Gender Wars - A Femme's Perspective

[princessbelle]

* As a Femme of whatever ID, do you feel animosity towards (entire groups) of Butch or Trans IDs?
No
* Do you see yourself or ID as being at "war" with another Femme ID or complicit in a "war" between Butch or Trans IDs?
No
* Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group?
attack?
ummmm, no, I do feel the uneasinest that has started with all these discussions but I do also appreciate "almost all" of the adult conversations that have come from them. It has been very interesting to me, as a femme, to see/read the responses and then the responses to the responses. It certainly makes me stop and think about the wordage that I use and makes me determined to be more careful.
* As a Femme, do you see a "war" between Femmes of different IDs? Why or why not? No, not at all.....seems to be more of the masculine ID's IDs that has been the hot topic.
* Do you think that Femmes contribute in any way to the gender or identity formation of Butches or Transmen? How about contributing to the gender formation of Butches of Transmen who Femmes date?

contribute? Well, as I've said in the other threads...I like to LISTEN to what my sig other or friend for that matter WANTS to be called and address them in that manner. Seems easy enough. In the threads? I reallly try HARD to not step on toes. Sometimes it happens anyway...but with the posts I've read over the past few days, I'm learning to be even more careful. BTW, it's not that I'm afraid to step on toes at all, it's just not my style.

* Do you, as a Femme, have a feminine or masculine identity?
Totally feminine, totally woman. No ifs ands or buts to ME that is.
* Do you even feel like there is a "Gender War"? Is that an external manifestation of the internal? Do you feel that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here?

I believe it all starts with the internal and once that internal has been fed into the mind and heart long enough, it then proclaims to the outside world what the ID is and feels worthy to be called. I really think some of us took a long time and watched/read/talked long and hard until we found a true gender identity that suited us all individually. With that said, of course we feel strong about how we see ourselves and just want others to see us that way as well. The problems come in when you have this strong inner ID and someone comes along and seems to want to change it.

Don't matter what others think or say or desire or exhibit or intrude on IDs ..what matters is that the internal fixation of your journey has been made and completed and YOU know who you are.....that is the most important ID of all. Just knowing who you are. Titles are a dime a dozen as are opinions. Learning is what I hope to do here, and not judge. Learning, in the end is really all that life is about...IMO

[Heart]

* Do you feel ... that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here?

YES!

For me, this is the point. Really the only point I give a flying FUCK about. This is why we end up in these "gender wars."

It isn't that we don't respect diversity, it isn't that we can't accept each others different journies or pronouns, it's that THIS, the absolute concrete reality of sexism and misogyny, is under-recognized as the MUCK in which we are all swimming while we do our journies and choose our pronouns and create our identities. THAT'S THE PROBLEM!

That's the reason I started the "men with boobs" thread. That's the reason I comment in gender threads. That's the reason I stand up and speak out when I choose to do so. That's the THING that matters in all of this.

At least to me.

Heart (naked, bold, and in big font)

ETA: This is also why I suggest to the admins that they add the word "sexist" to TOS #5 and 5a

[Isadora]

As a Femme of whatever ID, do you feel animosity towards (entire groups) of Butch or Trans IDs?
No.

* Do you see yourself or ID as being at "war" with another Femme ID or complicit in a "war" between Butch or Trans IDs?
No. My issues are more about cultural appropriation of terms and have some issues with shifting paradigms that redefine language or “borrow” language. This, I believe, is a privilege of aging, to have cultural and multi-generational perspective and to also “own” my point of view. (So we add sexism and ageism to the umbrella.)

* Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group?
I see individual agendas and opinions but to attack a whole group, no. I also get really tired of those who “speak for” others in general or in specific.

* As a Femme, do you see a "war" between Femmes of different IDs? Why or why not?
Again, I see differing styles, personalities, opinions and agendas but war, no.


* Do you think that Femmes contribute in any way to the gender or identity formation of Butches or Transmen? How about contributing to the gender formation of Butches of Transmen who Femmes date?
I believe we all contribute to each other’s identity in some form or another. We are social animals, we learn from our experiences with others no matter what gender. We do not develop in a vacuum.

* Do you, as a Femme, have a feminine or masculine identity?
I have a “me” identity. My sash husband once said to me, “You confuse me. You have a very femme part of you and a very butch part of you.” At first I was confused then we had a whole discussion about personality and how society deems personality traits “feminine or masculine”. Like being blunt is a masculine trait. Huh?

* Do you even feel like there is a "Gender War"? Is that an external manifestation of the internal? Do you feel that it is a construct of the larger sexist and misogynist society at work here?
I do not think in terms of military or war to look at the manifestation of internal locus. I think that sexism and misogyny is part of the umbrella of ism’s that play a part in our society and therefore affect (effect? I always get those confused) every aspect of our lives. Do I lose sleep over it? No. I have worked to fight isms for over 35+ years. As Margaret Mead said, “Instead of being presented with stereotypes by age, sex, color, class, or religion , people must have the opportunity to learn that within each range, some people are loathsome and some are delightful. “ Part of “isms” is to lump people together by relying on stereotypes. If I have issues with people, I deal with the people and do not transfer those issues to an entire gender or community.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

*
* Do you see any group of masculine ID's having an agenda to attack another group?
attack?
ummmm, no, I do feel the uneasinest that has started with all these discussions but I do also appreciate "almost all" of the adult conversations that have come from them. It has been very interesting to me, as a femme, to see/read the responses and then the responses to the responses. It certainly makes me stop and think about the wordage that I use and makes me determined to be more careful.

Words and labels. As much as we hate them we use them. I thought I had it figured out and I don't. The last thing I want to be is "careful" and feel like I'm walking on egg shells because my "words" hold a different meaning then yours or my needs are based on my current perception and not a political correct agenda.

Honestly... butch, boi, him, he, hym, FTM, trans, whatever. None of it really matters to me as far as who I would love. I love the contrast to my feminine physicality. I really don't want to try and describe what "kind" of femme I am because I've worked so hard on just being the person I am. This long hair and big ass boobed woman has a strong streak often viewed as masculine and because I'm as capable as a man I'm thought to be less feminine. Go figure! Fuck that!

I find myself feeling bad for the choice of words I use to define my feelings and how I overlooked or misunderstood someone else's feelings. It wasn't intentional. I find myself exiting and retreating out of discussion because I realize I might not know what the fuck I'm talking about or I'm just not into the confrontation I often see here. Some people are into that type of debate and others prefer lighthearted more compassionate dialog.

I'm a woman. For whatever reason I'm not attracted to men that are born as men. Now and then I'll see a hottie but I havent had a relationship with a man since my early early 20's and that was a weird circumstance. For some reason I became attracted to women that looked like boys. The more I explored that I became more and more attracted to masculinity. Hell 10 years ago I would have never considered dating an FTM and that is still a learning thing for me. I'm still trying to figure it all out.

I'm queer and I'm here.