PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Jet]

Hi everyone,

Just checking in before the weekend.
My journey into exploring and facing severe trauma began
18 months ago with the situation gaining intensity
and remaining that way for the last 3 months.

I'm proud to say I'm alive; I made it through
what had to have been the most frightening,
most difficult part of remembering my ordeal.

There were continuous body flashbacks; many
times I had to hold on to something and remind
myself that what was happening wasn't real,
but a memory.

The intensity has eased up quite a bit and I'm
able to sleep. But there are residual affects such
feeling isolated and wanting to be that way;
remorse, disbelief that I went through this,
and terrible feelings of victimization for
having been blindsided.

I have a terrible time coping with the
fact that anything at all could have happened
so unforeseen and left field.

I could have been killed, and to think that I
had a brush with death is a lot to deal with.
At the same time, I think these are painful,
but normal responses.

The past few weeks have been heart stopping
to say the least and it took incessant prayer
and what faith I have to face unconscionable
fears and memories.

Mine was a case of severe shock and fear,
to the point that my heart chakra is so damaged
it feels as though a sword has gone right through
my sternum and out the back leaving and "empty
space" in that area.

But as I remembered and moved through
the shock, I felt a sort of "fusing" as though
my insides are fusing back together and that
"space" is beginning to close—normal feelings
in my chest are returning and the recovery
process has begun.

I can't speculate how long this will take.
Until then, I hope you're all doing well.

Jet