Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by Ginger

I was in a big hurry to leave my parents' house and married as a teenager to a young man with a huge collection of exotic reptiles, including venomous snakes. He put a cobra on the couch next to me once, and it reared up while I sat absolutely still, and then he free-handed it and put it back in its cage, to give one example. I left suddenly and with only the clothes on my back and made my way, having done well in school no matter what was going on or how many minimum wage jobs I was holding down. I was having my period when I left, and he wouldn't let me take my purse or any pads, and I walked down the highway bleeding through my pants, and felt totally energized and unafraid. He also hit me a lot, but I always fought back. I do that, fight back, until I suddenly leave and don't look back.

I've had some very kind, very generous and good-hearted partners since then, but I've also had a couple bad eggs in the bunch, like everyone else. My downfall is that I wait too long to leave a bad relationship. I don't stay in a bad relationship and let the person grind me down; I stay in the bad relationship and try to use my unrelenting logic and reason to fix us, and then I suddenly leave, having sustained and caused more damage than was necessary. It's such a relief to be alone now.

I know that my comments are terribly late, Ginger, but I was reading here today and came across your post. But the part, where you say, “ I stay in a bad relationship and let my unrelenting logic and reason to fix us, and then suddenly I leave” is so like what I do when I see that my romantic relationship is not where I believe it should be or when I find out, like I have in my most recent relationship that just ended, that the person I love is having an affair with someone who lives next door to them: I just leave. I haven’t talked to the person I once loved with all my heart since we broke up.

I think what is hardest for me to accept is their lack of respect for me. I never really saw their lack of respect for me until I had the nerve to walk away from their brand (style) of communication. I see now how they manipulated me into believing they cared about me like I cared about them and their two kids and their recent grand child (who will be one years old on Sept 5th).

I feel deeply betrayed. I keep processing over and over again in my mind how I couldn’t see what I finally came to see, which hurts my heart deeply, but I know somehow I will just look back on what happened and see it as another learning experience that will somehow help me next time I feel myself falling in love with a person who truly doesn’t deserve my love or attention or all the many ways I show another person how much I care about them.

Thanks for your post…. It helped me today.