Significant Age Gaps in Relationships

[gotoseagrl]

There is a similar thread out there, but I wanted to shift the focus a bit here. In general, I've always preferred someone older than me, but my Partner and I have 20 years between us, and since the first day we met, we have found that it works beautifully. We seem to have more in common than we've had with others in smaller age gap relationships. When we are around each other, we never notice the difference. In fact, we only notice the benefits. Our only realistic concern is of course about who would go first. And that doesn't necessarily have to come down to age, but possibly health conditions as well. Other than that, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Our energy levels, personality quirks, lifestyles, goals, interests and major beliefs are identical. So much so that we are able to work and be side by side, literally, 24/7, and we love it that way. A lot of our life experiences and where we come from are very similar as well, and we never run out of things to talk about or love about one another as our minds & souls are wired the same way. We feel that when these things are compatible, not only can a larger age difference work well, but it can be the best relationship you have.

~ Are you or have you been in a romantic relationship with a significant age difference?
~ If so, does it work for you? How so?
~ Do you prefer someone older, younger or close to your age?
~ If you haven't been in one, would you consider it?

[Gayandgray]

We have a 26yr age difference between us, and it has never been a problem in the 25yrs that we have been together. Her children thought is was awful in the beginning and so did my mother. Funny thing is, my mom has been married and divorced several times, and my spouse's children have done the same, while the two of us have stayed together all this time. We never really talked about who would pass away first until she had her stroke. Actually, the age difference is coming in handy now because I have the energy and stamina to take care of her and the household. If we were closer in age it would probably be a lot harder, I'm sure. I always say the Goddess knew what she was doing when she brought us together!

[Blade]

I haven't been in a relationship with a huge age difference, it was only 8 yrs, but that was enough years to make me realize that I play better in my own age group.

I am not in a relationship at this time and wouldn't consider one with a big age difference. Maybe 4 or 5 years either way, usually younger.

I know people that it has worked for, and hope it continues to work for those here on BFP, but it's not for me.

Great topic!

[imperfect_cupcake]

I've been with someone 14 years younger who was more mature than me in many ways.
My flatmate right now is 30 and I'm 46 and she has figured things out that I only got two years ago.
I have been with people 15 years my senior and were much more emotionally immature than me. Or on par with me.

Basically, emotional level of understanding what you need to do, plus stage of life does NOT come gaurenteed at any age.

I wasn't ready to get married until I was 40. I didn't even think about buying a home for myself until last year (45). All I wanted to do until three years ago was travel and see the world. I didn't care about security or a stable life. I dated a 54 year old Butch a couple years ago that just wanted to live on a bus and roadie like she had always done. Very laid back and wicked sense of humour. But very different person to the 32 year old I dated who had a job programming AI softwear who just bought her own place and had just lost her first long term relationship of 12 years. But was hoping to get married again when the right person came along.

Some would call the second person more mature than the first.

To me they were mature in different ways.

I think after 12 years in the age gap, I'd start to get uncomfortable. I don't think 8 years is significant of a gap. Not at age 46.

[Rockinonahigh]

I have not done this ,but lots of my aunts and uncles and my grand parents had many years in age between them before marriage, any where from 15 to 20 years. I have two cousins that are married to there s.o. that are at least ten years diffrent in age. As far as I know they went through a lot to finely tie the knot and were in good happy marriages. I'm not against it and sure wouldn't have a problem at all with it.

[catlady]

My fiancee is 3 years older than me but not a significant age gap. I personally prefer women older than me I always ended up crushing on older people when I was younger anyway haha. I'm currently 22, but if my fiancee was 30-40 I wouldn't care.

[Glenn]

I think in future generations, love and diversity will rule, and age will not even be considered. A couple that fits well with each other, and are happy and content, will be the norm.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by catlady

My fiancee is 3 years older than me but not a significant age gap. I personally prefer women older than me I always ended up crushing on older people when I was younger anyway haha. I'm currently 22, but if my fiancee was 30-40 I wouldn't care.

I did that too when I was in my 20s. I was always into people 32-45. It was rare people took me seriously. Now that I'm 46 I understand why! It seemed very "unfair" at the time. But now I do understand why someone my age would find it very difficult to make a commitment to someone in their 20s.

But, once I reached about 38 ish, I started finding people my own age and slightly younger, as well as older, attractive. Now that I'm 46 I find all sorts of people with ages from 23 to 70 sexy. My closest girly friends have been 5-15 years younger than me since I was about 24. The youngest closest mate was bisexual feminist Irish girl I took in as a flatmate - I absolutely adored her and she was incredibly supportive. we hung out all the time in each other's beds pondering the complexity of life and drinking tea. I was 42 and she was 23. She made me laugh so hard I would come close to wetting myself.

My oldest close friend is 66. And a knock out intelligent femme who is full of grace, style and wicked dirty humour.

I think age does have to be taken into consideration for some things. But I think more emotional equinamity (is that a word?) and goals, values are more important. I feel like a misunderstood freak most of the time when I leave my little bubble of fabulous friends Ive made from all the places I've lived. I certainly don't fit in, in very many larger groups (to be honest I don't think many of us do, human condition) but I think when you find people who get you, and I mean *really* get you, age isn't really a dependant variable - at least not in my experience. And I certainly won't look a gift horse in the mouth because of age when it comes to that.

[Medusa]

I’m currently loving my 13-year age difference 😍

[Lyte]

My previous girl friend was 10 years younger which at first felt a little odd but we meshed really well in a lot of ways. Occasionally, I'm still approached by a younger ... but now they're like... 15 - 20 - 22 years younger! I'm thinking.... really? You do know how old I am... right? Iol I'm very flattered by their interest. It's wonderful.

I too must be attracted to the younger folks because all my friends are quite a bit younger ... 10 years or more. But... the thought of such an age difference in a romantic relationship... does give me pause. I think... even if there was mutual interest... I'm not sure I'd pursue it.

Sorry... this has turned into a bit if a confessional but it has been on my mind for the last year or so.

[highfemmetop]

My girlfriend is 10 years older than me, when we first started dating a lot of her friends gave her a really hard time about how much younger I am but they got over it once they got to know me. Age has never been a problem between the two of us though, in fact when we met I thought she was much younger than she is and she thought I was much older. Anyway almost five years later we're still tight as ever. I've always dated people a bit older than me but this is the biggest age gap either of us has had with a partner and our longest relationship so we must be doing something right. When it works it just works, ya know?

[CherylNYC]

I always sought out older women when I was dating in my 20s. I preferred women who were 10-20 years older. Those relationships worked well enough until they didn't. Now that I'm in my 50s I wouldn't dream of dating anyone that much younger than I am. I'm still attracted to older women, but now they're 5- 10 years older. Or they're at least my age.

I was recently approached by a 23 year old at the dyke bar. I was incredulous as she flirted hard with me. I finally said, "You know I'm old enough to be your grandma, right?". She was undeterred, but nothing about that situation was ever going to work for me. I wouldn't judge another for doing it, (I think), but just the thought of dating a young woman in her 20s makes me feel ridiculous. I can't even articulate why.

[Gemme]

I tend to gravitate towards older partners and, for me, that has worked better than partnering with younger folks. I've been in a couple of serious relationships with younger folks with a 6-7 year age gap and neither has worked for me for a variety of reasons but I think people that are older than me are thinking about longevity and companionship and what it takes to function through the day to day minutiae of life and that's very appealing to me.

[Kätzchen]

I think sometimes that age differences might play an role in the longevity of any type of relationship. The best relationships I've ever enjoyed? I've noticed we were close in age (within a couple of years age difference).

I've also had partners who were ten or more years older than me. As far as dating or marital types of an relationship, I actually think the closer we are in age works best for me.

[TL1]

I’ve always been attracted to older. A good ten years or more. I wouldn’t not date someone my age and I have... just going from past experiences and what has worked best.

[kittygrrl]

i think being in the same age range works better for the vast majority of people..in my own experience, it's just nice to have in common, the same history or point in time with someone who was also there..history, common interests, lifestyles all play a part...i don't need to relive my youth, burn the candle at both ends nor do i need the cosmic energy from drama to fill the gaps..there are much better things to love

[Gayandgray]

My butch spouse is 75 and I’ll be 49 in a couple months. Big age difference (26yrs) but it’s always worked for us all these years. Actually it comes in handy now because if I was her age I might not be able to lift her wheelchair in and out of the car, get her in and out of the shower, etc. Plus I have always been attracted to older women and wouldn’t want someone my own age.

[candy_coated_bitch]

My most significant age difference was 17 years. That was maybe four or five years ago. The age wasn't really a problem, we clicked on an emotional and intellectual levels. The only time it was noticeable was when he talked about certain music or TV shows I didn't know because I wasn't born yet to be familiar with them, but we'd just laugh about it.

When I was in my 20's I typically dated folks about ten years older. I've dated someone my own age once. I don't think I could date someone 17 years younger I hate to say. Friendship wise I can bond with folks in their 20's but I'd prefer not to partner with them. No offense!

Right now my partner is nine years older and I don't know that it feels like a "significant" age difference. We mesh well together on pretty much every level. But there is a culture gap with certain tv, movie, and music things. And again we just laugh. No big thing.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Kasey is 9 years older than I am, which is pretty typical of most of my romantic relationships. My ex-husband was the same age as I was, so it is not like I can’t date within my age group, but I prefer older.

Absolutely could not date younger.

[Chained Daisy]

In my last LTR my butch was 8 years older, previous one we were around the same age. I am usually drawn to older butches/FTM`s. I have never been in a relationship with any one younger and could never have imagined that happening.

Ultimately though love makes the world go around and age is just a number