Mental Illness

[lilapache]

well i did get an appointment with the counceling and med center around here... unfortunately it takes a month so the appointment isn't til July 23rd... but man oh man am i having some issues...

for one... why do so many people think the meds and therapy are the end all cure all.... sometimes you are who you are to the core... and don't they realize that some of us think..... well lets face it.. we sure as hell don't think like most people... and yes meds may help alter that some... and even therapy may have some options... but if its truly a part of who you are... and if you have accepted that... they can't deal with you... because hell... i know i struggle with in myself... i know i'm a bitch to deal with even ON meds.... but in my heart... to my core... i am a devoted.. caring... loving... and understanding woman... but there's alot of shit to go through to get to that point... and most can't deal with that.... because even medicated... you have your good days... and your bad... and sometimes those can turn into weeks....

*sighs*... i'm so frustrated and wondering.... why the hell am i doing this... why am i going through all this struggle muck and shit... to still be alone???? to still not have someone tolerate me... and help me through some of these... episodes... god i'm like so messed up... and i know i'm doin this for me also... because i know i needed some changes myself.... but when is enough enough...

thanks for letting me.... let go of some of this crap in my head... peace...