Being Friends with an Ex - How Long

[Daryn]

I broke up last July and it was to me the only option left. It's so not what I had hoped for in the beginning. And we were together nearly 5 years - living together nearly 3 years. Had 2 dogs. We each kept one.

Thing is I know what I miss about her and I know what I don't miss and I'd like to be friends but apparently it's still too soon for her. I'd like to be able to let the dogs see each other and play. I know my dog misses her "sister" a lot as well as missing my ex. And I miss the other dog too. Never thought I could really like a little dog but this one had a big attitude and was a big love. I am glad I found her and decided she should have a home with us.

Anyway.... I'd like to hear what you think in terms of how much time it takes to be friends with exes.... (I do have one ex who is a close friend and another who is a distant friend and a couple that I don't speak to ... so it's all over the map in my world).

[Selenay]

You may never be friends with her again.

Personally, I cut ties.

There's a reason we broke up, and usually I disengage from any sort of relationship with the person.


But that's me and I've always been told I'm ~*vicious*~

[NotAnAverageGuy]

You may never be friends with your ex, some ex's can't be friends regardless of animals or not.

I am friends with only one of my ex's, who now happens to be my best friend, we realized it was just better off as friends and not partners.

[christie]

I, too, cut ties.

I am not friends with exes. They are exes for a reason...

On the other hand, I don't fuck my friends...

Some things, at least to me, are pretty black and white.

Are Jess and I best friends? Of course. Would I miss that if our relationship was over? Yes. Absolutely. Would I want to be "friends" and watch Hym move on with Hys life and vice versa? Fuck no.

Given all of that is hypothetical, if it were an actuality, I might feel differently. We both work hard every day to ensure we aren't faced with the situation.

All that aside, I am sorry that you miss your friend. I am sorry that your furbaby misses her and the sibling furbaby.

[Waldo]

You two were together for years. There's a lot to process and people process at different speeds. And the other posters are right - it may never come to fruition.

When I was younger I did everything I could to maintain friendships with my exes. In recent years I've accepted that while some people are important to me even though we don't make a great couple there are others whom it simply isn't in the cards. There's no reason for me to make room in my heart or my life for someone who treated me poorly, or was otherwise ill suited for friendship for any number of reasons.

Now the simple answer, according to Sex And The City? The time it takes to "get over" a relationship gone bust is half the length of the relationship.

[Surayna]

I have been able to maintain friendships with all but 2 of my long term ex's in the last 25 years. Most of them are on my facebook page and we keep in touch regularly.

Of the two I do not consider to be friends:
One of them went to prison for abusing my daughter over 18 years ago. While we do not maintain a friendship - we did speak ONCE after he got out of prison and I no longer have any hateful feelings towards him. I could not and will not ever be his friend, though.

The other ex is my most recent break-up (August), and while I don't hold any ill will towards her in any way, I am also not ready to be friends with her. We were together for 3 1/2 years.

For me - friendship requires a certain level of trust, respect and honesty. If those things are not present, I will not consider someone a friend, no matter how close we once were. *shrugs*

Good luck!!

[Softly]

Originally Posted by Surayna

For me - friendship requires a certain level of trust, respect and honesty. If those things are not present, I will not consider someone a friend, no matter how close we once were. *shrugs*

I agree with the above.

I am friends with 2 of my exes, both were long term...one is my ex husband who is like my bff and stuff and other is my first boyfriend ha ha

I think circumstance makes up for a whole lot of if you can be friends or not...a bad break up? I cut the ties. I don't need any negative crap in my life.

mutual break up? maybe we can be friends
If me and my current break up I feel we would be just as close as we are now. just no humping. xoxoxo

[Passionaria]

I can understand how you are feeling Daryn. I just separated from a 7 year relationship this summer. We are really trying to be friends, almost like sliding over. Love and caring was never the issue between us. That has always been there. And continues to be. We lived as friends for years, and decided to be honest about it, finally. We both have kids, and know each others families, and love them. And we don't want to loose that. Sometimes we have to take breaks, and not see each other for a few weeks. But then we will do social things together. It is taking allot of patience, as feelings arise, but then again how many people in this world do I know for sure really love me???? Not allot, not for real. So it is worth it to me.

There are a few people I don't want to know anymore, as well. Usually has to do with betrayal or dishonesty. I don't come back from that one.

xoxoxo Pashi

[Lynn]

I was married for over 20 years. I had hoped to maintain a real friendship with my ex-husband, but, so far, that hasn't happened. We have a decent working relationship, only for the kids. It's been about six years since we separated, but it still seems fresh in many respects. I also realize that the friendship I wanted was never really there in the first place. My brother commented recently that, seeing us together, it doesn't seem different between us now than it did when we were married. I thought that was very telling.

I'm friends with a couple of exes. Some are just out of my life because of time and circumstances, and others, I make a concerted effort to maintain no contact. I don't have a steadfast rule about how to handle relationships after breakups. If there is a chance of continuing a friendship with someone I loved, then I try. People who truly know me at that level are few and far between.

[Inuus]

I personaly cut ties only if trust etc was broken. Not all relationships end badly. Sometimes people grow apart, its not always a knock down nasty drag out fight.
I have an ex I have been friends with for 27 years, we are best friends she is family to me.
But like people said you might not be able to be friends with her. It takes time. It depends how the relationship ended

[Bijoux]

It depends on how the break up occurred. Did you break up with her? She might still be too hurt to be friends. I think for me, it depends on how long it takes for me to get over the pain of the loss. Everyone is different.
I am friends with most of my ex's but it took at least half the time we were together to get there...so if you were together 5 years...it might take 2.5 years before you can hang out as friends....
Bijoux

Originally Posted by Daryn

I broke up last July and it was to me the only option left. It's so not what I had hoped for in the beginning. And we were together nearly 5 years - living together nearly 3 years. Had 2 dogs. We each kept one.

Thing is I know what I miss about her and I know what I don't miss and I'd like to be friends but apparently it's still too soon for her. I'd like to be able to let the dogs see each other and play. I know my dog misses her "sister" a lot as well as missing my ex. And I miss the other dog too. Never thought I could really like a little dog but this one had a big attitude and was a big love. I am glad I found her and decided she should have a home with us.

Anyway.... I'd like to hear what you think in terms of how much time it takes to be friends with exes.... (I do have one ex who is a close friend and another who is a distant friend and a couple that I don't speak to ... so it's all over the map in my world).

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Daryn

Anyway.... I'd like to hear what you think in terms of how much time it takes to be friends with exes....

one month for each year that you were involved, plus one year for each time someone cheated, times 5 (years) for each child between you. multiple that by 1.5 if you're on the west coast and by 2 if you're on the east coast, by 3 if you're in the south. add 3 weeks if she kept your books, minus a day for every CD of hers that you stole. times 5 years for each dollar over 1000 that you "borrowed". good luck!

[Queerasfck]

Originally Posted by apretty

one month for each year that you were involved, plus one year for each time someone cheated, times 5 (years) for each child between you. multiple that by 1.5 if you're on the west coast and by 2 if you're on the east coast, by 3 if you're in the south. add 3 weeks if she kept your books, minus a day for every CD of hers that you stole. times 5 years for each dollar over 1000 that you "borrowed". good luck!

Wow. You never cease to amaze me.

[apretty]

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

Wow. You never cease to amaze me.

all in a day's work.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Personally, I think it is ok to be friends. Life is too short. There are some people who leave a mark on your heart, and some who you can't even remember their name. If this person left that much of an imprint, then work on the friendship. If you get sick, it is your friends who will take care of you. I am very good friends with all of my ex's. Each one played a role in my life. And they all know each other, with the exception of one gal. But then again, she is another story all together.

[Bit]

Me personally, I think it would be better just to get another dog so your furbaby won't be so lonesome... but then you already know that. *cheeky, cheeky grin*

Okay, seriously... I've always wanted to be the kind of person who stayed friends with her exes, but it hasn't worked out that way. Even the one ex I stayed on very friendly terms with eventually fell out of my life... or maybe I fell out of hers, who knows? We drifted apart, anyhow. And my more recent exes, the pain has been too strong for me to let them stay in my life. I also have this ironclad rule: if I was used or abused in the relationship, there is no friendship ever. It wouldn't be healthy for me to put myself back into that situation.

[RNguy]

This is an interesting topic.
An ex of mine ( we were together 4 years ) ( we have been broken up for 8 years ) anyways, she recently requested me as a friend on facebook.
I have heard over the years, that she wished we were still together. The breakup wasn't very nice to go through at all.
It's been so long, that I accepted her friendship.
I think that overtime you can be friends with an ex, but honestly I have never been in any relationship where it ended in a mutual agreement. It was always a one sided deal and the other was upset about it.
I'd prefer probably to cut ties and leave it alone, with no contact.
Now, if I saw an ex broken down on the road, whether we were friends or not, I would still stop and help her .
Very interesting topic and views here.
-RNguy

[bigbutchmistie]

I am friends with two of my exes. One is my very first gf from years ago. She and I are passing friends. My last ex and I are friends. I'm even friends with her now fiancee. We had dogs together and I got one and she got one. I have to say its all about what each party feels. For me I am friends with these two because we didn't break up for crazy reasons. Like cheating etc. We just realized we would be better off friends. It. Was a mutual break up. Not syaing there wasn't hurt. There was. But both experiences have taught me a lot about who I am and what I want and need in a partner.

[Legendryder]

The only advice I can give, is back WAAAYYYYY off. Find a dog park, socialize with people there. Get some contacts from the dog park for doggie play dates, and get on with your life. Maybe, just maybe, in the future you may become friends. But right now, there seems to be too much "stuff" there.

[Legendryder]

Ummmm, I think I need to edit my signature. roflmfao