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#11 |
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feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?:
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I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In a gauze of mystery
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this is a difficult question as I don't personally believe in regrets. If I honestly love who I am, I must the process of how I became me.
I honestly, hand over heart, have not regretted anything I ever did. I've been deeply sorry and realised my stupidity but I don't think I've done anything scarring enough. I'd say "I wish I had been smarter about men and how they would take sexual advantage (rape); I wish I had told my parents about the abuse; I wish I had gone back to school earlier and I wish I had taken any of those job offers or offers to study at Berkley or in Madagascar; I wish I had gone to Guatemala right away instead of waiting for confirmation that never came for the job with the researchers (I found out later they had been waiting for me); I wish I had taken the job I was offered in Panama; I wish I had gone ahead with the position at the London Zoo instead of letting it go because it was minimum wage and just figured out a way to live." I *could* say any of these things. But if I had changed just ONE of them my life would be *radically* different than it is now. And I've done amazing things, met fabulous people, lived/traveled to spectacular places and have a relationship with someone who gets me to the point I think this must be some "oops. sorry we screwed up the delivery of your life. Perhaps you've like a voucher for 'Best Soul Match Possible' as you are a valued customer and we want you coming back." I don't really think I *want* to change anything. I'm fucked off about my career, yes. deeply. But I really think the rest of my life has been mind blowing so far. And There's more adventure to come ![]() I'm trying to fix that career problem. It's taking far longer than expected, but eventually, I'll get there. Maybe I can work for some of my dad's students when I graduate (again...). The debt I'll have will be passed on through generations, but oh well. The best thing to remember, and it's utterly true, is: You won't regret the things you have done, you'll regret the things you haven't done (AKA it's better to regret the things you have done than to regret the things you haven't done). Don't stop yourself, go get it. even if you will be dirt poor, lose your sense of security, leave your family and friends, you only get this one tiny tiny short life. that's it. So go. And when ever possible, give most of your shit away. there will always be more crap. I may have given away a 1940's hardwood vanity with giganto circular mirror with a brocade covered stool with a drawer in it. But at the moment I'm using a cloth covered box, a folding wooden tv table with an apple crate on it and a little plug in light mirror. It works good enough. WTF would I do with good furniture? I move around too much. I need the money for other things. No. I would be too freaked out about if I had done anything differently. perhaps I should let my mom and dad know how much I love them a bit more before I wish I had done that. Perhaps I'm not understanding the question? |
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