PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Jet]

Hi everyone,

Just checking in before the weekend.
My journey into exploring and facing severe trauma began
18 months ago with the situation gaining intensity
and remaining that way for the last 3 months.

I'm proud to say I'm alive; I made it through
what had to have been the most frightening,
most difficult part of remembering my ordeal.

There were continuous body flashbacks; many
times I had to hold on to something and remind
myself that what was happening wasn't real,
but a memory.

The intensity has eased up quite a bit and I'm
able to sleep. But there are residual affects such
feeling isolated and wanting to be that way;
remorse, disbelief that I went through this,
and terrible feelings of victimization for
having been blindsided.

I have a terrible time coping with the
fact that anything at all could have happened
so unforeseen and left field.

I could have been killed, and to think that I
had a brush with death is a lot to deal with.
At the same time, I think these are painful,
but normal responses.

The past few weeks have been heart stopping
to say the least and it took incessant prayer
and what faith I have to face unconscionable
fears and memories.

Mine was a case of severe shock and fear,
to the point that my heart chakra is so damaged
it feels as though a sword has gone right through
my sternum and out the back leaving and "empty
space" in that area.

But as I remembered and moved through
the shock, I felt a sort of "fusing" as though
my insides are fusing back together and that
"space" is beginning to close—normal feelings
in my chest are returning and the recovery
process has begun.

I can't speculate how long this will take.
Until then, I hope you're all doing well.

Jet

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Jet

Hi everyone,

Just checking in before the weekend.
My journey into exploring and facing severe trauma began
18 months ago with the situation gaining intensity
and remaining that way for the last 3 months.

I'm proud to say I'm alive; I made it through
what had to have been the most frightening,
most difficult part of remembering my ordeal.

There were continuous body flashbacks; many
times I had to hold on to something and remind
myself that what was happening wasn't real,
but a memory.

The intensity has eased up quite a bit and I'm
able to sleep. But there are residual affects such
feeling isolated and wanting to be that way;
remorse, disbelief that I went through this,
and terrible feelings of victimization for
having been blindsided.

I have a terrible time coping with the
fact that anything at all could have happened
so unforeseen and left field.

I could have been killed, and to think that I
had a brush with death is a lot to deal with.
At the same time, I think these are painful,
but normal responses.

The past few weeks have been heart stopping
to say the least and it took incessant prayer
and what faith I have to face unconscionable
fears and memories.

Mine was a case of severe shock and fear,
to the point that my heart chakra is so damaged
it feels as though a sword has gone right through
my sternum and out the back leaving and "empty
space" in that area.

But as I remembered and moved through
the shock, I felt a sort of "fusing" as though
my insides are fusing back together and that
"space" is beginning to close—normal feelings
in my chest are returning and the recovery
process has begun.

I can't speculate how long this will take.
Until then, I hope you're all doing well.

Jet

My dear,

I know alot of your struggle. I pray with you and for you in your healing.

God Bless You.

[Rockinonahigh]

Jet u have many friends hear,me for one,I wish u well in your journey..remember u r never alone.

[DELSDAUGHTER]

Just stopping by with a big hello and (((HUG)))
for everyone...

My daughter has moved home from colorado..and i am happy to announce she told me yesterday that her anxiety has lessened and hasnt had any chest or throat syptoms since she has been home....

thank goodness......boy a difference a feww months makes sometimes....

wishing you all well......have a good sunday.....

[Princess4u]

Yesterday I spent some time with my older sister. She mentioned running into someone from our old neighbourhood like 32 years ago old. We are TN now and we grew up in MD, so she ran into this person here in TN at a clinic she goes to for her medical care. So she mentions this name to me and it so happens that this person is the aunt of one of the boys who molested me. My heart stopped beating at the sound of this name...but I thought to myself that was a different time and place. Then she tells me where she ran into this person...now keep in mind my sister has no knowledge of my past nor do I want her to. So it took all I had just to keep my cool and not flip out. But I am glad to report.....no anxiety today or lastnight and no bad dreams...in the past when this abuse episode was triggered by something I not only had to deal with the psychological aspect of remembering...but the physical, does that make sense to anyone. Like my body remembered what was done to it and I feel it all over again. Crazy huh? But I was glad that i didnt have to endure any of that again..at least this time...maybe its all gone...wouldnt that be nice! Hugs and love and blessings to you all. May you have a beautiful week and find great joy and peace in your lives.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Disclosing past abuse, no matter the kind (physical, sexual, mental, and so on) is very personal and private. I find it rather insulting and offensive when people want others to post their personal and intimate details online. To me it is like going to work, and having co-workers wanting to have something to talk about. You just don't do it. It is the same as talking about your sex life with everyone. You just don't do it.

Princess, you hold your head high. You a just a lovebug. Don't let anyone force you to do or say anything you don't want too! Remember we love you something terribly here, and I will stand up for anyone who tries to be ugly.

[Jet]

One of the things that I have found over the past several weeks, is that I am finally at a place where
I'm less hesitant to feel the feelings. That is a huge stumbling block, because it feels as though you relive the event.

This took weeks to get a hold of and understand. Now I think the process may be a lot quicker.
It's starting to feel good to let the feel arise and then let them go. Tonight, I thought I owe it to myself to let feel and let go.
This is a major step because the ordeal and feelings associated with it have been internalized and supressed for a long time.

[TenderKnight]

Originally Posted by Princess4u

But I am glad to report.....no anxiety today or lastnight and no bad dreams...in the past when this abuse episode was triggered by something I not only had to deal with the psychological aspect of remembering...but the physical, does that make sense to anyone. Like my body remembered what was done to it and I feel it all over again. Crazy huh? But I was glad that i didnt have to endure any of that again..at least this time...maybe its all gone...wouldnt that be nice! Hugs and love and blessings to you all. May you have a beautiful week and find great joy and peace in your lives.

Princess, I know exactly what you are talking about.. I was once told it is called "body memory".. Like your body remembers the event and it's played out again. I have it too. Thank you for your post and I'm sorry that you hit a trigger, but I am glad to hear that it went over pretty well so far. Happy Monday to you

-Tony

[Apocalipstic]

Hello my friends!

I have the body memory thing too. In a huge way.

Princess, I know the feeling. I am so sorry this happened. We love you and hang in there.

Jet, so glad you have made a breakthrough. We are here for you!

Andrew, you are a sweetie pie!

Sug, I wonder how many of us have Fibro or other autoimmune "opportunities" I think they come with childhood abuse, our bodies attacking.

Tender Knight and Rockin, you have such a sweet spirit! Thank you!

Dells, glad your daughter is better

Everyone who comes in to wish us well or hang out, thank you so much!

[Kimbo]

Princess4u, I also have body memories. It is horrible to have to relive the things we do. Mine have faded much through the years and the therapy but they still happen on occasion, especially, if I feel unsafe around someone. I also can have some serious reactions to smell and a few other things. Our senses are truly amazing and powerful.

It's a good thing when you are triggered like that and you didn't have a major reactions. Things do get better, no?

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by Kimbo

Princess4u, I also have body memories. It is horrible to have to relive the things we do. Mine have faded much through the years and the therapy but they still happen on occasion, especially, if I feel unsafe around someone. I also can have some serious reactions to smell and a few other things. Our senses are truly amazing and powerful.

It's a good thing when you are triggered like that and you didn't have a major reactions. Things do get better, no?

I agree, our bodies are a great defense for our psychological protection. I just dread the physical pain it inflicts. It lasts for days even weeks. It is very painful. That is the hard part to endure, and I dont understand why it lasts so long. I really thought i was crazy...until all of you confirmed your own experiences. For decades I have thought I was a freak or something. There are triggers to it that I still havent pin pointed what they are. But endure is all I can do...it seems all I have a choice in doing. I have been to therapists in the years pasts, not very good ones...seems I was never a priority to them during my sessions. Which contibuted to my feeling like a freak and so insignificant. So none of these topics or issues where ever explained to me the way you have all described. So I thank you for that. I am not in a place to seek help, so I cope the best I can. Not that I would seek help most likely...for I dont feel anyone would want to help me. I have always just managed to survive one way or another. With a few leaps off the deep end here and there, if you know what I mean.

thank you all for you love and support and for understanding and most of all for making me feel less like an insignificant freak.