Dating women with children, any thoughts?

[Bad_boi]

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

[DeviantDaddy]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

Some people may find this selfish but you know what? It is actually great that you are able to recognize this in yourself and simply accept that it isn't what you are looking for at this time.

Good for you.

[Bad_boi]

Originally Posted by DeviantDaddy

Some people may find this selfish but you know what? It is actually great that you are able to recognize this in yourself and simply accept that it isn't what you are looking for at this time.

Good for you.

I suppose some people might.

But dating someone who is a mother to small children can be complicated and one must consider the whole situation. The saftey and well being of the children should be first and foremost. So in a case where would not be around long term and would not be a father figure the children it is not a good idea if they are too young to comprehend that.

[Just_G]

I have dated women with kids, and would do so again in a heartbeat!

It is not easy dating a woman with kids, but to me, it's worth it. I say it isn't easy because sometimes things get cancelled, and plans can change in the drop of a hat, but you have to learn to go with the changes of plans. I have had to give away tickets to the ballet, cancel dinner reservations, and even had to cancel a get-away-for -two.....all of which were just things that happen. Other plans can be made. Movie nights in when a kid is sick is quite relaxing. I have even had to step up and take care of the kids when their mom had to work late....I didn't mind at all....in fact, I loved that I was able to be there for them.

I know that kids come first. I know that sometimes kids can be difficult. Women that have children have something different about them and I can't explain it, I just know that if I met a woman with kids, I would definitely date her if we had a connection.

[Novelafemme]

Originally Posted by Just_G

I have dated women with kids, and would do so again in a heartbeat!

It is not easy dating a woman with kids, but to me, it's worth it. I say it isn't easy because sometimes things get cancelled, and plans can change in the drop of a hat, but you have to learn to go with the changes of plans. I have had to give away tickets to the ballet, cancel dinner reservations, and even had to cancel a get-away-for -two.....all of which were just things that happen. Other plans can be made. Movie nights in when a kid is sick is quite relaxing. I have even had to step up and take care of the kids when their mom had to work late....I didn't mind at all....in fact, I loved that I was able to be there for them.

I know that kids come first. I know that sometimes kids can be difficult. Women that have children have something different about them and I can't explain it, I just know that if I met a woman with kids, I would definitely date her if we had a connection.

Someone needs to snatch you up right quick, G!!! You are a gem!

[SugarFemme]

I would date someone with kids. For sure. I have one daughter. She is the light in my eyes. I always wanted more children but was not able to have any more. I am capable of loving ALL kids...yours, mine and ours. Kids bring such a special dynamic to the relationship. One that makes me so happy.

[MarineCorps1]

I've dated women with kids, and I'd totally do it again. I like kids - but I tend to spoil them....

[ValKyrie]

I have 3 kids and I am with someone who has 2 kids. We each have our kids half of the time and have arranged so our kids have opposite schedules, i.e. when her kids are with us, mine are with their other parent, visa versa. They overlap about once or twice a month. We love that we both have kids. It makes it easier to understand that to each of us, our kids come first. We have similar parenting styles that fit really well together.

When we first started dating, we waited about 4 months before we met each others kids. We felt like it was really important to wait to see how serious we were with each other before we brought the kids in the equation. I would never have my kids meet someone who I wasn't serious about.

We are getting ready to make the move in together. I have been at her house when my kids are with their dad and she has been at my house when her kids are with their mom, so we have basically been cooexisting together for a little while without actually living full time in the same house.

The one thing that is always important to me is that our kids are first to each of us. If it's not, that's absolutley a deal breaker.

[Deborah]

I hope this doesnt sound bad but 'only if they were grown and sucessfully out on their own'.

I love kids and babys and I love love love being a YiaYia but I have raised mine and I was a very hands on mom, my son was my life...he is now 34 and has his own life. I adore his children/my grandchildren and my niece's baby....and I love anyone's kid that come into my life.

And because I believe it should be all about them and that is what they deserve from us as parents... I would not even start dating someone with kids...because it is my turn...I want it to be about me and my partner at this point in my life.

Would I date someone that didnt like kids HELL NO....because we are going to be grandparents and I love that role!!!![/I]

[Blade]

Sort of weird I just posted in the age difference thread and am about to say what I am. Typically women my age don't have small children, though certainly there are instances where they might. So I really don't have to worry about that, staying in my own age range. I love children and wouldn't have a problem dating a woman with small children, normally they love me.

Teenagers and young adults are another story. I welcome the opportunity to be a part of their lives as well as there mothers. However there are teens and young adults who have figured out how to push their Mom's buttons, or how to get by with being disrespectful to her. I don't tolerate disrespect to well. I was raised in a very strict home, and taught above all, "I can't make you love me but I can make you respect me". When I hear a child regardless of age, smart mouth or be disrespectful to any adult, it's all I can do not to blow a head gasket.

So the bottom line is I don't have a problem with small children or grown ones as long as they know their role and are respectful to their Mom. Simply because if she can't get their attention, I will and I'm not always nice about it. Sometimes this might create a problem, but the fact is, I'm in charge of my space and in my space all people are respectful of one another.

[JustJo]

I'm a mom of a great (almost) 15 year old boy, and I stayed single until he was 13...primarily because I didn't trust my own judgment on the safety and suitability of any step-parent I would bring into his life.

Contrary to the common wisdom that says "don't introduce your kids to your partner until you're serious", I would never recommend getting "serious" with someone before bringing them into your child's life....at least enough to see how they interacted in the course of normal daily (sometimes challenging) life. That means more than a weekend....more than a trip to an amusement park. It means getting ready for school, haggling over homework, family dinner, and preferably some normal types of outings. People have different parenting styles, and blending families is far more difficult than most people want to admit.

It's easy to look through the rose-colored glasses of love (or lust) and think everything will be fine. But, no matter how much a potential partner loves their child, their former partner's child, their neice, their nephew, or their grandchild....it's no guarantee that they're going to love yours, or that your parenting styles won't clash.

[princessbelle]

This is really a complex situation when dating someone with kids. There are so many, many variables that play into it. No doubt we all want what is best for our kids and our prospective partners and it can get quite sticky from what i've read here and seen with my own eyes and ears.

I can only say that i am very happy that the way i approached the matter, when my kids were young, and i believe it was the right decision.

When my kids were 14 and 17, i met a woman in New Mexico that i was very fond of. She visited me several times, however, i did not let her stay at my house. I, in my mind, was protecting them from what may not continue and didn't want to disrupt their lives into my perhaps short term relationship. She got a hotel room each time. I spent a lot of time with her but did not neglect my kids and was home every night. She was not invited to my home...right away.

Several visits back and forth happened before i was convinced that the attraction was one that was going to most likely last. That was my first step. I then introduced my kids to her. They all really liked each other and this was the second part of my journey, making sure they all got along. Kids are not dumb. If they see red flags it's good to listen to them. After a year of dating back and forth i invited her to live with me.

That relationship lasted 10 years. I do feel i did it correctly for *me* and *my* family. I would not have ever considered anything sooner than that length of time when my kids were younger. But, that's just me. IMO no one will ever love our kids like we do. So, there is the "it can get sticky part".

Now that my kids are grown, it is really just my personal preference, however, they are never too quiet about giving me their blessing or voice of concern. And it's one i definitely still listen to.

Really to each his/hys/her own. But it is most important that our children's well being come way before any feelings of love.

I'm sure we can all agree on that.

[Lady Pamela]

I have usually been the one who had the children..so from that angle I do have a couple thoughts.

I have found that many who date women with children, go in un prepared and end up jelious or resentful of the time spent on the children.
I very much think thought process should be put into this type of relationship before hand.
Not only will it save all involved heartacke but it will also be a consious choice to be there or not as a family unit no matter what..or not.

I have also seen that some feel it should be the same as a single relationship without children..Absolutely not. Nor can it be.
The first thought should be security and raising those children correctly.
But when some rush into a relationship with children, often times they do not stop to think about all the times you can not be intimate when you want to on the drop of a dime. All the times kids are sick and take more attention. Planning is usually the case due to making it work around the childrens lives as well as those in the relationship.
And this is just to name a few things.

I guess what I am trying to say is more thought needs to be placed in these types of relationships...before the answer is yes.

But most importantly here is this:
When a woman wants to share her life and her children with you,
what a beautiful gift and blessing thats is.
She is sharing not only herself with you but the most special part of herself she has...Here babies...her pride and joy.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Bad_boi

The only reason I don't date women with kids is because I am young and not looking for a long term relationship. I would feel bad if her kids recognised me as their dad and I wasn't wanting to stick around for life. That would be unfair to them.

I suppose if I were older and wanting an LTR and the kids and I got along well and the whole packaged deal worked well I would be all for it.

I realise alot of people would look down on you for this choice. But actually I would take off my hat to you"If I wore one that is..ha ha"

I think honestly serves everyone and in this situation you are absolutely correct.
Also it just goes to show you are looking at the children invovled. And to me that is awesome!