Dating women with children, any thoughts?

[J. Mason]

Anyone else out there that date women with children, teens or adult kids? Do their children accept you or have there been any problems? I ask due to finding myself possibly wanting to be with a woman who has kids, I am just asking for stories or experiences from others as opinions.

[Corkey]

On a site where there are women with kids your bound to bump into dating women with children. Her priorities are going to be her children, so keep that in mind and don't try to be their parent, you aren't. If and when she feels like your safe enough to be around her kids she'll let you know, but don't push it. That has been my experience with dating women with children.

Hope things work out for you, and welcome to the Planet.

[J. Mason]

Ty for the welcome!!! and Thanks for posting I wasn't expecting a post so fast lol!

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

Ty for the welcome!!! and Thanks for posting I wasn't expecting a post so fast lol!

Welcome to the age of speed of communication LOL

[Julie]

As a woman who has children and who has dated/loved while raising children... (though mine are now 20, 21 & 22).

Just remember this - and hopefully she lives by this rule.

The kids come first. The kids always have to come first.
Depending on the ages of the kids -- Sex can be quite the challenge. So can dating. I can remember many a date or long weekend being cancelled due to illness, etc. You just have to always remain patient, loving and supportive.

And for god sake (experience) don't ever try and buy the kids (presents, etc) - They might LOVE it, but they will not respect you.

Good luck and take it slow. Kids are a wonderful wonderful gift -- but they can also be a challenge.

Julie

[The_Lady_Snow]

You are going to have to ask yourself how much you like kids, and if you don't like kids, then please don't date a woman with kids...

If you like them...

Be patient, be kind, know that a woman should and will always place her children first no matter what and if she doesn't you may wanna rethink that person.

Kids need to feel safe so don't be pushy, don't try to buy mom via the kids and most of all be ready for a roller coaster ride, kids are a like one of the most twisty, windy, up and down ride you have ever experienced but worth the wait in line..

Good luck!!!

[ruffryder]

Children are the most cherised people in the world. It is very important that people understand that when entering into a relationship with someone that has kids. I think its important to distinguish the difference and be honest with your children when you are going to introduce your kids to a date, mate, or even friend. Kids are affected more than you think by people in their lives.

I have a fifteen year old daughter. I have been introducing her to friends and gfs since she was about six.
I was with a woman that had a daughter about the same age. The kids fought like sisters.. They still very much keep in contact and call each other sister. They have alot of love for each other to this day. I was with another lady that was raising her niece. .another teenager. I found out how to live with girls.. Lol! And how sometimes they just all need their own space and quiet time. No doubt I was the man of the house but sometimes I was outnumbered. He he. .
I've also dated a lady with two sons. I've always wanted a son or more kids unfortunately that relationship didn't Last and I didn't move in with them.

This past year I met a lady that had teens. I found it Very odd that our first get together involved her kids. I was clueless what she wanted with me,a friendship is what we had. We had talked about more possibly? I did mention if she was comfortable with me meeting her kids already. She said it was fine. Needless to say I had more fun, conversed and interacted with her kids more than her and we haven't spoken again since that date. I felt more sorry for the kids than anything.:/

I think there has to be a mutual respect. It doesn't matter if you are the older one, kids need to be respected just as adults do. they learn this from you. They can learn alot and grow up to be great people by what you instill in them. I do believe in parenting and if I have a serious committed relationship I want my mate to be a parent figure with my daughter as I also wish to be with her children. I still to this day get along and have good relationships with children of past relationships. I believe in being a parent, authoritive, having rules, consequences of breaking rules, teaching and learning and also being a friend they can trust and knowing they have someone they can go to when they are in trouble, need advice and someone to turn to for answers. I believe in alone and date time with your mate and also family time and alone time with your kids. I may be the only one that disagrees that kids come first. I think I know what you all are trying to say however when I am in a relationship my partner and child both come first in different ways. They are both Very special to me in their own ways and know that.

[J. Mason]

Oh yeah no presents thats a given and respect is earned even by kids correct?

[Julie]

I always taught my kids this.
Actually, I felt it was important to keep them safe from predators.

RESPECT is a two way street. You do NOT have to respect someone because they are an adult. Even ADULTS need to earn your respect and you need to earn theirs. Of course, being polite is a different story.

Kids really are not puppies. They are complex little creatures with emotions and attachments. Sounds like a puppy -- except, you cannot leave them with just the water bowl filled. They require care and nurturing.

And please... If you are looking for the romantic idea of instant family - don't. There is nothing romantic about children. While they are gifts in our lives, they are never to be taken lightly.

[Daywalker]

I've had partners with youngenz before.

I had the fortune of being accepted by these awesome kids.


To co-parent thru potty training, teachers meetings, and yes...even
fighting for full custody (we won!); those opportunities and experiences
can never be replaced and I feel fortunate to have been
able to be a part of their lives.

The hardest part is when the relationship ends.

Needless to say one of my Exes used the child as a pawn in attempt to
reconcile. That was a no-no, and it only hurts the child. I have not seen
her child in years now, which is sad. My other Ex never pulled that game,
and I have seen how beautiful her daughter grew up to be.

Anyway, if you are willing to be selfless and dedicate time and patience
with the children that is great. Do not...ever feel jealousy over the Mom's
love for the children. It is a different love that no one else can get in front of.
Nor should they.



Wishing you well in your endeavors.

[OS Butch]

As a parent of a now 21 yo, When she was younger, I never introduced mine to anyone I dated immediately. If I were dating today, I would not hesitate to introduce my date to her....she actually probably has a better incite to me than I do myself. For me, I would see a red flag if a person of interest to me wanted to introduce me to her child/ren.
There are many things to consider, especially because kids come 1st, if they don't....Again, Red Flag for me.
Ageist as it sounds, at 54, I would not consider dating anyone with a pre-teen. That brings many things into play that I don't think I have the capacity to handle.....co-parenting would be a biggie in my book.
Lots to consider...especially if you have no experience with kids. It can be done, it is just different than dating with no children.

OSB

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

Anyone else out there that date women with children, teens or adult kids? Do their children accept you or have there been any problems? I ask due to finding myself possibly wanting to be with a woman who has kids, I am just asking for stories or experiences from others as opinions.

Why yes, I am dating a woman with amazing children. When I spent my first weekend with my kitten, I was a bit worried about her boys' acceptance and understanding of me. Prior to meeting me, kitten's dating history had been with cis-men. In addition to that, she hadn't brought home a man in years because her children are her most prized, cherished and protected loves in her life. So it was a very big moment for us both. We had spoken on the phone so there was some connection and interaction between us.

She arranged for the boys to spend the first night with family so that she and I may have some privacy. However, the next day we were up early and headed out to pick them up. I remember us pulling up and seeing them playing in the yard just rough housing like boys do. We stepped out of the car and as I shut my door they turned to see us. And they both came running towards me and greeted me by calling my name out and giving me huge hugs... as in running towards me and both boys jumping on me... chuckles.

It was an absolutely amazing feeling, I could not help but glance over at my kitten and smile. Which only warmed my heart further by seeing the bright smile on her face.

The boys have accepted me fully, which is amazing given the fact that they were eleven and nine years old when I came into their lives. They address me as he and "the man of the house" when I am there. The connection we have is rather wonderful and truly a gift. I have always been family oriented, I have a very good relationship with my family. Of course, this has resulted in my desire to have a family of my own, and my kitten's open invitation into her life along with the boys' open hearts has truly made me feel as though I was welcomed home. The boys are now thirteen and twelve and the connection has not wavered. As a matter of fact, the relationship with the oldest has grown stronger. I have a different relationship with each one due to their very different personalities yet I love them unconditionally. Last time I was there, kitten was preparing dinner and noticed none of us where to be found. Only to find the three of us in their bedroom playing video games... chuckles.

It is amazing to come into a family and be welcomed. However there are certain struggles and obstacles that you must consider when doing so. As Lady Snow mentioned on the first page - first and foremost you need to be certain that you like children and want them in your life. Otherwise, don't bother. Ultimately you are not only going to hurt the lady but the children as well. The second thing I feel is incredibly important is sharing the same philosophies in life and the same ideas when it comes to raising children. Otherwise, there will be times when you may ultimately feel like an outsider when you believe the children should be disciplined (or not) and their mother feels differently. Ultimately, they are her children, and that is a line I would never overstep.

And another big thing to always keep in mind is the fact that you will not come before the children, nor should you even try to. In my opinion anyway. Were I to meet a woman who put me before her children I would lose interest immediately.

Such has been my experience and my thoughts on the matter.

[Heavenleahangel]

I'd like to add my 2 cents if I may here. I totally agree with you, DD, about your post and what Lady Snow posted about her experience. Children are a blessing and can add a wealth of happiness and love to any family and I would like to show my side of the coin as being a parent.
Five years ago I was given the opportunity to adopt a newborn son, which I jumped at the chance without hesitation. As the months of the pregnancy progressed, I thought long and hard about the repercussions of having a newborn, how my life would change and what it would mean to parent all over again. (At the time, my bio daughters were 19 and almost 18!) Some of my friends warned me that I would remain single, but I never doubted my decision, thus Jacob was *mine.*
As he grew-and I talk about this like he is grown already when he isn't even 5 until June-and I started realizing I am raising him alone, I got scared, hell I was terrified, but nothing in this world could have been a better reassurance than hearing "mama" or "I wub boo" from my little man.
I never thought I would be raising him alone. I always thought I would meet someone and WE would be raising Jacob as a FAMILY, but so far, that hasn't happened. I truly believed I would marry and my partner would co-adopt. To some of the few I have contemplated a relationship with, the newness of a son and a family soon faded and the day to day life of having a child underfoot, finding a sitter to go anywhere that doesn't require an entourage of diaper bags, toys and kid-friendly food, and not being able to be spontaneous was a major down fall. And I also encountered the ones who were jealous of him and his dependance on me. I have been told by 2 people that they *love* me and want a life with *me* but they couldn't incorporate Jacob into the equation! (I'm a lady and won't tell you what I told them!)
All this being said, I am grateful everyday I have been given the gift of this precious little boy! He is a beautiful blue-eyed-blond~like ME~ and folks can't believe I didn't birth him. He is such a funny little charmer and brings immense happiness and laughter when he cracks that perfect little smile and the dimple on his chin bows out. I may not be able to teach him the things only a "Daddi" can teach him, but he is loved and so am I. If it so happens that I meet someone who can and will love the both of us and honor us by becoming a family with us, then we will be even more blessed. If not, then we will be loved by our chosen family and I'll build the best life for him that I possibly can.
Yes, it is hard sometimes. I won't lie and say it isn't a struggle and I have wondered if someone else could have provided him a better life. But at the end of the day, when I can tucking him into bed and he takes 10 minutes to tell me he loves me and give me my nite-nite kisses, I know there is NO WAY anyone else could love this boy better and *I* am the one blessed even on the days I don't feel worthy of such love!

[DaddysKitten]

Thank you, Daddy. (DeviantDaddy)

Everything he said is so very true. But I'd like to point out a few details that the 'story' can't possibly include given to the nature of the way my children were raised.

For one, my children were raised with a lesbian grandmother, in a 12 year marriage with her wife. So this is something fairly 'normal' for my children to be around, in a long term manner.

For two, despite the way I was raised by my mother, and what myself and my children have learned to accept given that situation, I have taken a very constant and active role, even before I entered into this relationship, with raising my children to accept people for who they are inside, and not outside.

Even having never been around transgenders before, I had raised my children with such morals and understanding, that they did, accept my lover with open arms, and even with full understanding of who he is, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Even to this day, to them he is 'he'. My oldest son, is always full of so much piss and vinegar, actually passes off the 'man of the house' title to Daddy. Even knowing that physically he is female. He accepts Daddy for who he is.

But the point I am getting to, is I don't want everyone to think this is the norm. Look at how children treat adults, other children, who are a bit overweight, or not as pretty, or not available to have the best clothes? This is a very rare mentality for children to possess. I am so very grateful I was able to instill it into my own.

You need to speak to her at length. How do her children feel? Do they even know or will this be a surprise? How accepting are they when they see gays or lesbians out in public? How accepting are they of other children?

A child who would point and laugh at another child, their peer, without any 'queer'ness about them, is not a child with enough understanding to handle this sort of situation, in my honest opinion.

So these things need to be addressed, for your, hers, and their well-being. And if they do come up with negative indicators, that still is not the end all be all. Hopefully she can teach them to be accepting, and it will be something they carry with them for the rest of their lives.

I wish you the very very best.

[Bad_boi]

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

Some people may find this selfish but you know what? It is actually great that you are able to recognize this in yourself and simply accept that it isn't what you are looking for at this time.

Good for you.

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by DeviantDaddy

Some people may find this selfish but you know what? It is actually great that you are able to recognize this in yourself and simply accept that it isn't what you are looking for at this time.

Good for you.

I suppose some people might.

But dating someone who is a mother to small children can be complicated and one must consider the whole situation. The saftey and well being of the children should be first and foremost. So in a case where would not be around long term and would not be a father figure the children it is not a good idea if they are too young to comprehend that.

[Just_G]

I have dated women with kids, and would do so again in a heartbeat!

It is not easy dating a woman with kids, but to me, it's worth it. I say it isn't easy because sometimes things get cancelled, and plans can change in the drop of a hat, but you have to learn to go with the changes of plans. I have had to give away tickets to the ballet, cancel dinner reservations, and even had to cancel a get-away-for -two.....all of which were just things that happen. Other plans can be made. Movie nights in when a kid is sick is quite relaxing. I have even had to step up and take care of the kids when their mom had to work late....I didn't mind at all....in fact, I loved that I was able to be there for them.

I know that kids come first. I know that sometimes kids can be difficult. Women that have children have something different about them and I can't explain it, I just know that if I met a woman with kids, I would definitely date her if we had a connection.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I have dated women with kids, and would do so again in a heartbeat!

It is not easy dating a woman with kids, but to me, it's worth it. I say it isn't easy because sometimes things get cancelled, and plans can change in the drop of a hat, but you have to learn to go with the changes of plans. I have had to give away tickets to the ballet, cancel dinner reservations, and even had to cancel a get-away-for -two.....all of which were just things that happen. Other plans can be made. Movie nights in when a kid is sick is quite relaxing. I have even had to step up and take care of the kids when their mom had to work late....I didn't mind at all....in fact, I loved that I was able to be there for them.

I know that kids come first. I know that sometimes kids can be difficult. Women that have children have something different about them and I can't explain it, I just know that if I met a woman with kids, I would definitely date her if we had a connection.

Someone needs to snatch you up right quick, G!!! You are a gem!

[SugarFemme]

I would date someone with kids. For sure. I have one daughter. She is the light in my eyes. I always wanted more children but was not able to have any more. I am capable of loving ALL kids...yours, mine and ours. Kids bring such a special dynamic to the relationship. One that makes me so happy.