Ask a trans person!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

As you all know, I am not yet transitioned but I also plan to start that in a few months. I suppose I am not as fearful about losing friends and family. Perhaps I am naive about this. I live in California, and just an hour outside of the San Francisco Bay Area. I grew up in the Bay Area which is comparably very liberal with respect to the rest of the country. That aside, my folks are very supportive of me, and other family members as well. The christian conservatives on my mother's side of the family actually like my being trans as opposed to being gay because they think gay is the greater of the 2 evils. (*rolls his eyes* whatever.)

I am not working at the moment as I am on disability, so transitioning while having a job isn't an issue. I guess my biggest fear is the reaction of the Queer community, and whether I will be welcomed and acknowledged as a queer person after transition. The worst kind of discrimination is the kind that comes from within your own community. I consider the queer community to be my home.

It is tragic when gay people or anyone for that matter speculate that the only reason you want to transition is not to be viewed by others as gay. That is simply ignorant and disrespectful. I hope no one says that to me. For some reason I don't anticipate it. Anyhow, Jet I wish you well on your journey.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think it is ashame that anyone would want to endure what we go thru to be accepted. I just cannot imagine. And I agree with you Atomic. The queer community is pretty harsh.

[theoddz]

I'm going to throw my couple of coins in to say something about what I PERSONALLY have heard/experienced on the acceptance issue of gay vs. trans point.

I have been told by more than one coworker/acquaintance that they could more readily accept the trans person than they could the homosexual person. One person who actually said this to me (yep, to my face, bless 'em!!) was of the "very religious" sort.....read "Bible Thumper". Both of these 2 people who told me this on 2 separate occasions, knew me prior to my gender transition, and I've noticed a definite difference in the way they treat me now, since my outward appearance and presence is now irrefutably male.

I did ask one of these people why that was and she (my religious coworker, whom I am also good friends with) told me that her interpretation/beliefs of Biblical scripture specifically condemn homosexuality, but she could, however, "wrap her mind around" transexualism because she didn't view that "disorder" as a "choice". She looks at it as a "birth defect" and "correctable" by medical means. Homosexuality, on the other hand, IN HER MIND, was something "a person could choose to change". I think that what she was probably insinuating, was that transexualism was not a "choice", but homosexuality was. I truly adore my coworker, but I soooooo disagreed with her on sooooo many levels. Her attitudes go waaaay back to her upbringing and her religious background (7th Day Adventist), and that issue is very complicated and contradictory, because she has had a horribly difficult life. She has always accepted me, even before my transition, and she is one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. I think she is gradually changing some of her views, simply from the fact that she has known me and she and I have worked together and been friends before, during and after my transition. I guess we're all continuously learning and that's what gives me hope.

The other person/acquaintance who said, in so many words, the same thing to me about more easily accepting transexualism better than homosexuality is an ass, period. I don't waste my time trying to explain anything to them about this or any other thing, as a matter of fact.

Just my .02 on that.

~Theo~

[Jet]

I'm sitting intently reading and smiling, sometimes chuckling at your responses. You guys are priceless.

I'm going to add some experiences and fears a bit later; I'd like to see who else is going to respond first.

Thanks bros for responding.

[violaine]

hi. when i lived in new england, i met a family while sitting on some steps downtown in a small western massachusetts town. their child, a little boy around 9 years of age, had been miserable in life before they all went into therapy. his family said that he was insisting all of the time that he was "supposed to be a boy". he knew. very early on. gaining acceptance in his clothing choices, toys, activities, pronoun preference, and so on made all the difference for him to flourish. the parents too when they realised fighting their son was not the answer.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by violaine

hi. when i lived in new england, i met a family while sitting on some steps downtown in a small western massachusetts town. their child, a little boy around 9 years of age, had been miserable in life before they all went into therapy. his family said that he was insisting all of the time that he was "supposed to be a boy". he knew. very early on. gaining acceptance in his clothing choices, toys, activities, pronoun preference, and so on made all the difference for him to flourish. the parents too.

Belle, I knew around 4 or 5. I hated girl things especially those g*ddamn anklets and patten leather shoes....lololol

BTW, those anklets always slipped into my shoes in the back and I'd scooch em back up with my other foot. It made playing baseball fucking miserable.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Just dropping by to say hello!

[Linus]

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..