What TO DO in a relationship.....

[Ascot]

Savor her.

[TheMerryFairy]

Remember to take time for each of you and to savor the time you get to spend together :)

[ONLY]

Put love notes on her pillow......

[Sweet Bliss]

Remember to say I love you BECAUSE and ALSO.... "I like you." followed by WHY you like them.....

[Ascot]

Celebrate each others foibles. Try to keep sight of the notion that part of your initial attraction was that her quirkiness is unlike anyone else's.

[Amante]

Make the little extra effort every single day:
WNfvuJr9164

[Daktari]

Interesting..care to explain?

I'm more interested to know your interpretation of it; everyone's is so different.

[Miss Scarlett]

Laugh and just have some crazy/silly fun together and often!!! :frog:

[girl_dee]

Imagine being in the other person's shoes.

[Gráinne]

I'm more interested to know your interpretation of it; everyone's is so different.

Here's mine:

*If you have areas where you are irresponsible, change this. I believe your irresponsibility affects your partner, too, even if you don't merge lives.

*Get real with, and deal with, addiction.

*If you have issues from the past, work on resolving these before you get too involved with someone new.

*Essentially, get yourself as emotionally, spiritually, and physically healthy as you can be, then stay that way. Don't look for a partner to "fix" you.

Was I even close?

[midwest chick]

play and romp like puppies and kittens

growling and romping without biting hard or taking it too seriously

[deathbypoem]

Cherish all of the memories, reminisce about them (with each other) often.

[LadyApples]

Typical answers, but for the love of cake, communicate and respect one another's space.

Amante, I love that StoryCorps animation! The rest of the series is also wonderful, but Danny and Annie's story was so touching. <3

[Nic]

My wife and I used to hold hands when we were mad at each other. There was a time or two that I thought she was only holding my hand to keep herself from slapping me, so maybe it was worth the effort in the end. Holding hands when you argue makes it hard to disconnect from each another and it makes it hard to escalate too. We took space when we needed it but I swear holding hands when you're mad is the secret to successful marriage.

[Sweet Bliss]

Keep yer own metaphorical house clean first and foremost.

Would like to read how you accomplish this order.

[Chad]

Hi,

I have not been that successful in relationships but I have a couple ideas that I believe in.

Be respectful toward your partner, be honest, be intimate, communicate, and have fun. There is something about laughing together that makes me feel connected to her.

Chad
My two cents :)

[deathbypoem]

My wife and I used to hold hands when we were mad at each other. There was a time or two that I thought she was only holding my hand to keep herself from slapping me, so maybe it was worth the effort in the end. Holding hands when you argue makes it hard to disconnect from each another and it makes it hard to escalate too. We took space when we needed it but I swear holding hands when you're mad is the secret to successful marriage.

So very true. Actually, I read something about this in a magazine recently. Love this idea. It works.

[peachy]

So very true. Actually, I read something about this in a magazine recently. Love this idea. It works.

My wife and I used to hold hands when we were mad at each other. There was a time or two that I thought she was only holding my hand to keep herself from slapping me, so maybe it was worth the effort in the end. Holding hands when you argue makes it hard to disconnect from each another and it makes it hard to escalate too. We took space when we needed it but I swear holding hands when you're mad is the secret to successful marriage.

That's sweet. I love that. I used to argue a lot with my ex husband. One day when we were both really mad with each other I just slapped him on the backside and he slapped me back on mine. It's impossible to stay angry with someone when you have smacked each other on the bum. It's too ridiculous. Plus it releases the pent up frustration. Don't think that would be for everyone but it worked for us.

We're both quite hot headed and often when we argue now and it gets heated and shouting we just stop and hug and say sorry. Years ago it might be 2 days before it would get to making up hug but now it's usually within about a minute. That's something that has come with knowing each other a long time and knowing we're as bad as each other and that we care about each other regardless of emotional outbursts.

[Blade]

Be respectful, even when having a fuss

[ONLY]

WHEN SHE COMES TO VISIT......
Have flowers in the bedroom .......
Have some of her favorite foods and wine in the fridge, in the cupboard......
Have fresh sheets on the bed.......


When you kiss her, kiss her like she is meant to be kissed......
Love her as she is meant to be loved........
Remind her how beautiful she is, especially on those days that she is having a rough day....

I know I want to hold her all the time and not let her go but make sure you hold her first thing in the morning and last thing at night.....

Alright enough for now, *sigh* missing my girl (f) even more so now.....but hope to see her in a couple of weeks ....... I love you SS (f) xo

[Bèsame*]

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRFSY5bmO3_a3K3v_5A2GEqz0UC2okyq 2Oc7h2ov-bvYeJaUBbS

[RockOn]

honest
honest
honest

And by the way, omitting things/parts is a form of deception. I call it exactly what it is ... which is lying.

[Canela]

honest
honest
honest

And by the way, omitting things/parts is a form of deception. I call it exactly what it is ... which is lying.

Totally agree.

[Blade]

Listen ie pay attention

[Miss Scarlett]

Meet someone before you commit to a lifetime. Online is only half the story.

Yes! But sometimes it's not even the tip of the iceberg.

And let me add this...really get to know each other well before making any sort of serious commitment.

After much discussion, my Beau and I decided to take things very slow. As my relationship status indicates, we're "going steady." And we're both loving this time of courtship. This may not be for everyone but it's working well for us.

[RockOn]

Must add, I love Nic's post also. It is great.

Thanks for sharing it!

[Nat]

Call me, ask me what I would do, then do the opposite. :)

[Miss Scarlett]

Always have time for each other, even if it's brief...

[Leigh]

Don't promise forever unless you can back it up and will actually spend a lifetime with that person

[Katniss]

honest
honest
honest

And by the way, omitting things/parts is a form of deception. I call it exactly what it is ... which is lying.


How many times can I rep the above post? Seriously. None of this "I lied out of love or to spare your feelings" cr@p either. What that usually means is you are justifying your own misbehavior. At the very least you don't respect me enough to think I can handle my own emotions and make my own decisions based on the truth. Liars are just manipulators who haven't grown up enough to be in adult relationships. Give me hard truth any day because we can build something solid on that.

Katniss~~

[JAGG]

How many times can I rep the above post? Seriously. None of this "I lied out of love or to spare your feelings" cr@p either. What that usually means is you are justifying your own misbehavior. At the very least you don't respect me enough to think I can handle my own emotions and make my own decisions based on the truth. Liars are just manipulators who haven't grown up enough to be in adult relationships. Give me hard truth any day because we can build something solid on that.

Katniss~~

You took the words right out of my mouth !!! AMEN !!!

[Miss Scarlett]

honest
honest
honest

And by the way, omitting things/parts is a form of deception. I call it exactly what it is ... which is lying.

How many times can I rep the above post? Seriously. None of this "I lied out of love or to spare your feelings" cr@p either. What that usually means is you are justifying your own misbehavior. At the very least you don't respect me enough to think I can handle my own emotions and make my own decisions based on the truth. Liars are just manipulators who haven't grown up enough to be in adult relationships. Give me hard truth any day because we can build something solid on that.

Katniss~~

You took the words right out of my mouth !!! AMEN !!!

Mine too!

I'd rather be hurt with the truth than be betrayed by lies.

If someone doesn't love me enough to be truthful, they really don't (or never did) love me at all.

[Scots_On_The_Rocks]

Be willing to make her coffee and bring it to her in bed...the rewards for this are countless :D

[Sweet Bliss]

honest
honest
honest

And by the way, omitting things/parts is a form of deception. I call it exactly what it is ... which is lying.

CIJS here ... bull crap, bull crap, bull crap.

[Bino85]

Look into her eyes everyday. Its the little things that lead to the big things

[Queenie]

At the end of of this month is my 5th wedding anniversary. What makes it work with us is being able to tell one another everything and I do mean everything. You have to have trust in your other half. If you don't then it isn't going to last.

[girl_dee]

trust......................

[TheLoneStranger]

honest
honest
honest

And by the way, omitting things/parts is a form of deception. I call it exactly what it is ... which is lying.

Seems too often I'm disappointed by the lack of honesty.

[Ginger]

First be honest with yourself.
Then be honest with the other person.

It's like what they tell you when you fly; put your own oxygen mask on first.

[ONLY]

Pay attention when she speaks to you, look at her, into her eyes.

[Sparkle]

Do YOUR work!

Heal yourself.
Know how to give *yourself* everything that you need.
Be accountable for your patterns, your progress and your fuck-ups.
Love yourself, be proud of how far you've come.
Strive to be the strongest, healthiest, best version of yourself.

NEVER stop doing YOUR work.

[Leigh]

always be honest no matter what

[ONLY]

Talk things out, don't hold them in. I am getting better at this :)

I am not sure if there is a "What NOT to do in a relationship" but NEVER, EVER, call her a derogatory name, no matter how angry you get. If I were to come to disrespect my lady like that, then the relationship is not meant to be. In my mind, if it happens once, good chance it will happen again. Thankfully it has never happened :) And I do not ever see it happening.

[girl_dee]

Talk things out, don't hold them in. I am getting better at this :)

I am not sure if there is a "What NOT to do in a relationship" but NEVER, EVER, call her a derogatory name, no matter how angry you get. If I were to come to disrespect my lady like that, then the relationship is not meant to be. In my mind, if it happens once, good chance it will happen again. Thankfully it has never happened :) And I do not ever see it happening.

Yes there is a what not to do thread- thats what spawned this one!

[Nic]

Talk things out, don't hold them in. I am getting better at this :)

I am not sure if there is a "What NOT to do in a relationship" but NEVER, EVER, call her a derogatory name, no matter how angry you get. If I were to come to disrespect my lady like that, then the relationship is not meant to be. In my mind, if it happens once, good chance it will happen again. Thankfully it has never happened :) And I do not ever see it happening.

Want to second this. Call a woman a derogatory name and she hears it in her heads for the rest of her lives. No matter how much time has passed or how stupid she knows it was that you did it or how many "reasonable explanations" you offer. (IMO, there isn't one.)

Not fair of me to limit it to women so how about just don't call anyone you "love" a derogatory name.

[Ginger]

Accept that sometimes no matter what you do, you have no control over the outcome.

[Sweet Bliss]

CIJS here ... bull crap, bull crap, bull crap.

In 56 years I have yet to meet or know a person who is "honest". So don't even start the "be honest" parade. Instead of focusing on others focus on your own actions attitudes expectations beliefs etc. I have learned that people will only expose themselves when they have reached THEIR OWN level of trust and safety with another person. Not when YOU DECIDE they should open themselves up to your scrutiny.

YOU (the collective you) are not judge and jury of the other parties level of comfort safety integrity nor in charge of how they experience their lives or deal with their personal issues.

The only person you have a right to examine for flaws is yourself.

The battle cry for "honesty" is moot in the face of lies we tell and believe about ourselves.

Our only option is to decide whether to believe what we are told.

Ask yourself - Is that a story that could be true?

[Ginger]

...
The battle cry for "honesty" is moot in the face of lies we tell and believe about ourselves.
...




That's what I was saying.

And I think being self-honest takes lifelong effort, or at least for me it does. "Know yourself," is another way to say it.

[Okiebug61]

Ten years with Red has worked because we love for the past, the now and the future. We have been through a lot and learned a lot. Relationships are not easy, but when you find the right person every ounce of sweat and tears is worth it.

[macele]

do things together. plan, plan, plan. picnics. walks after dark. wake up to see the sunrise on the weekend. do projects together. like build a treehouse (or just a "loft", no tree) without a roof. better to see the stars. the moon. the moon behind the clouds. inspire each other with plans.

[mountainbikedyke]

Make her laugh, and not just AT you...

[imperfect_cupcake]

I no longer have any idea. I know what I like and need. I know what I enjoy doing and what I can't do.

but other than that, I'm kind of at "fuck it."
I sincerely no longer know anything.
And I'm kind of ok with it.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Don't have so many expectations of what a significant other or relationship should be that you forget to enjoy each other and all those wonderful moments that really matter :)

[girl_dee]

for me, own me.

[girl_dee]

But who gets the remote!?

[Teddybear]

Want to second this. Call a woman a derogatory name and she hears it in her heads for the rest of her lives. No matter how much time has passed or how stupid she knows it was that you did it or how many "reasonable explanations" you offer. (IMO, there isn't one.)

Not fair of me to limit it to women so how about just don't call anyone you "love" a derogatory name.

I have to agree with this. It isnt just the women who are hurt by hurtful things being said. Seems we all have to pay the price for either what we have said or someone else has said to them.

Remember if you dont want it said to you DONT say it to them.

[Nic]

In 56 years I have yet to meet or know a person who is "honest". So don't even start the "be honest" parade. Instead of focusing on others focus on your own actions attitudes expectations beliefs etc. I have learned that people will only expose themselves when they have reached THEIR OWN level of trust and safety with another person. Not when YOU DECIDE they should open themselves up to your scrutiny.

YOU (the collective you) are not judge and jury of the other parties level of comfort safety integrity nor in charge of how they experience their lives or deal with their personal issues.

The only person you have a right to examine for flaws is yourself.

The battle cry for "honesty" is moot in the face of lies we tell and believe about ourselves.

Our only option is to decide whether to believe what we are told.

Ask yourself - Is that a story that could be true?

Based on current events in my life, this is one of the most insightful things I've ever read.

Without a ton of detail, the woman I'm dating comes from a past she's not proud of. She never talked about it until I pressed her to take our relationship a step further. She freaked out, wanted to break things off. Took a while to figure out the why and what of that. She told me she wasn't relationship material and never would be.

Never knew anyone who was afraid of love, or honesty for that matter. Totally foreign ideas because I grew up being loved 24/7 and praised for honesty. For her, genetics and childhood programming and, later, addiction along with human stupidity created circumstances most people would find impossible to do well in without professional help. She's not prone to allow that as an explanation for her past actions. I've got no problem holding her responsible for herself but there are also things outside our control. She owns her actions, past and present. I see and hear it on a daily basis. Might not have been comfortable trusting her if I'd met her, say, 15 years ago. Today I'd trust her with my life. Knowing her gives me a different perspective on the things Bliss mentions in her post. My attitude, expectation, perspective and the ways I self examine have changed a lot in the last 6 months.

Lack of double standard or emotional manipulation takes the legs out from under the family of origin model my girl has in her head. She has to work on accepting that she's not going to be penalized for existing, let alone for having needs. Peeling away that layer of crap made me pretty excited for her and for us but it turned out she was even more reluctant to move forward in our relationship after that. Almost didn't take things to the stage we're at now because she didn't know how to accept or function in a healthy environment. Confused me until I started educating myself. Learned about PTSD from her therapist. Learned about life where you're not penalized for needing something or having expectations is foreign to too many people, most of them women apparently. I had some pretty hard core opinions about honesty before I met my girl. Some lofty opinions of myself too as it turns out. Being invited to go with her to therapy and several in depth discussions with the therapist about the ramifications of PTSD gave me a new understanding of "honesty".

I agree with Bliss. We believe a lot of things about ourselves and tell ourselves a lot of things too. So if you don't know the truth, how do you know you're telling it? Abiding by it? Perpetuating it? And if the truth poses a threat, even just a perceived one, how do know you will speak it? I'll be damned if I can judge someone for lying to keep safe if I've never been penalized for telling the truth. Wouldn't have said that a year ago. Without a change in perspective I'd have said honesty was telling the truth 100% of the time. Discussions with her therapist has taught me that intimacy and honesty live in layers. Some people have layers that won't ever get exposure no matter how much safety or encouragement is offered so they're always going to be "lying" in one way or another if you're judging based on the "always tell the truth" model. Does that make them bad people or does it mean you don't get the whole truth? Would you get the whole truth if you found the right door and knocked on it in a way they can understand or trust?

The day her therapist told me there are people who have no clue how to recognize honesty or trustworthiness in themselves let alone in others I was blown away. Who doesn't know if they're being honest? Worse, people who don't know who or how to trust usually have no idea what love looks like when it's given. Idea made me sick to my stomach. Can't imagine what kind of hell it is to not to know what honesty or security or love looks like or to be afraid of any of it. Got to be an effing nightmare. How can I judge anybody who's world looks like that? If they're not being accountable maybe. But otherwise, I just don't know.

It's pretty easy to judge or to have expectations and such. Habit, perception, attitude, beliefs, whatever I want to call it leads me to judge all the time. Get to pat myself on the back for it too because I pride myself on being an honest man. (Aren't I just great!) Sharing this experience opened my eyes to things I never thought about before meeting my girl. Judgment is easy with family and friends backing you about how right you are and how wrong someone else is. Biggest lesson for me was considering how I might make it hard for someone to tell me the truth. My judgement and attitude might make intimacy or honesty a terrifying thing for someone with different perspective or experience, family model, etc. I always say I hold people responsible for themselves and that people should be honest no matter what. Now I wonder just how honest I really am and what honesty looks like for people who aren't me. Most important thing I learned from her therapist was when he said that people who claim they're honest 100% of the time are lying through their teeth. Made me laugh at the time. Gave me something to think about later.

[girl_dee]

do take time to do some self care........

[Nat]

I'm not sure if I came up with this terminology or if I ran into it somewhere, but I do believe there's a "relationship black hole" down which at least some of each party's efforts disappears. So I think it's possible for each party to feel like they are doing more of the work. I try to be mindful of the relationship black hole - that not everything I'd like received will be received and not everything sent my way is something I can appreciate or receive or even notice.

As stated earlier though - I'm not the best at relationships.

[girl_dee]

I'm not sure if I came up with this terminology or if I ran into it somewhere, but I do believe there's a "relationship black hole" down which at least some of each party's efforts disappears. So I think it's possible for each party to feel like they are doing more of the work. I try to be mindful of the relationship black hole - that not everything I'd like received will be received and not everything sent my way is something I can appreciate or receive or even notice.

As stated earlier though - I'm not the best at relationships.

i am watching this happen in a sister-sister relationship.

[Jesse]

Hold hands...
Good, now do it when you are talking about the hard stuff.

[Nic]

Don't just say your words and consider the message sent. Circumstances and temperament don't always allow people to absorb what you're saying when you're saying it. Speak your peace slowly and with as much attention to tone as you can muster. If warning bells go off as you're saying something, slow down, back up, stop, say "Let me try to get back on track before I go further." Whatever you have to do to get the right words out in the best way, do it. Don't set someone up in order to tear them down. Don't share opinions and epiphanies hoping for an ego boost in return. Spend energy on the content of the message rather than the gift wrap or how good you look to yourself while you deliver it.

Listen to what you're saying. What you would think if someone approached you with the same message or delivered it in the same tone? When people share hard things, especially if you don't like what they have to say, ask yourself what kind of effort it cost them to share the truth specifically with you? What's it like to face your expression and attitude? What's it like to approach you with bad news or a hard decision? The ability or intention to put yourself in another person's place isn't the same as actually doing it.

What makes anyone worth an investment of vulnerability and trust? Anybody can talk about who they are. Most do so enthusiastically. How many put equal effort into how they go about being who they say they are or how the practice of being themselves impacts others? Everyone has the right an opinion and to be themselves in a genuine way. Doesn't mean we're rewarding anyone by the expression. Best we can hope for is that being true to ourselves encourages someone else to do likewise. Everything else is a crap shoot.

[Joness]

Love yourself completely, in a non ego led narcissistic way.
When you believe you are not loveable then this projects onto others in the form of fear and judgemental behaviour.
Have faith in self love, have faith you are loveble, have faith you are worth it . . because you are . . . .
From there love her like you love yourself and give her the space to breathe and freedom to be . . . . . :2butch:

[Sweet Bliss]

When experiencing an angry moment, hold that moment in your mind and ask yourself "When was the first time this situation presented itself? " It's an old button. Find it. Heal it. Enlist the aid of trustworthy allies to help if needed.

[flapdoodle]

I read every word.
it gave me a lot to think about as well
thank you and Bliss for such candor.

Based on current events in my life, this is one of the most insightful things I've ever read.

Without a ton of detail, the woman I'm dating comes from a past she's not proud of. She never talked about it until I pressed her to take our relationship a step further. She freaked out, wanted to break things off. Took a while to figure out the why and what of that. She told me she wasn't relationship material and never would be.

Never knew anyone who was afraid of love, or honesty for that matter. Totally foreign ideas because I grew up being loved 24/7 and praised for honesty. For her, genetics and childhood programming and, later, addiction along with human stupidity created circumstances most people would find impossible to do well in without professional help. She's not prone to allow that as an explanation for her past actions. I've got no problem holding her responsible for herself but there are also things outside our control. She owns her actions, past and present. I see and hear it on a daily basis. Might not have been comfortable trusting her if I'd met her, say, 15 years ago. Today I'd trust her with my life. Knowing her gives me a different perspective on the things Bliss mentions in her post. My attitude, expectation, perspective and the ways I self examine have changed a lot in the last 6 months.

Lack of double standard or emotional manipulation takes the legs out from under the family of origin model my girl has in her head. She has to work on accepting that she's not going to be penalized for existing, let alone for having needs. Peeling away that layer of crap made me pretty excited for her and for us but it turned out she was even more reluctant to move forward in our relationship after that. Almost didn't take things to the stage we're at now because she didn't know how to accept or function in a healthy environment. Confused me until I started educating myself. Learned about PTSD from her therapist. Learned about life where you're not penalized for needing something or having expectations is foreign to too many people, most of them women apparently. I had some pretty hard core opinions about honesty before I met my girl. Some lofty opinions of myself too as it turns out. Being invited to go with her to therapy and several in depth discussions with the therapist about the ramifications of PTSD gave me a new understanding of "honesty".

I agree with Bliss. We believe a lot of things about ourselves and tell ourselves a lot of things too. So if you don't know the truth, how do you know you're telling it? Abiding by it? Perpetuating it? And if the truth poses a threat, even just a perceived one, how do know you will speak it? I'll be damned if I can judge someone for lying to keep safe if I've never been penalized for telling the truth. Wouldn't have said that a year ago. Without a change in perspective I'd have said honesty was telling the truth 100% of the time. Discussions with her therapist has taught me that intimacy and honesty live in layers. Some people have layers that won't ever get exposure no matter how much safety or encouragement is offered so they're always going to be "lying" in one way or another if you're judging based on the "always tell the truth" model. Does that make them bad people or does it mean you don't get the whole truth? Would you get the whole truth if you found the right door and knocked on it in a way they can understand or trust?

The day her therapist told me there are people who have no clue how to recognize honesty or trustworthiness in themselves let alone in others I was blown away. Who doesn't know if they're being honest? Worse, people who don't know who or how to trust usually have no idea what love looks like when it's given. Idea made me sick to my stomach. Can't imagine what kind of hell it is to not to know what honesty or security or love looks like or to be afraid of any of it. Got to be an effing nightmare. How can I judge anybody who's world looks like that? If they're not being accountable maybe. But otherwise, I just don't know.

It's pretty easy to judge or to have expectations and such. Habit, perception, attitude, beliefs, whatever I want to call it leads me to judge all the time. Get to pat myself on the back for it too because I pride myself on being an honest man. (Aren't I just great!) Sharing this experience opened my eyes to things I never thought about before meeting my girl. Judgment is easy with family and friends backing you about how right you are and how wrong someone else is. Biggest lesson for me was considering how I might make it hard for someone to tell me the truth. My judgement and attitude might make intimacy or honesty a terrifying thing for someone with different perspective or experience, family model, etc. I always say I hold people responsible for themselves and that people should be honest no matter what. Now I wonder just how honest I really am and what honesty looks like for people who aren't me. Most important thing I learned from her therapist was when he said that people who claim they're honest 100% of the time are lying through their teeth. Made me laugh at the time. Gave me something to think about later.

[Sweet Bliss]

:bunchflowers: You are very welcome.

[DaddyNik12]

ive said this many times and I will say it again

communication , honesty and trust are the 3 keys to make a relationship work if you truly want it too work

I admit there were many times I shutted myself down in a relationship and not said what my faults or problems or worries were , im guilty of that , well I think we all are pretty much .


I need to think on more of this thread and will return '

[Lecheloco]

have fun together
take time to have a conversation everyday, even if you just touch base on the days events
maintain respect for each other
don't stop doing the little things that sparked the fire

[Bèsame*]

Go to places you have never been together. Experience and share new things!


Listen, laugh and Love 💞💞💞

[candy_coated_bitch]

pay attention

[JDeere]

Always listen and let the other person finish, then talk!

[MysticOceansFL]

Femmes are always right!

[Talon]

Love and protect...

[Bèsame*]

kiss often

[MysticOceansFL]

Caress often

[Chicklette]

Have separate identities...
Laugh....often
Love....through hate
....Communicate....

[MissItalianDiva]

Be imperfect and admit when you are human...works wonders

[Tuff Stuff]

:rolleyes:

Affection,loads of it..and she must be right most of the time if not all of the time.If she is not happy..you will not be happy.

I don't know,that's just my experience :goodluck:

[JDeere]

Always have communication!

[Daisy Chain]

Dont listen with your mouth listen with your ears and when you`ve listened repeat the point back so they know you have listened and understood. Then move forward from there. Always be sure to offer them the same as you would ask of them. Forgive and forget the little things and when they piss you off be sure to remember the stuff they do that makes you feel loved and valued as well.

Daisy :bouquet:

[Venus007]

Remember especially when fighting that you love this person and want to build something moving forward.

Having to be right, nuclear anger, winning at any cost, emotional bullying, these tools may work in the moment to win the argument but those same tools can be the identical ones that disassemble your ongoing love and trust.

Temper your speech.

[Chad]

Respect, my sweetheart is my love and my best friend. I respect her for all of her gifts. Always respect your partner.

[Virago]

LOVE this thread! :)

[Bèsame*]

Let him use the ice chest for bait..lol

Put sunscreen on each other♡

[imperfect_cupcake]

Understand that respect, affection, and romance are all relative. That means what you find respectful, or affectionate or romantic I might find invasive, irritating and suffocating. You can't treat people like math formulas or IKEA furniture. We aren't all brought up by the same parents, have the same life expereince or live in the same community - our understandings of many things are not a given.

What I may find playful and funny and affectionate some people will *love* and some people will find offensive. What those people who find what I do offensive, I may find their version to be smothering, overly serious and controlling.

Talk. Be open. You might have a mad crush on someone but unless you've spent a long time with them, you actually don't know what they think is romance, or what they consider respect, or what they love as affection.

No one is "right" about those kinds of things. There is just what suits you and your personality and values.

I hear all kinds of crazy shit about how what I want in a relationship is me "not wanting commitment" or some other bullocks. I do want commitment. In fact I want a minimum of 35 years of commitment. That's why I'm a hard arse with compatibility and understanding each other. I want someone who won't make me promises they actually don't know if they can keep or not for 35 years. And there is very little I know I can promise to always do for the next 35 years.

I now what I can promise. And that's talk about it and try.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Keep holding my hand through the good times and the bad...it's my constant reminder that "we got this".

[Shystonefem]

Do not love someone for what you can think you can change them into.

Everyone argues but realize that a fight is temporary and , if you love someone, love is lasting.

Don't say anything in anger that you don't mean. It is not acceptable at any time to degrade the person you love.

Loyalty, without question or fail

Honesty always

Respect is also paramount

Treat your partner like you treat your co-workers. Love your parent like that is the last person you will ever love.

Remember that life is, sometimes, hard. Don't take it out in the person that is always in your corner.

Love, laugh, dance, travel and be proud of who the both of you are.

[JDeere]

Dance with them in your living room no matter if you can dance or not.

Hugs give out plenty of hugs and hold hands as much as possible.

[Gemme]

You show up. Be present.

That's the first step.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Have boundries, rather than demands.

[uglyboi]

Remember to say thank you.
Indulge each other's passions
Play miniature golf.
Bake a cake together.
Do what she tells you to do.
Take wacky pictures together.
Empty the dishwasher before she does.
Pre-toothpaste her toothbrush.
Pray together.
Have a lip sync battle.
Know how she likes her bacon cooked and never cook it any other way.
Always kiss her head and smell her hair.
Never use the "S" word (Stupid).
Respect each others friends.
Ask before you throw it away.
Be responsible with money.
Snore.

[kittygrrl]

When you're tempted to say something mean, consider carefully the weight of your words, its better to be silent to hold your tongue, then to see a good thing gone. It may never come back

[Soon]

Pre-toothpaste her toothbrush.


Awwwww! (never heard of this one...very sweet!)

[kittygrrl]

incisive, inquisitive, insightful, with an irreverent mind. enjoy a philosophical discussion as much as i do, and naturally charming, confident but most of all thoughtful..

[Bèsame*]

be spontaneous. [/I]"]

[Kätzchen]

Be willing to let go when you give love .

Sounds complicated, easier said than done, but I recently practiced doing that very thing. I had a great year and a half with an amazing person in my life and although we love each other, we have to say good bye. He took a 2 year assignment overseas. We enjoyed our time together.

We care about each other's happiness, so we're letting go of each other by sending each other off with loving wishes for the very best for both of us.

[Bèsame*]

be spontaneous. [/I]"]

umm...this looks like a drunk post!

[kittygrrl]

When you love someone, it's no longer all about you. Your center of gravity expands and you create space for another person to thrive in your life while they do the same thing for you...

[girl_dee]

remember what brought you together.............. :blush:

[JDeere]

Talk things out instead of yelling and screaming at each other.

Always overuse the words I Love You.

[girl_dee]

in hard times, don't go for the jugular......

[Soft*Silver]

be patient and let the other one catch up to what you just said...even if it takes awhile. Even if they argue against it. Even if you feel you werent heard...

and if they still didnt hear you...say it softer instead of harder.

[gotoseagrl]

~ Be all of yourself, not just the "pretty picture" parts, even during the honeymoon.
~ Remember there are 2 people to think of in major decisions that will affect the other person.
~ Know when to walk away and give space when it's needed.
~ Communicate in any way possible.
~ Stay in touch with your passions and core beliefs.
~ Validate the other person's feelings.
~ Try to act out of love & care, not resentment.
~ Stay connected.
~ Spend quality time.
~ Don't forget all of the little things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.
~ Get help if you need it.
~ Recognize and face if it isn't working out.

[homoe]

At the very start of the relationship read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and determine your partners language.

[gotoseagrl]

Amen. In my opinion, there is no way around knowing this type of important information to avoid being lost in translation and not knowing why.

At the very start of the relationship read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and determine your partners language.

[girl_dee]

At the very start of the relationship read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and determine your partners language.

Now you tell me............ :sigh:

[Play]

Apparently, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings" are just empty words.

Even if your intent wasn't to hurt someone's feelings, once they are
hurt a heartfelt "I'm sorry" makes things better.

Two morals to this story:

Less is more.

You can teach an old butch new tricks.

:mohawk:

[~ocean]

listen , share , laugh a lot together, seduce w/your body & soul , feast on hys needs , give in 2 hym.

[girl_dee]

stay true to who you are... its easy to forget who you are sometimes....

[girl_dee]

keep that communication going!

[candy_coated_bitch]

Laugh, a lot!!!

[Gemme]

Show up, in every way.

[cathexis]

Keep those neurochemicals flowing. There's nothing like healthy daily doses of adrenaline, endorphins, enkephalins, and oxytocin to keep a relationship alive and healthy.

[girl_dee]

be supportive when they are dealing with their own life's tuff stuff.

[Chained Daisy]

Know when to keep your cake hole shut.

[girl_dee]

Pick your battles! and only pick the ones you can win!

[girl_dee]

by all means lean on each other..............

[nanners]

Have integrity and a good moral compass, during the relationship, and even after it's over.

[JDeere]

Know when to keep your cake hole shut.

HAHAHAHA CAKE HOLE!!!

But yes this is a good lesson for both butches and femmes keep ya cake hole shut!

[Gemme]

Have some consideration for the other person. It goes a long way.

[Wrang1er]

HAHAHAHA CAKE HOLE!!!

But yes this is a good lesson for both butches and femmes keep ya cake hole shut!

I always thought it was piehole.

[hopelessromantic69]

It's a good question...each relationship is unique as are the people in them, but respect, understanding and communication should be the foundation to work from I feel.

[JDeere]

I always thought it was piehole.

I have heard both but cake hole is one I haven't heard that often!

[BullDog]

Daisy is British so maybe cake hole is more common across the pond!

[Buckaroo]

think before you speak!

[candy_coated_bitch]

Forgive freely.

[CherryWine]

Communicate.
Compromise.
Be consistent.

Laugh a lot!

[Gemme]

I always thought it was piehole.

Some people prefer cake, some prefer pie. Whatever floats your boat.

[Kätzchen]

Simply put: Tell the truth. Don't cheat. Be selfless in your affection for the one you love. Strive for the betterment of your romantic relationship. Be kind. Kiss and laugh and hold hands, often. Give nothing less than the very best.

[kittygrrl]

listen and let your response be measured

[girl_dee]

don't let the flirting come to an end.........

[candy_coated_bitch]

Let your walls down. Trust.

[girl_dee]

Let your walls down. Trust.

tough one.. but when you do... oh my...:bunchflowers:

[RockOn]

Practice kindness, honesty, open-ness ... be considerate, listen well and don't forget to laugh a whole lot. :)

[RockOn]

for the flirting to not come to an end! So important! ;)

[girl_dee]

for the flirting to not come to an end! So important! ;)

Thats the best part! Well one of them..

[cinnamongrrl]

Watch the old brat pack movies just to see how Andrew McCarthy kisses a girl....then kiss your love like that.....my honey kisses me that way and I get happy dizzy every single time!

[Bèsame*]

In between wacky schedules, make a plan for a date night! I can look forward to quality time ♡♡♡

[kittygrrl]

Always be grateful,
Always find the time.... and
Each day find something funny(together) to smile about:superfunny::readrules:

[Gemme]

...remember the reason why you fell for them in the first place and keep remembering it. Make that choice each and every day to keep loving them with all your heart and all you have to give. Love regenerates in the right environment.

[gotoseagrl]

Listen to those (many) moments when there are no words.

[girl_dee]

Keep the passion alive!

[PlatinumPearl]

Keep lines of communication open
Listen with an open heart and no judgement
Show love and appreciation
Show compassion and empathy
Continue to date

etc.

[charley]

the very word relationship comes from the word relate,
to feel related to another
to feel it deeply in your heart, in your mind, in your blood
that is the very essence of relationship
to lie to another human being would mean that you don't really care for that person, and that there never was any kind of real relationship to begin with;
we are all connected, and a liar is someone who doesn't care about the consequences to humanity for their lies;
I don't bother about such people, whether they lie to me or to someone else, they have their own life, such as it is
:byebye:

[~ocean]

being in a relationship to me was the friendship side of love .
passion is what brought us together and maintained our life's desires
but the friendship that became the source of our full time exsistance with eachother. Understanding we have no right to change them or ourselves be true to thy own self. Accept, don't judge. We all change threw the years, be able to laugh and or engulf the changes . Every change has passion, be a part of it or you will loose your lust for life . Don't loose your smile .

[MsTinkerbelly]

Show them by your deeds how much they are loved...talk is easy, actions speak louder.

[Clyde]

Be true to your word, only make promises you intend to keep. Resolve issues in the now, rather than deferring them.

[Kätzchen]

Show them by your deeds how much they are loved...talk is easy, actions speak louder.

This is why I think people should read Gary Chapman's book...
The 5 Love Languages! My top three love languages: Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time spent together, and Physical Touch.....

Nice post, Ms Tinkerbelly! :bunchflowers:

[Kätzchen]

being in a relationship to me was the friendship side of love .
passion is what brought us together and maintained our life's desires
but the friendship that became the source of our full time exsistence with each other. Understanding we have no right to change them or ourselves be true to thy own self. Accept, don't judge. We all change threw the years, be able to laugh and or engulf the changes . Every change has passion, be a part of it or you will loose your lust for life . Don't loose your smile .I loved reading your post, ~ocean..... it's so evident to me how you fathom the breadth and depth of an maturity present in an successful romantic relationship.

And,,,,, SO true about not losing your smile! :)

[homoe]

This is why I think people should read Gary Chapman's book...
The 5 Love Languages! My top three love languages: Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time spent together, and Physical Touch.....

Nice post, Ms Tinkerbelly! :bunchflowers:

I so agree Miss Katz... Knowing someone's love sign just makes good common sense IMHO

[homoe]

Be true to your word, only make promises you intend to keep. Resolve issues in the now, rather than deferring them.




:goodpost: Very good advice Clyde

[PlatinumPearl]

This is why I think people should read Gary Chapman's book...
The 5 Love Languages! My top three love languages: Receiving of Gifts, Quality Time spent together, and Physical Touch.....

I absolutely agree that this is a must read for all entering and currently in relationships. I have had such struggles with partners not knowing my love language and not respecting or understanding why mine was different than there's. I think knowing would help to have a successful relationship.

[There is also "The 5 Love Languages for Men" as well]

[Ascot]

It is, I believe, inevitable that relationships leave us with baggage. Life gives us baggage. It's part of what makes who and how we are. I think it's so important, albeit often incredibly difficult, to do our best not to let that baggage negatively impact new and burgeoning relationships. It's not fair that a new person has to bear the brunt of crap another has burdened us with. No doubt some of that is unavoidable, but do what needs to be done to lessen the load. See a therapist, exercise self care, talk with good friends...find an emotional baggage porter.

We owe it to ourselves and whoever comes next.

[homoe]

It is, I believe, inevitable that relationships leave us with baggage. Life gives us baggage. It's part of what makes who and how we are. I think it's so important, albeit often incredibly difficult, to do our best not to let that baggage negatively impact new and burgeoning relationships. It's not fair that a new person has to bear the brunt of crap another has burdened us with. No doubt some of that is unavoidable, but do what needs to be done to lessen the load. See a therapist, exercise self care, talk with good friends...find an emotional baggage porter.

We owe it to ourselves and whoever comes next.

:goodpost:

[girl_dee]

be sure the other knows every single day, that they are loved

[charley]

the very word relationship comes from the word relate,
to feel related to another
to feel it deeply in your heart, in your mind, in your blood
that is the very essence of relationship
to lie to another human being would mean that you don't really care for that person, and that there never was any kind of real relationship to begin with;
we are all connected, and a liar is someone who doesn't care about the consequences to humanity for their lies;
I don't bother about such people, whether they lie to me or to someone else, they have their own life, such as it is
:byebye:
it occurred to me, that there is a second part to the above, as follows:
when one feels related to another (as above), there is no way one could or would harm/hurt the other, as it would be like harming/hurting oneself
:byebye:

[ardentfemme]

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

[girl_dee]

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

Hi AF.

I totally love the reframe. i used to say i needed to put my *must have* list out to the universe to attract the right partner for me when it was time. Well i did that, and they showed up! They had all the things on my list.

They also had addictions, anger issues, major debt, insecurities etc... i learned the hard way that that sort of *baggage* can outweigh all the good stuff...

So now i have a *must have* and *must not have* list..... and it worked! :awww:

[cutegrrl]

Listen more and talk less. I think that listening is a skill that needs to be really sharpened. If we listened more we would are less and have less misunderstandings.

[homoe]

I hope this isn’t derailing the thread, but regarding the topic of baggage, I’ve done a lot of reflecting lately about how we learn from relationships. Essentially, how to contextualize difficult (and sometimes painful) lessons we’ve learned from exes or even friends and family. So, instead of viewing one’s “baggage” as “I have trust issues because someone hurt me,” one could view it in a positive light by spinning it as “Oh, I learned that not everyone deserves my immediate trust. I should wait to get to know someone and then make an informed decision about whether or not to trust them, to what degree, and with which specific things.”

I really do believe the relationships we have and the people we meet all serve to teach us something. Even if it’s what we don’t want.

Anyway, this mentality has been really helpful for me. I hope it proves equally beneficial for y’all.

xoxo

:goodpost:

[girl_dee]

laugh, a LOT.................:bow: :2butch:

[kittygrrl]

i was talking to a friend today ..he said he needed a playmate.....i've been thinking about this and i realized sex has become so much more then a game, a fun romp ..exercise...it's not enough anymore ..eventually or maybe from the very beginning it was always meant for something much more meaningful...it's never too late to learn.... you are sharing some of the most profound truths the universe can give you..it will illuminate your deepest desires for connection, and grace...there is more to life then mere notes..it's a symphony of music..you share lying next to him..unique and perfect only the two of you will ever understand.....

[Lovely]

Be authentic and true to yourself and what you bring and can give in a relationship.

[clay]

For me, I can only be involved with ONE woman at a time.

That is what I wish for in my relationships, to be one of a pair...she & I.

Is that so very much to ask for? I will NOT settle for anything more...or less...

[homoe]

If you're a butch write your gal little love notes or poems and tuck them somewhere she is sure to fine them............


sidebar: I suppose this is the modern equivalent of sending a text?? I'm old school give me a pen and paper over some electronics gizmo any day!

[~ocean]

If you're a butch write your gal little love notes or poems and tuck them somewhere she is sure to fine them............


sidebar: I suppose this is the modern equivalent of sending a text?? I'm old school give me a pen and paper over some electronics gizmo any day!

I like the sidebar better :) the text can get deleted or sent to cyber space ~ but a sweet note or a sexy note you can treasure :)

[Lyte]

Amen to "old school" ... hand written is best. :)


If you're a butch write your gal little love notes or poems and tuck them somewhere she is sure to fine them............


sidebar: I suppose this is the modern equivalent of sending a text?? I'm old school give me a pen and paper over some electronics gizmo any day!

[ardentfemme]

Wow, y'all are really out here romancing women all over the place with handwritten notes! That's amazing.

I think the last handwritten note I got was from my mom - in my lunch box back in grade school! :P

[cathexis]

If you're a butch write your gal little love notes or poems and tuck them somewhere she is sure to fine them............


sidebar: I suppose this is the modern equivalent of sending a text?? I'm old school give me a pen and paper over some electronics gizmo any day!


Those little love notes sound cute.:bow::rrose:

[girl_dee]

never let the other think for a moment they are not deeply loved.

[CherryWine]

Frequently discover/learn about new things together.

[girl_dee]

be the others person’s rock. Be THAT person in their life

[cathexis]

make absolutely certain you've go the other partner(s)' back, and trust them to have yours.:cigar2:

[kittygrrl]

live in the moment

[girl_dee]

have each other's back - Thanks Cathexis-
have integrity, your partner will like that about you
be kind, to each other and others

[kittygrrl]

Talk about money, before and during a relationship. Have a plan, set goals. Discuss monthly budget and be accountable. Make it fun.:tea:

[BullDog]

Have respect for one another, no matter what the status of your relationship is (future, current, past, unknown) or how well you are currently getting along.

[kittygrrl]

fight fairly...it's not easy sometimes but very necessary..most important ..keep calm, no name calling, don't accuse instead, take turns expressing how you see it, strive for accommodation..you can't win unless you both win

[MsTinkerbelly]

Spend some time actually getting to know someone before you pack it all up and move across the country for them....so much heartache could be avoided.

Listen. I don’t mean wait for your turn to talk, actually listen to what your partner (or friend, family) is saying before you formulate your response.

Put your device down and spend time doing things together.

[girl_dee]

Sexy texting is pretty hot!

[girl_dee]

be kind, i find this the most endearing quality in happy couples.. they speak kindly, and are generally nice to each other

[Chained Daisy]

Listen with intent to hear not just reply, in fact master the art of making your loved know they have your full attention without answering, be comfortable with the pauses, leave them space to pause , think, continue without interruption.

[girl_dee]

Listen with intent to hear not just reply, in fact master the art of making your loved know they have your full attention without answering, be comfortable with the pauses, leave them space to pause , think, continue without interruption.

i need to practice this.