What TO DO in a relationship..... [Archive]

Miss Scarlett

04-13-2011, 07:56 PM

Ok I'll start....

BE HONEST!

ALWAYS kiss goodnight!

:bunchflowers:

Take every moment as a gift. Never go to bed angry.

Go to therapy if you're in it for the long haul. There's no shame in it, and it can help a lot when you're trying to figure out why you keep doing the same things over and over again that aren't working.

All of the above plus...

If you are wrong, don't be afraid to admit it but most important of all never, ever forget to say "I love you"

violaine

04-13-2011, 07:56 PM

give each other s p a c e .

Softly

04-13-2011, 07:57 PM

take showers together :drool:

go on dates no matter how long you've been together

do communication exercises to learn new things

make dinner together :awww:

Duchess

04-13-2011, 07:58 PM

Do maintain a sense of privacy. Family and friends don't need to know the intricate details.(f)

Duchess

girl_dee

04-13-2011, 08:00 PM

Meet someone before you commit to a lifetime. Online is only half the story.

Bard

04-13-2011, 08:01 PM

Talk to each other about everything even the hard stuff
take the time to show her how you feel actions do speak louder then words
make each other laugh
kiss her every chance you get
be honest be true but be kind
let her share your world for she wants to be part of you
never ever take each other for granted tomorrow is not promised
take time for the two of you to walk in the rain
hold her close when she is sad kiss the tears away
AND Cowboi don't you ever forget she is a lady and should be treated as such open her door walk her to her car before work bring her flowers just because
(f):bunchflowers:

scootebaby

04-13-2011, 08:03 PM

Be honest--dont sugarcoat or rearrange the truth to make yourself look better or to garner sympathy

say thank you

say i love you

enjoy the silence sometimes

talk about things--even if it means things might get tense for a moment

never go to bed angry--if space is needed at least give them a kiss goodnight and let them know you love them

Scorp

04-13-2011, 08:09 PM

Unload the dishwasher

Oiler41

04-13-2011, 08:10 PM

Ok I'll start....

BE HONEST!

Yep; this is the highest priority to me. If I can't trust you to tell me the truth, everything else is pointless.

Glynn

justkim

04-13-2011, 08:14 PM

Remember to say *Please* & *Thank you*
Listen and hear what is being said...
Be patient... Be kind...

JAGG

04-13-2011, 08:15 PM

JustJo

04-13-2011, 08:22 PM

Always assume good intent ... and have it yourself too.

Say "I love you" and mean it...frequently.

Be faithful...not just physically, but also emotionally, verbally...and especially in your own head and heart.

Talk it out...and if you find yourself shouting, take a breath, and keep talking.

Do the little things that show your love to your partner...in our case it's jello and foot rubbing (not together :giggle: )

Spend time together....just the two of you. It doesn't have to be a fancy date....take a walk, go to the garden center, sit outside and enjoy the day.

Remember that they're human and make mistakes....and the same goes for you.

Remember why you got together in the first place. :stillheart:

Soft*Silver

04-13-2011, 08:28 PM

I disagree. I have to sometimes have time to process. I need a night for my internal soul to talk it out to my silly self. I actually wake up and understand it all and can work it out at the breakfast table with smoothness. But I need that night to process in my sleep....

Take every moment as a gift. Never go to bed angry.

Queerasfck

04-13-2011, 08:31 PM

Bathe regularly.

Soft*Silver

04-13-2011, 08:39 PM

never make tv the only thing that stays on in the bedroom

keep alcohol and drugs to a minimum in regard to intimacy. Its an issue if its the only way you can face being who you are and being with who you are with (meaning, the same sex)

keep your own house clean. I mean that literally. I dont want to hear one more time about how bad a butch is about keeping up a house. Bullshit. I am not interested in becoming someone's house slave and then having a white glove judgement determine my femininity. You want me to keep your sink clean? Show me how well you keep it clean yourself. Tit for tat.

if you plan on loving me, dont tell me later you didnt understand what I meant when i said I love horses and big dogs. At this point in my life, that is grounds for skinning you alive and wearing you for chaps (oh wait..is this one for the other thread?)

justkim

04-13-2011, 09:00 PM

Create together...
Date nights...
Dance in the living room...
Prepare meals together...
Remember it is okay to disagree but it doesn't need to turn into a full on war...
If you find talking about something hard right a letter...
Notes...
Appreciate the person you are with...
Respect one another...
Remember that every day isn't always a good day and that is okay...
The little things...
They matter...

bright_arrow

04-13-2011, 10:09 PM

Sing your favorite songs together :)
Take long drives
Be considerate of each others thoughts and feelings
Share your thoughts and feelings
Be honest
Don't use their past against them
Schedule at-home date nights, cook dinner together and then cuddle and watch a movie
Buy flowers
Never go to bed angry
Kiss in the morning, before bed, and as many times as you can in between
Hold hands in public
Always ask them how their day was, and honestly and sincerely listen
Laugh
Love with an open heart
Don't be afraid to take a chance
Understand the difference between needing them and being needy
Dance along to the radio
Have some alone time away from home (cabin on the lake, camping)

undone

04-13-2011, 10:23 PM

Make promises you keep.
Make yourself easy to love.
Make the one you love feel safe and secure.
No matter what, make the one you love know she is a priority.
Talk about everything, and be brutally honest, even if it's difficult.
Treat her like a queen, and love her in all ways , always.
Build a bond together that noone or no thing can come between .
Apologize for your mistakes, make amends and do better next time. Then make amends again.
Take responsibility for your actions .
Validate her feelings by listening, stop what your doing, even when you're busy and pressed for time.
Always make time for her needs , even if your tired ,injured or bored.
Just a few things I always try to do when I love someone. It doesn't guaranty she won't still choose to walk away, but I don't think it hurts anything.

Exactly what JAGG said!

I would also add,
Take time to understand what she's trying to say even if the words are not perfect sometimes to emotions and feeling make it hard to get em all right all the time... (well for me) assume the best, if you can't then just ask.

Commitment is putting her first above anyone else except for a child. If it is best for you then it should be best for both of you.

Bard

04-13-2011, 10:55 PM

Sometimes you just say it loud for all to hear
so I will hijack this for a moment cause I know desd will thread stalk me

SHANNON I LOVE YOU NOW AND ALWAYS:cowboihorse:

bright_arrow

04-13-2011, 11:12 PM

Sometimes you just say it loud for all to hear
so I will hijack this for a moment cause I know desd will thread stalk me

SHANNON I LOVE YOU NOW AND ALWAYS:cowboihorse:

I love you too baby, always and forever xoxox (f)

Gemme

04-13-2011, 11:23 PM

Work for it.

Not that a relationship should be something that you toll at, nor is it something that you clock in and out for, but it's not something you can opt to show up for either.

You're in it 24/7 or not at all. Be present.

Take into consideration the consequences of your actions (or lack thereof) on your partner and adjust your behavior accordingly.

Breaking it down biblically, do unto others. Treat him or her as you would like to be treated.

Show respect. Earn respect. It's a mutually beneficial cycle.

LISTEN and HEAR what is being said, whether it's about an opinion on where to hang a picture or whether it's about future goals for the relationship.

Clean up after yourself. Chances are, you don't live with your mom still. Don't make your partner your parent.

Give yourself and your partner some leeway. Neither of you are perfect. Allow for idiocyncrasies and mistakes and adjust your behavior accordingly.

Never say no to requests for sweets and/or junk food. :blink:

Bard

04-13-2011, 11:34 PM

Forever is such a very long time. I like 5 year plans. I am currently on year two of the third 5 year plan.

I have commitment issues.

Oh yeah tell me about commitment issues I can't even spell it with out breaking out in hives :sunglass:

Diva

04-13-2011, 11:36 PM

Great thread, Sassy!

~Give Your partner respect.
~Give Your partner space.
~Give Your partner the best of Yourself.
~Give Your partner time.
~Give Your partner the benefit of the doubt.
~Give Your partner the last piece of pie.
~Give Your parnter consideration.
~Give Your partner safety.
~Give Your partner Your friendship.
~Give Your partner spontaneity.
~Give Your partner emotional support without being suffocating.
~Give Your partner advice in a loving way.
~Give Your parnter unconditional love.
~Give Your partner Your ferocity.
~Give Your partner Your open mind.
~Give Your partner Your heart of hearts.
~Give Your parnter forgiveness....whether they ask for it or not.
~Give Your partner laughter.
~Give Your partner peace.
~Give Your partner Your energy.
~Give Your partner Your word.
~Give Your partner honesty and Your truth.
~Give Your partner heart protection.
~Give Your partner Yourself.

Soft*Silver

04-13-2011, 11:37 PM

oh yes you can so...you committed to your horse..so quit bellering..if you can commit to a horse, you can commit to a girl.

you are too cute, cowboi

Oh yeah tell me about commitment issues I can't even spell it with out breaking out in hives :sunglass:

bright_arrow

04-13-2011, 11:48 PM

oh yes you can so...you committed to your horse..so quit bellering..if you can commit to a horse, you can commit to a girl.

you are too cute, cowboi

Nanner nanner she told you!

DamonK

04-13-2011, 11:49 PM

Laugh together.
Be willing to compromise.
Be willing to negotiate changes in your relationship if needed, if you want to stay together.

Never let your partner forget you love them.

atomiczombie

04-13-2011, 11:49 PM

Try to see things from your partner's point of view. Try to respond to and anticipate her needs. Love her as she is and not how you would like her to be. Love her for WHO she is and not how she makes you feel. Celebrate all the amazing and beautiful things about her. Give her the space she needs. Give her the time she needs. Love her enough to let her go if that is what is best for her.

Bard

04-13-2011, 11:49 PM

oh yes you can so...you committed to your horse..so quit bellering..if you can commit to a horse, you can commit to a girl.

you are too cute, cowboi

Well shucks Ma'am I try and poor Desd she is stuck with BOTH of us

bright_arrow

04-13-2011, 11:50 PM

Oh yeah tell me about commitment issues I can't even spell it with out breaking out in hives :sunglass:

Lord help you if you leave me at the altar due to a hive break out :raspberry:

bright_arrow

04-13-2011, 11:50 PM

Well shucks Ma'am I try and poor Desd she is stuck with BOTH of us

Pffft bring it on!

Bard

04-13-2011, 11:57 PM

Pffft bring it on!

Even when I crack my neck hmmm PSSST
I think we are hijacking:pirate-steer: this thread
Sorry Y"all

bright_arrow

04-13-2011, 11:59 PM

Even when I crack my neck hmmm PSSST
I think we are hijacking:pirate-steer: this thread
Sorry Y"all

Even when!
Whoops :|

/derail

alilhoneybee

04-14-2011, 04:17 AM

Make promises you keep.
Make yourself easy to love.
Make the one you love feel safe and secure.
No matter what, make the one you love know she is a priority.
Talk about everything, and be brutally honest, even if it's difficult.
Treat her like a queen, and love her in all ways , always.
Build a bond together that noone or no thing can come between .
Apologize for your mistakes, make amends and do better next time. Then make amends again.
Take responsibility for your actions .
Validate her feelings by listening, stop what your doing, even when you're busy and pressed for time.
Always make time for her needs , even if your tired ,injured or bored.
Just a few things I always try to do when I love someone. It doesn't guaranty she won't still choose to walk away, but I don't think it hurts anything.

The only things I would add would be support the dreams and goals the one you love has. Honor the accomplishments and mourn the losses with them.

Venus007

04-14-2011, 05:43 AM

Embrace and encourage individual interests and adventures for both yourself and your partner. You are not conjoined twins, by maintaining your difference you increase limerence and it helps keep conversation interesting.

Get away every once in awhile and have an adventure (esp in long term relationships). You need to get out in the world and see each other interacting with said world, this helps remind you why you love the person in the first place.

Have sex in new ways and new places, resist the rut that leads to boredom that steals your heat. Have sex in a new room in the house, try a new position, shake it up. You don't have to get all crazy (unless you want to) but try new things.

Do physical things together, wrestle, dance, walk, by connecting physically (other than sexually) it helps build new neural paths and strengthens your bond.

When talking about emotional issues try to stay open and in the present moment. Really listen to what your partner is saying, even if it is hard for you to hear, even if you want to jump in and defend yourself, even if you think they are wrong, wrong, wrong. Just listen and support them, your time to talk will come and you will find the situation less combative if they feel genuinely heard and accepted. Both parties should practice this and believe me you will get better at it over time (it takes practice). Try reflecting back what you are hearing, e.g. "I hear you are frustrated because you feel like when I don't empty the dishwasher I am taking you for granted."

Agree to fight fair, have ground rules and stick to them, better yet write them down so it can remain an objective touch stone.

When you fuck up, genuinely apologize and make it right as much as you can.

Remember no one is perfect and it is difficult to make changes. Remove the sawdust in your eye before you gun for the log in someone else's.

Maintain yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit or soul, your credit score. There is nothing wrong with maintaining a little mystery and there is everything to gain by loving yourself and engaging in good strong self care.

girl_dee

04-14-2011, 05:46 AM

Yep; this is the highest priority to me. If I can't trust you to tell me the truth, everything else is pointless.

Glynn

yes yes, and the WHOLE truth when you do speak of the truth, good the bad and the ugly.

Anything less is an UNtruth and deceitful

Daktari

04-14-2011, 05:48 AM

Have your life, her life and our life!

girl_dee

04-14-2011, 07:30 AM

Talk about goals, where you are heading, where you want to be in the future if you plan a future with someone, winging it doesn't work.

princessbelle

04-14-2011, 08:00 AM

Romance. Romance. Romance.

Take the time. It is important.

Oh and for sure learn to let go and laugh about silly things. Random little everyday things.

girl_dee

04-14-2011, 08:02 AM

Respect each other's bathroom privacy!

The_Lady_Snow

04-14-2011, 08:04 AM

Respect

Listen

Talk

Laugh

Fuck

Comfort

Words

04-14-2011, 08:28 AM

girl_dee

04-14-2011, 08:33 AM

No matter how mad you are, reach out and touch - literally - just before you go to sleep.

There is nothing as lonely or as crazy making as being in bed next to the person you love but being too hurt/proud/indignant to ask for a hug. Don't make them ask. Just do it.

Words

I'm the opposite, I don't want to be hugged or hug if I am mad. I just want to be left the hell alone, maybe I've been doing it wrong all these years.

Words

04-14-2011, 08:45 AM

I'm the opposite, I don't want to be hugged or hug if I am mad. I just want to be left the hell alone, maybe I've been doing it wrong all these years.

I was thinking more along the lines of the person who was mad with the other reaching out, but you're right, we're all very different.

Me? I need some kind of physical contact just before W/we go to sleep regardless of who's mad with the other. Nothing sexual, just a 'so okay, one of us is mad now but it'll all be okay in the morning' kind of touch. And, to be honest, nine times out of ten it is.

Words

justkim

04-14-2011, 08:55 AM

Touch me...
with words...
your hand...
your lips...
your heart...

Touch me deep into my soul...

Apocalipstic

04-14-2011, 09:24 AM

Be nice to me

Ebon

04-14-2011, 09:29 AM

Give random back rubs, foot rubs, kisses.

Make decisions together after you discuss them.

Be there for your mate.

Realize that some days you will not like each other and that is fine.

Try not to go to bed upset with each other. Release the bad energy before the new day starts.

Always be honest and have good intentions.

There are plenty more things but I am lazy and I don't want to type them.

Lynn

04-14-2011, 09:53 AM

Find joy in each other's joy.
Take affection as willingly as you give it.
Encourage each other to new heights.
Make the most of the day-to-day moments together.
Treat each other with respect and kindness.
Communicate and tell the truth.
Never use each other as excuses for unhappiness.

Bring me tea when I'm tired.

Glenn

04-14-2011, 10:17 AM

If you are thinking maybe I should breakup with her/him-you should.

JAGG

04-14-2011, 06:55 PM

No matter how mad you are, reach out and touch - literally - just before you go to sleep.

There is nothing as lonely or as crazy making as being in bed next to the person you love but being too hurt/proud/indignant to ask for a hug. Don't make them ask. Just do it.

Words

If I'm angry and the other person hugs me , my anger is instantly gone. Especially if we are in bed and they slide up behind me and spoon me. But I won't tell them , cos it's a secret that I should not reveal, but if they really love they would figure it out, they'd learn how to get through to me.

girl_dee

04-14-2011, 07:31 PM

If you are thinking maybe I should breakup with her/him-you should.

GOOD ONE!..........

Greyson

04-14-2011, 07:40 PM

Great thread, Sassy!

~Give Your partner the last piece of pie.

Hey now, that's what I am talking about!

Soft*Silver

04-14-2011, 08:04 PM

hide the horse until the ceremony is over...

Lord help you if you leave me at the altar due to a hive break out :raspberry:

Soft*Silver

04-14-2011, 08:07 PM

when you are really angry with me....so angry with me...walk over and touch my face lovingly...so I know that even thru the anger you love me...that even tho we are angry, the moment is just a moment and not a rock that shatters the mirror upon which we look at each other....

and I...I shall do the same for you....

socialjustice_fsu

04-14-2011, 08:11 PM

Validate one another as human beings. Speak of each other's worth. It is the cornerstone of any healthy, loving, intact relationship.

citybutch

04-14-2011, 08:19 PM

As my Mom and Dad said (completely separately from each other I might add)....

KNOW that where you ARE is EXACTLY where you WANT to BE.

If you BOTH have this mindset... the rest will follow... you will always find a way to figure it out during the hard times, the fun times, and the loving times... and the difficult things of life don't come between you when you are on that same page.

julieisafemme

04-14-2011, 08:28 PM

Be gentle with the cloaca.

Always own your part.

Forgive and discuss.

Strappie

04-14-2011, 08:34 PM

OMG..... now I know why I've been single for 5 years.
Really all is to clean out the dishwasher? Jesus I knew I paid that therapist too much. ..... lol

THANK YOU SCORP!!!!

Oiler41

04-14-2011, 09:22 PM

My Dear Brother Ebon read this for Pup and I at our wedding; seems to be a good fit for the thread:

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to.

And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return.

We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now.

--Anne Morrow Lindberg

Just thought I would share that.

Glynn

DamonK

04-14-2011, 09:30 PM

If you are thinking maybe I should breakup with her/him-you should.

Quite true.

Gráinne

04-14-2011, 09:47 PM

Keep up hygiene and appearance even after you "have" me
Look at me when I'm speaking to you
Go on dates, even after years
Be very affectionate
Be honest and open, above all
Compliments, compliments and compliments
Notice the "little things"-a new hairstyle, new clothes
Remember what brought you together in the first place, and rekindle that heat
Remember that both of you have to be dedicated to personal growth
Laugh, often and hard

girl_dee

04-15-2011, 04:52 AM

OMG..... now I know why I've been single for 5 years.
Really all is to clean out the dishwasher? Jesus I knew I paid that therapist too much. ..... lol

THANK YOU SCORP!!!!

and you being housetrained and all ...hey thats a plus in my book!

AtLast

04-15-2011, 03:21 PM

Remember that paying attention to the small things helps build a strong foundation for facing the big stuff together.

Taking a partner for granted is a fast track to splitting up.

Laugh together.... A LOT!!!

girl_dee

04-15-2011, 05:57 PM

Please, don't ever let the honeymoon be over.

Daywalker

04-15-2011, 06:09 PM

Call her Beautiful, don't just tell her she is.

:rose:

Dig up rocks for her ~ because U want to.
(just make sure that pretty rock doesn't just look
like a stoopid potato when ya get it home)

:|

When U have passed the 7 year mark and are working on 8,
and she knows that she now haz all yer Exes beat in the
relationship duration thing...let her rejoice and dance
around the kitchen like she's spiking
a football in the End Zone.
:ballerina: :football: :ballerina:

Oh, and brush her hair for her ~ try not to pull it (too hard)

:goodscore:

:daywalker:

girl_dee

04-15-2011, 06:34 PM

Brushing her hair...... OHHHhhhh yes good one!

Don't make promises then don't keep them.

Lynn

04-15-2011, 06:39 PM

It helps if she thinks you're adorable.
Tell her you love her and that she's beautiful, but really mean it.
Choose someone who thinks you're really funny, even if you don't know why you amuse them so much.
Express gratitude and appreciation as often as you feel it.
Always ask if you can get her something while you're in the kitchen.

girl_dee

04-15-2011, 06:54 PM

Make sure she knows she's not replacing your ex.

scootebaby

04-15-2011, 07:44 PM

rub her feet--even tho you have a thing about feet-because it helps her!

thank her often for all she does for you

do something for no reason at all!

IrishGrrl

04-15-2011, 08:24 PM

Cook dinner
Massages after a long hard day
Clean and wash her car
Bring home wild flowers you picked on the side of the road.
Fuck her well, and often.
Dont stop when she says she cant again, there is always one more in there. :)
Bring her coffee
Wash her hair
Tell her how beautiful she is when she wakes up in the morning, and then show her.
Smile and be proud of her when she is on your arm. Even when you are at home depot together, covered in dirt..picking up last minute supplies you ran out of while planting a garden.
Put air in her tires, and check the oil.
Take her out on surprise picnics.
Never wait for the perfect moment to tell her how you feel. Say it when you feel it, dont hold it in.
Give her white and red roses, the symbols for purity and love.
Hold her hair back while she is throwing up from the flu.
Bring her chocolates, and a heating pad when she has cramps and PMS, also, just say, yes baby..to anything she says during that time.
Listen to every lyric, to every song she posts..she may be talking to you.
Protect her, keep her safe.
Spank her ass when she needs it.
Let her spank yours if she needs it.

girl_dee

04-16-2011, 08:20 PM

laugh .........

Greco

04-16-2011, 08:57 PM

make love often

enjoy listening to music dance

have dinner together candles flowers even on a weekday

different friends spend time away with said friends

common friends same as above

have interests that keep the conversations
exciting

silence together

read to her if she enjoys this

let her read to you if you enjoy this

cook together already has been shared

surprise her in ways she enjoys

hmmm seems I have some thoughts
on this

enjoying reading this thread thanks

Greco

Kenna

04-16-2011, 09:07 PM

...enjoy and take time for frequent family-centered dinners, at a real dinner table... away from the TV, computers and other such devices.
Even if it's a dinner for two, or just "pizza night"... sit at a dinner table and take time to be together without distractions, enjoy eachother's company and lots of laughter...or a serious talk where you give the other your undivided attention... at a real dinner table.

For years while raising my son, because we were always so busy or were distracted by TV or video games, I neglected the family dinner time....
Until his grandparents reminded me of the importance of and special communications that can happen while at a real dinner table... and it reminded me of how many special memories I have of my great-gramma while at her table. In a relationship, I think the special time spent at a dinner or breakfast table is very important and very healthy.

And it's fun to make special traditions for dinner time.... like my son's favorite that was passed down from my great-grampa..."Have dessert first; how else would you have room for it." ...I love to see people's expressions when I occasionally pull that one on them. Or, the old fashioned "pass and break the bread" at the beginning of a meal (that's one of my favorites). Dinner table traditions are a fun thing to do and opens up the door for laughter and relaxation.

I believe the things that can happen and the open communication that flows at a dinner table can really strengthen bonds in a relationship.... it also shows you are willing to MAKE time out of your busy day for the other person or family members....

I love my beautiful dinner table NOT because it is a 100 year old hand carved, honey stained solid oak with beautiful round top and "hand turned" legs, with 4 very beautiful "wheat back" solid oak comfortable chairs...but because of the many special times and memories with family and loved ones.

girl_dee

04-18-2011, 06:08 AM

girl_dee

04-18-2011, 08:10 PM

just sit around and TALK.

bigbutchmistie

04-18-2011, 08:42 PM

For Me

Communicate about everything. Leave nothing out. Never hide anything from your partner. A white lie is still a lie. It still will be found out and it still stings and causes so much devastation to a relationship. White Lies are termites lol

Romance. Flowers candles foot rubs body rubs bubble baths washing her hair and the little things just to name a few show how much one cares

Affection. Just holding hands a hug from behind as she cooks for you holding her while she sleeps these are just a few ways to be affectionate but go so far

Loyalty. Stand by your partners side even if you think they are wrong. Always present a united front

Honesty Always be.totally honest

Trust. Trust your partner with every fiber of your being. If you can't trust them work it out or leave. Without trust there is nothing.

Always Date. This will keep your relationship refreshed. And you will remember why you fell in love to start with.

The_Lady_Snow

04-18-2011, 08:49 PM

Leave work early and head to the beach!!!

The_Lady_Snow

04-18-2011, 08:53 PM

Like the people your in a relationship with

Bootboi

04-18-2011, 09:47 PM

Know that work isnt always the priority

I am very bad at this but hopefully getting better

Tcountry

04-18-2011, 10:19 PM

Trust...don't just say u do
Be Honest...even when it is the hardest thing to do
Try new things together...laugh where some don't work
COMPROMISE
Don't let the past negatively effect the future...
Ask...listen...remember...surprise...
Be random & silly together
A whole lotta I love you's...
Be affectionate...everywhere(appropriately)
RESPECT...yourself, your partner, your relationship...
Enjoy...time, little things, eachother...

Fancy

04-18-2011, 10:33 PM

Read this thread.

Especially this post. Well said!

Embrace and encourage individual interests and adventures for both yourself and your partner. You are not conjoined twins, by maintaining your difference you increase limerence and it helps keep conversation interesting.

Get away every once in awhile and have an adventure (esp in long term relationships). You need to get out in the world and see each other interacting with said world, this helps remind you why you love the person in the first place.

Have sex in new ways and new places, resist the rut that leads to boredom that steals your heat. Have sex in a new room in the house, try a new position, shake it up. You don't have to get all crazy (unless you want to) but try new things.

Do physical things together, wrestle, dance, walk, by connecting physically (other than sexually) it helps build new neural paths and strengthens your bond.

When talking about emotional issues try to stay open and in the present moment. Really listen to what your partner is saying, even if it is hard for you to hear, even if you want to jump in and defend yourself, even if you think they are wrong, wrong, wrong. Just listen and support them, your time to talk will come and you will find the situation less combative if they feel genuinely heard and accepted. Both parties should practice this and believe me you will get better at it over time (it takes practice). Try reflecting back what you are hearing, e.g. "I hear you are frustrated because you feel like when I don't empty the dishwasher I am taking you for granted."

Agree to fight fair, have ground rules and stick to them, better yet write them down so it can remain an objective touch stone.

When you fuck up, genuinely apologize and make it right as much as you can.

Remember no one is perfect and it is difficult to make changes. Remove the sawdust in your eye before you gun for the log in someone else's.

Maintain yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit or soul, your credit score. There is nothing wrong with maintaining a little mystery and there is everything to gain by loving yourself and engaging in good strong self care.

girl_dee

04-19-2011, 05:56 AM

Know that work isnt always the priority

I am very bad at this but hopefully getting better

Learning this one myself, Seems I am enrolled in Syr's school of relaxation. :|

girl_dee

04-19-2011, 05:57 AM

Put WORDS into ACTIONS.

(We girls remember the promises made)

violaine

04-19-2011, 10:30 AM

:bunchflowers:favourite treats!

Blade

04-19-2011, 11:34 AM

play, have fun, joke around. Life is much less stressful when you don't take everything so seriously.

Blade

04-19-2011, 11:37 AM

thought of another to do........If you are feeling like a night in shining armor or whatever you call a femme in shining armor. Jump on your horse and ride off into the sunset....come back and try it again when your armor is a little tarnished.

beeblebrox42

04-19-2011, 12:36 PM

don't forget to take care of yourself... if you are not meeting your own personal needs, those can sometimes shift to your partner... which can be an overwhelming thing. you love your partner so easily... don't forget to love yourself!

Venus007

04-19-2011, 12:42 PM

When faced with assuming an action or word is malicious or just stupidly thoughtless or what have you, assume the best.

Remember your paramour is not perfect and is a flawed, failing, wonderful human being, just like you are.

Change is hard and it takes time. If you and your honey bunny are trying to change patterns that started in either of your childhoods or wherever in life, mistakes will be made, don't freak. Pick yourself up, dust off and start again, with consistent dedicated work you will see change, however, it is not instant.

MsTinkerbelly

04-19-2011, 12:55 PM

Make sure every minute of every day that the person you have chosen to spend your life with knows how very loved they are.:bunchflowers:

citybutch

04-19-2011, 09:38 PM

Touch.....

Soft*Silver

04-19-2011, 10:44 PM

be present and spend time with the person you are in a relationship with or get out of the relationship

citybutch

04-20-2011, 09:16 AM

Create your own traditions...

Jesse

04-20-2011, 09:21 AM

Listen :heartbeat:

Blade

04-20-2011, 09:29 AM

TRUST

TRUST each other

TRUST each others friendships, are just that friendships

TRUST my judgment, I only want what is best for you and for us

TRUST that nothing is off limits, you can talk to me about anything

TRUST that we will not judge each other

TRUST that at the end of the day no matter our difficulties of the day, we will go to bed happily and loving each other, not wondering.

girl_dee

04-21-2011, 07:09 AM

Celebrate everything!

girl_dee

04-21-2011, 10:35 AM

keep your word, If you promise to do something, do it.

the excuses can get very old after a while.

Blade

04-21-2011, 10:40 AM

open your mouth

if you like something say so
if you don't like something say so

from everything from sex to supper open your mouth

Don't appease each other.

we are all different and it's ok to say so

girl_dee

04-21-2011, 11:56 AM

pick your battles

we don't have to always be (what we think is) right......

afixer

04-21-2011, 01:58 PM

be real, and honest

Gemme

04-21-2011, 04:49 PM

Celebrate everything!

We do this. :)

I celebrate when I don't have to make a bank run after work. I'm already tired and cranky and it saves me about 20 minutes of time (plus mileage, etc), so that makes for a happier, less cranky but probably equally tired me when I get home and that means Ebon deals with less crankiness in general, which makes him super happy.

Starbuck

04-21-2011, 05:48 PM

If your gf/bf is having a hard day, BE THERE FOR HER/HIM! I don't care if you don't know what to do, it's okay because you don't have to fix it! At least say, "I'm here for you." :phonegab:

justkim

04-21-2011, 08:39 PM

I don't need you to solve a problem for me, I just need you to listen...
Don't just listen to me, hear me and I will do the same for you...
Kiss me... Kiss me often...
Little things... Always...

bigbutchmistie

04-21-2011, 08:46 PM

If your gf/bf is having a hard day, BE THERE FOR HER/HIM! I don't care if you don't know what to do, it's okay because you don't have to fix it! At least say, "I'm here for you." :phonegab:

Yep. I agree :) Knowing your partner is by your side should be a no brained. But a lot of people confuse wanting support as them fixing it. I don't need you to fix it I can handle whatever. I just want a partner who says I'm here WE will get through this. Not someone who is just running their mouth but who backs it up. I'm tired of this issue myself. Great point Starbuck :)r

citybutch

04-21-2011, 09:09 PM

Talk... listen... talk more... listen more... forever and ever... amen....

girl_dee

04-23-2011, 07:11 AM

Hook up the u-haul AFTER you are sure you have ALL the facts, details and then ask for references!

Daywalker

04-28-2011, 06:23 PM

Drop a little Tom on her FB Wall

:rose:

VBdSqk78nHw

:grindevil:

:daywalker:

Strappie

06-11-2011, 11:42 PM

Always have a Date Night at least once a week.

Leave little notes (post-it) for them on the mirror when they wake or in their purse or lunch.

Cook together for each other

Spend 1 hour (or longer) a week on "talking about how we are feeling" Learning to communicate

Be playful (keeping the relationship fun and playful)

Having Boy's night out and Girls night out once a month or more if it works. (learning to trust)

Kiss often (I love to kiss)

Tell each other .. I love you every day!!!!

cane

06-12-2011, 01:05 AM

Simply go the extra mile...

robbrt

06-12-2011, 02:05 AM

Have a couple Red Stripes (or equally delicious beverage), watch The Hebrew Hammer, and play Mario Super Sluggers on the Wii.

girl_dee

08-04-2011, 06:04 AM

look past the online /long distance veil

don't forget each other after the new love smell wears off.

bigbutchmistie

08-04-2011, 07:28 AM

Always be affectionate

Always be there for her during the good times and the bad.

Always always laugh and have fun and be silly

Always treat her the same way you did to get her. It should be the way you continue to keep her...

Make sure you treat her like the lady and the Queen she is

Always never go to bed angry

ruffryder

08-04-2011, 05:09 PM

NEVER TAKE THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH FOR GRANTED. MAKE EACH DAY COUNT.

princessbelle

08-04-2011, 05:11 PM

Read to her/him/hym

clay

08-04-2011, 05:21 PM

Always treat her like the Princess she is! Let the same wonderful, silly, romantic loving emotions remain constant!
Be able to "walk the walk as well as talk the talk"
Be best friends!
Never, ever go to bed angry or leave angry!
Make your bedroom the loving fields NOT a battle field.
Allow for one another to have the girls/ nights and the bois' nights. Don;t try to be joined at the hip!
Remember special dates.....make an ordinary day be a SPECIAL day...for no reason other than she IS special and your Princess!
Make love to her in every way...be it a special lunch packed with a love note in it OR a lipsticked I LOVE YOU on the mirror....or maybe just spend quiet, cuddle time alone...kissing slowly, and caressing her shoulders...
Leave a single rose on her windsheild at work.
Pack a special picnic and whisk her away from on a surprise visit.
Tell her how amazingly wonderful she is.
Let your heart be open and forgiving of small, inconsequential stuff
Protect her fiercely always!!!
never lose a second to tell her how you feel....this is very important to me...and I live by it...whether in a new beginning or a longer relationship...for I am always living the day as if it were my last...we none of us know when that will come for each of us. NOT being morbid just accepting reality!
Always ler her believe she IS right!!!
Compliment her....
Hug her tightly...every day!
Accept her for who she is...and likewise!
Let her know she is always your Princess!
Not all inclusive but what is on my heart at this moment!
Write and read erotica to her
Dance in bed...
Spoil her
These are written from my heart and I may add more later...

clay

08-04-2011, 05:25 PM

look past the online /long distance veil

don't forget each other after the new love smell wears off.Exactly, Ms. Sassy Girl....thanks!!!

tapu

08-04-2011, 05:43 PM

ok, here goes:

take walks along the beach (or elsewhere) and pick up rocks that look like hearts. (there are a surprising number of them!) give them, send them, or take a cell photo of your hand holding it and send that. or save them until you have a lot.

tapu

08-04-2011, 05:46 PM

do postcards. but not with long messages or even sentences. my ex-lover once sent me a picture postcard of Tina Turner that had written on the back:

River deep, mountain high.

That's so hot, isn't it?

girl_dee

08-05-2011, 05:48 AM

verbalize how much you appreciate your partner, don't assume it's known and yes we like to hear it often!

leave your ex tucked away in your heart, not in each and every conversation. :|

girl_dee

08-19-2011, 07:22 PM

Talk it out, and take notes!

deb_U_taunt

08-19-2011, 08:24 PM

I am guilty of doing too much. So much so, I end up being mommie.
I come across as not needing others. but its not true.
I need to have higher expectations of others, but less of me.

girl_dee

08-19-2011, 08:25 PM

I am guilty of doing too much. So much so, I end up being mommie.
I come across as not needing others. but its not true.
I need to have higher expectations of others, but less of me.

Exactly! I do this too! For the first time, NOT this time!

deb_U_taunt

08-19-2011, 08:33 PM

Exactly! I do this too! For the first time, NOT this time!

It's a hard pattern to break. I have a hard time letting go and allowing things to just not get done.

JAGG

08-19-2011, 09:03 PM

It's a hard pattern to break. I have a hard time letting go and allowing things to just not get done.

I would never be in a committed relationship with someone who didn't have the same work ethic as me. We are a team, team mates pitch in, join forces and help each other. I think that's a perk of having a partner. Even if my "wife" loved to make her own jewlery, I don't know the first thing about it. And it doesn't interest me in the least. But if she needed help, I'd do whatever she told me to do. I'd learn quickly, so I could help. If I lived with someone, they wouldn't have to tell me what they need , I could see it for myself and just do it. I think it's all part of the package. It's the least I can do. If she decided she wanted to paint the living room, first thing Sat. morning I'd have everything set up ready to go, probably before she even got up. Any project she decided to start, would automatically become my project too, unless she told me to get lost. hahaha

deb_U_taunt

08-19-2011, 09:12 PM

I would never be in a committed relationship with someone who didn't have the same work ethic as me. We are a team, team mates pitch in, join forces and help each other. I think that's a perk of having a partner. Even if my "wife" loved to make her own jewlery, I don't know the first thing about it. And it doesn't interest me in the least. But if she needed help, I'd do whatever she told me to do. I'd learn quickly, so I could help. If I lived with someone, they wouldn't have to tell me what they need , I could see it for myself and just do it. I think it's all part of the package. It's the least I can do. If she decided she wanted to paint the living room, first thing Sat. morning I'd have everything set up ready to go, probably before she even got up. Any project she decided to start, would automatically become my project too, unless she told me to get lost. hahaha

I have a really strong work ethic and it is a sickness I was told. lol
I think knocking out a wall to rearrange the house is fun.
My yard looks so bad right now. It's embarrassing, it feels like a reflection of being lazy.

JAGG

08-19-2011, 09:20 PM

I have a really strong work ethic and it is a sickness I was told. lol
I think knocking out a wall to rearrange the house is fun.
My yard looks so bad right now. It's embarrassing, it feels like a reflection of being lazy.
It has been my experience that who ever says that a strong work ethic is a sickness , is just trying to justify their laziness. And maybe manipulate you into not doing so much. That way they don't appear to be so lazy, and the more you do the more they know you are going to resent them not helping. So if they can get you to slow down, or stop, all the better for them. They also know sooner or later you are probably going to expect them to help, that's what they are trying to avoid.
Am I right or am I right?

deb_U_taunt

08-19-2011, 09:27 PM

It has been my experience that who ever says that a strong work ethic is a sickness , is just trying to justify their laziness. And maybe manipulate you into not doing so much. That way they don't appear to be so lazy, and the more you do the more they know you are going to resent them not helping. So if they can get you to slow down, or stop, all the better for them. They also know sooner or later you are probably going to expect them to help, that's what they are trying to avoid.
Am I right or am I right?

LMAO...you are so damn right!!! I work because I love to be busy. l love feeling productive at the end of the day. If they can't keep up they need to get out of the way.

bigbutchmistie

08-19-2011, 10:55 PM

Make out with her like it was the first time :)

girl_dee

08-25-2011, 09:43 PM

Live in reality, not virtual reality

Be smart and take care of yourself, even if it means you will have to be the bad guy.

Mtn

08-26-2011, 12:56 AM

When the relationship is over, accept one's personal responsibility and then move on. Don't air dirty laundry, doesn't make anyone look good, don't make passive agressive posts and pretend they are not.

Glenn

08-26-2011, 05:41 AM

Don't Do anything. Take some breaks from your relationship. Focus on your other interests, or get some other s*** straightened out. Do something or go somewhere else then come back.

girl_dee

08-26-2011, 06:05 AM

Take time together every now and then, no computers or phones, and just be, you never know what a difference that could make

girl_dee

08-30-2011, 06:03 AM

Be honest and real. If something is bothering you deal with it, pretending it does not exist makes it snowball then becomes dynamite, waiting to explode.

bigbutchmistie

08-30-2011, 06:12 AM

girl_dee

08-30-2011, 06:21 AM

stand by her side even if you disagree with her and think she is wrong. Support her through the good and the bad.

Never go to bed angry at each other

Always be affectionate

Always be silly and laugh together

Loyalty is never an option

Make her feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Communication, Communication, and COMMUNICATION. Talk about anything and everything.

Never hide anything from your partner. Any deception will kill a relationship.

This last part is especially true, but sometimes we don't divulge the bad in us not realizing we could potentially hurt someone in the long run.

I don't agree with the going to bed angry part, sometimes I need an overnight to regroup and think. I am always better the next day where I can talk clearly... or especially if what has made me angry/upset happened late at night.

bigbutchmistie

08-30-2011, 06:35 AM

This last part is especially true, but sometimes we don't divulge the bad in us not realizing we could potentially hurt someone in the long run.

I don't agree with the going to bed angry part, sometimes I need an overnight to regroup and think. I am always better the next day where I can talk clearly... or especially if what has made me angry/upset happened late at night.

Each person is different I guess. :) For me, I have learned after losing so many impotant people in my life to work it out no matter if it took all night so to speak. You might never get that chance... And I dont want my last memory to be of fighting or disagreeing. thats just me.... :)

girl_dee

08-30-2011, 06:53 AM

Each person is different I guess. :) For me, I have learned after losing so many impotant people in my life to work it out no matter if it took all night so to speak. You might never get that chance... And I dont want my last memory to be of fighting or disagreeing. thats just me.... :)

Good point, yes we are all different, but strangling someone because of their stupid behavior at midnite because I didn't want to be angry at them would not help my situation. :|

Oh you meant talking, yes yes..that too....

*Anya*

08-30-2011, 08:07 AM

I am guilty of doing too much. So much so, I end up being mommie.
I come across as not needing others. but its not true.
I need to have higher expectations of others, but less of me.

I joke I am a recovering perfectionist but it is kind of true.

My parents would always say to not start something if you are not going to finish it and something worth doing is worth doing right.

Yes they were full of old sayings but I do believe that they are correct and I do always try to live up to ones like these.

I know to rein myself back though when I have done a good job and to stop focusing on perfection-yes, I do know it does not exist:)

I also know that not everyone lives by these standards and I have been guilty of jumping in and finishing a half-done project (after waiting a couple of months for it to be finished).

deb_U_taunt

08-30-2011, 04:08 PM

I have been working so hard lately to not finish or clean up after others or to not take responsibility for things not mine to take on.

I joke I am a recovering perfectionist but it is kind of true.

My parents would always say to not start something if you are not going to finish it and something worth doing is worth doing right.

Yes they were full of old sayings but I do believe that they are correct and I do always try to live up to ones like these.

I know to rein myself back though when I have done a good job and to stop focusing on perfection-yes, I do know it does not exist:)

I also know that not everyone lives by these standards and I have been guilty of jumping in and finishing a half-done project (after waiting a couple of months for it to be finished).

Dominique

08-30-2011, 04:21 PM

UNDERSTAND not everyone's circadian rhythm is the same as yours :confused:

girl_dee

08-30-2011, 05:01 PM

I have been working so hard lately to not finish or clean up after others or to not take responsibility for things not mine to take on.

Exactly, it's my personality, I start doing some small task and before you know it I own all of it.("PLEASE let me do ALL of that")..then it's mine, then i feel overwhelmed with the chore, then I complain no one will help me, then I implode.

Learning to do things differently now..

Janny

08-30-2011, 05:35 PM

Close your eyes, hold on tight, and wait 'til it passes.

sara-bera

08-30-2011, 06:06 PM

Listen.

Think before you speak.

Pay attention to the good stuff and live in the moment.

girl_dee

08-30-2011, 06:10 PM

Trying not to use the word *don't* since this is the WHAT TO DO thread but dang it's hard...

DO spend time together, quality time that is.
DO really listen to each other when you are having talks...

Reader

08-30-2011, 06:48 PM

Hi. This wasn't said about a partner-type relationship, but it seems like good advice which came from my sister, but could be applied to an LTR.

When someone says stuff to her that is negative or false or rotten, she simply says, "I'm not taking that in, I'm not taking that on, it's back to you". And she waves her hand sort of back toward the person as if to push the bad vibes back to the speaker.

I kind of admire her for that. Seems kind of healthy to me.

girl_dee

08-30-2011, 06:49 PM

girl_dee

09-01-2011, 06:09 PM

Take a vacation together! Even an overnighter !

Dominique

09-01-2011, 08:13 PM

Make healthy fun foods for the football game...
.....and at least sit on the sofa with your butch while the game is on (even if you don't care for football) it's just three hours!

Bonus points....wear a piece of Steeler clothing....it's hers, I don't own any.

Corkey

09-01-2011, 09:45 PM

Never forget your anniversary... really bad faux pas.

LaneyDoll

09-01-2011, 09:55 PM

Do remember that each is their own person - those little things that drive you crazy now were the cute little quirks that won your heart then.

Do make time for me-time is the best gift you can give.

Do remember that a soft word, a gentle touch or a sweet smile sometimes can "make it all better."

Do touch me lovingly. I would rather be caressed than "handled" - until we get to the bedroom anyway ;)

:sparklyheart:

Soft*Silver

09-01-2011, 09:56 PM

often put a smile on your face when you are talking to your Other...if you have to think about it to do so, work harder at loving her or him. Its your responsibility to make magic happen in the relationship (well its both but I am only talking to one of you)

bring in the groceries and help put them away

put a new roll of TP out before the old one runs out

clean your own hair out of the sink and tub

make dinner like she or he is the most important person in the world

eat dinner at home instead of out, demonstrating you think the cooking there is better than anywhere else

change the sheets on the bed together

bring home a packet of seeds you think will look good in the garden

be the first one to say you are sorry

mean it

Sassy

09-01-2011, 10:05 PM

Talk. About your day. About friends, family, birds, furniture, decor, dinner, politics, religion, love, lust, likes and dislikes. Talk. About the bad things. Past things. Gone things. Never to have them again things. Wishes, dreams and nightmares. Hopes still held and hopes dashed never to return. Talk. About what makes you happy. More importantly, what makes you angry or sad. Talk. Because we are not all mind readers.

princessbelle

09-01-2011, 11:46 PM

Appreciate everything that is done for you. Never take a single thing for granted.

amiyesiam

09-02-2011, 12:59 AM

Never forget your anniversary... really bad faux pas.

really, considering that yours is the day before your birthday and therefore you will never forget
and that I am dyslexic and therefore will never get it right
I find this comment to be a bit...........
well I already said it to your face
smart ass:hk10::hk10::hk10::hk10::hk10::hk18::hk18:

Corkey

09-02-2011, 01:06 AM

really, considering that yours is the day before your birthday and therefore you will never forget
and that I am dyslexic and therefore will never get it right
I find this comment to be a bit...........
well I already said it to your face
smart ass:hk10::hk10::hk10::hk10::hk10::hk18::hk18:

Which is why you rely on me to always get it right. God help us I lose my memory, oh wait too late.:mohawk::seeingstars:

girl_dee

09-02-2011, 05:40 AM

Stay up late and watch a scary movie in bed!

:nailbitin: Sorry to have kept you up so late Syr!

bigbutchmistie

09-03-2011, 04:53 PM

Always if you have had her on your mind all day about what you would like to do to her LOL

Always go home and SHOW her LOL

:bedfuck:

justkim

09-03-2011, 06:10 PM

Be intimate with her... intimacy doesn't always involve sex...

Laughter...

A L L day foreplay... :: blink ::

Be silly...

sara-bera

09-03-2011, 06:38 PM

Say thank you for everything... even if it's not exactly what you wanted.

Accept compliments with grace.

Trade compassion and acceptance for anger.

Bard

09-03-2011, 06:57 PM

Let them take care of you, as you would for them. never miss a chance to tell them what they mean to you. do things together the little things a walk in the moonlight just holding hands while watching tv.. always remember what brought you together and how wonderful she makes you feel

PS Desd I love you
to infinity and beyond

justkim

09-04-2011, 06:23 AM

Kiss me like every kiss is our first kiss...

Venus007

09-04-2011, 09:00 AM

Tell them when you need to be alone
Use logic gently
Be quiet together reading
Listen to complex music together, really listen, with attention
Sit in the woods holding hands
Learn to temper your speech
Embrace mindfulness
Breathe
Be present in your body
Dare to reveal

dixie

09-04-2011, 09:15 AM

"For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are those 'It might have been.'"
- John Greenleaf Whittier

Be true to your feelings and share them. Tell the person what they mean to you. If you do not, then you/they may never know what truly could have been. Never miss an opportunity of happiness and/or love. It is much better than having regrets or wondering "what if".

girl_dee

09-04-2011, 04:23 PM

Say I love your or whatever you are feeling in the moment because you truly want to express it, not because you want to hear something back.

girl_dee

09-06-2011, 08:04 PM

Use some communication skills! I am so terrible at this.

MzzBehaving

09-06-2011, 08:32 PM

Respect is a very important element.
Communication without it you have nothing.
Learn to listen to your partner, what you think may not be important is to them.
Compromise if you cannot do this then you are selfish.
Never think you are always right, learn how to say you are sorry when you are wrong.
Never, never make plans to do the uhaul thing so fast, will lead to the end.
Know just because you talk to someone everynight does not mean you know them, people can be who they want on the phone and in the first few meetings.

bigbutchmistie

09-06-2011, 08:49 PM

bigbutchmistie

09-06-2011, 08:52 PM

If she cooks for me I will always clean up. If I cook for her I will always clean up and take out the trash...

Run her a bubble bath with candles and let her relax as I cook for her....

Let her eat and relax...

Then give her a full body massage before she passes out asleep in my arms :)

Liam

09-06-2011, 09:04 PM

Be impeccable with your word.

LaneyDoll

09-06-2011, 09:06 PM

Make time.
Make amends.
Make time.
Make out.
Make time.
Make it all better.
Make time, make time, make time.

:sparklyheart:

bigbutchmistie

09-06-2011, 09:09 PM

Make time.
Make amends.
Make time.
Make out.
Make time.
Make it all better.
Make time, make time, make time.

:sparklyheart:

In case yall didnt get it she said Make Time :) LOL j/k Laney

girl_dee

09-07-2011, 12:15 PM

Do chores together! It's fun!

AlphaDrug

09-07-2011, 04:47 PM

Always sleep in the same bed.

Compliment each other even on the worst days.

girl_dee

09-07-2011, 05:01 PM

Compliment your partner! Say the things you said in the days when you were in a lustmance!

Elijah

09-07-2011, 05:57 PM

Tawse

09-07-2011, 06:27 PM

accept the fact that you're going to argue

make an agreement that if the argument gets too passionate - you'll drop it so that both of you can calm down.

make an agreement that the disagreement will be readdressed when both are in a better head space.

understand that you both need to have your own life, you don't have to share every facet of your lives with each other.

understand that there will be times where it will be much easier to walk away from each other than to stay and work it out - make an agreement that barring "deal breakers" you'll both strive as hard as possible to work it out.

Remember that people tend to make serious changes in their lives every 7 years or so - as a couple you have to learn to grow together. Don't think that the person you're with today will be the same person 10 years from now - or vice versa. We all change.

When it comes to arguing - ask yourself "Is this the beach I want to die on" Chances are - it's not.

When you argue - never call each other names. It will destroy your relationship. Plain and simple. There's not a single successful healthy long term relationship that contains name calling when arguing.

Understand that your sex life will at times not be a significant part of your life - for various reasons.

Also understand that even if your partner doesn't have a high sex drive it doesn't mean that you can't masturbate - or that they wouldn't enjoy watching you do such.. who knows what it may spark ;)

teasing is one thing - picking on a sensitive subject is another thing. Find out the difference for your partner.

you're going to at some point (probably multiple times during the course of the relationship) take each other for granted - it's a natural human condition. Talk to your partner if you feel that is happening.

Learn how to take constructive criticism.

Buy your partner small knickknack gifts randomly just for the hell of it. It lets them know you're thinking about them.

You and your partner should have this room in your relationship that no one else can go to. This is a figurative room - a room where you and he/she share each others secrets - a room where you talk to each other more than and about more subjects than you talk to anyone else. If you find yourself building a room with someone else - and starting to tell that person more than you tell your partner - you're asking for trouble. Serious trouble.

girl_dee

09-07-2011, 06:42 PM

For the love that all that is holy, above all else, Make a Good Choice!! Do not excuse bad behavior early in the relationship and think...."If I just love them enough they will change." It's not going to happen, in fact, it almost always gets worse. So trust your gut and believe that you deserve "xyz", whatever that is for you. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. /rant

~Elijah

Now this is some damn good advice. Although I do find it strange when people say to me * I love you!! Now change ...*

Liam

09-22-2011, 08:00 AM

Never assume anything.

*Anya*

09-22-2011, 08:16 AM

For the love that all that is holy, above all else, Make a Good Choice!! Do not excuse bad behavior early in the relationship and think...."If I just love them enough they will change." It's not going to happen, in fact, it almost always gets worse. So trust your gut and believe that you deserve "xyz", whatever that is for you. Remember, we teach people how to treat us. /rant

~Elijah

OMG! Truer words have never been spoken.

I still have a hard time forgiving myself for wasting so many years living for that big change and not trusting my own gut and common sense!

If someone cheats on you once: They Will Do It Again!!!

macele

09-22-2011, 09:34 AM

if she makes a great pecan pie,
tell her that you want one for supper tonight!!

Bard

09-22-2011, 10:46 AM

take time to go fishing even bait her hook I think it is all the little things kind of like a glue that binds
when I look at her I don't think well I wish she would change I look and see the face that I want to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning.. I would not change a thing

Apocalipstic

09-22-2011, 11:39 AM

Be a sweet, kind lover.

starryeyes

09-22-2011, 01:08 PM

never forget the butterflies you first felt when you met them... :-)

Starry (f)

Liam

09-22-2011, 03:55 PM

Take responsibility for your own feelings.

Quintease

09-22-2011, 04:29 PM

Don't let the pets sneak into the bedroom and wake him up when his alarm is going off at 5am...

Corkey

09-22-2011, 04:32 PM

Listen

--------

Ebon

09-22-2011, 04:39 PM

Listen

--------

What's that now?

Corkey

09-22-2011, 04:44 PM

What's that now?

Q-tips?

_______

ruffryder

09-22-2011, 05:40 PM

DON'T GIVE UP ON SOMEONE YOU CAN'T GO A DAY WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT.

HOLD HER AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE AND JUST BE.

Lazy Daze

09-23-2011, 05:44 AM

Do what works for you and your partner, don't let others tell you how your relationship Should be.

Laugh together everyday at all the crazy stuff you encounter

Share everything~ feelings, the bed, the covers (hint hint honey!), even your ice cream cone

Don't be afraid, don't expect to be hurt, don't keep your guard up. They are not your past, and they shouldn't have to pay for what the past has done to you

Communicate!!!

Love with all you have, and accept the love you are given~ he has shown me what it is truly like to be LOVED and I am completely in love with him bc of it

Tawse

09-23-2011, 05:54 AM

Share everything~ even your ice cream cone

She better not touch my ice cream.. them's fighten words.. O.o I'll buy her her own ice cream.. or make her her own dish... O.o lol

somethings are just sacred lol

Lazy Daze

09-23-2011, 06:55 AM

She better not touch my ice cream.. them's fighten words.. O.o I'll buy her her own ice cream.. or make her her own dish... O.o lol

somethings are just sacred lol

His ice cream and gelatto always tastes waaaaaaay better than mine tho! Lol

Tawse

09-23-2011, 06:57 AM

LOL Funny enough - that's what Gillian always says.. even if we order the same ice cream.

I've also noticed when we order appetizers - she eats all the food on "my" side of the bowl/plate before starting on her side...

I have my eye on you ladies... lol

Abigail Crabby

09-23-2011, 07:19 AM

Make time for each other..........and the other side of that token - make time for yourselves.

No one can *be* your everything - do all the things you like to do together, but don't forget you had friends and family before the relationship.....make time for them just as you did before.

Tuck lil notes in their lunchbox, bag, purse etc

Be silly together - Life is too short to be too serious all the the time.

Be each other's support system, even if you can't mend the hurt or upset, you can listen and just be there for them.

Be you always - You are the person they fell for -

Accept them as they are - if you've made the right decision you don't need to try to change them.

Be true to him/her and most of all be true to yourself.

If you argue - be kind - words hurt, name calling hurts....

Go to neutral corners until you can comunicate on adult levels -

Most of all - love with with all you have, but always love yourself as much.

Remember they fell in love with you - not the you they want you to be.

Remember you fell in love with them, not the them you want them to be.

LaneyDoll

09-23-2011, 07:27 AM

If you argue - be kind - words hurt, name calling hurts....

OMG you are so right!!! Even words that seem harmless carry a huge sting. I will get over the fight but those words stick. I always wonder, "Do I really seem needy/ridiculous/mean?"

:sparklyheart:

Abigail Crabby

09-23-2011, 07:29 AM

OMG you are so right!!! Even words that seem harmless carry a huge sting. I will get over the fight but those words stick. I always wonder, "Do I really seem needy/ridiculous/mean?"

:sparklyheart:
Indeed, is there ever a reason to call someone stupid or be hateful. How can someone say they love you when all that comes from their mouth are obscenties about you?

Tawse

09-23-2011, 07:37 AM

How can someone say they love you when all that comes from their mouth are obscenties about you?

That should TOTALLY be left for sex :D lol

Abigail Crabby

09-23-2011, 07:39 AM

That should TOTALLY be left for sex :D lol

True dat - lol

Abigail Crabby

09-23-2011, 07:40 AM

She better not touch my ice cream.. them's fighten words.. O.o I'll buy her her own ice cream.. or make her her own dish... O.o lol

somethings are just sacred lol

I don't know if I could stick to that lol - I just know the Meester is gonna buy something I didn't think I wanted and now do want. hehehehehe

Bard

09-23-2011, 08:04 AM

Tawse

09-23-2011, 08:10 AM

I don't know if I could stick to that lol - I just know the Meester is gonna buy something I didn't think I wanted and now do want. hehehehehe

Gillian can't stand dark chocolate - but just let me get some new dark chocolate something or another - she HAS to have a taste. I tell her "you won't like it" but she doesn't care. So she gets it.. tries it.. spits it out and all I can do is mourn the death of that bit of dark chocolate she spit out.

Abigail Crabby

09-23-2011, 08:25 AM

Gillian can't stand dark chocolate - but just let me get some new dark chocolate something or another - she HAS to have a taste. I tell her "you won't like it" but she doesn't care. So she gets it.. tries it.. spits it out and all I can do is mourn the death of that bit of dark chocolate she spit out.

OMG that is just not right !!!! Dark Chocolate is to be revered and savored.........I mourn with you my friend.......but I do understand her need to try.....it's innate......Yours just might taste better than mine lol

Liam

09-23-2011, 09:13 AM

Own your own projections, or they will eat up energy and intimacy in your relationship.

Jess

09-23-2011, 09:36 AM

Realize each moment is a future memory. Make as many good as you can.

Lazy Daze

09-23-2011, 09:37 AM

I share my Ice Cream with Desd and she with me unless she get some icky mix that is then she is on her own
we just have to watch out for the ice cream sniffing cat who will beg and try everything to get a lick

Desd is as lucky as me! I eat his yummy chocolate gelatto and ice cream, and then go eat the flavors he buys for me!

Guy

09-23-2011, 09:46 AM

Desd is as lucky as me! I eat his yummy chocolate gelatto and ice cream, and then go eat the flavors he buys for me!

uhh I hate to break it to you BUT one of your's is already El Gono. :D

Lazy Daze

09-23-2011, 09:51 AM

uhh I hate to break it to you BUT one of your's is already El Gono. :D

OH NO U DIDN'T!! Lol...its ok honey, I know I can sweet talk you into more when I get there ;)

girl_dee

09-25-2011, 05:59 AM

Be present with them, what's so hard about that?

:)

justkim

09-25-2011, 12:06 PM

Keep it private...

Dreams

09-25-2011, 12:36 PM

if you are having doubts or you are interested in someone else don't tell the the person you are presently speaking to in pm or an e-mail (weeks later)...you just look like a player and a coward..some might also see it as cheating ..especially if you were talking to this other person while you were creating a new romance..it can also create bad feelings and little chance of a friendship later down the line..

on the other hand it lets the person know exactly were you you stand as a person, your maturity level, any level of hope for a future/present serious relationship ..if you want an adult relationship then act like one..

girl_dee

09-27-2011, 07:11 PM

always follow through with promises..........

Amber2010

09-28-2011, 07:58 AM

Respect the other person and always forgive.
Forgiveness helps the heart grow.

redrose

09-28-2011, 08:47 AM

be committed,,, love is not just a feeling it is also a decision (f)

ruffryder

09-28-2011, 08:48 AM

"A great relationship is based on two main principles. First, appreciate your similarities, and second, respect your differences."

justkim

09-28-2011, 10:20 AM

Some time's it isn't about WHAT you do so much as HOW you do it... This is a lesson I am learning...

Liam

09-28-2011, 01:25 PM

Take a few moments each day to appreciate and enjoy the love and money you have in your life, and the creativity you express in the world.

girl_dee

09-28-2011, 07:37 PM

Don't sweat the small stuff, life is just TOO short.

girl_dee

09-28-2011, 08:09 PM

Only offer sober sex, you really only THINK you perform well when drunk.
Besides, a slip of the tongue in all the wrong way could happen, not to mention it's just not attractive.

Quality time is worth more than parting gifts.. spend time together, and be present with each other.

girl_dee

09-28-2011, 08:10 PM

Watch funny movies together, laughter together is time well spent.

ruffryder

09-29-2011, 10:05 AM

"Never force LOVE..nor force or beg someone to love you back..
It's as hard as teaching a FISH to WALK..
love should be given freely...unconditionally...
sometimes we must know how to contradict our feelings so we wont look stupid in the end....
always maintain SELF RESPECT"

LaneyDoll

09-29-2011, 10:51 AM

Say "thank you" and mean it.

Say "I am sorry" and mean it.

Trust.

Console.

Play together and laugh together.

Spend time apart-missing the other one is nice.

Do little, random things for the other.

Understand that a bad day at work is not a bad day at home.

Dance together-even if only in the living room or on the porch.

Rediscover the places you fell in love with when you fell in love with each other.

:sparklyheart:

girl_dee

09-29-2011, 05:59 PM

Cook together!.....:cooking:

Abigail Crabby

09-29-2011, 06:05 PM

Find a hobby you can share......

girl_dee

09-29-2011, 06:22 PM

Find out if there are any dealbreakers early on...

Babyangeleyez

09-29-2011, 07:49 PM

Treat each other as equals. One is neither above nor beneath the other.

girl_dee

09-30-2011, 07:37 AM

an apology isn't always admitting wrongdoing, sometimes its necessary to save the situation..

girl_dee

10-17-2011, 05:54 AM

have great wild spontaneous SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sachita

10-17-2011, 06:51 AM

give each other space and don't smother.
Really like each other

ONLY

10-17-2011, 06:59 AM

Know how she likes her coffee and have it set to brew just in time for her to enjoy before she heads off to work.......also set YOUR clock to wake at least half hour BEFORE the coffee starts to brew so you have time to.......well.....have time to show her just how much you know her and loooooooooove her :) and then enjoy coffee in bed. So worth waking up a couple of hours before you have to leave for work ;)

*Anya*

10-17-2011, 07:49 AM

To risk your heart, your vulnerability, your feelings...

even if it does not work out for you.

No regrets for trying.

girl_dee

10-17-2011, 01:54 PM

dont get into ruts!!!

ONLY

10-19-2011, 08:06 PM

Draw her a bath in the evening... her book within reach or the cd player with her favorite cd in it (a choice to what she prefers that evening), candles (a scent she enjoys, I would put lavender for my girl (f) ), a glass of wine (a drink she enjoys, my lady happens to enjoy a glass of wine) and do this just because.........and depending on how things go, you can go and see her after while and just sit beside her by the tub........and have the bed made up with fresh new sheets and more candles and ready for some loooooovemaking ;)