Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes

[hippieflowergirl]

a safe little lockdown to get that crappy little comment (yours or someone else's) or your favorite hilarious but truly insulting quote out of your head so you can stop feeling bad about yourself and go back to being the charming little tidbit of perfection that you are!

~~~~~~~~~~

"i feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

stephen bishop

"[he's]...a legend in his own lunchtime."

rex harrison

"i can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.

steven pearl

"thank god you've insulted me! that means that i don't have to be nice anymore."

billy idol

"every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."

h. l. mencken

"sometimes i need what only you can provide: your absence."

ashleigh brilliant


~~~~~~~~~~

carry on....

[evolveme]

Equal opportunity means everybody will have a fair chance at being incompetent. - Laurence J. Peter

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off. - Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

[hippieflowergirl]

i've had a really enjoyable evening! this wasnt it.

[Hudson]

"I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!" Hilary Taylor as Taffy in Female Trouble

"If I wanted that comeback I'da scraped it outta yer mouth" - My friend Holly when I got sassy once

[Mister Bent]

I also love a good gladhanding.

"You have the greatest untapped potential of anyone I've ever met."

"Her plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor."

"I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!"

[evolveme]

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. - Unknown

[hippieflowergirl]

THAT'S your insult? Dude! Breast milk is harsher than that! (my brother Daniel when hated on by an asshat on a Seattle bus)

[Cyclopea]

YouTube- 2010 Polish American String Band "The Jokers Ball"

[hippieflowergirl]

he has all the virtues i dislike and none of the vices i admire

winston churchill


there's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation wont cure.

jack leonard

[hippieflowergirl]

be quiet now. your voice is giving me diarrhea.

my grandmother

[evolveme]

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain



(the earlier "child of five" comment was Groucho Marx)

[evolveme]

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”


“Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.”


“Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.”


“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

- Mark Twain

[evolveme]

“A modest little person, with much to be modest about.” - Winston Churchill

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” - William Faulkner

“Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?” - Ernest Hemingway

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” - Irvin S. Cobb

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” - Forrest Tucker

“He has Van Gogh's ear for music.” - Billy Wilder

[Bob]

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.

The United States invariably does the right thing, after having exhausted every other alternative.

[Hudson]

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more." - Justin's dad (shitmydadsays)

[evolveme]

“Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.”

- Oscar Levant

[Hudson]

"Shopping is HARD, and you're to blame...!" (as misheard and sung by my 4 year old cousin Jake, to the tune of Bon Jovi)

[Dex]

We get along because..
The same exact thing that is wrong with you, is wrong with me... DEX

[Diva]

Sarcasm is the weed that spoils our gardens. ~Jeff Bridges

If I asked you to talk, I didn't mean to. ~ Glenda Casey

[always2late]

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"You have delighted us long enough." - Jane Austen

[amiyesiam]

"You are literally to stupid to insult" from the movie Hangover

[hippieflowergirl]

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Samuel Johnson


“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
Paul Keating


“He had delusions of adequacy.”
Walter Kerr


“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mark Twain


“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Mae West

[imperfect_cupcake]

my ex boss, from jamaica (apparently a saying where she grew up):

"It's not my fault you're ugly/fat/skinny/stupid. Take that attitude out of my face."

"too post modern to care." - friend's description and disclaimer

"I am god and you are shit. now fuck off." - drunk on the 73 to dalston.

"quit verbally pissing on me, will you. Catheterise that stench. Jesus wept till you shut UP." - arsey remark from friend to another friend whilst playing pool as chatty gal wouldn't shut up while one person was taking a shot.

reply? "can't help it. your extreme pool moves are making my ureatha twitch. I think your groove is giving me cystitis."

[Rook]

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
frank zappa

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
ambrose bierce


Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar
drew carey

What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard?
eddie izzard


:rrose:

[hippieflowergirl]

some people are like phones: they like to be held, talked to, and touched often. but push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

:phonegab:

[daisygrrl]

Live or die, but don't poison everything.
--Anne Sexton

And, I have a good mind to memorize and store some of these for later use: <click (http://www.ringsurf.com/tv/396079-fun_witty_insults.html)>

[hippieflowergirl]

don't let your mind wander. it's to small to be outside by itself. (kathy griffin)



sweetie, you have your whole life to be a jerk. feel free to take a day off now and then. (me)

[purepisces]

I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman

[NJFemmie]

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde

[NJFemmie]

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Oops, you dropped your personality.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance?

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

[NJFemmie]

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. (My personal favorite)

Now ye may let the verbal beat downs fly with glorious flair, thou weed ridden urchin-snouted maggot-pie!

"No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." --Stewie Griffin

[Diva]

They worship the ground that he walks away from.

~Sarcasm Society

:canadian:

[NJFemmie]

You're about as useful as a popcorn fart.

[Diva]

You're about as useful as a popcorn fart.

Nice tie~in....since it IS National Popcorn Day! :D

[NJFemmie]

Nice tie~in....since it IS National Popcorn Day! :D


PRECISELY!!

;) (Sorry, no pic of popcorn farts to be had ... thankfully!)

*lil snort*

[Rook]

YouTube- George Carlin Talks About "Stuff"

:cracked::popcorn:

[Rook]

Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy. ~ Anon

[Rook]

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

Here's how Powell should have produced his evidence to the UN: "We're absolutely sure Saddam has weapons of mass destruction because WE SOLD THEM TO HIM! And I have the receipts RIGHT HERE!" (Powell holds up receipts)

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

:hiding:

[Inuus]

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy." - Damien Harrison

"Satire is great, but for Nazis you use baseball bats and broken bottles." - Woody Allen

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?" Bumper Sticker

"Considering my last relationship, I'd rather have the extra rib." - Unknown

"All extremists should be taken out and shot." - Unknown

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." - Bumper Sticker

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!" - Bumper Sticker

[NJFemmie]

And which dwarf are you?

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'm leaving now."

[dreadgeek]

The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. (Mark Twain)

Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA)

The breathtaking inanity of the...decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop...(Judge John E. Jones in the case of Kitzmiller v. Dover School Board)

I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him. (Douglas Adams--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Unlike in Alice in Wonderland, simply saying something is so does not make it so. (Judge Clay Land Rhodes v. MacDonald)

And my all-time favorite snarky statement:

"Not only is it not right, it's not even wrong!" (Wolfgang Pauli)

Cheers
Aj

[SassyLeo]

Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA)

Cheers
Aj

I love this!

Thanks for sharing it.

[Passionaria]

:wtf:":flyingmonkey:Hey I asked for guardian angles, not flying Monkeys fueled by methane!!!! mmmmK?"
SESI19h4wDo
I'd like one of the new Mother Focker Alert bracelets. Where are they selling those again????

[miss entycing]

don't go away mad... just go away.
:praying:

[Passionaria]

iSzEf--cIWs

Sorry, couldn't resist

[Daktari]

You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac.

I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death.

I'm not going to do this. Even your breath stinks of mediocrity

What if I were to innocently murder you? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide


Sue Sylvester - Glee

[Kobi]

Don’t be the kind of person that could be used as a blueprint to build an idiot.

Some people are a good argument for retroactive abortion.

You! Off my planet!

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Do I look like a people person?

No, a hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

[Sparkle]

Hello Pot! This is Kettle calling ...

[Blade]

Told to an obnoxious drunk one night in a bar.....You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.....now leave.

[dixie]

"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" ~my mother, to me... (guess I can be a little crabby sometimes...LOL)

[nycfem]

When someone starts to complain:

"Here's a quarter. Go call 1-800-BOO-HOO, and dial extension Wah Wah."

[Nightshade]

Someone call the wahmbulance!

[Blade]

my Daddy to me as a teen
me to my son all his life
and I'm sure there are others that I've said it to or wished I had.

You can't hear with your mouth open, now sit down close your mouth and open your ears and listen to me

[Gemme]

Someone call the wahmbulance!

:rofl:

I say that a lot!

[Toughy]

said by my 5ft, 98 lb baby sister to her 3 sons (age 10-16) on the third trip of running in the back door and taring thru the house screaming, yelling and laughing and out the front door................

she steps in front of them, looks up (they are all taller than her) and says:

'I brought you into this world and I can damn sure take you out..........get outside and stay there!!!'

(she says the same thing to her grandchildren when they start acting like a bunch of fools)

[Isadora]

After a rather nasty short man in a bar makes a snide comment.

"Honey, I can always get thinner, you, however, will never get any taller."

[Jeep]

Too tired to go throught them all so this may be a repeat.. One of the few things I remember from highschool was a sign in the office that said:
Everyone brings joy into this office;
Some when they enter
Some when they leave

My often-repeated prayer at work:
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off

‎5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the jerks name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to beat them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Stupidity is not a crime. You're free to go.

[NJFemmie]

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

[Miss July]

If I give you $20 will you leave me alone?

This is an A B conversation, why don't you C your way out of it.

Your like a zit on the ass of society.

Sorry I don't date from the peasant pool
Do I LOOK desperate?

I see your riding the cotton pony today.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.

[LaneyDoll]

My faves...

Me to a pissy, rude cashier in the grocery store...
"I hope you have a better day tomorrow since today is obviously not cutting it for you."
(I like that one because it comes across as really nice but the tone can change it all).

Me to a friend about a local drama queen...
"The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is easily forgettable."

:sparklyheart:

[JustJo]

On the wall of the billing office at the car dealership....

I took a pain pill...why are you still here? :cheesy:

[smouldering]

One of my favs!!
"I know some things are better left unsaid.. but you know I'll probably say them anyway.."



"I wont say anything; I'll just offer you a facial expression that suggests you've gone insane"


While your sitting there judging other peoples lives maybe you should take a quick look at yours to make sure its something to brag about!


"Never expect anything..that way when it doesn't happen or doesn't turn out the way you want it to ..you're just not disappointed."

[scootebaby]

Despite the look on my face you're still talking?

Everyone has the right to be stupid,but you're abusing it!

have you always been an asshole,or did you have to work at it?

[kittygrrl]

but Uncle Buck's is a classic

Tia Russell: Are you crazy?
Buck Russell: I can be.
Tia Russell: You could have taken his head off!
Buck Russell: Yeah, but would he notice?

[ButchEire]

You want cheese with that whine?
You're a special kind of stupid.
Bitter. Table for one.

[Inked_Trinity]

I will now be charging a $20.00 service fee for stupidity. There will also be a $40.00 surcharge if the stupidity is accompanied by whining.

[smouldering]

"you ask where I am among the chaos and I simply reply "I am the one who started it"

"If women are supposed to be delicate flowers why the hell do I feel like a stubborn weed just trying to survive?"

"Don't leave something good to see if you can find better, because once you realize you had the best, the best found better."

"McDonald's is making a deep fried pickle covered in a batter...they are going to call it the Mc Dill Dough"

"Christians say suffer not a witch to live, pagans say do as ye will and harm none, does anyone else see the difference here?"

[Inked_Trinity]

I was once told sarcasm is a verbal knife...my goal is to get to verbal ninja sword.

[Inked_Trinity]

Let me look in my day planner. NOPE, pleasing you today is not on my agenda.

[chai~]

~bookmarking~

[msW8ing]

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person

[Passionaria]

http://sarcastictiradefunparade.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/facebook-jail_011.jpg

[Tcountry]

after the 9th time of ruining the same piece of equipment:
"we can fix broke...we can't fix stupid"

[Inked_Trinity]

In order for you to insult me...... I would have to value your opinion.

[Venus007]

The bible says "By their fruits ye shall know them"*
Crusades
Witch burning
Decimation of indigenous cultures
Body shame
Homophobia
Slavery
Scapegoating

nice fruit




*Matthew 7:16

[Inked_Trinity]

I've done the Hokey Pokey on several occasions, yet I still don't feel that I know what it's all about.

[SoNotHer]

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you’re alive, it isn’t.” ~ Richard Bach

[Inked_Trinity]

Hi, I'm trouble. I heard you've been looking for me? What can I do for you?

[msW8ing]

Hi, I'm trouble. I heard you've been looking for me? What can I do for you?
ahahahahahahahahahahahaha:superfunny:

[Inked_Trinity]

Fear is temporary, regret is permanent.

[Inked_Trinity]

Sometimes there is nothing left to say except REALLY?!

[Inked_Trinity]

You are about to become a strange smell in the attic.

[Miss July]

If I give you $20 will you leave me alone?

[Inked_Trinity]

If I rub you with Preparation H...... Will you shrink and become less irritating?

[Tawse]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v649/BearTawse/ChalkOutlines.jpg



:D :D :D

[Inked_Trinity]

Inhale the good shit~ Exhale the bullshit

[Inked_Trinity]

I might not be the sharpest knife in the light socket, but at least my elevator goes all the way to my tool shed.

[Inked_Trinity]

Let's just start with the assumption that I am right and go from there.

[Inked_Trinity]

I am tired of idiots so therefore all idiots who approach me must form a line to the left...no your other left...that is why you are in the line.

[Inked_Trinity]

why does toothpaste fall off your toothbrush so easily, but when it hits your sink it turns into some epoxy, resin type crap that u can't wash down the drain?

[Inked_Trinity]

Some people wait their entire life for their ship to come in, not realizing that they are standing in an airport.

[Tcountry]

Just about the time u see a light at the end of the tunnel....u realize it is a train.

[Inked_Trinity]

Please take a number, I will piss you off shortly!

[Miss July]

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.

Your lack of planning has now become my responsibility.

Let me drop everything I am working on to fix your problem.

[Miss July]

Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, just like stupid falls from yours.

Looks like someone had a EXTRA bowl Bitch flakes this morning.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

If wit was shit, you'd be constipated!

[kannon]

Stu: you are literally too stupid to insult. Alan: thank you.

[Inked_Trinity]

Sometimes... You just gotta treat life like a bad lay... Make funny faces and pretend you're having a good time.

[nycfem]

I'm so in the mood for this thread tonight (problems with my biological family, not my BFP family)...

"Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date."

"You do sure have a lot of Well-wishers. They'd all like to throw you down one..."

"He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe."

"I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?"

Take a vacation; go to Club Dead."

"Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!"

"You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to."

Whew, that felt good! :D

[Inked_Trinity]

attempted to 'dance like no one was watching', but someone happened to be watching, and mistook my dancing for a seizure and called an ambulance.

[JAGG]

"I'm trying to see things from his point of view, but I can't stick my head up my ass that far."


"A few more brain cells and he might be dangerous. "

" Don't go away mad, just go away ."

[cinderella]

"Poor dear, she went hunting for fashion, and didn't shoot a thing."

[JAGG]

" Well suicide is always an option."

" Life is difficult, it's even more difficult when you're stupid."

"Don't worry, only the good die young, you have another 100 yrs or so. "

[JAGG]

"She's the type who'd kill her own parents , then plead for mercy because she's an orphan."

" The #1 leading cause of divorce is marriage."

[CockyDude]

http://i1232.photobucket.com/albums/ff374/Dennis_Parello/Mobile%20Uploads/IMG_9759.jpg

[Gemme]

Looks like someone had a EXTRA bowl Bitch flakes this morning.

Reminds me of:

Who pissed in your Post Toasties this morning?

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.

Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.

I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.

[Miss July]

I would love to have a battle of wit's with you but I can clearly see you are unarmed.

[Inked_Trinity]

Sarcasm! Almost as much fun as Orgasm but you leave your clothes on...

[Inked_Trinity]

Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

A Butch is as young as the woman she’s holding!

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

[Miss July]

Sometimes I need what only you can provide, ABSENCE

I'm smiling, that SHOULD scare you

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm

I'm not a complete idiot, somethings are missing

Pitty party for 1 today?

[cinderella]

...pure as the driven snow - now I'm just driven."

~May West

[Inked_Trinity]

If you're that A-hole that honks the second the light turns green, I'm that shit head that will sit through that green light & update my Facebook status.

[Inked_Trinity]

I'm currently taking applications for an evil sidekick. Must be willing to follow directions and occasionally participate in witty banter.

[Inked_Trinity]

On the advice of my attorney, I plead the 5th on EXACTLY what I did for a Klondike Bar.

[Inked_Trinity]

I'm fully qualified to not care

[Inked_Trinity]

Some days there are just not enough swear words in my vocabulary!!!

[Inked_Trinity]

Sometimes you just want to ask people if they own a mirror!

[HoustonHuny]

never argue with an idiot they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

[Inked_Trinity]

Fun Fact of The Day: Barbies get fat too........ if you microwave them ♥

[smouldering]

""Nyquil, the night time, coughing, sneezing, aching, stuffy nose,head ache, fever, how the hell did I end up on my kitchen floor medicine?"

[Inked_Trinity]

Let's see.... which emotional issues shall I bury under deep layers of sarcasm today?

[Inked_Trinity]

Today my plan is to just pretend I know what the hell is going on!

[Inked_Trinity]

I'm sorry...I didn't get the memo that said I had to blow sunshine up your ass today!!

[Inked_Trinity]

Reckons that in the right light, at the right angle, if you squint & stand on one leg........I might look like I give a damn.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

""Nyquil, the night time, coughing, sneezing, aching, stuffy nose,head ache, fever, how the hell did I end up on my kitchen floor medicine?"

Ha ha hahahahhaha.... that's funny, made me chuckle out loud.

[tapu]

.
.

"He spells well."


— Comment by a professor who'd been listed as a reference on a grad student candidate's application. A classic "damn by faint praise." We didn't admit the student.

[dixie]

I see you're playing stupid again...looks like you're winning.

[Tawse]

“Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.” ― Joss Whedon

[Inked_Trinity]

It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.

[tapu]

.
.
With friends like you, who needs friends?

[1QuirkyKiwi]

.
.
With friends like you, who needs friends?

With friends like you, who needs enemies?!

[Inked_Trinity]

Ah arrogance and stupidity all in one package. How efficient of you.

[cinderella]

...when I was showing off how cultured I was:

"You're such an aristocrap."*

*My ex had a slight speech impediment, so I never did know whether she uttered this word because of that impediment, or if she was being sarcastic - to this day, I still don't know....hmmmm, I wonder. :| lol

[Inked_Trinity]

I'm addicted to smart ass remarks and inappropriate humor.. is there a helpline for this?

[Julien]

Quotes by Waldo Lydecker portrayed by Clifton Webb from Laura (1944) :movieguy:

"In my case, self-absorption is completely justified. I have never discovered any other subject quite so worthy of my attention."

"I don't use a pen. I write with a goose quill dipped in venom.":writer:

"I should be sincerely sorry to see my neighbor's children devoured by wolves."

[Inked_Trinity]

http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/378784_215265268550178_100002001206151_485576_1990 570936_n.jpg

[Gemme]

I major in sarcasm and minor in innuendo.

[Inked_Trinity]

I don't feel like playing with you today... So, get outta my sandbox!

[tapu]

.
Bite me.
.

[Inked_Trinity]

Sarcasm is bitchy's smarter, better dressed sister.

[luv2luvgirls]

Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow

[luv2luvgirls]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v652/rubydoo2/381595_236926626373796_180601905339602_618641_1314 18369_n.jpg

[luv2luvgirls]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v652/rubydoo2/302454_258324654220547_244753448911001_755216_1423 870956_n.jpg

[luv2luvgirls]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v652/rubydoo2/390095_233907176681390_211472482258193_632981_2083 696756_n.jpg

[luv2luvgirls]

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass!
:cheesy:

[Inked_Trinity]

If I had to live with seven men...... I'd take the poison apple too!

[Gemme]

.
Bite me.
.

Ha!

My usual response would be:

Where?

and

How hard?

That usually garners me a :| followed by the type of awkward silence that I like...when they are trying to figure out to come back from that but just haven't quite made it yet.

[Inked_Trinity]

some people say I'm a horrible person, but it's not true! I have the heart of an innocent girl........
in a jar, on my desk

[*Anya*]

Evolution -- life's a niche, and then you die

[Inked_Trinity]

Sometimes in life you have to skip grabbing the bull by the horns and go straight for the balls!

[smouldering]

"Do you need some sun? you're looking fucking shady!!"

[Inked_Trinity]

You'll find out that messing with me is like masturbation, it sounds like a pretty good idea at first but once you get done you realize you just screwed yourself.

[Inked_Trinity]

You never know how creative your thought process is until you sit on a wet toilet seat trying to convince yourself that it is definitely something other than pee!!!

[Honey]

You never know how creative your thought process is until you sit on a wet toilet seat trying to convince yourself that it is definitely something other than pee!!!

I think the pee may be the lesser of many evils ! Oooo

[luv2luvgirls]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v652/rubydoo2/386056_235071313232677_127583850648091_571716_8369 8131_n.jpg

[luv2luvgirls]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v652/rubydoo2/380980_305657289467926_143791405654516_958652_8925 99925_n.jpg

[luv2luvgirls]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v652/rubydoo2/389966_331206566890760_321687357842681_1502058_134 097857_n.jpg

[Inked_Trinity]

Oh no you deleted me........ what are you gonna do next, call me a Meany at snack time?

[smouldering]

"You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good."

"Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence."

"Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car."

"I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before."

[Inked_Trinity]

I'm not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what a idiot you are being

[Inked_Trinity]

I can name 6 great kings who have brought people immense happiness..... DRIN-KING..... ..FUC-KING.... . LIC-KING.....SUC-KING.... SPAN-KING...&. .. WAN-KING!!!

[Miss July]

Looks like your 5 squares short of a Bingo

Gas, Ass or Grass no one rides for free

Don't write a check with your mouth, that your ass can't cover

[pinkgeek]

because.... When I check out, if spent shell casings aren't littered around my feet, I didn't check out right.

We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than from the machinations of the wicked. :jester:

Every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90).

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

Wine is the answer. I don't remember the question.

If you can't say anything nice, then at least have the decency to be vague.

[Inked_Trinity]

Sometimes, you just have to choose between a sarcastic smile or a middle finger. Today, I choose both! At the same time!

[Inked_Trinity]

Why yes...... yes I do piss glitter and shit rainbows. Thanks for asking!

[Miss July]

Why yes...... yes I do piss glitter and shit rainbows. Thanks for asking!

This made me laugh outloud!

[Inked_Trinity]

You would look so much better with some duct tape over your mouth...

[Inked_Trinity]

According to WebMD, my symptoms mean I died 3 years ago

[Inked_Trinity]

Here, put these floaties on your ankles ..

[JustJo]

On a conference call yesterday...

Moderator to new caller: So how's the world treating you?

Caller: The world's been great...some of the people on it are pissing me off though.

[Inked_Trinity]

I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest dammit! KNEES TO CHEST!

[smouldering]

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b206/ghostwhisperer/293466_10150425074143465_129446698464_10299912_186 0737382_n.jpg

[Inked_Trinity]

My life is so exciting I could shit pink Twinkies...

[Inked_Trinity]

Out of all the dinosaurs in the world to go extinct, Barney HAD to be the last one?

[Diva]

Because I am sweetness & light....

http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p258/seductively_nuerotic/sarcasm.jpg

Merry Hanukkah, Diwali, Kwanzaa & Christmas.

[tapu]

.
.
Were you saying anything I needed to respond to?

[Inked_Trinity]

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/381900_309322625768059_143791405654516_969454_1548 134984_n.jpg

[Inked_Trinity]

"When one door closes another one opens", what sounds like optimism to most people, sounds like Maximum security to me...

[Honey]

"When one door closes another one opens", what sounds like optimism to most people, sounds like Maximum security to me...
I say, when a door closes, kick it the f**k down !

[Inked_Trinity]

I say, when a door closes, kick it the f**k down !

I like the way you think!!!!!

[Glenn]

"If us poor slobs can't stick together and help each other, then we ain't worth the gun powder to blow our brains out."- (My General)-Granny

[tapu]

So! Which one of you is the mother?

[*Anya*]

» Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.


- Ashleigh Brilliant

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

» I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here


- Stephen Bishop

[*Anya*]

~~A dress makes no sense unless it inspires butches to want to take it off you.

[*Anya*]

• A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.

-Redd Foxx

OK, I'll stop now:)

[Inked_Trinity]

There's nothing better than sitting on the couch in your underwear. I'm going to enjoy this until the department store security guys show up.

[*Anya*]

~A pessimist is a butch who thinks all women are bad~

~An optimist is a butch who hopes that they are~

*snicker*

[Inked_Trinity]

I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.

[msW8ing]

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time

Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Love your enemies.. it pisses them off.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

[Inked_Trinity]

You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know...

[pinkgeek]

If you ever need an outfit to match that stick up your ass, give me a call.

[Glenn]

Were you high on crack or something when you bought that outfit?

Why Babydoll, where did you get those shoes, do you need a foot transplant?

[pinkgeek]

"An over-inflated ego wrapped in an undeserved sense of entitlement earns a first class ticket to the back of the queue."

[pinkgeek]

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.

[*Anya*]

• Brevity is the soul of lingerie

• Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common

• She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B

• I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my hostess


Quotes are from Dorothy Parker, a founder of the Algonquin Round Table and was known for her brainy, verbal wit and satire

(my apologies to dearly-departed Dorothy for changing host to hostess)

[Inked_Trinity]

Be careful of bull sharks, they swim in shallow water. Be careful of bullshit too, it swims in shallow people

[Inked_Trinity]

It's always an awkward moment when you are standing around in your superhero costume waiting for crime to happen..

[Inked_Trinity]

Sex is like mud boggin... the deeper you go the wilder it gets!

[SoNotHer]

"Don't fuck with me, fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo."

xmczkkw6OZI&feature=related

[kannon]

I say, when a door closes, kick it the f**k down !

otherwise known as breaking and entering.

[Honey]

otherwise known as breaking and entering.

I thought we were playing out little, "Rapist Serial Killer" game.......Thats what I'm telling the cops anyway !! Hey, who's got the bail money .....I wouldn't do well in the penn ?!! I'd have to get a "daddy" and all....Wait a minute.....Hmmm....

[Inked_Trinity]

I hate it when strangers say "I don't bite"..... cause the first thing I think when I meet a person is HOLY SHIT the bitch is gonna bite me! :seconddoh:

[Honey]

I hate it when strangers say "I don't bite"..... cause the first thing I think when I meet a person is HOLY SHIT the bitch is gonna bite me! :seconddoh:
You 'd think that if ya knew me.......

[*Anya*]

I thought we were playing out little, "Rapist Serial Killer" game.......Thats what I'm telling the cops anyway !! Hey, who's got the bail money .....I wouldn't do well in the penn ?!! I'd have to get a "daddy" and all....Wait a minute.....Hmmm....

Derail alert:

Hey, the thought of a Prison daddy is a big redeeming factor for me if I ever have to go-just sayin' :)

[Inked_Trinity]

The number of ways I could care less is astounding!

[Inked_Trinity]

some people are plugged in but the switch just isn't turned on

[Inked_Trinity]

Is practicing being positive today. For example, I'm Positive you're F*king stupid. See it's working..

[Inked_Trinity]

I enjoy a glass of red wine each night for its health benefits. The other glasses are for my exceptionally witty comebacks, sarcasm, and flawless dance moves.

[Inked_Trinity]

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

[o222Good]

Sorry!
I Can Only Please
One Person Per Day
Today Is Not Your Day
Tomorrow Isn't Looking
Too Good Either!

[Inked_Trinity]

oooohhh, the handles on the mattress are to MOVE it!! I have been totally misusing them this whole time!

[Inked_Trinity]

I hear somebody screaming for help... Apparently my trunk is not sound proof.

[Honey]

I hear somebody screaming for help... Apparently my trunk is not sound proof.

I'm not playing Hide n Seek with you any more !! Back to the naked Twister !

[Inked_Trinity]

A week ago, I really hated people...today I just found out I was cooking them wrong !

[Inked_Trinity]

Have you ever taken a second look at your ex and thought quietly to yourself, "Was I drunk our entire relationship??"

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Have you ever taken a second look at your ex and thought quietly to yourself, "Was I drunk our entire relationship??"

I nearly fell off my chair from laughing so hard at this one! ....Good thing I didn't have a mouthful of tea....my poor laptop, lol! :|

[Inked_Trinity]

OMG! Did you hear that? It was the sound of me not caring!

[Honey]

oooohhh, the handles on the mattress are to MOVE it!! I have been totally misusing them this whole time!

Fuck !! Thats not what I've been using them for either ?????

[Honey]

A week ago, I really hated people...today I just found out I was cooking them wrong !

Sweet Boi...its not how you cook'm ..its how you eat them !!!

[midwest chick]

I used to think you took my breath away...
then I realized I was just suffocated by your bullshit.

[Inked_Trinity]

Let's share........ You'll take the grenade, I'll take the pin

[msW8ing]

Ever get the feeling somebody doesnt like you? wonder if they get the feeling you dont care?

[ladyhawkxx]

Age truly doesn't matter. Maturity, however, does.

[midwest chick]

Before diagnosing yourself with depression or low self esteem...
look around to confirm that you are not, in fact,
merely surrounded by assholes.

[midwest chick]

No darling, I don't think insanity runs in your family.

I think it strolls through, and takes time to get to know everyone personally.

[Jett]

*looking away and listening keenly, whispering* ...I hear stupid people...

[midwest chick]

I don't have 'pet' peeves,

I have entire kennels of irritation.

[Inked_Trinity]

I hate when cashiers ask "Is that everything?" - Uh no, I'd also like all this invisible shit..

[Passionaria]

OK, I am usually all flowery and stuff, but I just have to say : sometimes this IS the right response!!!

pc0mxOXbWIU
ain't that some shit???

[Inked_Trinity]

" I will take 'Same Shit / Different Day' category for $200.00, Alex."

[Inked_Trinity]

Saw a sign at a fire station and it says "If we can't see your address, how can we find you?" WTF! Hello? Just look for the smoke

[Inked_Trinity]

Bought my ex a chair....... but the state won't let me plug it in.

[Hollylane]

From a bumper sticker that SNH saw:

"I'm one bad relationship away from having 40 cats."

[tapu]

(hee, hee, holly)


I had a friend who, when he wasn't in favor of something you were telling him or suggesting to him, would put his hands out palms down and with alarm say,

This is not happening.

[smouldering]

"I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time"


"Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun."


"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

[Inked_Trinity]

I'm just here to establish an alibi . . .

[tapu]

Hi! My parole officer sent me....?

[dixie]

Whenever someone asks "you look familiar, where do I know you from?"......I like to respond with "well, do you watch porn...?" :sunglass:

[Inked_Trinity]

If a tree falls in the forest and it isn't posted on Facebook, did it really happen?

[Passionaria]

HMhjP2yVmu8
Shit straight girls say to lesbians.....

[smouldering]

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b206/ghostwhisperer/disappointmentquotes.jpg

[Glenn]

"Sometimes you get the bear, and sometimes the bear gets you."- (My General) Granny

[1QuirkyKiwi]

No, I don't think all other drivers are idiots......but, some are determined to change my mind!

[tapu]

Well, if I'd known who you were, I would've let you go first.

[Inked_Trinity]

What? I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the little voice in my head screaming 'BULLSHIT'

[Inked_Trinity]

I hate when you want to sleep and your body's like , no way man, I wanna agonize about everything that happened in the last ten years...

[Inked_Trinity]

My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry!

[Inked_Trinity]

Ever feel like you need the secret decoder ring to have a conversation with some people?