The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by DMW

Mornin.
The we've got tonight song is just pipe dreams...in reference to some of the earlier posts. Sometimes it is easier said than done.
Morningstar, I am sorry that you are missing your sister. That is what i would call a nightmare...not a dream.
I find when i miss someone...nothing and nobody else can really make it better or take that entities place in my heart.(that is good because each person is their own entity. People and pets can't really be replaced. I think it has to do with acceptance and respect.)
So, i go into that...gratitude mode and tell myself that i was lucky to have them in my life at all. And then, i think of the good things about them and how they would want my reflection on them to be good and happy because they want me happy. I don't know where your sister is but, i am sure she is giving you some spirit hugs. I am sorry you are hurting.

Ah Ty ((((Dmw))))))))
my 1 and only sis passed ....... next month will b 4 yrs.
Time flys ....... and its that time for me to fly. Headng down to Tm.
later gators

[ruthie14]

[OS Butch]

I have been thinking a lot about a couple of posts here recently. It brought back an event in my life that I had forgotten. It was quite painful at the time and as I look back, I did grow and learn more about myself.

Someone mentioned about being wired, I totally agree. I found that I am not wired that way, poly. I am OFOS and I have to be true to MY own truths. I am not responsible for how anyone else moves and chooses to move in the world.

Years ago I was in a relationship with a Femme ( no one from this site) and we were living together for about 2 years. Now, I can only relate my story how it affected me, I am sure she sees it totally different and that is probably different to how it really happened.
One day she came home and we broke up, just like that it was over. I was devastated. There was someone else that had caught her eye and she wanted to go explore something intriguing with that new person. In order to keep from totally losing her, I offered her a poly/ mono option. The only rule was that she had to come home every night. Fortunately for me, she decided she could not abide by that rule, she wanted total freedom and I could not compromise that one.

This event taught me a very big lesson, I cannot change my inner me, how I am wired. Had she accepted my offer, I truly believe part of me would have died and I would no longer be me.
So, I am an OFOS Butch and I will not change/ I cannot change, even if it would make things easier. I will be true to my wiring.

Be true to yourselves, always, to however you are wired.

Jo

[morningstar55]

Morning loft dwellers and geezers
(((((((( OSButch )))))))))))))

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Morning loft dwellers and geezers
(((((((( OSButch )))))))))))))

Good morning MS. It was years ago, way before I was a member finding the dash site. Have a great day

[morningstar55]

Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee (
now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee???

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee (
now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee???

What?! You don't have a coffee pot in your truck?! You definitely gonna get one! Have a great day and Be safe out there

[morningstar55]

No sir I dont ..... and even if I did , the inverter is not installed yet ... sigh ..... im doomd

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

No sir I dont ..... and even if I did , the inverter is not installed yet ... sigh ..... im doomd

Well, a small coffee pot wouldn't need a large inverter, you could use one of the inverters that plug into the lighter outlet. Btw, no "sir" needed, I am female/woman identified

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by OS Butch

Well, a small coffee pot wouldn't need a large inverter, you could use one of the inverters that plug into the lighter outlet. Btw, no "sir" needed, I am female/woman identified

Yes ms,am ......

[morningstar55]

Ok . Im still in Paris . . Tn, lol
Anyway a story about a dream I had this morning.... I was looking for a bathroom, couldn't find one.... I came to a room open,d the door , not a bathroom, but wow had to go so bad, so I went in .. found a plastic bag with looked like trash inside... well fine tried going in that, but Roberta ( the maid on 2 n half men kept opening the door and id shut it.... like 3 times I think... well thn she and another person came in and was looking for that bag, cuz it had pictures in it..... they noticed it and started to go thru it and wondering y it was wet, then I woke up........
And really had to go .... lol... one y do I have crazy dreams?

[LadyRieinAL]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee (
now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee???

couldn't find any coffee - hope this helps!

[LadyRieinAL]

I've had four relationships - one was with my daughter's dad - met him when I was 15 and he was 21, we married when I turned 18 and we were together six years, my second partner was with a handsome butch and we were together for 22 years, third was a person who identified as trans and perferred female pronouns - would not transition because of the fear of being gay five years -they passed away and
my last partner had just started his physical transition when we first met.
I said to him, I'm not sure I can do this, but I care enough about you to try, and we were together almost 9 years.
Now, I'm single - and have been for a while - and I'm wanting to date
So, how DO you date? I mean JUST date? How do you date more than one person?
I've meet some amazing people on Butch femme Planet -I imagine going and meeting them, enjoying their company, finding out all about them -
and I know right now, for the first time in my life, I'm not ready for a steady relationship.
What does "just dating" looks like - I'd really like to know - at what point does it go from just hanging out to dating? And can you date more than one person at a time - and do butches or femmes have a harder time with this concept? or does it just depend on the person -

[WolfyOne]

I haven't posted in here in quite some time, but like others, a few posts caught my eye.

I once thought in my younger years that I could rewire myself to date more than one woman, so I tried and dated two. I failed miserably at it and wouldn't want to try again. I think those that can do it, good for them. I'm at an age where I would just like to settle down and live happily ever after.

After letting myself heal and cleaning out cobwebs these last few years, I almost deem myself relationship ready. The only thing holding me back at this point is finances and my rescues. Someone would have to be able to accept the fact that if I never find forever homes for some of these rescues, they'll stay with me. Also, it bothers me that since I left Chicago over 6 years ago, I can't seem to find FT work and struggle. I never want someone else to pay my way. Work defines a big part of who I am. Being a Sag, I spent my life restless, but as I get older, I realize I just want to make one last move and settle in there. Anyhow, I often wonder if once you've found that BIG love in your life and screwed it up, will I be able to love like that again. Keep in mind, for me, there is a difference between being in love and loving someone enough to live comfy with them. I do know I am taking my time getting to know whomever enters my life this next time around and have no idea if I'd even want to live in the same house as another or better off living alone and each having our own space when needed. So much to think about, but I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Anyone else have thoughts on dating and/or relationships as we get older and more comfy living alone, but miss the company of a partner?

[iamkeri1]

A butch friend of mine experienced a major change in her attitude toward many things in her life following the death of her partner two years ago. One change is she was always a top, and now she is taking great pleasure in giving AND receiving. The other is, prior to and including her relationship with her late partner, she would have descibed herself as a "u-haul lesbian." She moved quickly into relationships and suffered greatly both financially and emotionally when they ended, no matter who called it quits. She also is one who is "wired" for monogamy, but is experiencing it this time in a different way. Her partner lives far enough away (2 1/2 hours) that it is not practical to see her every day, but they spend most week ends together and talk and email frequerntly throughout the day. She is taking things slowly for the first time in her life, and she is both glad of this change in herself, and stressed by the fact that she and her new ladyfriend are not able to spend more time together. What is surprising to me about the whole thing is MY reaction to it.

I was married for 25 years to my deceased darling. I am very monogamous, though like some of you I have some regrets about that proclivity in myself. LOL. Since hubbies death I had one relationship that ended a few months ago. Following the u-haul pattern, we moved in together much too quickly. Anyway, I find my friend's relationship to be an interesting and wonderful way of relating. It is surprising to me because I tend to bond quickly with a partner... (I'm a scorpio - does that explain it?) and to long to be with them when they are away from me. Perhaps the busy-ness of my life, plus the certainty of the week-end time together alleviates that somewhat.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Seems like many of us are LOOKING at things in a new way at least.

Hope Hurricane Isaac does not bring bad events in to any of your lives; we seem to have dodged the bullet here in Florida. But now that the storm is heading toward Louisiana, everyone I talk to says they wish it had worn itself out here in Florida where it was only a tropical storm, rather than go and ransack those people who still suffer so much as a result of Catalina seven years ago.
Smooches,
Keri

[iamkeri1]

A butch friend of mine experienced a major change in her attitude toward many things in her life following the death of her partner two years ago. One change is she was always a top, and now she is taking great pleasure in giving AND receiving. The other is, prior to an including her relationship with her late partner, she would have descibed herself as a "u-haul lesbian."She moved quickly into relationships and suffered greatly both financially and emotionally when they ended, no matter who called it quits. She also is on who is "wired" for monogamy, but is experiencing this time in a different way. Her partner lives far enough away (2 1/2 hours) that it is not practical to see her every day, but they spend most week ends together and talk and email frequerntly throughout the day. She is taking things slowly for the first time in her life, and she is both glad of this change in herself, and stressed by the fact that she and her new ladyfriend are not able to spend more time together. What is surprising to me about the whole thing is MY reaction to it.

I was married for 25 years to my deceased darling. I am very monogamous, though like some of you I have some regrets about that proclivity in myself. LOL. Since hubbies death I had one relationship that ended a few months ago. Following the u-haul pattern, we moved in together much too quickly. Anyway, I find my friends relationship to be an interesting and wonderful way of relating, and it is surprising to me because I tend to bond quickly with a partner... (I'm a scorpio - does that explain it?) and to long to be with them when they are away from me. Perhaps the busy-ness of my life, plus the certainty of the week-end time together alleviates that somewhat.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Seems like many of us are LOOKING at things in a new way at least.

Hope Hurricane Isaac goes not bring bad events in to any of your lives; we seem to have dodged the bullet here in Florida. But now that the storm is heading toward Louisiana, everyone I talk to says they wish it had worn itself out here in Florida where it was only a tropical storm, rather than go and ransack those people who still suffer so much as a result of Catalina seven years ago.
Smooches,
Keri

[laruss]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Anyone else have thoughts on dating and/or relationships as we get older and more comfy living alone, but miss the company of a partner?

I spent many years doing what was best for my kids, my family, staying in relationships I shouldn't have and putting others needs before my own. And then I met someone who made me look at things differently. I wasn't completely true to myself, but was learning how to be. They taught me how to be, both with their life and their death.

I was widowed 2 years ago and spent the first year grieving and the next year really being happy about being single. I only started dating again this Summer. I am perfectly happy being single as long as I am not celibate and I don't need a relationship to take care of that so I was very happy in my single life.

However, recently that changed and I am beginning to think that being with another person who has the same life goals, who has the same desires who is connected to me in ways I didn't think were possible is something that I desire. Something that I believe is possible.

So, yes as I get older I am very comfortable alone, but I look forward to a life with the partner that I deserve.

[morningstar55]

Evening loft dwellers n peekers
Am all tucked in my sleepr bunk I need a bedtime story ....

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

I have been single for the past 4 years . I met a few ladies whom I share time with but nothing develop, I am alone but not lonely.

I often image how sweet it would be to enjoy my life with a partner. I recently reconnected with a lady whom I have a strong affection for and as we all dream, I dream it is what we both hope for.

As I get older I appreciate the simple things life more but it would be even nicer to share it with a special lady.

[iamkeri1]

That sounds wonderful Taino,
My best wishes for you and your lady, and your wished-for future together.
Smooches,
Keri