Instant Turn-Offs

imperfect_cupcake · 04-19-2018, 12:27 PM

"Blows hot and cold"

yeah, that does drive me a bit batty but also it brings to my attention what *I* believe is the attention I want. I've been accused of that since and I was very confused - I was enthusiastic about their company while they were with me, which is what *I* would want, but did not want daily contact because that's just not who I am in my life. I still felt exactly the same. They assumed I was blowing hot and cold. They argued with me about this and accused me of not wanting them, of being cold, of having walls...
So I put an end to it immediately. As much as I really, really liked them, and was sad about stopping it, actually fairly bummed out, I could see there was a huge discrepancy between our own ways and needs to demonstrate affection and closeness.

To them, they wanted frequency of quality time together, which was something I just couldn't give, along with the enthusiasm I showed when I was present.

I didn't want either of us to be hurt by a battle of very different needs and disappointments. I was already being accused of being cold. I thought it best to just stop there.

So be careful of accusing people of controlling or narcissistic behaviour. It may be your needs are just vastly different and it feels hot/cold to you - to them, they have the same feelings for you the whole time. But it will drive you nuts regardless - end it.

but it doesn't always have nefarious reasons.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Threaded Mode

04-19-2018, 12:27 PM	#11
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,711 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	"Blows hot and cold" yeah, that does drive me a bit batty but also it brings to my attention what I believe is the attention I want. I've been accused of that since and I was very confused - I was enthusiastic about their company while they were with me, which is what I would want, but did not want daily contact because that's just not who I am in my life. I still felt exactly the same. They assumed I was blowing hot and cold. They argued with me about this and accused me of not wanting them, of being cold, of having walls... So I put an end to it immediately. As much as I really, really liked them, and was sad about stopping it, actually fairly bummed out, I could see there was a huge discrepancy between our own ways and needs to demonstrate affection and closeness. To them, they wanted frequency of quality time together, which was something I just couldn't give, along with the enthusiasm I showed when I was present. I didn't want either of us to be hurt by a battle of very different needs and disappointments. I was already being accused of being cold. I thought it best to just stop there. So be careful of accusing people of controlling or narcissistic behaviour. It may be your needs are just vastly different and it feels hot/cold to you - to them, they have the same feelings for you the whole time. But it will drive you nuts regardless - end it. but it doesn't always have nefarious reasons.