Abuse in butch-femme relationships

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by dancer611

So you do not allow for self defense? I was supposed to allow her to drunkenly attack me??!

I didn't mean that to sound rude, at all. It's just that people keep saying I should have done something different, and I'm not sure what that was. I was screaming and crying, but no one came; I had no phone to call anyone; and I could not just "walk away" because she was trapping and following me, and/or pinning me down or putting her hand over my mouth. So what on earth else was I supposed to do, if I'm not allowed to ever lay a hand on anyone?

Hi Dancer,

I get what you're saying to an extent.

I think that if you are being attacked, you have the right to defend yourself....up to and including being violent in return.

However, just for me, when you go back again and again even after this has happened....and then you react with violence yourself....now you're in a mutually toxic and, yes, abusive situation.

Once someone has been violent or abusive with you once....and you go back...it isn't all on her. You need counseling too (in my opinion)....and going back and giving more and more chances is inviting the abuse to continue.

I wish you well with this....and my advice is what you've already heard. Run far, run fast, do not look back....and get the counseling you need....because you truly do need to see your part in this too so that it never happens again.

Hugs,
Jo