Significant Age Gaps in Relationships

[gotoseagrl]

There is a similar thread out there, but I wanted to shift the focus a bit here. In general, I've always preferred someone older than me, but my Partner and I have 20 years between us, and since the first day we met, we have found that it works beautifully. We seem to have more in common than we've had with others in smaller age gap relationships. When we are around each other, we never notice the difference. In fact, we only notice the benefits. Our only realistic concern is of course about who would go first. And that doesn't necessarily have to come down to age, but possibly health conditions as well. Other than that, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Our energy levels, personality quirks, lifestyles, goals, interests and major beliefs are identical. So much so that we are able to work and be side by side, literally, 24/7, and we love it that way. A lot of our life experiences and where we come from are very similar as well, and we never run out of things to talk about or love about one another as our minds & souls are wired the same way. We feel that when these things are compatible, not only can a larger age difference work well, but it can be the best relationship you have.

~ Are you or have you been in a romantic relationship with a significant age difference?
~ If so, does it work for you? How so?
~ Do you prefer someone older, younger or close to your age?
~ If you haven't been in one, would you consider it?

[Gayandgray]

We have a 26yr age difference between us, and it has never been a problem in the 25yrs that we have been together. Her children thought is was awful in the beginning and so did my mother. Funny thing is, my mom has been married and divorced several times, and my spouse's children have done the same, while the two of us have stayed together all this time. We never really talked about who would pass away first until she had her stroke. Actually, the age difference is coming in handy now because I have the energy and stamina to take care of her and the household. If we were closer in age it would probably be a lot harder, I'm sure. I always say the Goddess knew what she was doing when she brought us together!:rrose::rrose:

[Blade]

I haven't been in a relationship with a huge age difference, it was only 8 yrs, but that was enough years to make me realize that I play better in my own age group.

I am not in a relationship at this time and wouldn't consider one with a big age difference. Maybe 4 or 5 years either way, usually younger.

I know people that it has worked for, and hope it continues to work for those here on BFP, but it's not for me.

Great topic!

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've been with someone 14 years younger who was more mature than me in many ways.
My flatmate right now is 30 and I'm 46 and she has figured things out that I only got two years ago.
I have been with people 15 years my senior and were much more emotionally immature than me. Or on par with me.

Basically, emotional level of understanding what you need to do, plus stage of life does NOT come gaurenteed at any age.

I wasn't ready to get married until I was 40. I didn't even think about buying a home for myself until last year (45). All I wanted to do until three years ago was travel and see the world. I didn't care about security or a stable life. I dated a 54 year old Butch a couple years ago that just wanted to live on a bus and roadie like she had always done. Very laid back and wicked sense of humour. But very different person to the 32 year old I dated who had a job programming AI softwear who just bought her own place and had just lost her first long term relationship of 12 years. But was hoping to get married again when the right person came along.

Some would call the second person more mature than the first.

To me they were mature in different ways.

I think after 12 years in the age gap, I'd start to get uncomfortable. I don't think 8 years is significant of a gap. Not at age 46.

[Rockinonahigh]

I have not done this ,but lots of my aunts and uncles and my grand parents had many years in age between them before marriage, any where from 15 to 20 years. I have two cousins that are married to there s.o. that are at least ten years diffrent in age. As far as I know they went through a lot to finely tie the knot and were in good happy marriages. I'm not against it and sure wouldn't have a problem at all with it.

[catlady]

My fiancee is 3 years older than me but not a significant age gap. I personally prefer women older than me :) I always ended up crushing on older people when I was younger anyway haha. I'm currently 22, but if my fiancee was 30-40 I wouldn't care.

[Glenn]

I think in future generations, love and diversity will rule, and age will not even be considered. A couple that fits well with each other, and are happy and content, will be the norm.

[imperfect_cupcake]

My fiancee is 3 years older than me but not a significant age gap. I personally prefer women older than me :) I always ended up crushing on older people when I was younger anyway haha. I'm currently 22, but if my fiancee was 30-40 I wouldn't care.

I did that too when I was in my 20s. I was always into people 32-45. It was rare people took me seriously. Now that I'm 46 I understand why! It seemed very "unfair" at the time. But now I do understand why someone my age would find it very difficult to make a commitment to someone in their 20s.

But, once I reached about 38 ish, I started finding people my own age and slightly younger, as well as older, attractive. Now that I'm 46 I find all sorts of people with ages from 23 to 70 sexy. My closest girly friends have been 5-15 years younger than me since I was about 24. The youngest closest mate was bisexual feminist Irish girl I took in as a flatmate - I absolutely adored her and she was incredibly supportive. we hung out all the time in each other's beds pondering the complexity of life and drinking tea. I was 42 and she was 23. She made me laugh so hard I would come close to wetting myself.

My oldest close friend is 66. And a knock out intelligent femme who is full of grace, style and wicked dirty humour.

I think age does have to be taken into consideration for some things. But I think more emotional equinamity (is that a word?) and goals, values are more important. I feel like a misunderstood freak most of the time when I leave my little bubble of fabulous friends Ive made from all the places I've lived. I certainly don't fit in, in very many larger groups (to be honest I don't think many of us do, human condition) but I think when you find people who get you, and I mean *really* get you, age isn't really a dependant variable - at least not in my experience. And I certainly won't look a gift horse in the mouth because of age when it comes to that.

[Medusa]

I’m currently loving my 13-year age difference 😍

[Lyte]

My previous girl friend was 10 years younger which at first felt a little odd but we meshed really well in a lot of ways. Occasionally, I'm still approached by a younger ... but now they're like... 15 - 20 - 22 years younger! I'm thinking.... really? You do know how old I am... right? Iol :blink: I'm very flattered by their interest. It's wonderful.

I too must be attracted to the younger folks because all my friends are quite a bit younger ... 10 years or more. But... the thought of such an age difference in a romantic relationship... does give me pause. I think... even if there was mutual interest... I'm not sure I'd pursue it.

Sorry... this has turned into a bit if a confessional but it has been on my mind for the last year or so.

[highfemmetop]

My girlfriend is 10 years older than me, when we first started dating a lot of her friends gave her a really hard time about how much younger I am but they got over it once they got to know me. Age has never been a problem between the two of us though, in fact when we met I thought she was much younger than she is and she thought I was much older. Anyway almost five years later we're still tight as ever. I've always dated people a bit older than me but this is the biggest age gap either of us has had with a partner and our longest relationship so we must be doing something right. When it works it just works, ya know? :blueheels:

[CherylNYC]

I always sought out older women when I was dating in my 20s. I preferred women who were 10-20 years older. Those relationships worked well enough until they didn't. Now that I'm in my 50s I wouldn't dream of dating anyone that much younger than I am. I'm still attracted to older women, but now they're 5- 10 years older. Or they're at least my age.

I was recently approached by a 23 year old at the dyke bar. I was incredulous as she flirted hard with me. I finally said, "You know I'm old enough to be your grandma, right?". She was undeterred, but nothing about that situation was ever going to work for me. I wouldn't judge another for doing it, (I think), but just the thought of dating a young woman in her 20s makes me feel ridiculous. I can't even articulate why.

[Gemme]

I tend to gravitate towards older partners and, for me, that has worked better than partnering with younger folks. I've been in a couple of serious relationships with younger folks with a 6-7 year age gap and neither has worked for me for a variety of reasons but I think people that are older than me are thinking about longevity and companionship and what it takes to function through the day to day minutiae of life and that's very appealing to me.

[Kätzchen]

I think sometimes that age differences might play an role in the longevity of any type of relationship. The best relationships I've ever enjoyed? I've noticed we were close in age (within a couple of years age difference).

I've also had partners who were ten or more years older than me. As far as dating or marital types of an relationship, I actually think the closer we are in age works best for me.

[TL1]

I’ve always been attracted to older. A good ten years or more. I wouldn’t not date someone my age and I have... just going from past experiences and what has worked best.

[kittygrrl]

i think being in the same age range works better for the vast majority of people..in my own experience, it's just nice to have in common, the same history or point in time with someone who was also there..history, common interests, lifestyles all play a part...i don't need to relive my youth, burn the candle at both ends nor do i need the cosmic energy from drama to fill the gaps..there are much better things to love

[Gayandgray]

My butch spouse is 75 and I’ll be 49 in a couple months. Big age difference (26yrs) but it’s always worked for us all these years. Actually it comes in handy now because if I was her age I might not be able to lift her wheelchair in and out of the car, get her in and out of the shower, etc. Plus I have always been attracted to older women and wouldn’t want someone my own age. :hangloose::hangloose::hangloose:

[candy_coated_bitch]

My most significant age difference was 17 years. That was maybe four or five years ago. The age wasn't really a problem, we clicked on an emotional and intellectual levels. The only time it was noticeable was when he talked about certain music or TV shows I didn't know because I wasn't born yet to be familiar with them, but we'd just laugh about it.

When I was in my 20's I typically dated folks about ten years older. I've dated someone my own age once. I don't think I could date someone 17 years younger I hate to say. Friendship wise I can bond with folks in their 20's but I'd prefer not to partner with them. No offense!

Right now my partner is nine years older and I don't know that it feels like a "significant" age difference. We mesh well together on pretty much every level. But there is a culture gap with certain tv, movie, and music things. And again we just laugh. No big thing.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Kasey is 9 years older than I am, which is pretty typical of most of my romantic relationships. My ex-husband was the same age as I was, so it is not like I can’t date within my age group, but I prefer older.

Absolutely could not date younger.

[Chained Daisy]

In my last LTR my butch was 8 years older, previous one we were around the same age. I am usually drawn to older butches/FTM`s. I have never been in a relationship with any one younger and could never have imagined that happening.

Ultimately though love makes the world go around and age is just a number :rrose:

[Signmypapyrus]

I prefer older women and the few I have gone on dates with have been older. I mean, at least ten years older, if not more. I imagine when I eventually want a relationship I’ll end up with someone older.

I think it makes sense in queer or same sex relationships.

[introverted1]

Since my mid-30s, I usually end up with people who are five to six years younger than me. I realize that is not a huge age gap.

Whoever can communicate well and keep up with me on the hiking trail is ideal.

[introverted1]

Since my mid-30s, I usually end up with people who are five to six years younger than me. I realize that is not a huge age gap.

Whoever can communicate well and keep up with me on the hiking trail is ideal.

You know, I'm going to add a qualifier to that last line... I have been with people who could not keep up with me very well on the hiking trail, but I was just so darned grateful that they were out there with me at all. I love to be outside.

[AllFemme]

I briefly dated a butch who was 20 years older than me. It was nothing but a great experience. I like a butch at any adult age, but have always had a thing for older butches.

[SaltyButch]

I've had a tendency to date younger women mostly because some my age act way too old....and I am very young at heart. I have experienced the comments "oh you are a dirty old butch"...why should I be perceived like that when men have been doing it for ages.

An age gap is not the gap to worry about, if we can relate, understand and enjoy life with each other what's wrong with that. There may be some life experience that we can't relate to, but I assure you that some younger women have experienced more than I ever will.

So if she doesn't know a show called The Brady Bunch I'm okay with that as long as we both respect, care for and love each other isn't that all that really matters.

[~ocean]

as long as u are attracted to each other enjoy !! I personally like to dance to the same beat. I find the greying of the temples and smile wrinkles very very sexyyyy ~ and the conversation ohhhhhhhh baby take me now lolol ~

[Greco]

I have always enjoyed older femmes. In my
culture/family I learned that age brings fullness
of experience, out of this world sensuality, intelligence
and beauty. Yes, the young can have these qualities
as well, but really the fullness of time is what brings
downright gorgeous elegance...Now, as I'm 65 soon to
be 66yo I continue to enjoy older femmes...No judgement,
but an older femme continues to do it for me.

Now yes I run and am very active, so the older femmes
that I engage with are not necessarily as active, but
their intelligence is brilliant, and they love to dance
need I say more? And they love to love in all the ways
that we are compatible...Would I engage a femme in
her fifties? Perhaps if she is completely in her life, but
it would more likely be a femme in her sixties, seventies,
and yes a gorgeous and elegant 80's.

I once painted the portrait of a 97yo woman, who could
tango the hell out of anyone younger, not to mention her
sizzling intelligence, courage, and elegant tastes. She was
straight so I did not pursue but...oh, yes
it's the older femme for me!

Greco

[cathexis]

Agree with Salty about own age seeming to act much older. My Partner who is 5 years younger even feels older than I am. Also, the neighbor who is just 6 years older acts (and therefore looks) older than me.
Neighbor even feels older than my mom would be had she still been alive.
I don't get it.
All but those much younger find my music and nightlife intolerable. :|

[JDeere]

I used to date older as in 10 or more years. Yeah didnt work.

Now i only want to date someone my age or 3 years older.

[BullDog]

What matters is the connection. I have indeed been in live-in relationships with a femme 20 years younger than me and also with a femme who was born in the same year I was. I haven't been in a huge number of relationships but most of them have been near my age, but age differences work fine for me too.

Femmes of all ages are amazing and potentially someone I could have incredible relationship with - partner, friend, etc. I certainly would never say a femme was too old.

[Esme nha Maire]

My one lesbian relationship was with a woman 11 years my junior, and the age difference didn't matter a damn, despite my being in my early 30's and her being in her early twenties, so the percentage difference in age was huge.

I think it depends on the personalities involved. I wouldn't rule out dating someone in their twenties, so long as they were reasonably mature and there weren't any other problems (hey, I don't have the energy I once did!). And I certainly wouldn't rule out someone older! That said, in some respects I'm under-mature for my age, and look younger than I am, whilst being rather more decrepit than most would expect due to various medical oddities.

My ideal is someone a bit more grounded than me, and better able to cope with those aspects of the world I find problematic, with integrity and a good sense of humour. Given those - I'm not too concerned about their age, so long as they are over 20!

[Bèsame*]

Please don't look like a child I could of had , or look like my father..

I just could not kiss that age difference.

But, I've almost always have been the tallest one !

[DapperButch]

Please don't look like a child I could of had , or look like my father..

I just could not kiss that age difference.

But, I've almost always have been the tallest one !

haha how tall are you?

[Bèsame*]

haha how tall are you?

ALMOST always...
Its refreshing to find my height, or even close to it. ...😉

[MaddieRobbie]

I primarily date people older than myself. There's a confidence that comes from maturity I'm just drawn to...

My relationships with older partners are mostly drama free and as complicated as we choose to make them. If there's kids and my partner prefers to keep that part of their life separate, I'm not offended (and if they do, I understand they've had a whole life of their own before I showed up). Sex on a first date isn't taboo or anything more than being true to what we're feeling in the moment.

...and they're simply more fun to be with and around. The last butch I dated took me bowling on our first date - we didn't have to shout at each other over a club or be in the trendiest bar in town. We drank beers and bowled while I tried to look sexy in the silly shoes. Amazing.

[clay]

Several months back, I was talking seriously with someone, not on this site, either!, who was 19 years my junior. While fun to talk with, and all, I found the maturity level differences to be too much, for me.

The age difference didn't bother her at all. I would have felt awkward in public, because, folks would "assume" I was the mom or grandmom, and I hate that when folks make assumptions!

For me, and this is tried & true, I do well with someone 10 years younger, and no more or less!

It is different for different folks, but I wouldn't ever date anyone older than me.

[Tuff Stuff]

Older women have always been my thing. But as I am ageing,five or less years younger than me works,but nothing under forty years.

Nothing wrong with younger ladies,just how I feel about it.

[C0LLETTE]

I can see the benefit of a gf 50 years younger than me as long as she can afford to pay for a therapist.

[JDeere]

Mines still the same!

[CherylNYC]

A 23 year old tried to pick me up at a bar a few months ago! I'm not making this up. I'm more than three decades older than she was. NO! I mean, HELL no.

I formerly dated women who were significantly older, but now the energy difference between elders and myself is usually, (but not always), just too large. I'm super-active and very fit. If I ever decide to date again it would ideally be a woman who is within 10 years of me in either direction.

[kittygrrl]

in musing, about this further..i don't have any rules, i think whatever happens to turn me on, at the moment, will feel right...i usually go with the flow and enjoy it. There are exceptions, i'd rather not have any:byebye:

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've met 24 year olds I get on with *incredibly* well.
would I date them *seriously* (as in this will never end?) No. Friendship, dating, sex - sure! not a problem.
It isn't super common I meet these 24 year olds but I meet them regularly - just not lesbians or butches. So if one were to come along like the straight women and men I meet I adore hanging out with, sure. They've had much harder lives than most 24 year olds, very intelligent, following career paths, extremely funny and really into science-y geek stuff like me. I often forget their age.

I'm also stupidly immature LOL

My lab partner at school for massage when I first started was a 20 year old guy that I got on with like a house on fire. We laughed so much they actually asked me to sit somewhere else a couple of times.

I also have friends who are 70 who I'd date. I'm 49.

I'm not looking to get married, or living with someone. I'm looking to spend time with people I enjoy. I'm not looking for forever, I gave up on that. I don't need it. I have the security I need :) <3

So I don't care if someone isn't the right age, or the right height, or makes the right amount of money, or isn't this or that. I care how we are as (real, actual) friends, if we make each other laugh, if we enjoy each other.

I don't need a secured future with anyone anymore. So it doesn't matter <3 I can just like them as is