Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[pynkkameleon]

I have seen a marked reduction in memory and other issues as well. Chemo ended for me in May 2010. I find myself often pausing mid-sentence trying to remember words and even losing track of what the conversation was about. Reading books is difficult for me as I now have trouble retaining what I have read. I also have always loved to write. It may be one of my greatest struggles now.

I believe that the chemo played a big part in these issues. I also believe that the multitude of surgeries (anesthesia), medications, possibly radiation and who knows what else plays a part too.

I had one doctor try to tell me that it wasn't the chemo but was instead a sign that I was getting older. Seriously? Asshole!

My insurance covers visits to a cognitive therapist. I see her once a week and have for almost a year now. She's been a wonderful source of support for me. We work on keeping my brain busy by doing a lot of puzzles, word problems, memory quizzes and she gives me the tips that I need to remember things at home. Post-it notes, calendars, white boards, a voice recorder to take to appointments and more are all a part of my daily life now. They really are a huge help. While she doesn't believe that I will regain that 15% or so of memory/cognitive function that I have lost, she has at least given me some great new skills to help me to cope and deal with it.

I think that depression also plays a part in my life just as Jean said. For me it isn't the stereotypical depression. I still laugh with wild abandon every chance that I can. I find joy in every nook and cranny available. I still live as if my glass is overflowing. It's the anxieties and fears that never existed before. I don't have the self confidence that I used to. I don't have the energy to do the things that I want to do. It's very frustrating.

I know that I am not a textbook case. Lots of people don't even experience half of what I or many of us have. Even if we are given the "same" chemo, for the "same" cancer, for the "same" length of time, every one of us is going to have a different reaction to it because we ARE each different. What I find to be the most irritating is when our own doctors feed us these lines and statistics, giving us a time frame for when everything should stop affecting us. They know better. The hard truth is that every reaction and length of that reaction is going to vary from person to person and even with all of the studies they do, nobody really knows much of anything about chemo and its long range effects.

I'll add that my chemo was for Breast Cancer, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, 2.5cm tumor with lymph node involvement. ER/PR+, Her2 -. I did 4 rounds of Taxotere and Cytoxan, 3 weeks apart followed by radiation and what now looks to be a total of 10 years of oral tamoxifen thanks to new guidelines that just came out. I also have had a double mastectomy with several failed attempts at reconstruction and have no desire to ever attempt it again. Not only do I save money by not indulging in my old obsession over buying sexy lingerie but I also don't have to worry about boobies someday sagging down to my toes and tripping me. Double win on that one!

A friend recently asked me if I would do it all over again if I knew then what I know now. My answer? Hell yes I would do it again. I still believe that it saved my life and I have a LOT of living and hell raising left to do. I just hit my 3 year surgery anniversary date and so far so good, no sign of mets or recurrence. YAY!

Anyway, Since I clearly am suffering from insomnia tonight and Christmas is tomorrow I am going to scoot my butt off of here and go wrap presents. I am such a procrastinator!

You are all amazing! Sending each of you big hugs, lots of love and warm thoughts for the holidays!!

..goodlilfemme ~ I'll be keeping you, your bestie and your dad in my thoughts and prayers.