Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

[Daryn]

I broke up last July and it was to me the only option left. It's so not what I had hoped for in the beginning. And we were together nearly 5 years - living together nearly 3 years. Had 2 dogs. We each kept one.

Thing is I know what I miss about her and I know what I don't miss and I'd like to be friends but apparently it's still too soon for her. I'd like to be able to let the dogs see each other and play. I know my dog misses her "sister" a lot as well as missing my ex. And I miss the other dog too. Never thought I could really like a little dog but this one had a big attitude and was a big love. I am glad I found her and decided she should have a home with us.

Anyway.... I'd like to hear what you think in terms of how much time it takes to be friends with exes.... (I do have one ex who is a close friend and another who is a distant friend and a couple that I don't speak to ... so it's all over the map in my world).

[Selenay]

You may never be friends with her again.

Personally, I cut ties.

There's a reason we broke up, and usually I disengage from any sort of relationship with the person.


But that's me and I've always been told I'm ~*vicious*~

[NotAnAverageGuy]

You may never be friends with your ex, some ex's can't be friends regardless of animals or not.

I am friends with only one of my ex's, who now happens to be my best friend, we realized it was just better off as friends and not partners.

[christie]

I, too, cut ties.

I am not friends with exes. They are exes for a reason...

On the other hand, I don't fuck my friends...

Some things, at least to me, are pretty black and white.

Are Jess and I best friends? Of course. Would I miss that if our relationship was over? Yes. Absolutely. Would I want to be "friends" and watch Hym move on with Hys life and vice versa? Fuck no.

Given all of that is hypothetical, if it were an actuality, I might feel differently. We both work hard every day to ensure we aren't faced with the situation.

All that aside, I am sorry that you miss your friend. I am sorry that your furbaby misses her and the sibling furbaby.

[Waldo]

You two were together for years. There's a lot to process and people process at different speeds. And the other posters are right - it may never come to fruition.

When I was younger I did everything I could to maintain friendships with my exes. In recent years I've accepted that while some people are important to me even though we don't make a great couple there are others whom it simply isn't in the cards. There's no reason for me to make room in my heart or my life for someone who treated me poorly, or was otherwise ill suited for friendship for any number of reasons.

Now the simple answer, according to Sex And The City? The time it takes to "get over" a relationship gone bust is half the length of the relationship.

[Surayna]

I have been able to maintain friendships with all but 2 of my long term ex's in the last 25 years. Most of them are on my facebook page and we keep in touch regularly.

Of the two I do not consider to be friends:
One of them went to prison for abusing my daughter over 18 years ago. While we do not maintain a friendship - we did speak ONCE after he got out of prison and I no longer have any hateful feelings towards him. I could not and will not ever be his friend, though.

The other ex is my most recent break-up (August), and while I don't hold any ill will towards her in any way, I am also not ready to be friends with her. We were together for 3 1/2 years.

For me - friendship requires a certain level of trust, respect and honesty. If those things are not present, I will not consider someone a friend, no matter how close we once were. *shrugs*

Good luck!!

[Softly]

For me - friendship requires a certain level of trust, respect and honesty. If those things are not present, I will not consider someone a friend, no matter how close we once were. *shrugs*


I agree with the above.

I am friends with 2 of my exes, both were long term...one is my ex husband who is like my bff and stuff and other is my first boyfriend ha ha

I think circumstance makes up for a whole lot of if you can be friends or not...a bad break up? I cut the ties. I don't need any negative crap in my life.

mutual break up? maybe we can be friends :)
If me and my current break up I feel we would be just as close as we are now. just no humping. xoxoxo

[Passionaria]

I can understand how you are feeling Daryn. I just separated from a 7 year relationship this summer. We are really trying to be friends, almost like sliding over. Love and caring was never the issue between us. That has always been there. And continues to be. We lived as friends for years, and decided to be honest about it, finally. We both have kids, and know each others families, and love them. And we don't want to loose that. Sometimes we have to take breaks, and not see each other for a few weeks. But then we will do social things together. It is taking allot of patience, as feelings arise, but then again how many people in this world do I know for sure really love me???? Not allot, not for real. So it is worth it to me.

There are a few people I don't want to know anymore, as well. Usually has to do with betrayal or dishonesty. I don't come back from that one.

xoxoxo Pashi

[Lynn]

I was married for over 20 years. I had hoped to maintain a real friendship with my ex-husband, but, so far, that hasn't happened. We have a decent working relationship, only for the kids. It's been about six years since we separated, but it still seems fresh in many respects. I also realize that the friendship I wanted was never really there in the first place. My brother commented recently that, seeing us together, it doesn't seem different between us now than it did when we were married. I thought that was very telling.

I'm friends with a couple of exes. Some are just out of my life because of time and circumstances, and others, I make a concerted effort to maintain no contact. I don't have a steadfast rule about how to handle relationships after breakups. If there is a chance of continuing a friendship with someone I loved, then I try. People who truly know me at that level are few and far between.

[Inuus]

I personaly cut ties only if trust etc was broken. Not all relationships end badly. Sometimes people grow apart, its not always a knock down nasty drag out fight.
I have an ex I have been friends with for 27 years, we are best friends she is family to me.
But like people said you might not be able to be friends with her. It takes time. It depends how the relationship ended

[Bijoux]

It depends on how the break up occurred. Did you break up with her? She might still be too hurt to be friends. I think for me, it depends on how long it takes for me to get over the pain of the loss. Everyone is different.
I am friends with most of my ex's but it took at least half the time we were together to get there...so if you were together 5 years...it might take 2.5 years before you can hang out as friends....
Bijoux



I broke up last July and it was to me the only option left. It's so not what I had hoped for in the beginning. And we were together nearly 5 years - living together nearly 3 years. Had 2 dogs. We each kept one.

Thing is I know what I miss about her and I know what I don't miss and I'd like to be friends but apparently it's still too soon for her. I'd like to be able to let the dogs see each other and play. I know my dog misses her "sister" a lot as well as missing my ex. And I miss the other dog too. Never thought I could really like a little dog but this one had a big attitude and was a big love. I am glad I found her and decided she should have a home with us.

Anyway.... I'd like to hear what you think in terms of how much time it takes to be friends with exes.... (I do have one ex who is a close friend and another who is a distant friend and a couple that I don't speak to ... so it's all over the map in my world).

[apretty]

Anyway.... I'd like to hear what you think in terms of how much time it takes to be friends with exes....

one month for each year that you were involved, plus one year for each time someone cheated, times 5 (years) for each child between you. multiple that by 1.5 if you're on the west coast and by 2 if you're on the east coast, by 3 if you're in the south. add 3 weeks if she kept your books, minus a day for every CD of hers that you stole. times 5 years for each dollar over 1000 that you "borrowed". good luck!

[Queerasfck]

one month for each year that you were involved, plus one year for each time someone cheated, times 5 (years) for each child between you. multiple that by 1.5 if you're on the west coast and by 2 if you're on the east coast, by 3 if you're in the south. add 3 weeks if she kept your books, minus a day for every CD of hers that you stole. times 5 years for each dollar over 1000 that you "borrowed". good luck!

Wow. You never cease to amaze me.

[apretty]

Wow. You never cease to amaze me.

all in a day's work.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Personally, I think it is ok to be friends. Life is too short. There are some people who leave a mark on your heart, and some who you can't even remember their name. If this person left that much of an imprint, then work on the friendship. If you get sick, it is your friends who will take care of you. I am very good friends with all of my ex's. Each one played a role in my life. And they all know each other, with the exception of one gal. But then again, she is another story all together.

[Bit]

Me personally, I think it would be better just to get another dog so your furbaby won't be so lonesome... but then you already know that. *cheeky, cheeky grin*

Okay, seriously... I've always wanted to be the kind of person who stayed friends with her exes, but it hasn't worked out that way. Even the one ex I stayed on very friendly terms with eventually fell out of my life... or maybe I fell out of hers, who knows? We drifted apart, anyhow. And my more recent exes, the pain has been too strong for me to let them stay in my life. I also have this ironclad rule: if I was used or abused in the relationship, there is no friendship ever. It wouldn't be healthy for me to put myself back into that situation.

[RNguy]

This is an interesting topic.
An ex of mine ( we were together 4 years ) ( we have been broken up for 8 years ) anyways, she recently requested me as a friend on facebook.
I have heard over the years, that she wished we were still together. The breakup wasn't very nice to go through at all.
It's been so long, that I accepted her friendship.
I think that overtime you can be friends with an ex, but honestly I have never been in any relationship where it ended in a mutual agreement. It was always a one sided deal and the other was upset about it.
I'd prefer probably to cut ties and leave it alone, with no contact.
Now, if I saw an ex broken down on the road, whether we were friends or not, I would still stop and help her .
Very interesting topic and views here.
-RNguy

[bigbutchmistie]

I am friends with two of my exes. One is my very first gf from years ago. She and I are passing friends. My last ex and I are friends. I'm even friends with her now fiancee. We had dogs together and I got one and she got one. I have to say its all about what each party feels. For me I am friends with these two because we didn't break up for crazy reasons. Like cheating etc. We just realized we would be better off friends. It. Was a mutual break up. Not syaing there wasn't hurt. There was. But both experiences have taught me a lot about who I am and what I want and need in a partner. :)

[Legendryder]

The only advice I can give, is back WAAAYYYYY off. Find a dog park, socialize with people there. Get some contacts from the dog park for doggie play dates, and get on with your life. Maybe, just maybe, in the future you may become friends. But right now, there seems to be too much "stuff" there.

[Legendryder]

Ummmm, I think I need to edit my signature. roflmfao

[Locutus]

I am friends with/or am on good terms with all of my exes except one. Life's too short.

[Ms. Tabitha]

This is a very interesting topic. "Ex", in my opinion, is someone that you hava a long and meaningful relationship and some folks think "dating and being the F" buddy makes someone an "Ex".

I had a 4 year relationship with someone that to this day is still very dear to my heart. I am not just friends with him but also his wife. He will message me and update me about their children or events in their lives and I will update him on events in our lives or with our children/grandchildren.


I can't answer for Theo or put his opinions on here. What I can add is that we are very open and honest with each other and have spoken in great detail about our "Ex's" J & M and the fact that these two people are and will always be very important to us.

:princess:

[Daryn]

Thanks for all of the comments. There was to my knowledge no cheating, even though the physical part of the relationship was over before I asked her to move out. And maybe the thing is that time will heal it.

I was pretty pissed after she moved out because she took stuff that was mine, broke stuff, and left a mess. But I got over it. And as a couple of people have pointed out, life is too short.

We are exes for a reason but we also were together for other reasons (lots of shared interests) and that's what I'd like to focus on.

[theoddz]

I think Tabs hit it pretty much right on about my feelings on this. :winky::heartbeat:

I'm on friendly terms with all of my ex's, though I don't correspond or talk to my most recent ex, J. I think the pain of loving each other, but having the situation bigger than the both of us (international/immigration challenges, because she is Canadian and I American, primarily), was what drove us apart and not whether or not we loved each other. If it ever got easier for us to talk, I'm sure we'd be the best of friends. The reality of it is that it's not, but there are not, nor have there ever been any feelings of animosity, on either of our parts. I still like her and respect her tremendously, no matter what. That will never change. Because I understand these kinds of feelings, I don't resent or have any negative feelings concerning Tabs' friendship with her ex, M.

My other ex's are all wonderful women, each and every one. I still talk with A in Louisiana, and she's a dear and trusted friend. The women I have chosen during my life have all been great Ladies and remain good friends to this very second. I couldn't ask for more. I've never ever fallen "in love" overnight. That has never been my nature, so everything for me has started with becoming friends first, then evolved into more later. I think that is the best way. A strong foundation of friendship builds the most lasting of relationships. I have always tried to treat the ladies in my heart with respect and politeness. It is the way I have always wanted to be treated and I don't give them less that what I would expect to get in return.

I'm a difficult man to get to know. I own that, but the woman who would take time to build a friendship with me first, then slowly evolve into more, is the one who wins my heart every time. I expect to win her heart in the very same way. If the relationship doesn't work out, for whatever reason, then we have that strong foundation of friendship that has always come through and been there when everything else has gone. That's why my ex's have always remained my friends.

~Theo~ :bunchflowers:

[Apocalipstic]

I am great friends with almost all my exes, they are family. Just because we did not work as a couple does not mean they are not good people. :)

It does take a while to disentagle feelings though.

I liked APrettys math equasion :) I kind of go with half the time you were together, so in your case, a couple of years.

Beat to you and your doggie.

[friskyfemme]

one month for each year that you were involved, plus one year for each time someone cheated, times 5 (years) for each child between you. multiple that by 1.5 if you're on the west coast and by 2 if you're on the east coast, by 3 if you're in the south. add 3 weeks if she kept your books, minus a day for every CD of hers that you stole. times 5 years for each dollar over 1000 that you "borrowed". good luck!
Cute pretty...LOL
But personally I have only had 1 ex out of 5 that I have ever tried to maintain a friendship with. I found it cumbersome especially when new partners came into the picture. One of my exes, maintained friendships on various levels with every one he ever partnered with. I have to say I was not comfortable with it. Especially when a couple of them flirted alot. I felt it was disrespectful. Me, I think remaining friends with exes is kinda like trying to downgrade what we had together. I rather just move on.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Some people have a love/hate relationship with their ex's, one day you hate em, one day you love them to death.


I personally have a love/hate/money/friendship relationship with my ex. But it wasn't always that way, once we split up some things were said and after a few months we stopped talking all together, till one day I get a PM from her on yahoo messenger telling me she was pregnant and slowly she saw that I wasn't gonna fuck her over like everyone else did. Ever since than we talk just about every day, I visit often and her son is my nephew and I am basically part of the family.


Remember not ALL things turn out this way.

[FeminineAllure]

The only one I have remained friendly with is my ex husband. We were only married for 4 years and there have been gaps in our contact. But we have been friends a total of 17 years now.
I believe because we were friends first before we dated.

[Duchess]

Daryn honey, this is something you have to play by ear. You can't force this issue. Concentrate on you sweetie..:cheesy:

I have effortless friendships with all of my exes except one. Whenever I think of her, that woman in Texas(?) with the dentist husband comes to mind. Remember how she repeatedly drove over his body?..Just sayin'...:ambulance::hospital-snoopy::bicycle:
You get the point. :)

Duchess

[Boots13]

I think the circumstances of ending the relationship are telling.

If it involved deceit, gross lapse in integrity or judgment, infidelity, etc. then
no...I don't want that attitude or character type anywhere near me.

If it involved two people who agreed they couldn't see an intimate future
with each other, then I think its OK to explore a distant friendship but only
after questioning the motivations for pursuing that friendship. And I think an
honest self accounting needs to happen before you decide to move into friendship mode.

[friskyfemme]

I think the circumstances of ending the relationship are telling.

If it involved deceit, gross lapse in integrity or judgment, infidelity, etc. then
no...I don't want that attitude or character type anywhere near me.

If it involved two people who agreed they couldn't see an intimate future
with each other, then I think its OK to explore a distant friendship but only
after questioning the motivations for pursuing that friendship. And I think an
honest self accounting needs to happen before you decide to move into friendship mode.
Boots13,

I agree the circumstances should be in the forefront of whether you can be friends. My relationships have ended half by me half by the other and one was a draw. I think it was harder on me for me to break off a relationship. I never want to make someone feel bad.
However, once we have lost each other...I just as soon not rehash our relationship which always tends to happen(with mine). I don't harbor ill feelings about exes. I just feel the need to try to build a different relationship with them. I have always started my relationships as friendships, but once it moves to partnership, I can't step it back. I have been called shallow bcause of this...but oh well...I don't agree. ;)

[WolfyOne]

I think relationships built on friendship first are the ones that stay with you even if the relationship fails. I've found in my years that sometimes being friends is all you were meant to be. Remaining friends after the break up may not always happen for one reason or another. In about 30 years, I've maintained friendships with all but 3 of my exes. Some of them took longer than others to keep. They may not all be close friendships because life has a way of keeping us all busy. Some I keep in contact with online, others by phone. R and I have talked about many of my exes and some she has even met. Some of them she liked while others shes said, what the hell were you thinking. I even had one that when we split the dogs up we had, got visitation rights. I'd drop my dog at her place for a weekend or week, so the dog still had time to play with her off spring. That was many years ago and what worked for me was great. It may not always work for someone else. Daryn, give her more time to make a new life and maybe she'll see things differently. It's always harder on the one that got dumped. I know, I've been at both ends.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Something that my late sister taught me that we all need to socialize with many. Everyone has something to contribute, no matter what it is. And nobody is an island. Just reach out.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Amber2010]

When I have tried to become friends with my ex's I find out after establishing a friendship "or so I thought" again that they really never got over things. Either they wanted to get back together or rehash stuff that has been dead and buried and should never be revisited.
I missed the friendship that we all start with.
I do try from a distance such as e-mail to stay in touch but not to let it go more then an acqaintance.

[LaneyDoll]

With me, it depends. I have a few exes that I am no longer in touch with. And I have a few that I am good friends with. And, I have one that I am polite to because we frequent the same place.

The ones that I am still friends with were because we tried dating & realized that we were not suited for anything beyond friendship so we reverted back to it.

:sparklyheart:

[girl_dee]

I feel it depends on how you define *friend*. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays.

I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are *Friends*..People we have never met online are *Friends*... it never has resonated with me.

There are very few people in the world I would consider a friend. To me a friend is someone that we could call each other in the middle of the night and we'd be there. Someone that I communicate with ongoing in daily life. Someone who actually cares about how I am doing, and me them. I have many, many acquaintances, but friends, no. I am also very selective about those I bring close to me, my choice. Someone who not only calls me when they are down and out, but when they want to share their joy too. Friendships take work and not many are willing to do the work.

Do I care about my exes? Sure, I do! When I do hear from them and things are good I am happy for them. That doesn't mean I want them in my everyday life. They are on their journey and I am on mine. I don't have a need to have people from my past in my everyday life. I move on. Like Selly said, to some it's 'vicious', to me it's being emotionally healthy and moving on, We are exes for a reason and I like to cut all ties. I also feel having exes too present and upfront in one's life can cause problems for a new relationship. If you have not moved on from the last one, chances are you are not ready for the new one.

Now if you have kids together that's different, you have to maintain a relationship, but if not, cut the emotional tie and move on, IMO.

Also like someone mentioned, it depends on how it ended.

[Sachita]

I feel it depends on how you define *friend*. I have a real issue with the way it is used nowadays.

I feel the word friend carries very little meaning in todays world. People we don't even know on Facebook are *Friends*..People we have never met online are *Friends*... it never has resonated with me.
IMO.


Funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. I agree that friend means something far deeper to me. I admit that I do know people, I consider friends, that I never met. We have a special connection, share and communicate. It's possible, for sure. Then I have people that I've known for many years that I call friend but the truth is they don't really fit my definition. I'm not sure what to call them.

In my book a friend is someone that always has your back and will be drop everything to to be by your side (If they can). A friend protects you and holds your secrets sacred. A friend is someone you can not see for months and month yet when you see each other again its as if nothing has changed.

I don't know you Dee but I have a connection with you I can't explain. I know that we would be wonderful close friends. I feel that way about your whole family. Friends on another plane of existence.

[girl_dee]

Funny because I've been thinking about this a lot. I agree that friend means something far deeper to me. I admit that I do know people, I consider friends, that I never met. We have a special connection, share and communicate. It's possible, for sure. Then I have people that I've known for many years that I call friend but the truth is they don't really fit my definition. I'm not sure what to call them.

In my book a friend is someone that always has your back and will be drop everything to to be by your side (If they can). A friend protects you and holds your secrets sacred. A friend is someone you can not see for months and month yet when you see each other again its as if nothing has changed.

I don't know you Dee but I have a connection with you I can't explain. I know that we would be wonderful close friends. I feel that way about your whole family. Friends on another plane of existence.


Wow, I feel the same way, sometimes even over a forum it's like you've always known someone, I have that with you. I think you know my heart and not many people really get me. I think I know yours too.

[Jett]

I had Thanksgiving, one of two dinners (I know ugh) with two of my ex's and even some of their family at the table with me and my lady... because they're my friends and they are also family... I can't stop loving and caring about someone because we don't make a good couple. Granted no one has ever cheated on me or broke up w/ me and I have not "wronged" them in any way. I think that's a huge deal as far as whether ppl will be friends "after".

One of them is actually my best friend still after 20+ years. I guess I think it's all pretty relative. I can def see where if maybe it was just wrong from the beginning, it wouldn't last in anyway at the end *shrugs*

[Oiler41]

I think the circumstances of ending the relationship are telling.

If it involved deceit, gross lapse in integrity or judgment, infidelity, etc. then
no...I don't want that attitude or character type anywhere near me.

If it involved two people who agreed they couldn't see an intimate future
with each other, then I think its OK to explore a distant friendship but only
after questioning the motivations for pursuing that friendship. And I think an
honest self accounting needs to happen before you decide to move into friendship mode.

I agree with this thought process completely. I have a couple of ex's that I am still friends with and we communicate now and again, but not frequently. But, anyone I was ever with (dating or in a relationship) who, as you stated above, had difficulty with fidelity, integrity, honesty, etc., can be certain that I will cut them out of my life like a bad cancer. Once cancer is erradicated, I see no reason to invite it back into my sphere of life!

Glynn

[Deirdre]

Some people like to make clean breaks and call it a day. Others like to salvage what they can. I identify more with the latter, than the former. But not every post-relationship friendship works out the same, and some may take longer than others to make that transition. I have been relatively fortunate to have remained on good terms with most of my exes. It hasn't always been easy for new relationships, which I can sometimes understand, but I'm pretty adamant about not killing my past for the comfort of someone else.

My last relationship of 4 years was able to make that transition, though admittedly, it is still a little difficult and awkward. The adjustment isn't always easy to accept -- for either party -- regardless of how or who may have ended it. Old habits and such, I suppose.

I guess one of the most significant reasons I try to keep people in my life is that to me, it feels like such a waste to have shared so much with someone, only to relegate them to absence. In some cases, this is unavoidable, but where applicable, I do what I can to retain some semblance of friendship.

[girl_dee]

In my own feelings, I don't look at the good times as now being wasted because they are absent from my life, I embrace those times, try to let go of the icky times and move on. I also try (TRY) to say what could I have done differently, and learn from it.

There is only one person from my past that I have excluded from my life completely, each time she contacts me it confirms that I did the right thing in leaving her because she is still a royal mess, and I just don't need that in my life, I wish her well but I don't care to be part of the pity party, and I refuse to believe I am at fault for her reckless state.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’m still friends with all but one of my ex.s…. I accept there were reasons the relationships didn’t work out and that is OK! I hold no malice or hatred because it’s too much energy and I only end up hurting myself more in the long run, which then stops me from living my life and being happy.

I feel we were in each others lives for a reason and I wouldn’t want to change that because we meant something to each other; we laughed, we had good times, we cried and we explored our worlds as a couple and as individuals within a relationship.

Even those I’ve dated and it’s not been anything more than a few dates, I’m still friendly with and in social gatherings I will chat too them.

I’m not by nature the type of person to deliberately ignore or hate an ex because it hurt me deeply when a long term relationship ends….I will distance myself from them for a while until I’ve healed enough to allow myself and them back into my life on a friendship level.

If an ex finds herself someone else, I AM genuinely happy for her, even if I’m still single. Although, I understand the concept of jealousy, I don’t feel the emotion and always hope it works out for them both.

[smouldering]

I think for me, i have to take each individual experience and go from there, How close we were, how the relationship played out and how it ended really determines how long it takes me to get to the point where i want to be friends or if i can even feel comfortable being friends with an ex.
I have an ex that we did maintain a friendship, but after they got involved with someone new, their new partner had issues with our friendship and so it ended.
I only have two ex's that i would never consider a friendship with and it has a lot to do with their behavior during our break up and how they act currently.

[Vlasta]

I personally believe if it's possible to be friend with my ex . it great . Which doesn't mean we are in each other live on daily bases . If we were worth it to share bed and had some feeling for each other it's worth a friend relationship for me .

I would never bring my ex into my present relationship , but exchange happy birthday , holiday cards it's really ok with me . Since I am single right now , I have more communication and support from my ex's . I do appreciate it .

Not all relations ships have to ended in bad way .

[jac]

I've always tried to maintain friendship with my exes, they were my friends before they were my lover and that in itself reassures me that I am okay with being friends to this day. However, I've noticed the one's that I was in a relationship with for short amounts of time are the ones that have faded away over time. The two that I was in long term (6yrs and 7yrs) are the two that are my best friends now. The 6yr relationship ended 12 years ago and the 7yr relationship ended 3 years ago. I can ask either of these women for anything and they are right there for me, and visa versa. I find it's a sore spot for new relationships for me to have this friendship with them but I try to reassure the new or existing relationship is that these women are my exes for a reason... I never go back to exes. But I never let go of a good friend either cause true friends are very rare in this lifetime... And as quickly as it was to get over the hurt of the breakups, both were only about two weeks before we realized we could maintain our friendships. :koolaid:

[kittygrrl]

I've managed it, but it's a delicate matter especially if you were the one who broke it off first. As said, depending on the circumstances but, I think if you're both mature adults and there is no betrayal (ie cheating) involved, it's very possible. A former ex (of mine) happens to be a very trusted friend and I value her wisdom and we talk often.

[imperfect_cupcake]

this is a hard question. especially now that my marriage is over due to betrayal. I miss her family, it's the only one I've got over here. I miss my boys (the cats) and I miss the house. I@m seething angry at what she did. But I also know that she is kind and generous to her friends. I married her for a very good reason. If she can ever get round to admitting she was wrong, what she did was wrong, understanding what her behaviour has done to not only me but her family, my family, our little household, our mutual friends (they are heart broken and shocked and very upset) - if she can be big enough to face up to it, own it and understand the full impact of her behaviour and apologise for it, then when she is no longer with the person she left with, I can be friends. And I would like to be. But not until those things happen. I still care for her very much but I need to know she can own her shit before a friendship can happen.

[PumaJ]

I have three exes with whom I'm still friends. One I've been good friends with for at least 35 yrs, one for 15 or 16 yrs, the last for about 9 yrs.

Even an ex I felt the betrayed by I stayed friends with, after a period of healing time, for several years until her chronic health condition got the best of her.

There are about three exes with whom I have zero contact because the relationships turned so ugly & the endings were so awful that healing was impossible.

[hopelessromantic69]

The list is not long, but I have a decent relationship with all of my ex's. My ex husband of 9 years (who is staying with me for the holidays to see our boys and is nice enough to be doing the dishes right now lol), my ex partner of 10 years and the very few after that who have enriched my life in one way or another. One was a pain in my ass but it was worth it ;)

It really comes down to maturity. I believe two mature people can depart without getting nasty as long as each person owns their stuff and doesnt try and blame the other for all the woes of the relationship.

It takes time to heal and minimal contact might be wise if there are hard feelings.

[Rivkeh]

Sometimes I have been able to and sometimes not, it depends on the circumstances at the time and the relationship. Ideally I think it's a great option if you can, considering all the time you may have spent together, and the experiences you have been through.

[starryeyes]

I am friends with all my exs except one. It just depends on the person I guess. I undertand why it is hard though. Watching someone that you love move on and form other relationships is challenging.

[Quintease]

I initially cut all contact when my relationships end. I need the time to recover and move on. The longer it takes for my ex to accept that, the longer it'll be before we're friends again. To be honest though, none of my friendships have ever lasted after a breakup. We stay friends for a while but eventually drift apart. It probably doesn't help that I (or they) keep moving. There are two exes that I will never ever be friends with, one because she stole from me after we broke up, the other because she stole from me and lied to me while we were still together. They are both dead to me.

My longest ever relationship to end, 5 years, we really struggled to breakup and consequently it took us 3 years to be friends again. We're really only Facebook friends now.

My husbands much the same as me, so we have a relatively blissful ex-free relationship.