Ask a trans person!

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

cathexis, did you see a gender therapist prior to your decision to seek out testosterone?

Did not see a gender therapist; however, I did see a regular therapist then a psychiatrist. We don't have good medical resources where I live. Also, I had been on testosterone with my ERT.

Had been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and told that I would probably benefit from T. It was suggested that I consider using injectable T.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Did not see a gender therapist; however, I did see a regular therapist then a psychiatrist. We don't have good medical resources where I live. Also, I had been on testosterone with my ERT.

Had been diagnosed with gender dysphoria and told that I would probably benefit from T. It was suggested that I consider using injectable T.

I would suggest writing down/printing out the Endo protocol for testosterone treatment and bringing that into your physician. Ask them why they are not following this. Is this a PCP or an Endo? It does not need to be an Endo for good care, as an aside, as long as the person has experience. If she is a PCP and does not have experience seek out an Endo. However, I also realize, as you said, with little resources you can only go with what you got.

If you identify as genderqueer, I assume, that you do NOT want to masculinize to the point that you look male to yourself and male to others. Be aware, that no matter how small the dose, you will eventually look like every other male, including lose your hair.

You asked if we thought the reason your physician had you at a low dose was because you are genderqueer. There is not 'genderqueer dosing".

If she is starting you out on .125ml every other week, it sounds like she might be following current Endo guidelines for a 16 year old. These guidelines are most often used by Endos who are new to the work. I understand that these guidelines are being changed and new ones will be out next year.

Providers in large trans healthcare systems usually start a 16 year old boy on .3ml in order to catch up with his peers as he will not be able to pass as a 16 year old starting on such low doses. Endo guidelines are too slow and causes greater dysphoria for the teens. An adult FTM is most often started on .5ml and stays at that dose until they are about 3 years in. Then some guys drop down their dose. That is not set in stone.

I am going to assume that if your goal is to look "more masculine" as a genderqueer, that this means that you would like to look androgynous. I suspect that an experienced trans healthcare provider would start you at .2ml or .25ml, but I can't really say for certain. The problem is that we cannot pick and choose how masculinized T will make us, based on dosage (a nod to Liam here). Most physicians will not provide individuals who "just want to look more masculine" for this reason. If they do provide "low dose T", it is to give the person time to determine if they would like to transition.

If you would like, I can email the head of the trans healthcare department at the Mazonni Center in Philly and ask them their protocol. They are one of the leading programs in the U.S. I know the answer will be something like "we would talk with the pt. about their goals and then go from there", but I will push for something general.

Good luck to you.

[cathexis]

Thanks your all your advice. Definitely gives me food for thought. Am seeking more of the positive male emotional and mental attitudes. Also, wish to masculinize my appearance somewhat. Have a few more sensitive questions that I would like to ask you by PM.

Thanks to all for your assistance!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Thanks your all your advice. Definitely gives me food for thought. Am seeking more of the positive male emotional and mental attitudes. Also, wish to masculinize my appearance somewhat. Have a few more sensitive questions that I would like to ask you by PM.

Thanks to all for your assistance!

You are very welcome to PM me.

[Esme nha Maire]

Wow, I have learnt so much about you FTM gents from reading through this thread! Thank you all for sharing. May you all find inner peace and much happiness in your lives!

But I cannot help but wonder - are there any other MTFs here? I transitioned quite a while ago, but would be interested to hear of other MTF's experiences with the lesbian scene.

[Vivacious1]

I found this thread very interesting as well. I can relate to some, and some makes me have more questions.

I too was in a relationship with an FTM... He transitioned very shortly after we got together. It was a whirlwind experience for me, scary as well... confusing.. etc

I supported him through his top surgery which scared the crap outta me because I had to take care of him in the hotel after surgery, tubes and drains everywhere... Of course I messed it up, and he had to have a revision... BAD way to start a relationship...

The things I experienced with him was an excess of anger and blame, always to be put off by saying its the *T*

Then there was the group of friends that were also trans men and the comments such as *I can't believe you still ID as lesbian" I felt that they thought there was something wrong with me!!!!

Fast forward, eventually when we broke up, the comment was, * I shoulda stayed butch and you wouldn't be leaving*

Unfortunately, I think I got a lot of messages that weren't correct and maybe specific to this relationship, but, regardless, I was left feeling it was all about the trans man, and what about the femme on the other side? I was a femme, I was lost in this process of someone else's transition...

So, I guess with all this said, I am looking for clarity.. I am looking for someone that relates... maybe from the FTM side or the femme side!!!!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Wow, I have learnt so much about you FTM gents from reading through this thread! Thank you all for sharing. May you all find inner peace and much happiness in your lives!

But I cannot help but wonder - are there any other MTFs here? I transitioned quite a while ago, but would be interested to hear of other MTF's experiences with the lesbian scene.

There are MTFs on the site!

Originally Posted by Vivacious1

I found this thread very interesting as well. I can relate to some, and some makes me have more questions.

I too was in a relationship with an FTM... He transitioned very shortly after we got together. It was a whirlwind experience for me, scary as well... confusing.. etc

I supported him through his top surgery which scared the crap outta me because I had to take care of him in the hotel after surgery, tubes and drains everywhere... Of course I messed it up, and he had to have a revision... BAD way to start a relationship...

The things I experienced with him was an excess of anger and blame, always to be put off by saying its the *T*

Then there was the group of friends that were also trans men and the comments such as *I can't believe you still ID as lesbian" I felt that they thought there was something wrong with me!!!!

Fast forward, eventually when we broke up, the comment was, * I shoulda stayed butch and you wouldn't be leaving*

Unfortunately, I think I got a lot of messages that weren't correct and maybe specific to this relationship, but, regardless, I was left feeling it was all about the trans man, and what about the femme on the other side? I was a femme, I was lost in this process of someone else's transition...

So, I guess with all this said, I am looking for clarity.. I am looking for someone that relates... maybe from the FTM side or the femme side!!!!

I can relate, V. My first relationship with a transguy went something alone those lines, except he didn't fully transition during our relationship. I was questioned about my identity, mainly by him, and the T and his journey became the focus of the relationship versus 'our' journey together.

[Wrang1er]

Originally Posted by Vivacious1

I found this thread very interesting as well. I can relate to some, and some makes me have more questions.

I too was in a relationship with an FTM... He transitioned very shortly after we got together. It was a whirlwind experience for me, scary as well... confusing.. etc

I supported him through his top surgery which scared the crap outta me because I had to take care of him in the hotel after surgery, tubes and drains everywhere... Of course I messed it up, and he had to have a revision... BAD way to start a relationship...

The things I experienced with him was an excess of anger and blame, always to be put off by saying its the *T*

Then there was the group of friends that were also trans men and the comments such as *I can't believe you still ID as lesbian" I felt that they thought there was something wrong with me!!!!

Fast forward, eventually when we broke up, the comment was, * I shoulda stayed butch and you wouldn't be leaving*

Unfortunately, I think I got a lot of messages that weren't correct and maybe specific to this relationship, but, regardless, I was left feeling it was all about the trans man, and what about the femme on the other side? I was a femme, I was lost in this process of someone else's transition...

So, I guess with all this said, I am looking for clarity.. I am looking for someone that relates... maybe from the FTM side or the femme side!!!!

You aren't alone in this. There's actually a song by a queer band called Coyote Grace. The song is titled Picture Frame.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

Wow, I have learnt so much about you FTM gents from reading through this thread! Thank you all for sharing. May you all find inner peace and much happiness in your lives!

But I cannot help but wonder - are there any other MTFs here? I transitioned quite a while ago, but would be interested to hear of other MTF's experiences with the lesbian scene.

There are a couple of MTF women here. Welcome! I am very glad you are here!

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

There are a couple of MTF women here. Welcome! I am very glad you are here!

Thank you, sir, that is sweet of you! I am moved by tales like Vivacious1's, because they really make one think about what it is to be human, to love, to be lesbian or hetty or gay or bi or whatever, and it must be so hard to find that your partner needs to become something outside of that bunch of characteristics which you find attractive, or to find that your partner simply does not have it within them to continue to love you when you become what you must for your own sanity. I count myself lucky that I have never been in such a situation thus far.

This has me pondering how I might feel if a very butch woman made a pass at me. If I found her attractive, I think I might feel a need to make it clear, as gently and politely as possible, that where butch becomes male is probably the point beyond which my emotions could not follow, except as friends. I would hope that they could understand why.