Mental Illness

[lilapache]

well today was my official last day at work... i know i'm making the right choice and they are all supporting me in it... wishing i wasn't resigning and just taking a medical leave... its strange when you find out... how people you work with really feel about you...

my head is just spinning... so much to do between now and thursday night when my big Bro and sis get here to help me move... and sometimes its just so hard to stay on task... i get side tracked so easily... how the hell am i suppose to get anything done that way... or i get interupted and then... yeah there i go again... and forget... my memory sucks here lately... sad thing... i couldn't even remember if i had eaten lunch yesterday... i had to check my car... i remembered goin to taco bell... but i don't remember eating... *sighs*...

sometimes i'm so afraid i'm goin to break before i can get up there... and be in an environment that... if that happens i know i'm safe and will be taken care of... but like i was tellin a friend... i'm allowing myself 2 weeks of nothing but break... i need to get my bearings and figure out what i'm doin... and if i take longer than that... i know i will lose it... and i can't... i just can't...

i have to get on meds that actually WORK... this is insane... sometimes i would rather have nothing... but that's what got me here in the first place was being off of them for so long... *sighs*... geez why can't i be... ok i won't say normal.... but with a better degree of normality at least...

ok i'm through venting some of the thoughts in my head now... *laughs*