Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

[Vincent]

I wrote a letter to an ex from 25 yrs ago

the love of my life
I was dreaming of her all the time
The last time I saw her,her husband threw a major silent tantrum at the gym,it was awful,that was maybe 7 yrs ago.

I had had contact with her prior,to tell her I transitioned,I felt she should know,it was fine we talked for an hour.I cried for an hr after LOL

Anyway talking with my therapist,he thought,writing may be good,as long as it was positive.
And as I have been really sick,it was kinda like tying up loose ends.
I never included any intimate stuff,or reffered to it,nor left my contact details,mainly to make sure I was not manipulating her.

I wrote,how much her loving me changed me,how she taught me to read and now I love books and bookcases of them.
How she was so gentle and kind to me and switched on a light I never knew existed,and said good things about me,I had never heard.
And that I'm so happy and proud that she had reached the heights she had in her career,and that I know,it would not have happened with me,as I'm working class and at that time,I never really understood carrers,but I don't regret for one min having her in my life and she was the love of my life BUt I know I was not hers.

I did end 4 lines dedicated to the gym,and how he is threatened by me and how fucking fragile white heterosexual toxic men are.

I told her I don't need a response and also,that I knew she is not allowed contact with me,but left a link to my music.

I was in a band when I met her
She lived in the apartment above me and I had put a song on a cassette ,with a post it"play me".I left it at her door.LOL
I felt like a teenager,really corny syrupy.lol

the soundcloud my songs are on has had so many plays and it tells you where you are popular,she is in Sydney.So I'm popular in Sydney


I just needed to tell someone
And I will have no contact or ever see her,I know that.


I can write this here coz its kinda annonymous
And I feel fine and glad I wrote it,so our last contact was positive and he cannot destroy what we had,and therapy is healing my scars,from life,there are no scars from Jenny.
,but I do need a thearapy session.

Life is good