What fart did you fart today?

[nycfem]

One from yesterday, one from today:

Yesterday: THE FREUDIAN FART

I ran into someone I knew and didn't want to really do the "Hi, how are you, what have you been up to" thing with him but did anyway. So we were having our upbeat convo, and I asked about how his on-again, off-again girlfriend was doing. He said, "She's doing an internship in Oakland, California for a year. It's a fellowship on renewable energy. She's become really interested in fresh air." I don't know if it was the unconscious power of suggestion or what but the moment the words "fresh air" were spoken I let a "silent but deadly" rip. "Anyway nice seeing you!" he called over his shoulder as he trotted off at a brisk pace.

Today: THE "WAKE THE DEAD" FART

After a fine meal of collard greens, injera (Ethiopian bread), shiro (Ethiopian chick pea stew), and Red Velvet ice cream (Ben & Jerry's), I felt a loud fart coming on. Sometimes one could stifle it but a sense of "Seize the Day! You only live once!" takes over, and instead it's given red carpet treatment. In this case that meant, lifting a cheek off the chair and pushing with gusto. I was sitting at my computer desk and BB was sitting at the dining room table eating take-out Italian, so I thought maybe just maybe, somehow, I could get away with BB not having heard it. But instead, instantly, a sleeping cat woke and stared at me, and BB nearly dropped hys fork. I said, "I think I woke the cat." BB said, "Are you kidding, Honey? You woke the dead."