Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

[Shystonefem]

Unconditional love stops after abuse. When love changes into fear, how is it possible to love and fear someone at the same time?

I have loved unconditionally, until I realized that I was afraid of the person. I don't think you can love someone that hurts you over and over.

[TL1]

I agree that the child and parent love is unconditional.


Other than that I'm not so sure. I can't help but think realistically on this. No matter how much you love someone is there not lines they could cross? I don't think love can go away in the blink of an eye but if someone crosses lines.... Combine that with time and it could very well go away. When you say unconditional I think literal. I do have a child and a family and there are lines that could be crossed. (Abuse. Murder. Etc) Horrific thoughts yes but because of these things I don't think I can say unconditional. Sure I can say if these things are not done but then that's not unconditional. Don't get me wrong. I believe in love and I believe love can be forever. Just not unconditional outside of my first sentence.

[JDeere]

Only unconditional love that I have received is from my dog. She doesn't judge, doesn't hate on the choices I make.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Only unconditional love that I have received is from my dog. She doesn't judge, doesn't hate on the choices I make.

Hello Kitty would love you unconditionally.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Martina

Hello Kitty would love you unconditionally.

Ahahahaha no not HK. Please no not HK.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

Unconditional love stops after abuse. When love changes into fear, how is it possible to love and fear someone at the same time?

I have loved unconditionally, until I realized that I was afraid of the person. I don't think you can love someone that hurts you over and over.

I am going to add cheating to the mix. I loved my ex unconditionally but a couple of heartbreaks later, my heart turned to stone and the love got crowded out.

[kittygrrl]

Everyone's ideas about unconditional love are appreciated but I have to say while you may believe you love someone unconditionally until they do something to cross the line, then it is not unconditional at all but very conditional. It may come as a rude awakening that you did not love them as much as you thought you did because you never believed they would ever cross your boundary but, as long as you have a boundary it's not unconditional. However, I think we are capable of loving someone very much and yet if they cross a boundary -infidelity, abuse, murder then we find we love less or not at all-this has nothing to do with unconditional love-

Note to JD..I believe your doggie loves you unconditionally..pets trust us, depend us, and teach us how to love back

[Bubala]

I'm still searching for it within myself and within the universe... I believe in it like a child that blindly believes in a fairytale or magic... I cannot provide empirical proof of its existence... I cannot even rationalize it as a transcendental phenomenon in Kantian sense... Yet, I choose to believe that unconditional love exists somewhere, between some entities, that it can be felt and provided under some magical circumstances, without questions, without conditions and without debts of ethics or ratio.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Everyone's ideas about unconditional love are appreciated but I have to say while you may believe you love someone unconditionally until they do something to cross the line, then it is not unconditional at all but very conditional. It may come as a rude awakening that you did not love them as much as you thought you did because you never believed they would ever cross your boundary but, as long as you have a boundary it's not unconditional. However, I think we are capable of loving someone very much and yet if they cross a boundary -infidelity, abuse, murder then we find we love less or not at all-this has nothing to do with unconditional love-

Building off of what you said....

If someone betrays your trust it has nothing to do with you not loving them 'as much as you thought you did'. A betrayal is devastating and there are deep and long-lasting effects from it but it says nothing about the person betrayed and everything about the person who committed the act.

I think, as humans, we should extend certain courtesies to one another: honesty, loyalty and integrity in all we do with or for them. If we do not exhibit these traits, it's not on the other person or a judgement of their love, but falls solely on the perpetrator of the betrayal.

I believe that love should have conditions such as the boundaries you mentioned. Having personal boundaries is a way we protect and honor and love ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves enough to do that, we surely cannot love anyone else in a healthy and realistic way.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Everyone's ideas about unconditional love are appreciated but I have to say while you may believe you love someone unconditionally until they do something to cross the line, then it is not unconditional at all but very conditional. It may come as a rude awakening that you did not love them as much as you thought you did because you never believed they would ever cross your boundary but, as long as you have a boundary it's not unconditional. However, I think we are capable of loving someone very much and yet if they cross a boundary -infidelity, abuse, murder then we find we love less or not at all-this has nothing to do with unconditional love-

Note to JD..I believe your doggie loves you unconditionally..pets trust us, depend us, and teach us how to love back

I disagree. I believe that unconditional love, just like love, can fade away. I can (and did) love someone through betrayal, abuse, etc and even after I was away from the situation, I loved that person but it fades and goes away.

I don't think unconditional love has to be forever to be unconditional. I think the presence of it is enough to qualify as unconditional.

I think it goes back to what imperfect_cupcake said, the definition of unconditional love is subjective to one's own interpretation.

[TL1]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

I disagree. I believe that unconditional love, just like love, can fade away. I can (and did) love someone through betrayal, abuse, etc and even after I was away from the situation, I loved that person but it fades and goes away.

I don't think unconditional love has to be forever to be unconditional. I think the presence of it is enough to qualify as unconditional.

I think it goes back to what imperfect_cupcake said, the definition of unconditional love is subjective to one's own interpretation.

I can see this point as well. Makes sense to me. It's unconditional WHILE its there.

Hmmmm........ But then if something killed it.....


I like these different aspects. Leaves me thinking.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think love outside of immediate family *should* be conditional. I think that would be very healthy. I would love my parents even if they killed someone and ate them. Would I want to hang out with them? Probably not. But I would still love them, care very much they were ok in jail. Probably check up on them. Probably still visit them.

My birth mum is crazy, crazy and a hoarder. She will hord animals if she can and that is a form of animal abuse. She doesn't understand or believe this hurts them. I know why she got this way and it breaks my heart. I want her to be happy and I wish she didn't feel the way she does or do the things she does. I still love her.

My brother is a literal psychopath. He was diagnosed many years ago. He has been under a lot of treatment by cutting edge people. I don't know if he has stopped being a danger to others. He was exceptionally abusive to me growing up. I don't believe that its something he can help more than a shark can help its nature. I can't blame a bear for being a bear, nor a shark for being a shark. His brain is literally different from ours. He was born a preditor.
I do love him in that I have love feelings for him, as well as anger, disgust, etc. I probably think its in the community's best interest to shoot him.

I remember seeing a season of a tv show where a mother learns that her son is raping and killing women. He's an odd sort and skinny and get bullied a lot by the local lads. And she realised if he goes to jail, he will be severely bullied for the rest of his life. Like he has been bullied since that age of 6 by other kids. So instead she kills him. I think this is a perfect demonstration of a) unconditional love b) still understanding the person is accountable, even though they may not be fully functional to blame.

Brilliant show by the way. One of my favourites. The main character is a late middle aged woman cop who is a grandmother. And she is AWESOME.

Anyway, unconditional love means you love unconditionally, in my books. It doesn't mean you can't have the desire to stop their monsterous behaviour.

But all other kinds of love is still meaningful to most people.

I think our lack of names for the different kinds of love is a serious linguistic handicap. The Ancient Greeks had about 30 names for love to describe love in all of its different shades and complexities. You could love people in more than one way, you weren't limited to one type of love per user. The big seven are:

Eros
Philia
Ludos
Agape
Pragma
Storge
Philautia

[Kätzchen]

The Greek term -- Storge -- is most likely the type of love I tend to favor. Not on an biased type of way, but because of the way it develops over time, and the way it grows in an organic kind of way.

I relate to your post cupcake... like, my family was sooooo dysfunctional and still is...., but although I have loving feelings for some of my family, I usually draw the line and make distinctions about the way I can love them, or not.

Love is such a tricky thing. But, love is also an emotion, and like emotions, if left unregulated or left unchecked or not held to accountability, can be, most likely, as hurtful and damaging as its other emotive counterparts (ie, hate, scorn, blissfulness, happyness, et al).

I think, in my case, I view love as something that most likely is not unconditional. I think conditions are driving factors in emotive processes.... and if left unchecked and not regulated or held to reasonable limits or levels of accountability, can have any number of outcomes (+\-).

[kittygrrl]

I've enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts here and it has made me examine my own ...Unconditionally loving is subject to one's personal scope of experience and idealism. We are imperfect beings and love accordingly...The universe understands..Is there a more perfect love? Probably, but I think everyone (on this planet) has boundaries and we do the best we can..I'm still working on mine

[Chad]

I don't believe in unconditional love. Everything has conditions.

This conclusion is based on experience.

[girl_dee]

oh i love this.

i think on a romantic level yes its conditional. If someone is abusive to me, i cannot love them, for example.