Wedding planning

[stephfromMIT]

By this time in 2014 Amanda and I will be on our honeymoon. (Paris) Any tips/guidelines for planning the next 2 years?

[Gráinne]

If you plan on getting married during a popular month, it's not too early to reserve the site (and reception site) now.

Ditto for catering, photography, music, florist.

Basically, whatever you can do now, do it. Don't leave things to the last minute.

Oh, and congratulations .

[apretty]

Dear god, please tell me that you've decided on a china pattern!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by apretty

Dear god, please tell me that you've decided on a china pattern!

Not to highjack the thread (which this is), do people still do this? I mean, get china when they marry? Last marriage I was involved in in any way was 20 years ago and that was my sister. They got china, but is that still the case?

[dark_crystal]

Me and Mr. Jenny plan to get married next year at a courthouse in Iowa.

What you have to do is fly up there, show up at the courthouse with one witness to apply for the license, hang out for three days, and then go back with two witnesses to have the ceremony

Because of all the travel expenses, we will not have the kind of event where you need a venue, DJ, etc.

The proper thing would be for my family to throw us a recpetion when we get back, but I am totally not holding my breath

[Sparkle]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Not to highjack the thread (which this is), do people still do this? I mean, get china when they marry? Last marriage I was involved in in any way was 20 years ago and that was my sister. They got china, but is that still the case?

Yes, some couples do. I would say that typically they are young 20/30-something heterosexual couples from upper middle class families who have a very traditional wedding where the Bride's family foots the bill and the couple registers at some big department store or a multitude of stores.

Some gay couples also opt for a very traditional wedding and have registries and bridal showers and ginormous wedding parties and the whole nine yards.

But I've been to an extraordinary number of gay and straight weddings in the past 3-4 years, and while they've incorporated many traditional aspects they have also tended to dial back on spending and also on their expectations of family and friends. Many couples I know have had very small weddings and then thrown a big party afterward, or have set up "honeymoon" fund registry asking guests to contribute toward the cost of their post-wedding vacation or have set up a philanthropic website asking guests to give to one of 3 or 4 charitable organizations they select.


/event planner & bridesmaid too many times over.

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by Sparkle

Yes, some couples do. I would say that typically they are young 20/30-something heterosexual couples from upper middle class families who have a very traditional wedding where the Bride's family foots the bill and the couple registers at some big department store or a multitude of stores.

Some gay couples also opt for a very traditional wedding and have registries and bridal showers and ginormous wedding parties and the whole nine yards.

But I've been to an extraordinary number of gay and straight weddings in the past 3-4 years, and while they've incorporated many traditional aspects they have also tended to dial back on spending and also on their expectations of family and friends. Many couples I know have had very small weddings and then thrown a big party afterward, or have set up "honeymoon" fund registry asking guests to contribute toward the cost of their post-wedding vacation or have set up a philanthropic website asking guests to give to one of 3 or 4 charitable organizations they select.

/event planner & bridesmaid too many times over.

The first-a small wedding and a big party-is correct, but OP, please don't do either of the other two things. It's not really good etiquette to tell your guests what to buy you (i.e. a honeymoon), or to say anything like "in lieu of gifts, donate to this charity". That's supposed to be the couple's business, and a wedding is not a fundraiser.

[justkim]

There is nothing wrong with asking people to do a donation to a charity or help with funds for the honeymoon. More people are living together long before getting married so they accumulate household items that would normally be given as gifts.
When my aunt married her boyfriend of 30 years they asked that guest (if they wanted to) could donate to local charities. As they had everything they needed and would rather help those in need.
You can ask 10 different people and the answers and suggestions will vary. You do what feels right for the two of you. Good luck and many blessing to you and yours.

[Sparkle]

Originally Posted by guihong

The first-a small wedding and a big party-is correct, but OP, please don't do either of the other two things. It's not really good etiquette to tell your guests what to buy you (i.e. a honeymoon), or to say anything like "in lieu of gifts, donate to this charity". That's supposed to be the couple's business, and a wedding is not a fundraiser.

I don't agree at all

While I believe wholeheartedly in good manners, I do not subscribe to "Miss Manners" rules of etiquette because I think they are antiquated and represent a society and culture we (most of us) no longer live in.

Almost all guests attending weddings recognize how god awfully expensive it is to throw a wedding/reception event. More than half of all guests give money to the couple, NOT items off a registry anyway. In fact in my experience almost everyone arrives with a card and a cheque enclosed.

IMHO, setting up a honeymoon fund or a charitable giving fund is no different than setting up a traditional registry where people buy you blenders and pieces of china etc. And I think guests prefer it to writing a cheque, its nice to know my $100 dollars is going to the Southern Poverty Law Center or our local animal shelter and I don't mind at all if my gift is helping to send them on a scuba diving trip or a tour of the Forum, in fact as a guest I would much prefer that to buying them a toaster oven or a ridiculously expensive tea setting.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by guihong

The first-a small wedding and a big party-is correct, but OP, please don't do either of the other two things. It's not really good etiquette to tell your guests what to buy you (i.e. a honeymoon), or to say anything like "in lieu of gifts, donate to this charity". That's supposed to be the couple's business, and a wedding is not a fundraiser.

I agree. Etiquette has not changed. People may ignore it now but it does not make it OK.

Putting a trip or a charity on a registry for people to have the choice to contribute or not, may be more unorthodox but much, much better than putting anything on the wedding invitation asking for cash in lieu of gifts.

It creeps me out when I see that on wedding invitations.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Sparkle

Yes, some couples do. I would say that typically they are young 20/30-something heterosexual couples from upper middle class families who have a very traditional wedding where the Bride's family foots the bill and the couple registers at some big department store or a multitude of stores.



/event planner & bridesmaid too many times over.

You forgot the part where my brother in-law's parents picked up the alcohol tab at the reception.