garlic..if its too much for u let me know and I will cut it back a bit.

Salt and viniger chips are great but I dont eat them so much because of the high salt content

Yes,I have some strange eating habits.But I dont have high bp or colestol either.

Soft*Silver

08-01-2010, 09:42 PM

dont bring a ouiji board in the house. Nor talk about dark spirits nor treat lightly magic of any kind. I dont want to be around when it bites you in the cosmic ass

I have an eclectic spirituality and my practices are wholesome and from light and love. Dont call me evil or a satanist..or I shall pretend to be one just to scare you as far away from me as possible

dont put on my lipstick...even as a joke. Unless you are dressing up as the Joker...

dont stop opening car doors for me. Even after 8 years. Or more...

Arwen

08-01-2010, 09:47 PM

Don't bring up old stuff on a public place or around our friends
Don't air our laundry (clean or otherwise) to others
Don't confer with your friends over what to do about me
Don't read my journals

SassyLeo

08-01-2010, 10:02 PM

Do not tell me that you are just visiting your parents, only to find out that you never moved out and your mom still makes you dinner every night.

IrishGrrl

08-01-2010, 10:03 PM

When I strap on my cock, dont look at me and say.."what's that for" ?

chefhmboyrd

08-01-2010, 10:26 PM

thi ha been a very informative thread. Thanks to everyone that has contributed!
i am sure we will have many more stories!

thanks all!
:fastdraq:

Diva

08-01-2010, 10:35 PM

I'm thinkin' that one thing not to do in a relationship would be ~ if one is IN a relationship ~ to come into a thread like this and post what not to do before one discusses it with their partner.

RoyalRose

08-01-2010, 10:47 PM

Do not belittle me in front of my friends and family. Your job is to always have my back, no matter what.

Do not be afraid of your emotions. I have them, you have them, everyone has them... and the only way we can have a good relationship is if we talk about them.

Jesse

08-01-2010, 11:00 PM

We are a team and in order to communicate effectively, problem solving will need to come into play. You will need to be a part of that process in order for us to be successful. Do not shut down and refuse to communicate. If you are angry, say so. Frustrated? Speak up.

Duchess

08-01-2010, 11:03 PM

Don't search through personal items. This is sooo disrespectful. :|

Duchess

Soft*Silver

08-01-2010, 11:31 PM

dont ask me to compare you to FtMs if you are butch. Dont ask me to compare you to butches if you are FtMs. Dont question how I can call myself a lesbian if I have been with and could enjoy sex with CIS men.

dont chase the Golden O like its YOUR prize. Its MINE and I like the journey there as much, if not more than, the Golden O.

dont tell me to dye my hair. And dont tell me my silver makes me look old. It might make YOU look old but it doesnt make me look old...

Rockinonahigh

08-02-2010, 12:47 AM

OH those golden O's....they are a gift from the goddess and should be persued with sweet loveing care,truly the journey is as good as geting there.

Bard

08-02-2010, 06:27 AM

Do not ever hurt my child we are a matched set she and I and yes I will share her with you she is amazing advanced and sweet and she will get attached so when you discard me you alos hurt her and she is young this is a lesson I don't want her to learn .. I know she will down the road.. but for now she has enough with dealing with her two homes..

Ms. Tabitha

08-02-2010, 07:21 AM

Don't go to bed angry
Don't forget to let the other person know you love and respect them
Don't belittle your partner
Don't compare your partner to an ex or a parent
Don't allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship
Don't forget special occasions
Don't forget to give each other space. Clingy is NOT attractive.
Don't forget you are each others allies. I have your back and you have mine.
Don't continue to "give" in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment
Don't criticize him/her or put him/her down
Don't EVER use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for "bad" behavior
Don't try to change him/her. Appreciate who they are. THAT is what attracted you to them in the first place.
Remember - you are friends. You built a friendship. You built a relationship. If or when it ends, be adults. One day you may not have the relationship but you should maintain the friendship
(f)

Gemme

08-02-2010, 07:45 AM

Or a 'he'. She's a SHE!

Not related to a relationship, but I've got folks that will continue to call our girl pups 'he' long after I have repeatedly corrected them.

Don't make me repeat myself a thousand times (and wonder why I get more and more irritated with each repeat).

Dont grose out when...I eat pickled pigs feet or pickled pork hocks,I dont do this much any more but onece in a while i gotta have some.

I love sour pickles and keep them by the galon.

My mom was a big ppf fan. It grossed me out but she wasn't a fan of some of the things I ate either, so we let each off the hook. :)

I. Love. Pickles. :blink:

IrishGrrl

08-02-2010, 11:03 AM

I'm thinkin' that one thing not to do in a relationship would be ~ if one is IN a relationship ~ to come into a thread like this and post what not to do before one discusses it with their partner.

Unless of course one is referring to PAST relationships and not the current one.

Rook

08-02-2010, 05:58 PM

- Don't presume to know my thoughts...

{on that same token}

- Don't expect me to be a mind reader

- We'll talk, till sunrise if you'd like...But if I want "alone time", leave me alone, when i'm done, you'll know.{in other words, give me space & time to think}

- Don't assume my fondness for cuddling tenderness is an open door to "by all means, fuck me"....

- Do expect random gifts of appreciation/affection in different ways {from a random wildflower, to a simple kiss + smile}

- Don't touch my coffee....

- Love me, love my ferrets

- Do share the TV remote {I promise not to Hog it and blast sports...much}

- Do understand, I pamper My inner child, often...

- All those things u found attractive when we met? Try to remember that always....I do {Especially when you drive me nuts}..

PearlsNLace

08-02-2010, 07:28 PM

Dont hash out the things your annoyed at me about-
with another femme.
Especially not a femme who thinks your the greatest thing since sliced bread

I will, of course, refrain from whining complaining and kvetching about YOU, to any butch who may be attractive, or has made it plain that you could be replaced.

One caveat to this~
I may hash my part of it out with my sponsor, and since hes an old queen, I dont think there will be any drama comming out of that, except for some perspective. I will, however, let you know Im working through stuff so you are not blind sighted when I have suddenly converted to reason and am no longer harping on whatever it is that Im processing.

Gemme

08-02-2010, 08:36 PM

People working on themselves is a wonderful thing to see. Please don't expect to reap all the rewards if you don't put the work in. This applies to just about every aspect of an intimate relationship, different types of relationships, jobs, familial relationships, so on and so forth.

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 09:05 PM

Dont ask me to trust you with everything about my hopes and dreams and then when I tell you belittle them or me because of them. After all you did ask. Support me, as I do you. Doesnt matter how small you think they are.

Communicate with me about everything We are partners. Your opinion matters to me just as much as mine.

Dont lie. I dont care if its a white lie. Its still a lie. And it ruins relationships of all kinds. If you cant be honest with me your partner, theres a serious problem.

Dont push buttons that you know I have. I dont push on your insecurities dont push on mine.

Dont cheat. If Im not the man of your dreams fine tell me, and we can end it as friends as grown adults. Dont cheat.

Dont try and change me. If you think Im not enough for you move on. Dont be little who I am to try and mold me into who YOU think I should be.

Just because I will pamper you and love you unconditionally and be nothing but a mushy teddy bear when it concerns you, dont take it for my weakness.

Do NOT make me an option and expect me to make you my priority...

Soft*Silver

08-02-2010, 09:27 PM

Dont tell me I look fat in anything. I am fat. I will look fat. If you are going to critique my clothing, talk about IT, not ME. Tell me it doesnt flatter me. Tell me the pleats are too much. Maybe you cant ID what it is you dont like. Tell me that! Dont tell me that there is something wrong with me when its the outfit you are commenting on

now, if you are going to critique me and tell me I am fat, you best qualify that. Too fat than when we first dated? Too fat to introduce your buddies to? Too fat for your exes to see and make comments about? Too fat for you to want to bring me home little candy treats anymore? What?

Dont expect me to like what you say if you are going to call me fat. But if you are serious and not just being mean, I will listen. I might not do a damn thing about it..but maybe I will. Maybe you are worried about my health or wondering why I gained that 10 lbs over xmas (forgetting the dozens of cookies I baked that you ate too) If its a kindness, i will indeed listen, but you need to know, I am never not going to be fat. I like my fat old self. I was skinny once, and damned near killed myself to be like that. Now I am 53, silver haired, ample bodied, sharp minded and smart as a whip...the least of your worries about me should not be that I am fat...lol...

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 09:43 PM

Soft*Silver

08-02-2010, 09:55 PM

Mistie..I love ya! Its an old story and its over now...lol. LONG over, long time ago. But it still pertains to this thread, so I included it.

I dont think there will be another butch to ever make me sad again, honey. I would kiss you if I could....for the love you gave me here tonight...

and by the way, I look damn good fat...lol...

Ms Softness if any butch doesnt recognize the beauty of who you are and is abusive to you in that light. They arent worthy of you. And that goes for all femmes... I could never imagine telling a femme she was fat. Or not introducing her to my friends. :) You know only best for you my sweet friend. :)

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 09:55 PM

Like everyone else dont compare me to your exes. I am nothing like them. Im my own man and a damn good one. I can promise you that

Dont expect me to be superman 24/7 a week. Im human and I have my down time.

JinxdGirl

08-02-2010, 09:57 PM

Do not tell me to get over my past. I've dealt. I'm dealing. It will still pop up now and then.

Do not get mad at me for what I did in YOUR dream.

Do not expect me to cook & clean. I'll do one, you'll do the other.

Do not change the rules in the middle of the game or relationship.

Do not threaten me. Ever. Seriously.

bright_arrow

08-02-2010, 09:58 PM

Don't push me when I'm irritated at you. I like to think I'm very laid back, it takes a bit to set me off, and I don't want to be annoyed/angry with you. It takes a lot more for me to get over being angry with you than if I am just irritated. Besides, I will get snippy. There's a side of me you shouldn't have to ever see, and if you do, not directed at you! :sunglass:

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 09:59 PM

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 10:09 PM

Understand that I dont have family dont belittle me because you do.

Dont be verbally/physically/emotionally abusive in any way to me

Dont expect me to pay your bills

Dont complain about me being too mushy. When Im a man whose comfortable enough to tell you and show you that I love you and adore you.

When you know I dont dance, dont dance to love songs with other butches while out. Its disrespectful. And rude. Besides I may have two left feet but would slow dance with you given the chance.

Dont fall asleep during a heartfelt conversation

Lynn

08-02-2010, 10:11 PM

bright_arrow

08-02-2010, 10:11 PM

Don't tickle me to wake me up. You will have one seething, hissing, hellbent femme on your hands!

bright_arrow

08-02-2010, 10:13 PM

Don't yell at me or call me names. Don't be sarcastic when you are angry or say "nothing" when I ask what's wrong.

Don't notice and appreciate beautiful women and expect me not to do the same. We sometimes are attracted to the same thing. Sorry that weirds you out.

I am guilty of sometimes being sarcastic while angry, though I do my hardest not to be.

And I hate to be told "nothing" is wrong when something is clearly wrong...

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 10:15 PM

Don't tickle me to wake me up. You will have one seething, hissing, hellbent femme on your hands!

Im the same way except I will be one moody dude. LOL I cant stand to be "hollered" at either to be woken up... DONT every do that one either lol

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 10:16 PM

Don't yell at me or call me names. Don't be sarcastic when you are angry or say "nothing" when I ask what's wrong.

Don't notice and appreciate beautiful women and expect me not to do the same. We sometimes are attracted to the same thing. Sorry that weirds you out.

Yea I hate that too. Being yelled at and called names. I also hate the sarcastic "nothing" when asked if something is wrong.

Soft*Silver

08-02-2010, 10:20 PM

yeah....well....call me fat and I will say "nothing!" when you ask me what is wrong...lol....

we will need a :fireman: to put out the fires with that!

Yea I hate that too. Being yelled at and called names. I also hate the sarcastic "nothing" when asked if something is wrong.

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 10:24 PM

yeah....well....call me fat and I will say "nothing!" when you ask me what is wrong...lol....

we will need a :fireman: to put out the fires with that!

LOL I have no doubt! :)

Lynn

08-02-2010, 10:28 PM

I am guilty of sometimes being sarcastic while angry, though I do my hardest not to be.

And I hate to be told "nothing" is wrong when something is clearly wrong...

Believe me, I can be sarcastic, too. I work on it.

Maybe the biggest one of all is:

Don't be hesitant to take responsibility for what you do, and I'll do the same. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. A quiet apology goes a long way.

bigbutchmistie

08-02-2010, 10:33 PM

Believe me, I can be sarcastic, too. I work on it.

Maybe the biggest one of all is:

Don't be hesitant to take responsibility for what you do, and I'll do the same. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. A quiet apology goes a long way.

AMEN, AMEN AND AMEN !!!!! :)

bright_arrow

08-02-2010, 10:43 PM

Don't tell me you don't deserve me. You do. I am not perfect, I have flaws. How do you not deserve someone who will care about you and love you? Everyone deserves that.

Don't get snippy with me. You might be in a bad mood or caught off guard but do NOT bite my head off. And do not use profanity aimed towards me or something I may have done. I get defensive and the last thing I want to do is be around you because now I feel like worthless.

tuffboi29

08-02-2010, 11:17 PM

If you're mad at me, fine...but for the love o' Moses...DO NOT say "whatever" and disregard what I have to say on the situation.
I swear thats the most juvenile thing I've ever heard come up in an argument.

DamonK

08-03-2010, 02:03 AM

Don't forget why you fell in love in the first place.

If that happens, sometimes, you can never recover.

dark_crystal

08-03-2010, 08:45 AM

do not escalate every disagreement to "we might as well just break up, then"

because we will.

i have been emotionally blackmailed with this one too many times, and i dated a butch a couple of years ago that i warned straight up about this. i was really attracted to hym. i really liked hym. we had a really good time together. i was considering relocating, even.

then one day hy picked a fight with me thru text message (!) and when it didn't go hys way hy texted me that maybe i should just go find someone else if i wasn't going to act right (!)

hy never heard from me again.

Rockinonahigh

08-03-2010, 08:55 AM

Oh yes I get ya'll on the hollering,tickleing and belittling ...one more thing to add..dont ever grab me in anger and threatin me..not cool..u will not win...u will be out the door ina flash.

Julie

08-03-2010, 09:04 AM

To be naked ~ Body and Soul
Is a most vulnerable place
Do Not turn your back and walk away
I will never forget that hurt ~ nor will I let it go

foxyshaman

08-03-2010, 10:22 AM

Dont start a deep conversation, or try to sort out an issue, when I am on my way to bed. Or when I am in bed. If you want to talk to me, do it when i am awake.

amiyesiam

08-03-2010, 11:47 AM

NJFemmie

08-03-2010, 11:53 AM

Jesse

08-03-2010, 11:56 AM

DO NOT assume that I feel/think one way or the other. This is a HUGE pet peeve for me! ASK me what my thoughts or feelings are instead please. If you do not trust me enough to communicate honestly with me, then why are you here?

dark_crystal

08-03-2010, 11:58 AM

don't call me controlling when I won't do what you want me to do

and don't blame me when you want to do something I don't wan to do and you chose not to do it cause I won't do it.

don't hog the remote, the music, the phone or anything else that impacts me cause i am in the same space

don't expect me to entertain you all the time. I am never bored and there will never be enough hours in the day to learn, do, find out about, discover, read, craft, etc. everything I would want to.

don't tell me you are bored all the time
bored people are lazy or boring in and of them selves.

this reminds me of another one lol...if you want to do something and you ask me "do you want to go to/do X" and i say "no, but i will" either be happy that i am willing or go by yourself....don't start a campaign to convince me i should or do want to- i know what i want. I don't want to go- but i still will go b/c it will make you happy.

Kenna

08-03-2010, 12:53 PM

Don't expect TOO much of me...then get upset that I couldn't read your mind or meet every expectation.

AtLast

08-03-2010, 12:55 PM

Assume I mean a particular something. Please ask for clarification. Sometimes I know I may not be as clear as can be. LOL... especially upon waking!

bright_arrow

08-03-2010, 03:21 PM

Don't change topics when we're having a particularly important one.
It really bothers me when gears are shifted as such.
If you don't want to talk about it, tell me.
I'll still be miffed, but I won't feel as dismissed.

Scorp

08-03-2010, 09:00 PM

When having an argument, try not to laugh when she swears (especially when she hardly swears). It makes her think you're not taking the situation too seriously. Also be sure the tv isn't on in the background when having a deep convo. Either hit mute or shut it off altogether so she has your utmost attention. (Now where the hell did I put the remote?)

Oiler41

08-03-2010, 09:13 PM

When arguing or disagreeing, don't make things up based on what "you" might think is true. Too many fights escalate into something entirely different leaving a person to defend themselves from against unfounded accusations.

I'm amazed how many people actually do this sort of thing.

Or, a slight variation of this,,,if you (generic you) get confronted with doing whatever it is you shouldn't have been doing (lying, cheating, etc.) don't deny, deny, deny and accuse the person of making unfounded accusations and putting a guilt trip on them for suggesting such a thing, only for them to find out that said accusations were in fact not unfounded at all. But then again, if someone is already violating a relationship in such a fashion and they get caught, a few more lies on what is quite possibly already a big pile probably seems insignificant to them at that moment.

Glynn

dixie

08-03-2010, 10:31 PM

If you have an issue or a problem, come to me directly. Instead of going behind my back and complaining about whatever it is to whoever you meet, just talk to me about it. I know sometimes this is hard, but it will be easier in the long run. The issue could be something easily fixable or sometimes even just a simple misunderstanding or miscommunication. And please, don't "hint" at it. I am capable of having "duh" moments just like we all sometimes do, so I'm not always quick to pick up the hint. Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on. I know this. I've been guilty of it myself, numerous times. I still have to stop sometimes and make myself have an open discussion because serious convo can be awkward, embarrassing, painful, etc. It takes time to learn how to communicate and be open with someone, but once you can it tends to make things a whole lot less complicated. It can be enlightening, informative and bring folks closer instead of farther. (f)

dark_crystal

08-04-2010, 08:47 AM

Nothing drives me more nutty than hinting, which can turn to some serious passive aggressiveness if the hints aren't picked up on.

OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

dixie

08-04-2010, 08:54 AM

OMG so true...hinting brings out counter-passive-aggressiveness in me...b/c when i realize you're hinting at me i automatically get really "dumb"

i do think, however that, for me, it is a good idea to talk a problem over with a trusted friend (or preferably my therapist) before confronting my partner- a lot of the time i need help separating the true issue from whatever fears it triggers in me

Oh I agree that talking to a trusted individual is a good idea, because it can help us gain some perspective. I was more referring to the way some folks just throw it out to anyone and everyone. And like I said, I've done it too, so I know firsthand that it can only complicate matters. :(

Duchess

08-08-2010, 03:52 PM

Don't sit on your ass and think it's ok not to work because your partner makes good money. Of course it's a totally different matter if this is a planned arrangement.

Duchess

Duchess

08-08-2010, 04:45 PM

Don't fly off the handle with jealous rants and accusations. This makes the Dear John/Jill letter much easier to write. Think before you speak!!!

SuperFemme

08-08-2010, 05:21 PM

go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.

sweetfemme247

08-08-2010, 05:50 PM

dont move into a relationship with someone and plan for them to move in with you after a month of dating and never even met in person. never rush a relationship and mix lust with love. and never trust someone you really dont know.

Julie

08-08-2010, 06:28 PM

I generally do not piggy back on these type of posts... YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

Dated Southern Baptist Butch... Wants me to meet family (Me - Jewish, Atheist, Anti-War, Anti-American, Human Rights Activist) -- Feel the Moment!

"Jane Fonda was a Communist." "You will suffer in pergatory unless you accept the blood of Christ." and... WORSE - They held their bowls to their mouths as they shoveled the salad in (Sorry that put me over the edge).

go to dinner with your honeys right wing racist family and expect to leave still a couple.

Duchess

08-09-2010, 09:31 AM

If you know you don't like kids, don't date anyone with kids. You will NEVER take their place!!

chefhmboyrd

08-09-2010, 09:43 AM

be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

dixie

08-09-2010, 12:50 PM

be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

oops... i was on my phone too so i didn't notice it either until it was a bit too late...i'm sure we made for interesting reading for everyone else though...LOL :innocent:

chefhmboyrd

08-09-2010, 01:13 PM

oops... i was on my phone too so i didn't notice it either until it was a bit too late...i'm sure we made for interesting reading for everyone else though...LOL :innocent:

i am sure my mom appreciated me giving them a shout out and then tainting the lovely family moment with ....... well...... suggestive dialogue...........
lmao
:rofl:

dixie

08-09-2010, 01:15 PM

i am sure my mom appreciated me giving them a shout out and then tainting the lovely family moment with ....... well...... suggestive dialogue...........
lmao
:rofl:

LOL... poor mom... now I'm really embarrassed...

Sachita

08-10-2010, 02:04 PM

be careful posting to multiple women on FB from your phone.......
you may or may not be on PM
lol................

lmao the voice of experience!

Leader

08-15-2010, 07:21 PM

Do not make fun of and laugh at others behind their back and enjoy how "bad" you are being. Especially when you were with these people not five minutes ago and acted as though they were your best friend.

And don't tell me such personal details about you and your exes sex life, making fun of them and how they "performed".

Because, I will know right then and there that you can never be trusted.

And a good relationship is all about trust.

girl_dee

08-17-2010, 05:03 PM

don't ignore the red flags, they mean STOPRIGHTNOW!!!!!!
:eyebat:

PearlsNLace

08-17-2010, 09:45 PM

I know a LOT of people will not agree with me on this one. BUT for ~ME~

What I have learned not to do in a relationship: Combine finances. Apply for joint ownership of any debt.

Delish

08-17-2010, 10:00 PM

get into one!!!

Miss Scarlett

08-18-2010, 04:37 AM

Unless it is the ONLY electrical outlet in the house, don't put your phone on the charger in another room and then get so engrossed watching music videos on You Tube that you fail to notice that several hours have passed since you should have received a call from someone.

Don't act like it was no big deal - especially since it was NOT the first time it happened.

Don't fail to apologize.

PearlsNLace

08-18-2010, 07:16 PM

This one I learned the hard way-

Dont agree to monogamy, when you are really wanting polyamoury. And Vice Versa!!! The resentments that built on this choice had me doing 4th step work for m o n t h s. UGH.

chefhmboyrd

09-07-2010, 10:23 AM

don't try to hide or cover up for something.
own up to it and apologize, then work on not letting it happen again.
nobody is perfect, but we can strive

Kobi

09-07-2010, 11:15 AM

If I am totally engrossed in something that requires a lot of concentration, please do not interrupt me at 9am to ask me what I want for lunch. :|

Warning, football season starts Thursday night. Need I say more?

pajama

09-07-2010, 12:37 PM

miss entycing

10-17-2010, 03:11 PM

don't flippin keep lying to me then expect me to believe anything you tell me later.
and don't get all bent when I remind you of the above either!

if we argue, don't throw it out there that someone else would treat you better-
really, if that's the case- then get your ass out and go get her.

and don't expect me to sit idly while you make up your mind about the above,
or while you play around with different versions of ME.
if you can.... then so will I.

don't take me for granted.... ever.

and for cripes sake.... don't eat all but 1 of the oreo's.
that's uncalled for.
:fastdraq:

Gentle Tiger

10-17-2010, 04:53 PM

Don't go knockin' my pop tarts!:annoyed:

Ok seriously, don't yack my ear off as soon as I come through the door. I need a few minutes to breathe, go to the bathroom or whatever before I am ready to engage and listen.

bigbutchmistie

10-17-2010, 04:53 PM

Dont make me your option and everything and everyone else your priority... I will walk every time

Dont get denfensive when I try and talk to you about problems.

Never ever hold affection or sex over my head as a form of punishment cause you are mad at me...

When I try and be affectionate with you never ever turn me away.

Dont ever get jealous of my femme friends. They were here before you got here and will always be around. I do however know how to make YOU priority as my girl. And you will never feel less than MOST important in my life.

Do not physically or emotionally abuse me or attempt to make me feel less than in any way. Talk down to me or scream at me too and I will walk away in a heartbeat

Dont white lie or lie. Tell me straight up. If you are my best friend and Im with you there should be no lies or white lies between us. I should trust you without reservation or question

Dont cheat emotionally or physically.

Soft*Silver

10-17-2010, 05:24 PM

dont play me as a fool. Dont misjudge how many brain cells I have active...or rely on how much leeway your charm will buy you. The days are long gone where I abide to be with someone who will do either with me

dont tell me what to say or do or wear. I let one person in my life do that. And looking back, he wore stained clothes, smelled like manure and spouted hateful things against minorities most of the time. Again, the days are long gone where I abide to be with someone who will do this to me again.

rlin

10-17-2010, 06:10 PM

make her earn your trust...
for goddess sake...
listen to your fukn guts...

they dont lie... most times.... if you think it... it will be so... unless of course you might be a paranoiac... then... ignore this message...

Kobi

10-17-2010, 06:35 PM

always remember and never forget:

~ trust your instincts. Call it womens intuition, gut feeling, the voice of experience....if you feel it, there is a good reason for it. Ignore it at your own peril.

~ never get drawn into gimmicks, personas, images and the like. Reality is a lot more satisfying than fantasy.

~ differences may attract, be exciting for a bit, invigorating for a while but it is sameness and similarity which brings peace and harmony.

~ seek that which will surround you with peace and positivity. Not difficult. Just choose the opposite of your initial impression. Sorry, private joke.

~ if it makes you think too much, rationalize at all, makes you unsettled, makes you uncomfortable, makes you question "can I live with this?" - turn and walk in the other direction. Good things seldom require that much effort.

bigbutchmistie

10-19-2010, 08:19 AM

For pete's sake dont drink all of my dr pepper :)

princessbelle

10-19-2010, 09:01 AM

Do not:

Believe everything you are told

Trust too quickly

Rush into something blindly

...it takes a long time to really know who someone really is....true colors do shine through if you give it time.

Lynn

10-19-2010, 09:49 AM

Don't overanalyze or overthink.
Don't expect me to feed your insecurities.
Don't say, "You know what your problem is...?"
Don't tell me what to eat or how to spend my money.

paposeco

10-19-2010, 10:54 AM

Do NOT say sh*t that you know you don't mean.
Say "yes" when you mean yes and "no" when you mean no, anything else is misleading.
Don't play games, be REAL for f**ks sake!
Don't discuss Private matters with outsiders.
Don't lose your identity, and don't ask them to become somehting else other than what they are.
Don't take them for granted.
Don't become their Personal Jesus.
Don't put expectations on them, that you yourself aren't willing to meet.
Don't abuse them in any way.
If you no longer love them, let them go...don't keep playing games for your own benefit. It's wrong!!
Don't cheat, if ya ain't happy with her/him...get the hell out!!
and....do not think that you are "ALL THAT"....you ain't!

DomnNC

10-19-2010, 11:08 AM

Don't expect the other party to be a mindreader. Fully disclose who/what you are, what your intentions are and most importantly what your expectations are of the other party.

FeminineAllure

10-19-2010, 11:23 AM

Speaking only from my experiences...Don't become lovers before you become friends. Like someone alot before you fall in love.

squeak

10-19-2010, 11:36 AM

Don't take your partner for granted - let them know you appreciate all that they do for you. <3

Don't stop dating one another even if, you know, they're stuck with you.

xosqueak

Jesse

10-19-2010, 11:38 AM

DO NOT get with someone thinking you can help them "change"!

Soft*Silver

10-19-2010, 12:42 PM

dont lay all your shit out at once in the beginning. Because then if it doesnt work out they have it all....build into it...slowly......then as you build into something, they have it all....

Jesse

10-19-2010, 02:00 PM

The long explanation: Don't get into a relationship with the hopes it will fill something inside of you. Instead take care of your own emotional stuff, expect the other person to take care of theirs as well. Then see what each of you has to bring to the table, so to speak.

The short version: Don't agree to be a baggage handler for others!

Gemme

10-19-2010, 02:52 PM

Soft*Silver

10-19-2010, 05:13 PM

dont think you are taking my side of the bed

dont complain about my dog. She stays. You wont.

she can pee on the floor. Dont even think of it.

dont leave dishes in the LR for me to pick up

ditto for the bedroom

if you raise your voice to me you best be sitting down. If you stand up, and yell, its intimidating and I will not respond well. Fair warning.

I dont care which way you put the TP on, just put it on when it runs out on your shift

if you go into the dryer to get something out, take them all out AND FOLD THEM.

dont leave one swig of anything in the fridge and not tell me or not pick it up yourself at the store.

pet food, milk for coffee and TP are the three things this house must never run out of. And I am not the only responsible adult in this relationship. Remember this.

dont not clean the sex toys. Nasty dirty bad in a not good way

bigbutchmistie

10-19-2010, 07:30 PM

Do not be mean to my son. Simon... He is the cutest sweetest puppy in the whole world.

Do not ever ask me to get rid of my son. Wont happen I will walk away from you so fast.

Do not be non chalant in regards to my moms death. It had a huge impact on my life and its made me who I am today. I miss her daily every day.

Understand that I am closterphobic. I will not sleep on the inside of my bed by the wall. So please dont ask me to move my spot in the bed

Do not ask me to do the dishes and then complain when I do them. Or any household chores for that matter...

Never introduce me as a friend to your ex's or friends when we are together

And last but not least. You know the chocolate ho ho's in my pantry? DO NOT touch one of them. (Joking)

And for the love of God dont touch anything of mine chocolate... :)

bright_arrow

10-19-2010, 10:08 PM

don't talk about a future with me if you're not serious about it

don't make a promise to me, break it, promise it again and then get huffy when i'm wary and remind you of the first time you broke it

don't swear tooth&nail you're not into someone else when you're involved with them the whole time - fucking own up to it and let me know you're not interested

don't agree to something or tell me what i want to hear just to make me happy - it's extremely misleading

don't expect me to put my life on hold for you to get over your issues and come around. i will walk away

realize that sometimes the words you don't say speak louder than the actions you're doing

don't break the trust i have in you and expect to gain it back so freely. it will take a lot

katsarecool

10-19-2010, 10:26 PM

And above all (for me) be honest and up front always and treat me the way you would want to be treated!!!

sweetfemme247

10-20-2010, 08:26 PM

never tell everyone all your secrets and fears right away

Never try to help someone with depression if they arent showing any interest in you wanting to help them

never ignore your gut instincts

never let someone send you money even when you tell them not to because eventually they will might rub it into your face

never back down on your opinions or feelings because that is your right in this world

FlowerFem

10-20-2010, 09:55 PM

Don't date someone who is in a "dead end relationship' and is now ready to leave it because you came along. You're not that wonderful, they weren't born to love you. It just means they are too afraid to be alone, or not grown up enough to make it on their own, and when they get bored or mad or scared ( insert any reason here)they will leave you for someone else, actually anyone else. Any old port in a storm.
Don't date someone who is ready and willing to move in with you in less than 2 months. Heck less than 6 months even. This can only mean one thing. They are very bad at managing their money and will be more than happy to spend yours for you. Another clue they are bad with money and deep in debt, they move around alot. If they have moved like 5 times in 5 years, better grab your purse and run.

LipstickLola

10-20-2010, 10:11 PM

Don't ignore the voices that speak to you. Well, let me say that differently. :blink:

Listen to your gut and listen to the Universe, even when they are telling you something that you don't understand or you can't see. Don't ignore your gut and the Universe.

Good Lord YESSSS, DON'T ever ever ignore your gut!! there's a reason it's where it is,,,,,,,safely tucked away with your other internal organs

sylvie

10-22-2010, 04:55 AM

- don't say things just because you know i want/like it... be YOU.. be honest, i'm well aware everyone is different and will respect you more for honesty!

- don't push everything at high speed.. i've learned that time, and getting to know each other should be at a pace - so everything can develop because we want it to, not because we feel we have to ...

Soft*Silver

10-22-2010, 11:44 AM

never accept someone who doesnt accept your child(ren) no matter how old they are. PERIOD.

dont accept when they say they have no money to spend on you but spend lots of money with or on their best friend. Never ever take second fiddle in a relationship and never ever listen to their long list of playing you a fool....

its not ok to be left an empty tank most or all of the time. again, being played...he isnt a big kid who can take advantage of you

its not ok to be drunk all the time to make love. Huge issues there. More than issues. Its a subscription!

its not ok to be lied to. Lies are never ok.

asphaltcowboi

10-22-2010, 12:02 PM

never allow your partner make you feel less a person then you are

LipstickLola

10-22-2010, 12:07 PM

Never, settle!

cuddlyfemme

10-22-2010, 12:08 PM

never pay for everything... all the time

never lie

Scorp

10-22-2010, 01:04 PM

Burp half the alphabet at the dinner table across from your fem...
:canadian:

LipstickLola

10-22-2010, 01:48 PM

Burp half the alphabet at the dinner table across from your fem...
:canadian:

O M G, who does that? hahaha, def no no :fastdraq::fastdraq:

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 02:03 PM

Quit your job after the first date and show up in their town in a U-Haul with your 5 dogs, pot bellied pig and triplets.

Isadora

10-22-2010, 02:49 PM

Take the new g/f to meet Mommy, g/f proceeds to drink too much and pass out on Mommy's couch.

Jet

10-22-2010, 02:53 PM

never get joint bank accounts

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 03:06 PM

Never take new G/F around any inbred relatives during the first few years.

Jet

10-22-2010, 03:08 PM

never tell ALL your secrets or your SSN

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 03:17 PM

Yeah, if you have a dishonorable discharge from the Army and have lied about it to get your new job, don't tell your new G/F.

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 03:18 PM

never tell ALL your secrets or your SSN

Don't give out your full name or birthdate ;).

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 03:36 PM

When you take your new G/F out to dinner with Mommie, do not let new G/F place her hands down your pants in the restaurant if you want to keep new G/F very long.

:eatinghersheybar:

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 04:10 PM

If your new G/fs apartment looks like she is in the Witness Protection Program....

Get out NOW.

Look at actual EOB's before you believe any health concerns.

Isadora

10-22-2010, 04:38 PM

When you take your new G/F out to dinner with Mommie, do not let new G/F place her hands down your pants in the restaurant if you want to keep new G/F very long.

:eatinghersheybar:

Whoa and I thought the passing out on my couch was bad. :|

Apocalipstic

10-22-2010, 04:40 PM

Whoa and I thought the passing out on my couch was bad. :|

So yeah.....

So. Did. I.

katsarecool

10-22-2010, 06:03 PM

Burp half the alphabet at the dinner table across from your fem...
:canadian:
Scorp, that was so funny! My then 16 yr old future son-in-law had the art of burping through the entire alphabet down pat and proceeded to demonstrate this art form on our first dinner out; with him, my daughter, myself and my foreign exchange student from Saudia Arabia. It was very quiet for long seconds then he (the student) burst out laughing. I WAS not amused. But they have been married 22 years now. :)

Never make negative comments on the new g/f boxer shorts!

JoSchmooze

10-23-2010, 06:06 AM

Never think that you can "fix" whatever is wrong...
You either have to accept her flaws or walk away..

..

asphaltcowboi

10-23-2010, 07:08 AM

Burp half the alphabet at the dinner table across from your fem...
:canadian:

wow wish i could do that!! icant burp very well and no one can tell what im doing so they said i was being rude..

Gemme

10-23-2010, 01:53 PM

wow wish i could do that!! icant burp very well and no one can tell what im doing so they said i was being rude..

Burping the alphabet at the table IS rude, whether it's understandable or not.

Venus007

10-23-2010, 02:47 PM

Do not think that this relationship with complete you, fulfill you or make you happy. If you are not complete, fulfilled and happy on your own then all the good lovin' in the world will not make you those things.

Don't let the aggressive negativity of another steal your optimism, dampen your joy or sour your attitude, no one is worth that sort of long term damage to your soul.

Don't date only those people who worship at your alter and think you are the cat's ass. In my experience a good partner calls a spade a spade no matter who deals it, even you. Now if they are an asshole on the way they call you on your shit that is another story. You can call someone on their shit respectfully.

Don't stop asking for what you need. No matter how long you are with someone, they are not responsible to read your mind. Only you know what your needs are and how your partner can help you meet them. Communicate this lovingly and you will be amazed.

katsarecool

10-23-2010, 03:13 PM

Venus007; awesome post!!!!

atomiczombie

10-23-2010, 05:43 PM

Don't wait till its too late to say "I love you".

Rockinonahigh

10-23-2010, 06:14 PM

When u meet someone then start talking to them,weather its on the phone/puter or what have you,take your time in geting to know them ..give them time to know u as well.Then if its dosent work out be courtious enough to just not drop them like a hot potato and leave them wondering what happened.
Another thing ..dont judge them by how others have treated you in the past.You may well miss the diamond in the rough just waiting to be polished up.

bigbutchmistie

10-23-2010, 07:18 PM

Do not make your ex priority over your partner

tuffboi29

10-23-2010, 07:24 PM

If we have gone over this little tid-bit...I would like to re-enforce it.

DO NOT blow up the following with messages...email..voice mail..text messaging..."hoo" messenger (or anything therein related)..and of course mutual friend's messaging systems.

Thank you :blink:

Apocalipstic

10-25-2010, 01:28 PM

If your beloved does not answer the phone immediately, do not call 6 times, then try their home phone, texts and any other phone with might be near them. Give them a chance to get back with you.

and...this one is important!

Under NO circumstances call their PARENTS or EXES looking for them.
EVER, I don't care if there is an earthquake....E.V.E.R.

If you call me 3 times in a row..somebody better be DEAD or on fire.

Apocalipstic

10-25-2010, 01:30 PM

Do not go though your beloved's phone and demand to know who each person in the address book is.

Do not read their texts.

Do not go through their stuff.

and.....

Do not go through their emails.

If you even tempted, you are too insecure for me and probably to ever be in a successful relationship with anyone normal.

Apocalipstic

10-25-2010, 01:33 PM

Never cash a check for your beloved through your bank account.

LipstickLola

10-25-2010, 01:38 PM

If you wanna be friends, fine, but do NOT keep rubbing in my face how awesomely in love with your new schmoopie pie you are, K? :|

FlowerFem

11-23-2010, 11:06 PM

Don't treat me nice when no one is around, then use me as the butt of your jokes when we are with your friends. Then tell me to lighten up ,it's just a joke. Don't tell me what you think I want to hear when we first start dating. That's not fair to me. Because I am forming my opinion and my assessments of you will be skewed. Not to mention my disappointment when I final figure out you misrepresented yourself.
Don't be irresponsible and then wonder why I don't trust you. Don't come over my house when you have had too much to drink and then want to be intimate.
When you say and do things that destroy my trust and diminish and discount our relationship, don't call me a cold hearted bitch, because my heart is broken and my guard is up.

Diva

11-24-2010, 12:15 AM

Do not treat Your SO like Your personal doormat.

Hint: Wal~Mart, $9.99

DomnNC

11-24-2010, 12:38 AM

Don't come over my house when you have had too much to drink and then want to be intimate.

There's a song about that, it goes something like this:

Don't come home a drinkin' with lovin' on yer mind
Just stay out there on the town and see what you can find
Cuz if you want that kind of love then ya don't need none of mine
So don't come home a'drinkin' with lovin' on yer mind.

OBnkAkmLtaw

bright_arrow

11-24-2010, 12:40 AM

don't ask for anything you're not willing to do/give yourself.

don't tell me what i want to hear and then get upset when i ask why you didn't follow through.

i will defend you and our relationship, i expect the same.

don't tell me constantly how you don't deserve me. it stopped being flattering the first time. i like you and i want to be with you, accept that.

don't talk about your ex all the time, or i will start mentioning mine, and neither is a topic either of us really want to have, yes?

don't cut me off when i am talking or be abrupt with me. i don't respond well to rudeness.

don't consider my loyalty as permission to walk over my emotions and feelings and think i won't do anything about it.

when i'm quiet, chances are i am dealing with some inner conflict, and i will talk it out when i'm ready to.

don't lead me on. if we're not on the same page, i need to know this, and agreeing with what i say to avoid hurt will only make it worse in the end.

don't talk about having a child with me if you're not serious. i want to be a mother some day, even if it's becoming a step-mother to my partner's child.

don't grope me when i am angry, especially if i am angry at you.. it results in me contemplating if the jail time is worth hitting you with a frying pan :|

bigbutchmistie

11-24-2010, 08:41 AM

Do Not try and change who I am. Accept me for me or dont accept me at all
And yes, that means I have flaws. :)

If you dont like my friends for some reason, dont be rude to them when they are around. And know they were there long before you got there.

Dont put me in position to ever have to choose between my girl or my friends. I will choose my friends every time.

Dont expect me to let you into my bank account. :)

Im very loyal and will stand by your side through anything. But this never gives you permission to test me to see how loyal I am.

girl_dee

11-24-2010, 08:59 AM

don't expect me to put aside what lives inside.

Guy

11-24-2010, 09:12 AM

Don't assume that I don't want or I would like you to have that last piece of chocolate in the house.

JustJo

11-24-2010, 09:13 AM

Don't assume that I don't want or I would like you to have that last piece of chocolate in the house.

:giggle: Are you related to Scoote?

scootebaby

11-24-2010, 12:19 PM

:giggle: Are you related to Scoote?

:shocking: HONEY!!!! i would offer u a small morsel sheesh im not THAT mean!!

Apocalipstic

04-01-2011, 09:49 AM

Don't smash my stuff when you are mad.

girl_dee

04-01-2011, 09:58 AM

Never repeat the same words you used in the last relationship. This goes along with bringing up the ex over and over.

Never allow the ex and your partner to become buddy, buddy unless you have been very very honest.

Never Allow yourself to be unhappy, life is too short.

Soft*Silver

04-01-2011, 12:22 PM

unlike old folklore, what is mine is not yours.

Legendryder

04-01-2011, 12:28 PM

Do not talk about your ex. Period. Unless you are directly asked, then keep it short and honest. There is nothing worse than hearing about who you have replaced. Especially if it is all bad. It makes me think you get off talking down about people. Big turn off.

AtLast

04-01-2011, 12:38 PM

Think it isn't such a big deal she doesn't care for dogs at the same level as you do. BIG MISTAKE!!

girl_dee

04-01-2011, 12:58 PM

don't care more about what's going on online than your real life.

AtLast

04-01-2011, 01:20 PM

Lying is not a good way to build trust....

girl_dee

04-01-2011, 01:27 PM

Very good one AtLast.

How about not explaining the whole truth or sugar coating yourself? The truth will come out and it's never pretty when it does.

Soft*Silver

04-01-2011, 01:30 PM

I dont care if someone doesnt care about horses as much as I do...but never again will I let someone dangle horses in front of me like a carrot. As soon as I see that, when I know they dont have a snit of ability or interest of their own, fuckem. Me, myself, and I are the only ones who will ever give me horses again. Because that way no one but me will ever be able to take them away from me...no one, not no how is going to do THAT again to me EVER again...

Think it isn't such a big deal she doesn't care for dogs at the same level as you do. BIG MISTAKE!!

Soft*Silver

04-01-2011, 01:32 PM

sometimes people lie to themselves and we just get caught up in it. I know I got caught up in in the past and I wasnt on guard enough to catch it. I wanted to be in love. I put blinders on. So I say we also need to take our blinders off and look good and hard at what people do as well as what they say and take time to make sure they are what they say they are..and time is the only fool proof measure of words....and its often the one thing we dont want to give in a relationship when we want to fall in love....

Lying is not a good way to build trust....

Diva

04-01-2011, 02:50 PM

~Be thoughtful.
~Be considerate of my heart.

wolfbittenpoet

04-01-2011, 02:56 PM

Do not expect every transguy to be the same.
Every human in this world is different don't act like we aren't.

Sachita

04-01-2011, 03:36 PM

Very good one AtLast.

How about not explaining the whole truth or sugar coating yourself? The truth will come out and it's never pretty when it does.

Famous last words! I hate this the most. half truths and embellished character.

Apocalipstic

04-01-2011, 03:38 PM

Do not expect every transguy to be the same.
Every human in this world is different don't act like we aren't.

Do not expect every Femme, Butch, Human to be the same either. Indeed we are all different. Some of us wayyy different. lol.

Tommi

04-01-2011, 04:11 PM

don't expect me to put aside what lives inside.

Thoughtful.

If you choose to put to aside what lives inside, bright burning flames die down. .:candle:
Room is left for ashes full of flickering undeserved resentment.

AtLast

04-01-2011, 04:27 PM

Do not expect every Femme, Butch, Human to be the same either. Indeed we are all different. Some of us wayyy different. lol.

Thank you! Why would this only apply to trans folks?

Best to leave prior lovers/partners personalities and misgivings in the past and focus on who is before you now. What does gender have to do with this?

Tangle

04-01-2011, 05:03 PM

3) I am not ever going to be a femme in shining armour again. "you are perfectly wonderful you just need someone to love you enough and all your sh*tty behaviour and bitterness about others and cr@ppy outlook and insecurities will magicly go away!" jesus what an ego I had, I swear.

6) I need a partner who does this and can do in a way I can hear them.

7) someone who can't be called on *their* shit. That's fucking irritating. go away.

Honeybarbara said the above, and #3 made me laugh out loud. For real. And amen to 6 & 7 - improvement together is always necessary!

prettylilgrrl

04-01-2011, 05:55 PM

do not become who you think they want you to be............just be you.

miss entycing

04-01-2011, 05:57 PM

don't insult my intelligence by keeping things from me, or being sneaky.
most of the time, i already knew You did it, but by then, You've lied on top of it.
and all bets are off- i'll never believe anything You say to me.

oh, and if You need to go off the grid to screw around, tell me first-
i'd rather consider the terms of a 'open' realtionship rather than get my feelings hurt.
and if not, then don't get all bent when MY play partner comes a callin.

Martina

04-01-2011, 07:14 PM

Don't assume She can read your mind even if She is generally fairly good at that. i am always surprised when i do get around to communicating something i have been sitting on and She is wonderful and responsive and right there for me. What was i assuming about Her when i thought She knew by osmosis and wasn't responsive? That she didn't care? My issue, not Hers. And i have done that in every relationship i have ever had. i CAN communicate fine. i am just skeered of it. The blessings of being an ACOA.

Mister Bent

04-01-2011, 07:33 PM

Be in one.

Queerasfck

04-01-2011, 07:36 PM

Be in one.

Wow, next time don't hold back your feelings.

Mister Bent

04-01-2011, 07:38 PM

Wow, next time don't hold back your feelings.

Feelings are for noobs!

Queerasfck

04-01-2011, 07:38 PM

Feelings are for noobs!

I guess this means we're not going to prom together.

Words

04-01-2011, 07:48 PM

Be honest enough to admit when it's your skeletons from the past not me or my behaviour that have caused you to act a certain way.:canoworms: I am your new beginning and although I'm not perfect, I'm not them.

Don't take your current frustrations with others/life out on me. I will love you and support you and, if necessary, even fight for you, but that ''Well who else can I take it out on'' is the biggest cop out there is. Shout, curse, cry, do whatever it takes to get it out of your system and I'll be there to support you...I won't, however, be your emotional punchbag.:seeingstars:

Don't ever presume to know what I feel. If I no longer love you or want to be with you, I will tell you. Promise. For now, though, take it for granted that you are the love of my life and will be until the day I die:rrose:

And finally....my thinking you're the sexist thing on two legs is conditional on your never, ever, doing the following:

1. Taking a crap with the bathroom door open.:blowingitup:

2. Scratching anywhere south of your navel and higher than the hem of your boxers.:wtf:

3. Allowing your belching/farting to reach deafening proportions. Yes, we all 'do it' (some of us, I might add, with more decorum than others *ahem*) but could we at least keep the decibel level to low? And no, I don't care how comfortable you are in our relationship, I do not consider excessive belching/farting a sign of your deep and lasting affection for me. (Do some people actually fall for that?):confused:

And one more thing. Plenty of this :eatinghersheybar:...and these... :blueheels:...and this :bedfuck: might just make me turn a blind eye to your infatuation with Glee, that crazy online gardening thing over on Facebook, and mismatched underwear. Perhaps. They will never however replace your smile, your smell, or how I feel when you reach for my hand. The first group of things I enjoy...the second group I adore.

Words

girl_dee

04-07-2011, 12:37 PM

don't let troublemakers bug you
don't stop listening to your gut
don't ignore those red (or even mauve) flags, they will haunt you

Kenna

04-07-2011, 01:16 PM

don’t always put your needs infront of another's ...and don't expect them to push asside their personality, identity, self-worth, inner securities and safe place or needs and desires to accommodate all of your needs.

Jesse

04-07-2011, 02:09 PM

Don't repeatedly make promises that you have no idea at all how to keep.

Corkey

04-07-2011, 03:02 PM

From a past experience, and this does not apply to my marriage.

DO NOT get a joint checking account...Ever!

AtLast

04-07-2011, 03:12 PM

Thinking about how it might be better for me to focus on what to do in a relationship. Trying to stay in the here & now. What applied in the past... is past!!

Wishing the very best to everyone that has taken that leap of faith and are doing the best possible in their relationship. Darn things are a work in progress!

Yup, I'm just wanting to support love and my people (BF Planeteers!!!)...

girl_dee

04-07-2011, 07:32 PM

Don't get into a relationship with someone who has an addiction (and in denial, unwilling to change or get help), you will never be a priority.

tommyboy66

04-07-2011, 08:07 PM

Don't give your girls dog away..
when she's away..
and expect everything to be ok..
when she gets home..
from being away..

Tommyboy66

WingsOnFire

04-07-2011, 08:22 PM

Stay in the relationship because it is comfortable and your scared to be alone.. Life is too short to be unhappy.. I know.. I spent 10 years of which 7 were miserable in a relationship for that very reason.. Never again..

Thank you Sir for making me happier than I ever have been.

Soft*Silver

04-07-2011, 08:41 PM

dont jump to conclusions...

AtLast

04-07-2011, 10:11 PM

Don't get into a relationship with someone who has an addiction (and in denial, unwilling to change or get help), you will never be a priority.

Since addiction issues are widespread in our society, this comes up a lot. The co-dependency/enabling stuff can really kick in for some of us. You hit it on the head- the addiction is the priority unless someone is willing to deal with it.

I have certainly seen many folks deal with their addictions and be able to have good relationships- but it has to do with them being ready and yes, not in denial.

I can be a "fixer" and have learned to pay attention to this in myself- it has not served me well. I caqn't fix someone else- only me.

Nat

04-07-2011, 11:22 PM

Don't forget to give and forgive.

Don't forget to pay attention and appreciate.

Don't forget - people come as-is.

Nat

04-07-2011, 11:28 PM

Sweet_Amor_Taino

04-07-2011, 11:44 PM

I will not repeat what others did to you I am me.

Do not be afraid of love when you feel its real and it might take you places you fear.

Do not ask yourself is this real becuase its to good to be, trust it and enjoy it.

Recognized the patterns of behavior that sabotage and destroy a possible beautiful romance/relationship that will bring you happiness.

Do not say its not going to work non of the others did... this one might be the one.

girl_dee

04-08-2011, 06:37 AM

Since addiction issues are widespread in our society, this comes up a lot. The co-dependency/enabling stuff can really kick in for some of us. You hit it on the head- the addiction is the priority unless someone is willing to deal with it.

I have certainly seen many folks deal with their addictions and be able to have good relationships- but it has to do with them being ready and yes, not in denial.

I can be a "fixer" and have learned to pay attention to this in myself- it has not served me well. I caqn't fix someone else- only me.

THIS is what has got me in trouble way too many times. I want to "fix" people. Then when it doesn't work, and I have to walk away, I am told I am the deserter, leaving someone in their " time of need". (Always a crisis) Yah, well I "need" to be safe and sane. Watching someone you love self destruct is painful. I am willing to be patient, to hold someones hand to get help, but I can't force them to if they are not interested. If the addiction always comes before the partner, and it will, it won't work.

girl_dee

04-08-2011, 06:46 AM

Don't believe you know someone by their online persona. You don't. Hiding ones icky stuff may not be intentional but it happens. Major deal breakers can be hiding behind the monitor.

apretty

04-08-2011, 06:54 AM

debate me.

apretty

04-08-2011, 07:00 AM

*or give me your dumb cold that you SAID was just allergies that lasted 4 days last week, now that i have time off i have caught your "allergies" and can't breathe or do much besides whimper a little and blow the random snot bubble... and post my inner most thoughts online.

*when you went to the gym this morning and i said i'd go with you and 'spot you' while i blew my nose and wore my fuzzy robe you didn't accept my sweet and sincere offer.

just, *you're doing it wrong!

Rook

04-08-2011, 07:29 AM

-♦-If you plan to travel, take a break..Maybe visit friends....?
LET THE PERSON KNOW....
Don't just disappear for MONTHS, and show up expectin' cuddles, kisses and everything in its usual spot..
Yes, Love should be timeless, but then...after the first few months, u can't blame me if I start asking "wtf?!?!"

-♦-Don't expect mind-reading, I'm as good in said talent as you are when u see my obviously not-too-happy glance and u're clueless as to why.

-♦-If you kick, shove or sprawl out in your sleep(feeding me a sleepy foot somehow beyond my comprehension), don't be baffled when u see me sleeping in the spare room.

-♦-If I know I'm right, and I still "inherit" the Couch, please...
The next Morning?
Don't ask what was so fucking funny the previous night, after you slammed and locked the bedroom door. It's called TV, satellite and DVD options. Believe me, we Both suffer when I'm in the "doghouse"....But, you have books{and maybe a 'power tool'}, and I have late night "shows"{..maybe cinemax}.

-♦-If you wash dishes, or flush the Toilet, while I'm in the Shower...?
Don't come rushing, almost knocking the bathroom door down, scared shitless cuz I just let out a very rare high pitched painful Scream....

-♦-If you're "hearing"{as in Not-Deaf}, and this vital...
pay attention, pleez...
If you say "never mind", after your failed attempt at explaining something 3 times, we will have a problem.
I understand it's frustration galore for you, imagine My frustration in not having a clue.
Do not get pissed off when I'm rapidly "Signing" with a Deaf Femme {maybe boi} and they giggle, if you ask "what?" and I try to explain, and you're still clueless, welcome to my world...k?

-♦-You like Romantic Comedies, chick Flicks...
I like suspense, Horror {some gore} and Psych Thriller, let us not debate this, I'll sit thru Adam Sandler & Drew Barrymore when you sit through Matt Damon and Forest Whitaker.

-♦-Oh, and share the popcorn, pookie.

:praying: [namaste !!!!]

Dreams

04-08-2011, 07:32 AM

when you look out on the horizon and see a tantrum coming in,every flippen day?..never a good sign..:|

Daktari

04-08-2011, 08:00 AM

Tell her you love her for her intellect whilst not taking yer eyes off her rack! :|

girl_dee

04-08-2011, 08:03 AM

Do not ignore someone's past. It's the best prediction of the future.

Oiler41

04-08-2011, 08:05 AM

Do not ignore someone's past. It's the best prediction of the future.

Absolutely.

Glynn

girl_dee

04-08-2011, 11:39 AM

don't ignore your past failed relationships by engaging with the same person with a different name, you will get the same results

Glenn

04-08-2011, 12:37 PM

You cannot buy Real love and attraction. It cannot be bought or sold.

Nat

04-12-2011, 04:56 PM

Nat

04-12-2011, 04:59 PM

You cannot buy Real love and attraction. It cannot be bought or sold.

Thank goodness for that, or I'd be sh*t-outta-luck. :)

Sachita

04-12-2011, 05:10 PM

I actually heard this one on a podcast about successful and happy long-term marriages -

Don't forget to create opportunities to laugh together.

According to the interviewee, regular laughter alleviates tensions and strengthens the bond. The guy claimed laughter produces oxytocin (the "bonding" or "trust" hormone also involved in labor/birth) but I haven't verified that.

Anyway, it's good advice for me because I get so very serious so very often.

That's why you don't get involved with someone you don't like a lot. You have to have things in common like the same sense of humor and adventure. This is a big one for me. I need to have fun and laugh a lot. I can't deal with passive aggressive negativity that stifles the fun.

Don't throw out sexual innuendos in our first couple of conversations. Show me your sense of humor and what kind of human you are. If we gel, laugh and can connect in a playful way then we'll move forward. If it's too much work going in then no doubt there will be a struggle later.

Blade

04-12-2011, 07:12 PM

Don't shutdown.......keep the communication open

girl_dee

04-12-2011, 07:18 PM

don't tell all your private hardstuff unless you are absolutely sure it's ok.

Bard

04-12-2011, 09:51 PM

A brief disclaimer .... this post is in NO way reflective of Desd if anything she shows me the what you should do and I am forever grateful she took a chance on this Cowboi

DON'T ever use our child as a pawn or for that matter make fun of me in front of her.. she thinks the world of BOTH of us and when you laugh at me call me names infer that I am dumb it HURTS her

Make fun or belittle my Military service yes I know I signed up for it but it was not my vacation from you or the child it broke me to be away from her

don't go through my phone or email I will flipp and it ain't gonna be purddy

don't try to change me I ain't broken flawed yes scared hell yeah

Lastly and this is for me DON"T EVER take her for granted :cigar2:

Starbuck

04-12-2011, 10:06 PM

I'm a cheese addict. It's a sad life. But thankfully I'm loved. Though I think she might be catching my cheese addiction. Mmmm feta.

Hey I think cheese should be it's own food group!:hangloose:

Starbuck

04-12-2011, 10:27 PM

Don't make me a yo-yo, meaning push me away then draw me back in with your loving, caring behavior. Make your mind up already! :wtf:
If you decide we're no longer compatible, let me know! Don't just stop talking to me! :phonegab:
Don't take that which I've shared with you and spread rumors against me. :|

CherryFemme

04-12-2011, 11:19 PM

I actually heard this one on a podcast about successful and happy long-term marriages -

Don't forget to create opportunities to laugh together.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh that is a good one-- I know I laugh at blackboot all the time...

:shocking:
CF

simpleasdirt

04-13-2011, 12:03 AM

Don't shutdown.......keep the communication open

Exactly! The silent treatment doesn't resolve anything. If anything should be "fluid" in relationships, it's communication.

Soft*Silver

04-13-2011, 12:08 AM

dont expect miracles out of the new person in your life. They are not the second coming of the messiah here to absolve your world of all the past sins of your past lovers. They are just another person who has a chance to love you. Dont screw it up by expecting too much out of them.

simpleasdirt

04-13-2011, 12:08 AM

We should try not to react without thinking first.

msW8ing

04-13-2011, 12:18 AM

Aretha said it best..R-E-S-P-E-C-T. ie..Even if thier wrong do not correct them in front of others..Never degrade or demean them..Open communication..Never let a day pass that you don't tell them how much they are loved, appreciated and admired, one key a counselor friend of mine said was to hug and kiss for at least 3 minutes when you get home...Grams said it best, think before you speak, you can't take back words.

girl_dee

04-13-2011, 05:03 AM

Don't keep talking about your ex for Goddess sake! I would like to respect that relationship but if you keeping bringing them up it no longer appears you are over it!

dixie

04-13-2011, 06:05 AM

Don't take advantage, nor take for granted.

JustJo

04-13-2011, 07:41 AM

Don't keep talking about your ex for Goddess sake! I would like to respect that relationship but if you keeping bringing them up it no longer appears you are over it!

And really do try to get over that one before you get into the next one....it isn't fair to either person to have an invisible third person in the relationship.

Remember that the opposite of love isn't hate....it's indifference. If you have emotions tied up with the ex, and can't be indifferent to their actions....then you aren't really over them yet.

AtLast

04-13-2011, 10:50 AM

And really do try to get over that one before you get into the next one....it isn't fair to either person to have an invisible third person in the relationship.

Remember that the opposite of love isn't hate....it's indifference. If you have emotions tied up with the ex, and can't be indifferent to their actions....then you aren't really over them yet.

Yup! Deal & heal before moving on! I am not going to help you work through your last relationship and I don't want to be compared to an ex. Be good to yourself and take some time before dating again and pursuing someone else seriously.