Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

[anotherbutch]

Unconditional love to me means.... my 2 daughters and my my grandkids.... that's the only experience I've had with Unconditional love.

[Martina]

I agree that there is in the parent-child bond.

[kittygrrl]

Unconditional means you never stop loving-that doesn't mean you approve or like-but love never dies-the universe is built on it

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Unconditional means you never stop loving-that doesn't mean you approve or like-but love never dies-the universe is built on it

Well said ~ you are the giver of that unconditional love ~ and at times a receiver ~ as long as you have felt that forgiving, accepting ,unjudgmental love u felt "unconditional love" ~

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

Well said ~ you are the giver of that unconditional love ~ and at times a receiver ~ as long as you have felt that forgiving, accepting ,unjudgmental love u felt "unconditional love" ~

I agree..real love doesn't end..it may change, but that is it's nature..it's the only thing we will have when we leave here

[imperfect_cupcake]

hmn. I've never had it in the romantic sense. No wait. That's wrong. I love my exwife. I care that she is ok. I wish she is happy. And I like to know she's doing ok. But I find her irritating, irresponsible, gets on my very last nerve, drives me batshit, and I wish she would get her shit together. I also can't truly forgive what she did. I don't mind being in light contact with her on occasion in fb, but I don't want to hang out with her, I don't want her interfering with my shit, but I do love her.

Love as an emotion on its own doesn't mean much. I have been absurd by people who loved me. Sincerely and definitely felt that emotions of love for me. It's someone's personality and functioning that matter. Emptions are just emotions. There is nothing wrong with anger. It's an emotion. It tells us something is wrong. It's how we use it, cope with it, and function with it. Love is no different.

Emotions are just feelings. They don't do things, they only occur. People enact emotions and those enactments matter. Not the emotions themselves.

ASo fucking what if someone loves me. Do they hit me? Do they lie? Are they a drunk? It makes about as much difference for someone who loves me and never acts on it as it doesn't for someone who loves me and never acts on it by neglecting me.

Someone could love you very much and it doesn't matter because you don't know, they don't interact with you and they keep their distance. Someone could love you and sexually assault you. Values and enactment is what matter. Emotions just are.

Signed
A complete pragmatist

[Shystonefem]

I believe that there is such thing as unconditional love. I love my family that way. I don't always like them but I love them.

I don't believe that "love never dies". I was very much in love with my ex but not at all now.
Caring if someone dies and loving then is very different, IMHO

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

I believe that there is such thing as unconditional love. I love my family that way. I don't always like them but I love them.

I don't believe that "love never dies". I was very much in love with my ex but not at all now.
Caring if someone dies and loving then is very different, IMHO

Romantic love is sometimes different, personality, life experience, maturity, etc makes it very individual. I can't comment on the experience of others just speaking of my own.

[FireSignFemme]

The only problem I have with the idea of unconditional love is that these days, so many people’s interpretation of what that actually means, seems to involve not holding others responsible/making them accountable for their behavior.

[kittygrrl]

Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, it can also be love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, or complete love. Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which has no bounds and is unchanging.

It doesn't imply those who enjoy it enjoy no accountability. The whole point is, just because someone does unkind, mean, disrespectful things does not mean you stop loving them. If you love conditionally then you can't claim it was ever unconditional.

[Shystonefem]

Unconditional love stops after abuse. When love changes into fear, how is it possible to love and fear someone at the same time?

I have loved unconditionally, until I realized that I was afraid of the person. I don't think you can love someone that hurts you over and over.

[TL1]

I agree that the child and parent love is unconditional.


Other than that I'm not so sure. I can't help but think realistically on this. No matter how much you love someone is there not lines they could cross? I don't think love can go away in the blink of an eye but if someone crosses lines.... Combine that with time and it could very well go away. When you say unconditional I think literal. I do have a child and a family and there are lines that could be crossed. (Abuse. Murder. Etc) Horrific thoughts yes but because of these things I don't think I can say unconditional. Sure I can say if these things are not done but then that's not unconditional. Don't get me wrong. I believe in love and I believe love can be forever. Just not unconditional outside of my first sentence.

[JDeere]

Only unconditional love that I have received is from my dog. She doesn't judge, doesn't hate on the choices I make.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by JDeere

Only unconditional love that I have received is from my dog. She doesn't judge, doesn't hate on the choices I make.

Hello Kitty would love you unconditionally.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Martina

Hello Kitty would love you unconditionally.

Ahahahaha no not HK. Please no not HK.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

Unconditional love stops after abuse. When love changes into fear, how is it possible to love and fear someone at the same time?

I have loved unconditionally, until I realized that I was afraid of the person. I don't think you can love someone that hurts you over and over.

I am going to add cheating to the mix. I loved my ex unconditionally but a couple of heartbreaks later, my heart turned to stone and the love got crowded out.

[kittygrrl]

Everyone's ideas about unconditional love are appreciated but I have to say while you may believe you love someone unconditionally until they do something to cross the line, then it is not unconditional at all but very conditional. It may come as a rude awakening that you did not love them as much as you thought you did because you never believed they would ever cross your boundary but, as long as you have a boundary it's not unconditional. However, I think we are capable of loving someone very much and yet if they cross a boundary -infidelity, abuse, murder then we find we love less or not at all-this has nothing to do with unconditional love-

Note to JD..I believe your doggie loves you unconditionally..pets trust us, depend us, and teach us how to love back

[Bubala]

I'm still searching for it within myself and within the universe... I believe in it like a child that blindly believes in a fairytale or magic... I cannot provide empirical proof of its existence... I cannot even rationalize it as a transcendental phenomenon in Kantian sense... Yet, I choose to believe that unconditional love exists somewhere, between some entities, that it can be felt and provided under some magical circumstances, without questions, without conditions and without debts of ethics or ratio.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Everyone's ideas about unconditional love are appreciated but I have to say while you may believe you love someone unconditionally until they do something to cross the line, then it is not unconditional at all but very conditional. It may come as a rude awakening that you did not love them as much as you thought you did because you never believed they would ever cross your boundary but, as long as you have a boundary it's not unconditional. However, I think we are capable of loving someone very much and yet if they cross a boundary -infidelity, abuse, murder then we find we love less or not at all-this has nothing to do with unconditional love-

Building off of what you said....

If someone betrays your trust it has nothing to do with you not loving them 'as much as you thought you did'. A betrayal is devastating and there are deep and long-lasting effects from it but it says nothing about the person betrayed and everything about the person who committed the act.

I think, as humans, we should extend certain courtesies to one another: honesty, loyalty and integrity in all we do with or for them. If we do not exhibit these traits, it's not on the other person or a judgement of their love, but falls solely on the perpetrator of the betrayal.

I believe that love should have conditions such as the boundaries you mentioned. Having personal boundaries is a way we protect and honor and love ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves enough to do that, we surely cannot love anyone else in a healthy and realistic way.

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

Everyone's ideas about unconditional love are appreciated but I have to say while you may believe you love someone unconditionally until they do something to cross the line, then it is not unconditional at all but very conditional. It may come as a rude awakening that you did not love them as much as you thought you did because you never believed they would ever cross your boundary but, as long as you have a boundary it's not unconditional. However, I think we are capable of loving someone very much and yet if they cross a boundary -infidelity, abuse, murder then we find we love less or not at all-this has nothing to do with unconditional love-

Note to JD..I believe your doggie loves you unconditionally..pets trust us, depend us, and teach us how to love back

I disagree. I believe that unconditional love, just like love, can fade away. I can (and did) love someone through betrayal, abuse, etc and even after I was away from the situation, I loved that person but it fades and goes away.

I don't think unconditional love has to be forever to be unconditional. I think the presence of it is enough to qualify as unconditional.

I think it goes back to what imperfect_cupcake said, the definition of unconditional love is subjective to one's own interpretation.