The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa

I've seen some folks that are usually sweethearts here, get timed out because they had a beef about another member, groups of members, or a topic. I think that special care should be given to these members via a private message in an understanding way, along with a warning, rather than a moderator only giving a warning once or twice in the forum.

I am fully aware I am a community member that is not a *sweetheart* and what I mean by that is I don't post all sugary and sweet nor do I add any form of glitter be it verbal or visual. Am I a sweet heart at all? Most likely to those I love and care for and those who I have spent some kind of invested time with. I find it funny in the ironic funny ha ha kind of way that if I had been a more *sweet* kind of posting femme the stories would be different.

The outrage would be different and this thread may have continued with it's intent. *I* am feeling this because when I read that if you are DA and NT and there is some form of inappropriate behaviours the NT persons experience is dismissed.

No means NO..

It's universal, nowhere in this world can you scream out no to someone who is crossing a line (regardless of how small that line is) and then the person screaming no will be looked upon as being wrong, lacking empathy and for the shame having someone wag their finger at them for putting themselves in that situation or for not just walking away.

I am in awe at this very thought.

The world regardless of our capacities has rules, NO

STOP

LEAVE ME ALONE

are things we are ALL taught to respect. I was at least in a few languages.

I can't wrap my head around the whole some people you can tell no to and they don't have to listen to you thinking.

I can't wrap my mind around the whole if you type like this and smile and spread sunshine and some you are valued more vs the
people who tend not to be so sweet and are a lil more brutal. I call that double standards. That's just me though, and while fully aware that this is an image I live with, and am fine with I still gotta say it's gross to watch the value according to who is more important and who is not.

When someone gets told over and over and over and it's handled by the person, by mods, by the leaders of the community and they still choose to not heed those warnings should they be given a special pass to say whatever they want at any given time?

If yes why?

Why can't everyone have that pass?

How uncomfortable for the people who aren't as assertive as some of us, who will get their boundaries crossed because they read this and get the feeling that well, I really can't do anything because I am going to be looked upon as the bad guy and they the person with some difference other than what you have.

How odd that some people only harrass femmes, yet don't try this kind of assertiveness with butches or guys in this community. THAT says a lot to ME.... Cause why pick on the feminine and femme women why not cross those boundaries with the butches and guys? Makes me go hmm...


In addition:

There's a reason survivors of abuse kept their mouths shut, it just hit me
we do it because we are shamed and treated like we did something wrong.
Pretty fucked up

[adorable]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I am fully aware I am a community member that is not a *sweetheart* and what I mean by that is I don't post all sugary and sweet nor do I add any form of glitter be it verbal or visual. Am I a sweet heart at all? Most likely to those I love and care for and those who I have spent some kind of invested time with. I find it funny in the ironic funny ha ha kind of way that if I had been a more *sweet* kind of posting femme the stories would be different.

I read popcorn as responding to Voltaine's post. I may be wrong about that.

The outrage would be different and this thread may have continued with it's intent. *I* am feeling this because when I read that if you are DA and NT and there is some form of inappropriate behaviours the NT persons experience is dismissed.


The outrage at what? We aren't talking specifics.

No means NO..

100% correct IMO. People have said so and agreed with abuse and physical safety being a serious concern.

It's universal, nowhere in this world can you scream out no to someone who is crossing a line (regardless of how small that line is) and then the person screaming no will be looked upon as being wrong, lacking empathy and for the shame having someone wag their finger at them for putting themselves in that situation or for not just walking away.

I am in awe at this very thought.

The world regardless of our capacities has rules, NO

STOP

LEAVE ME ALONE

are things we are ALL taught to respect. I was at least in a few languages.

I can't wrap my head around the whole some people you can tell no to and they don't have to listen to you thinking.

I can't wrap my mind around the whole if you type like this and smile and spread sunshine and some you are valued more vs the
people who tend not to be so sweet and are a lil more brutal. I call that double standards.

I'm not sure that is what is being said.

That's just me though, and while fully aware that this is an image I live with, and am fine with I still gotta say it's gross to watch the value according to who is more important and who is not.

When someone gets told over and over and over and it's handled by the person, by mods, by the leaders of the community and they still choose to not heed those warnings should they be given a special pass to say whatever they want at any given time?

I didn't think that was the discussion everyone was having.

If yes why?

Why can't everyone have that pass?

How uncomfortable for the people who aren't as assertive as some of us, who will get their boundaries crossed because they read this and get the feeling that well, I really can't do anything because I am going to be looked upon as the bad guy and they the person with some difference other than what you have.

Are people who are not as assertive as the rest of us given a pass to not have to take care of themselves?

How odd that some people only harrass femmes, yet don't try this kind of assertiveness with butches or guys in this community. THAT says a lot to ME.... Cause why pick on the feminine and femme women why not cross those boundaries with the butches and guys? Makes me go hmm...

But we aren't talking about specific situations. That isn't the purpose of this thread.


In addition:

There's a reason survivors of abuse kept their mouths shut, it just hit me
we do it because we are shamed and treated like we did something wrong.
Pretty fucked up



Who shamed who or treated you like you did something wrong? Is it possible that posts are being taken personally when that isn't intended? I tend to be direct, and if I have something I say I say to the person I want to say it to. That for me is seperate then having a discussion on what I think is an important topic that SF wanted people to discuss.

We can't talk about you and not talk about you at the same time. If this thread isn't about a specific person or situation then the discussion can continue it would seem to me. If we are going to make it about a specific person and situation then that is kind of weird since SF has already made it clear it is NOT. But the going back and forth thing is confusing me.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I am fully aware I am a community member that is not a *sweetheart* and what I mean by that is I don't post all sugary and sweet nor do I add any form of glitter be it verbal or visual. Am I a sweet heart at all? Most likely to those I love and care for and those who I have spent some kind of invested time with. I find it funny in the ironic funny ha ha kind of way that if I had been a more *sweet* kind of posting femme the stories would be different.

The outrage would be different and this thread may have continued with it's intent. *I* am feeling this because when I read that if you are DA and NT and there is some form of inappropriate behaviours the NT persons experience is dismissed.

No means NO..

It's universal, nowhere in this world can you scream out no to someone who is crossing a line (regardless of how small that line is) and then the person screaming no will be looked upon as being wrong, lacking empathy and for the shame having someone wag their finger at them for putting themselves in that situation or for not just walking away.

I am in awe at this very thought.

The world regardless of our capacities has rules, NO

STOP

LEAVE ME ALONE

are things we are ALL taught to respect. I was at least in a few languages.

I can't wrap my head around the whole some people you can tell no to and they don't have to listen to you thinking.

I can't wrap my mind around the whole if you type like this and smile and spread sunshine and some you are valued more vs the
people who tend not to be so sweet and are a lil more brutal. I call that double standards. That's just me though, and while fully aware that this is an image I live with, and am fine with I still gotta say it's gross to watch the value according to who is more important and who is not.

When someone gets told over and over and over and it's handled by the person, by mods, by the leaders of the community and they still choose to not heed those warnings should they be given a special pass to say whatever they want at any given time?

If yes why?

Why can't everyone have that pass?

How uncomfortable for the people who aren't as assertive as some of us, who will get their boundaries crossed because they read this and get the feeling that well, I really can't do anything because I am going to be looked upon as the bad guy and they the person with some difference other than what you have.

How odd that some people only harrass femmes, yet don't try this kind of assertiveness with butches or guys in this community. THAT says a lot to ME.... Cause why pick on the feminine and femme women why not cross those boundaries with the butches and guys? Makes me go hmm...


In addition:

There's a reason survivors of abuse kept their mouths shut, it just hit me
we do it because we are shamed and treated like we did something wrong.
Pretty fucked up

Seriously, we are not saying you need to put up with anything or be abused. Just that people communicate differently and that in some cases for many of us the ignore is useful or that maybe people with special communications needs could have a buddy they run their posts through before they post.

Some of your posts can seem inflamatory at times and so can mine, but we know each other in person and know what intent is behind the posts for the most part...or I hope so Not everyone has this honor.

In a situation where both parties have been abused and are filled with anger, things can escalate to a point where things are said in anger that no one means and these situations could be avoided in the first place with some intervention....I agree that if you do not know the person it is impossible to tell if they are in fact a threat or just talking smack and we should err on the side of caution.

Now, I have said over and over that there are some people who are likely not able to make these distinctions and who refuse to use the ignore button or ask for moderation or for a friend to vet their posts. If over time outs and discussions nothing seems to help, at some point the owners and mods are going to have to make a big decision, is the person worth helping or not.

My opinion? We have people of both types here and sadly someone is going to have to make the decision of how much is too much.