Negotiating Silence

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

For example, if I went into a thread about trans people and spoke about the effects of taking testosterone. I don't take it. My partner does, but that is kind of irrelevant. How could I possibly know the shoes another is walking in? As an ally it is tempting to jump in, but there is nothing to offer from my me place. I'm not trans. So I read. Or go to a thread about partners of trans people because I have a journey that is relevant.

Ok but this kind of example is an orange, not an apple. I am talking about when people who are not transguys or male ID'd talk about male ID'd people and lump them into one group and say that they dominate the space, etc. I read that and think to myself, gee, that may be true of some guys, but I know that isn't me. So that's not fair. I have seen this in more than one thread on this site, and I have seen other things like it said too. I understand that some guys are stupid and don't see other people and consider them. I understand that some guys are misogynist pigs. I see that behavior and cringe. I try to call it out when I do see it. Please, don't lump me in with those guys. It's fine to say that 'some men do such and such, and I have this experience with some men', but don't say men do this and men do that... I feel invisible when people do that. And then to say, this is a women-only discussion and your coming in here and getting defensive is just an example of you silencing us and dominating our space, etc., well that is silencing too.

I totally get that women, butch or femme, deserve to have their own space to discuss their common experiences and ideas. I respect that and I read those threads as a means of educating myself so that I can be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. I generally don't post there, cause that's not my place. The only thing that upsets me is when I read things people say about us transguys. Again, some transguys may do stupid stuff, but not all and that distinction is often not made.

[amiyesiam]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

Ok but this kind of example is an orange, not an apple. I am talking about when people who are not transguys or male ID'd talk about male ID'd people and lump them into one group and say that they dominate the space, etc. I read that and think to myself, gee, that may be true of some guys, but I know that isn't me. So that's not fair. I have seen this in more than one thread on this site, and I have seen other things like it said too. I understand that some guys are stupid and don't see other people and consider them. I understand that some guys are misogynist pigs. I see that behavior and cringe. I try to call it out when I do see it. Please, don't lump me in with those guys. It's fine to say that 'some men do such and such, and I have this experience with some men', but don't say men do this and men do that... I feel invisible when people do that. And then to say, this is a women-only discussion and your coming in here and getting defensive is just an example of you silencing us and dominating our space, etc., well that is silencing too.


I totally get that women, butch or femme, deserve to have their own space to discuss their common experiences and ideas. I respect that and I read those threads as a means of educating myself so that I can be more sensitive to the needs and feelings of others. I generally don't post there, cause that's not my place. The only thing that upsets me is when I read things people say about us transguys. Again, some transguys may do stupid stuff, but not all and that distinction is often not made.

Agreed!
I have found that people are people. Dumb and stupid to not belong to any one group. Character traits exist across all groups. I have found on threads that are "only _______" space others enter at will. MY all time fav was a newly created butch space that some femmes tried to paint pink.

Quote: Again, some transguys(lesbians, butches, femmes, women, men, children, grownups, governments, straights, poor people, rich people, right wing people, left wing people) may do stupid stuff, but not all and that distinction is often not made.

Life is just so much easier when you base your opinions about someone on the content of their character rather than how they id, their race, religion etc. Of course this requires more work.